Stupid in laws. Baby showers

rpanciocco

So I'm due the end of January. My sisters what to do my shower in early November before it gets crazy with holidays. Mention this to my in laws, who proceed to spend 1/2 hr telling me to move the shower to first week of January so as to accommodate their 6 week trip to Florida. I'm tiny (5' tall, 100 lbs pre-pregnancy). The baby is already measuring big (my husbands a big guy). It'll be a miracle if I make it to 40 weeks. Never mind who wants to have a shower when they're 37 weeks, huge, and miserable? All to accommodate a trip to FL? I was pissed. Now I feel better that it's off my chest. Anyone else have stupid in laws? When are you planning your showers??

rpanciocco

Mind you they own the house down there and fly back and forth during those 6 weeks for other events!!

fragglemom

As the shower is in my honor, I have no input. I doubt I'll know anything about it unless someone accidentally spills the beans. I've never heard of women knowing all about/having input on their baby shower until joining TB.
I would say that any scheduling conflicts are entirely the responsibility of those who are hosting the shower for you.

nackie

I'm due end of January as well and my mom is planning to host mine. It looks like it's going to be mid November for the same reason your sisters were thinking. It's not unreasonable to think the baby might come by 37 weeks and even if it doesn't, setting up a nursery, putting everything away and doing thanks yous when I'm that far along doesn't sound enjoyable

sbeara25

If your sisters are hosting dates are really up to them. Dates won't work for everyone and I agree that having a shower that close to due date is a little off. I can't think of anything I would personally hate more than having my water break at my shower.

Don't know how to approach that with then besides saying that this is when works for most people and sorry. But I don't know your relationship with them and whatnot.

rpanciocco

My in laws are just super self absorbed. Every time we visit them they suddenly need to start using the blender and power tools for the 1 hr I try to rest. Ugh!

QueenCarlissa

I'd tell them sorry the world doesn't revolve around you this is about your grandchild you can't tell a baby to wait so don't let it upset you they can mail gifts or give them when they get back. Some people are selfish and never want to accommodate what others have going on. It'll be their loss not yours. And hopefully you husband understands and isn't on their side and he can tell them that their way just isn't applicable at all.

Mamabeagle

@jessfragione you should have input on the guest list and date of your shower. Maybe not dictate it but you shouldn't be powerless for them to plan it on a day you're unavailable with nobody you know.

kmcc14

I am having my shower the second weekend in November to avoid the holiday craziness.  It's unfair of your in-laws to expect you to pick the date for your shower based on their schedule.  Someone is always going to have a conflict.  I would kindly explain to them that you don't feel comfortable waiting that close to your due date to have your shower, and that early November is most convenient for your sisters, who are hosting it.  They could always throw you a small second shower when they are back in town.

fragglemom

I didn't mean it to come across as a complaint. They're my family so I have faith in them. They already hosted a successful bridal shower for me so I'm not concerned. In fact, I'm extremely grateful.

OrangeFox

I think as the guest of honor you should most definitely have input on the date and the guest list. Most importantly the date. With my first my sister in laws also wanted to do it when I was 38 weeks pregnant because that worked best for them. It was a weekend that just would not work for me and I told them that. One of the sisters did not have a single weekend free except for that one. But I told her that weekend was off the table. She had to rearrange her schedule a little bit. I did feel bad for her but it turned out that my son came at 37 weeks. The original shower date they wanted would have been canceled because I would have had a 3 day old baby. Instead I had the shower at 34 weeks. My sister in law had to leave pretty much right after the gifts were opened. It was very very sweet of her to still make food and help with decorations even though she had to leave early.

jencro

QueenCarlissa said:

I'd tell them sorry the world doesn't revolve around you this is about your grandchild you can't tell a baby to wait so don't let it upset you they can mail gifts or give them when they get back. Some people are selfish and never want to accommodate what others have going on. It'll be their loss not yours. And hopefully you husband understands and isn't on their side and he can tell them that their way just isn't applicable at all.

This exactly. You "shouldn't" (according to my doc, at least) be traveling that late in the game anyway. I completely understand your frustration....during my wedding-planning process I had to concede on a few important issues thanks to my in-laws. If yours can fly back for other events then they can fly back for your shower!

cjd&k

I'm due mid January and my shower is mid November. My sister is the one that is planning it. The only input I've had is that I want it just to be close family. I think having it then is good considering there's so many holidays and so much going on. I think my sister also planned mine sooner because she's doing it where all of my family is which is 9 hours from me. So I will be driving 9 hours and of course nobody wants to do that while extremely pregnant. It's also good to not wait last minute because who knows when baby will come. I had an ex who's sister we were setting up for the shower and got a call she was in the hospital in labor and couldn't make it. So she didn't get a shower at all. Don't want that to happen!

Kelley421

There is not a way to accommodate everyone and you definitely don't want a shower that late and close to due date. You should be resting by then and have all prepared.
Mine is a bit earlier than most, late October, since we anticipate delivery 28-33weeks. (Of course I hope it's longer!) I just made sure the shower falls AFTER viability. But- there is no way you want a shower during the holiday hustle!

MommaB16

Just, no. My mom and sis are throwing my baby shower mid-November per my request. My in-laws live out of state and there's no question they won't be here for the baby shower. For them to say they wanted to be there is cool, but for them to ask you to switch something an entire 2 months?! Outrageous.

mommaSimpkin

Im due mid January, and we aren't having any kind of shower or get together until after the babies born.
There's just too much going on with holidays and birthdays.
DH's birthday is four days after my due date. Mines 13 days after.
So we'll do it after babies here.
My brother did and it turned out pretty well.

LisaM424

@rpanciocco In my opinion, that's really selfish of them especially if they have a house there and can go at anytime. I think that since it's not a surprise you should have some say as to when you'd like to have it. I personally wouldn't want to have it so close to due date. Just not nice of them.

kyliejoymccoy

Do not have a shower close to your due date. I had my last shower at 38 weeks, was in pre-labor the whole time (it was my first so I didn't know), and my water broke at my shower so we rushed to the hospital. Ya. Don't recommend it.

ndeguara

I'm due Jan 21st & we are doing my shower the second weekend in November. My mom & sister are throwing the shower but I am helping to plan a little becuase I love throwing parties we wanted to do Nov to avoid the craziness of the holidays too. And I wanted to have time to return/exchange things and buy items we still would need

SummerOH

Have your sisters throw the shower in November.  The shower is for YOU, not your in-laws.  It is incredibly rude for them to even suggest it.  If they insist on having a shower in January, they are free to give you one of their own!  A shower that close to your due date is a terrible idea.  You want time to sort through stuff, return items if necessary, purchase other things, and get everything washed and set up.  Doing all that while hugely pregnant and exhausted from the holidays is a giant no.  I'm not sure where you live, but I'm assuming it's somewhere cold.  For me, dealing with running around from store to store in the dead of winter makes it even worse.  November for sure!!

sarabertagnolli

Yeah that's rude of them to ask. You also need time to figure out what you still need after the baby shower. You won't want to be getting everything put up at 37 weeks and then go out shopping for the rest of it and that's only if you are still pregnant at the time.

UptownPearl

Another vote for do the shower when YOU want. It's rude to expect the mother to be to plan around everyone else's schedules. I say the hosts get to make all the details decisions, but the guest of honor should definitely have a say of when the event is held.

teachmegs817

My shower is tentatively scheduled for the 15th of November, for the same reason that your sisters thought of.  If your in-laws want to be there, they'll find a way to get there.  I believe you when you say they are self absorbed, but do you think that maybe they are trying to see if you'll switch it, so they wouldn't have to do the traveling, but in the long run would have come anyway even if you didn't change the date?  

shelbell0116

My shower is the first weekend in November, and my mother-in-luv is actually the one who's planning it I seriously feel like I'm the only one on TB who likes her in laws

62406

I missed two showers because my baby arrived early and I was in labor on the day of one and I wasn't at work for the other one. As someone who has been there I wouldn't recommend a shower that late in your pregnancy.

Jamilla9

I had my baby shower at 38 weeks and I didn't mind it. It was good fun. Yes, I was huge but all my guests loved my big belly. My husband and I were so excited after we went to babies r us and got the rest of the stuff for the nursery and decorated that same day. It was an awesome day. So I can see how it could be inconvenient for some but I had a great time.

katymae08

I had my first a full two months before the baby was due because I couldn't stress enough to everyone how much I wanted everything done and in its place well before the baby arrived. I'm just one of those people.

I'm not into second showers, but husbands family will party for ANY reason! My MIL has insisted on doing a shower for DD2 and actually asked me what day (I work every other weekend so there is that) if the place she picked was okay, and which theme I preferred. I told her from the get go that this was in her hands, but if she needed any help with anything just to get in touch. So, I'm due 1/6/16 and the shower, which is fall themed, Will be on October 24th. I'm still not big on the entire thing, but hubby said I wasn't being nice telling someone they couldn't do something for me that they really wanted to do. They were just being nice and I should too.