Feeling Embarrassed

Boots&Co

This was my very first pregnancy (at 28) and I was getting so excited to finally become a mom! DH and I had only been trying two months, so when I got the positive test, we couldn't wait to share the news. We told both sets of parents and our siblings at a little over 5 weeks (we are all very close and have a hard time keeping secrets). Well, the next day I started bleeding, and today I went to the Dr and found out I'm having a miscarriage. I'm bleeding a lot, super crampy, but most of all, I feel ashamed. I wish I hadn't dragged our families into this only to take it all away two days later. I know I should be accepting all the support possible, but right now I just want to be alone. I need to consider now that I'm not the only one who is crushed by this. My DH is putting on a strong front, but I know he is devastated, and our moms were so excited to become grandmas. I'm just having a sucky day. Fingers crossed these next few months go by quick and this will just all be a bad memory.

ceclarlinetlo

I'm sorry for your loss. When I had my first loss I also shared I was expecting with several friends and my work (I work in a science lab so I needed to avoid certain activities) when I went for my first ultrasound at 8 weeks I found out I had a blighted ovum and my strongest emotion at first was also embarrassment and shame -so I totally understand the temptation to feel that way but please be kind to yourself - there is no reason to be embarrassed. You did nothing wrong.

SonyaL9

I'm the same, I'd told our parents, my friends and some work colleagues as I was just so over the moon, id have prob told more if my partner had of left me! When it ended at 8wks the horror at having to go back and tell people was just so hard, you forget that the family you've told had invested in this too, they'd seen themselves as grandparents and aunties, uncles etc so it was just really sad all round. Next time I will not be telling a sole until the 'safe zone' and even then it'll be only my nearest and dearest, no social media announcements or anything, once bitten twice shy I guess! As always lots of love to anyone going through this x

valleric

Don't feel ashamed! It is not your fault at all. If you need space then tell them. Something like, I appreciate you being there for me and hubby now but I just need a little space right now.

DrKariC

No matter how many people you've told, whether very few or a lot, it's horrible going around and telling them what's happened, but I agree with the above - we shouldn't have any shame or embarrassment about it - those people should just feel privileged that you included them early and they will recover. As will we, I hope. 

hahaeger

There's no shame in telling people because you're excited to be pregnant, and it's not your responsibility to protect them from the grief of a miscarriage. I told close family and friends very early and miscarried at 9 weeks. I know it was hard on my family but it meant we could go through this together. I could not imagine trying to handle this loss in secret. I am fortunate to have very supportive friends and coworkers, and they are helping get through this.
I'm sure you're feeling a million emotions right now, but shame and embarrassment don't need to be amoung them. You did nothing wrong, and now you have people who know what you're going through and will hopefully support you. Sharing your story might also help someone else in the future, you never know.

ashley113

I'm so sorry for your loss. It'll get easier with time, just keep open communication with your husband. It'll help with your feelings. I also miscarried at 6 weeks. We told our parents the weekend before and it happened 3 days later. I was devastated. The hardest call I've made was to my mom. I am an only daughter and it would have been the first grandchild. I also wanted to be alone, I backed out if a family vacation last minute and did not talk to anyone much. Time heals all, just be open about your feelings. The more you keep in, the harder it'll be to move on.