New to the group and very sad to be here

DrD30

Hello, I'm new to this group and hoping for some support from you ladies with experience.

I feel so heartbroken and guilty but I'm done with breastfeeding.  I have three month old twins and am unable to make enough milk for them both.  I have tried domperidone, fenugreek, pumping every two hours and power pumping now for two weeks in a row. I am currently exclusively pumping, and though I know it's not always an accurate measure I'm not getting anywhere close to the 10oz I need every four hours. No matter what I do I just can't do it for them and my lactation consultant thinks I may just have insufficient glandular tissue.   I would love to continue nursing them but by the time I nurse them, supplement them and pump we are running into the next feeding and our entire life just becomes feedings.  

The thing I will miss most is the early morning feeding when they are so snuggly.

Has anybody else had to make this difficult decision?

VToman

I am still heartbroken to have to formula feed. I so wanted to EBF that I drove myself crazy when it just wasn't working for us. I did everything the lactation clinic said to do, but in the end, my LO was getting 75% or more of her food from formula and I was crying thru every feeding because I felt like such a failure and a bad mom.

But, after talking to nurses and some of my friends who had to make the same decision, as well as doing some soul searching, I came to realize that I had done all I could do to make it work. And, in the end, taking care of my baby is what makes me a good mom, not whether or not I could EBF. And, I couldn't take care of her in the emotional state I was in. Costantly crying and feeling anxious all the time does not promote bonding, and I know she was feeling my tension, too.

Allow yourself to grieve over this for a while. But, in the end, if your babies are healthy, growing and happy, and you have some of your sanity back because it's one less thing o stress over, then you are doing the right thing.

Good luck!

SLGILL1978

You made it to three months!!
For me, I personally achieved my original goals. I never thought I would make it to 15 weeks of nursing due to a pre existing medical condition. I stopped because I had to start taking some heavy duty antibiotics that weren't good for baby. 

SLGILL1978

I forgot to add, you'll still get plenty of snuggles when feeding :-). 

VToman

That's so true! I find I get more eye contact with the bottle.

DrD30

Thank you for your support. All my best friends EBF and my husband totally doesn't get it. It's so nice to hear that formula feeding can be the right choice for us.

BBhopes15

Don't feel bad. The important thing is that you love your LOs and you need sanity and strength to get through all the time it takes to care for them. I went through something similar with my first and was doing nothing but feeding pumping and supplementing and realized I was worrying too much about breastfeeding and was not bonding with my son. So I quit at three weeks. Life was less stressful then and I was able to focus more on my son. Oh, and I know that feeling too everyone around me breast feeds and they seem to do it so easily and carefree. My husband always said, honey in a year it won't matter! Hope that helps!

VToman

@BBhopes15, that's exactly what my husband said!

The other thing that helped me, too, is something I read in a blog - none of our children, when they get older, are going to judge our mothering based on whether or not they were EBF or not. I know I certainly don't care that I was bottle fed, and I wouldn't love my mom any more or differently if I had been breastfed.

kgabhart

I, too struggled with the decision to formula feed. However at her 1 month checkup she was only in the 4th percentile for weight and a mere 5 ounces over her birth weight. That was when we decided she needed to eat from a bottle instead of mommy. I am now okay with the decision because she is so much happier and healthier, which is all I care about. Plus I no longer have to worry and stress over whether she's eating enough. I think it's a shame that we live in a society where moms that can't/don't breast feed have to feel so guilty about it.

DrD30

I just wanted to say thank you ladies!  We have been formula feeding exclusively for a bit now and we are all so so so so much happier.  The twins are getting more sleep, gaining weight and doing great.   I feel so much less anxious and am actually enjoying my time with them.  Your kind words and support were so helpful

PrimRoseMama

DrD30 said:

Hello, I'm new to this group and hoping for some support from you ladies with experience.

I feel so heartbroken and guilty but I'm done with breastfeeding.  I have three month old twins and am unable to make enough milk for them both.  I have tried domperidone, fenugreek, pumping every two hours and power pumping now for two weeks in a row. I am currently exclusively pumping, and though I know it's not always an accurate measure I'm not getting anywhere close to the 10oz I need every four hours. No matter what I do I just can't do it for them and my lactation consultant thinks I may just have insufficient glandular tissue.   I would love to continue nursing them but by the time I nurse them, supplement them and pump we are running into the next feeding and our entire life just becomes feedings.  

The thing I will miss most is the early morning feeding when they are so snuggly.

Has anybody else had to make this difficult decision?

First of all, HUGE HUGS. Its ok to mourn the loss of your breastfeeding relationship with your children. It is coming to an end, but a new beginning is starting. You are doing what you feel is best for your kids and THAT is great mothering. Bravo.

You can still have early morning cuddles when you wean! You just don't nurse during them. You just cuddle and squish.

With DD I had to wean because like you I couldn't keep up with her needs. It crushed me to give up on BF the first time. Like, profound feelings of failure and insecurity. It took me a long time and a lot of support to pull myself out of that hole and realize that I was listening to my instincts about what was best for my child as an individual. Also, really for me as an individual. I came to dread feedings with an amount of anxiety that was just not healthy. She'd cry to be fed and I'd just panic. I'd worry if her latch was right or if she would get enough. When she struggled to eat I just about broke down. It was not working and I decided it was best for all to go to formula. The change was AMAZING for both of us. We weren't wound up and crying all the time. We both slept better. It was the right choice for us at that time. I don't regret it.

I'm currently BF my son (no plans to wean) and my experience with him was so vastly different. You are doing what you feel is in the best interest of your family, but it is ok to feel upset about moving to the next stage of your feeding journey. Good luck to you.

mrsb30

PrimRoseMama said:

DrD30 said:

Hello, I'm new to this group and hoping for some support from you ladies with experience.

I feel so heartbroken and guilty but I'm done with breastfeeding.  I have three month old twins and am unable to make enough milk for them both.  I have tried domperidone, fenugreek, pumping every two hours and power pumping now for two weeks in a row. I am currently exclusively pumping, and though I know it's not always an accurate measure I'm not getting anywhere close to the 10oz I need every four hours. No matter what I do I just can't do it for them and my lactation consultant thinks I may just have insufficient glandular tissue.   I would love to continue nursing them but by the time I nurse them, supplement them and pump we are running into the next feeding and our entire life just becomes feedings.  

The thing I will miss most is the early morning feeding when they are so snuggly.

Has anybody else had to make this difficult decision?

First of all, HUGE HUGS. Its ok to mourn the loss of your breastfeeding relationship with your children. It is coming to an end, but a new beginning is starting. You are doing what you feel is best for your kids and THAT is great mothering. Bravo.

You can still have early morning cuddles when you wean! You just don't nurse during them. You just cuddle and squish.

With DD I had to wean because like you I couldn't keep up with her needs. It crushed me to give up on BF the first time. Like, profound feelings of failure and insecurity. It took me a long time and a lot of support to pull myself out of that hole and realize that I was listening to my instincts about what was best for my child as an individual. Also, really for me as an individual. I came to dread feedings with an amount of anxiety that was just not healthy. She'd cry to be fed and I'd just panic. I'd worry if her latch was right or if she would get enough. When she struggled to eat I just about broke down. It was not working and I decided it was best for all to go to formula. The change was AMAZING for both of us. We weren't wound up and crying all the time. We both slept better. It was the right choice for us at that time. I don't regret it.

I'm currently BF my son (no plans to wean) and my experience with him was so vastly different. You are doing what you feel is in the best interest of your family, but it is ok to feel upset about moving to the next stage of your feeding journey. Good luck to you.

This gives me hope that it could be different next time. I too was unable to breastfeed. I did everything they said to do but in the end I didn't make enought milk and my baby couldn't latch. I pumped and gave her what little milk I had until I went back to work. I was so sad when I couldn't Breastfeed and like you I mourned it.i was afraid my baby wouldn't love me as much and we wouldn't bond, but now when I see the way she looks at me and smiles I know those things are not true.

angelinthepit23

I just discovered this board today and it's making me so happy to hear everyone's stories. I'm a FTM and gave birth to my darling son on Thanksgiving. I wanted to breastfeed to badly but it just wasn't working. He likes to suck his bottom lip which made getting a latch hard, also my nipples were effected by the epidural so they didn't get as hard and had to use a nipple shield, add to that my breasts are large and hard to handle made for a perfect storm. He would fight almost every feed, we would have to strip off his clothes so keep him alert. I cried and cried and cried. The first day we were home was the most stressful day of my life. His first midnight feed he threw a fit and that was it! I went downstairs, sterilized some bottles I got at my shower and made some formula from samples I received. It was so nice to feed my baby and cry happy tears instead of ones of frustration. My plan is to use my pump to get my milk to come in and just pump and bottle feed and supplement formula when it's needed. Feels so good to vent it out!

MProctorRN

I have recently made the decision to switch to formula for my DD#2 (10 days old). I was pumping as much as possible, nursing and supplementing with formula. Despite taking two different supplements as well, my supply was almost non existent. This situation also occurred with DD#1. It is a very hard choice to make, but you will still bond with those sweet babies and they will be fine and healthy. It is hard at first-but know you did everything in your power to give them breast milk, and every little bit counts. They are so loved, and you are a great mama for making sure they are getting everything they need.

Ellsmac

I'm with all of you. It never occurred to me not to EBF- I just assumed I would... And then, I never made enough milk. We don't know why but assume it was due to blood loss during delivery and resulting anemia. After being home three days, we found our baby was still well under her birth weight. After working with a lactation consultant and measuring what she was getting from me after nursing - it was basically 1/6 of what she needed to be eating... So we "supplemented" and by that I mean- started feeding her primarily by formula (both on breast and by bottle). Three weeks later, i still cannot get her more than 22 ml pet sitting while nursing or pumping... So... While I still nurse her and pump to get what I can, She is primarily formula fed and I am definitely mourning. I still cry about it - but at least it's not daily anymore! And I know in my heart of hearts that she is being fed and getting the nutrition she needs. But it's hard. Sorry that you guys also had a similar problem but I'm grateful to know others understand.

WildcatMom627

I'm new to the group as well. My son was born 12/22 and while he latches on great he gets frustrated and won't nurse for more than a minute. After pumping I am only pumping between 10-20ml and he's eating 2oz of formula every meal. My Dr said some women just dont make a lot of milk but it's not an indication of my ability to be his mom. Which made me feel better bc even though I was a formula baby I really wanted to EBF. So I'm pumping what I can and formula the rest of the way. I'm hoping to get some tips from this group bc everything I'm finding online just makes it sound like if you can't breastfeed then something is wrong with you. I just want my son to grow and be healthy.

mrsb30

WildcatMom627 said:

I'm new to the group as well. My son was born 12/22 and while he latches on great he gets frustrated and won't nurse for more than a minute. After pumping I am only pumping between 10-20ml and he's eating 2oz of formula every meal. My Dr said some women just dont make a lot of milk but it's not an indication of my ability to be his mom. Which made me feel better bc even though I was a formula baby I really wanted to EBF. So I'm pumping what I can and formula the rest of the way. I'm hoping to get some tips from this group bc everything I'm finding online just makes it sound like if you can't breastfeed then something is wrong with you. I just want my son to grow and be healthy.

@WildcatMom627 absolutely nothing is wrong with you! I know how hard it is not to be able to breastfeed. I was so upset when I didn't produce enough milk. I pumped for 3 months, primarily formula feeding and supplementing with what little I got. The most I ever got was 2-3 ounces in a whole day. I would still try to put my baby to breast when she showed interest and after about 6-8 weeks she figured out how to latch and we would nurse maybe once a day for comfort, not to fill her up because she hardly got anything. She continued this for a month after I stopped pumping, but then she just stopped all together. What's important is that you are feeding your baby! I'm a huge believer in breastfeeding, but it's just didn't work for us. In the beginning when it didn't work I felt like such a failure, my baby wouldn't love me as much etc. all those crazy post partum hormones! Your son will grow and be healthy and formula! Hang in there mama you're doing a great job.

Bognes

It's been 9 weeks since I was forced to stop breastfeeding and I'm out of the grieving stage. Still have PPD but meds help. I mourned so hard but my husband and family were very supportive. But feeling like shit- completely normal. Hang I there. Hugs.

Ellsmac

@WildcatMom627 you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you. Several of us are definitely in a similar boat. I am glad you have a lot of support. It's funny, though... My husband is very supportive, but it's clear to me that he doesn't quite understand why it bothers me so much. He was EFF and it certainly didn't hamper his development at all... I was mixed - breast and formula. We are all ok, healthy, etc. Logically, I know he's right and I should stop worrying or beating myself up. Plus, there's nothing to be done about it. But somehow... It's still really hard not to be able to give her more of mama's milk.

I have also found in some ways that bottle feeding allows me more of an ability to cuddle and interact while feeding my LO. And she gets bonding time with her daddy as well. Win!

Best of luck and let us know if we can help in any way.