why do your in laws bug the crap out of you?

kwaldy

It seems to be commonplace that in laws suck. And because I feel like I need to rant right now, I'd like to hear how yours bug you or just suck in general.

I hate visiting my FIL. Currently we are back in DH's hometown, so we're staying with my FIL. He chain smokes and does it in the house. Yuck. He does it in one room, luckily... but 90% of the time he forgets to close the door, so the house still smells like smoke. He is also perpetually late to everything. And if we're running late, he won't kick it into high gear to get moving either. It irks the shit out of me.
On top of that, having a schedule for a kid is nearly impossible. He doesn't eat dinner til like 830 or later... and that's SDs bedtime so we're fighting that all the time. And he doesn't give a single shit about bedtime and would let SD stay up til 1 in the morning or later if she didn't crash on her own. The icing on the cake is that the way he deals with all of the grandkids in the family drives me bonkers. I don't know how to describe that one, but just the way he is annoys me.
... safe to say, I'm counting down the days til the end of this "vacation."

lyankowi

I'm sorry things are going so crappy for you. I don't have any advice or anything but I hope the rest of your stay goes better

AshleeM7784

My inlaws are wonderful people, but when they come to visit they come for 2-4 weeks at a time and bring with them everything short of the kitchen sink (I'm not kidding: my MIL has been known to bring pots and pans. They literally move in while they're here). Our house is pretty small, so 2 extra people and 200 pounds (literally) of luggage makes it feel way too small.

They like to "help" while they're here but it's always on their terms and things I don't really want there help with. For example, during their last visit my MIL "helped" by pruning my favorite plum tree almost to death and my FIL took it upon himself to rearrange all of the furniture in the guest bedroom. I really wish they would put that energy toward helping with useful things like dinner, dishes etc instead.

They're coming in 2 weeks and then again a week after my due date. THEN they want to come back 2 weeks after they leave. We told them that wouldn't work because we will likely leave to visit my family at some point during that time. They said that's ok, they'll just stay at our house without us! They don't really have a good understanding of boundaries.

Sorry so long. Thanks for giving me a place to vent (clearly I needed it!). Good luck with the rest of your vacation and wish me luck with my inlaw's upcoming visit!

baby112615

Relief!! A place to speak my thoughts and not feel guilty.

My in laws scare me! We don't have a good relationship. I've tried but they aren't open people so everything is about their son (my hubby) and I'm just there. Problem I have is FIL is a baligerant alcoholic who smokes cigarettes and pot. My MIL smokes cigarettes. They live in this little apartment with no balcony and they smoke in the apartment. The walls are discolored, it reeks immediately when you walk in and when you leave you smell like smoke. I don't want our baby around that but they won't listen to me and my hubby always supports his parents. They have already started talking to my hubby about an overnight with the baby one day and the baby isn't even here yet! I don't think I could ever trust them especially if they won't communicate with me. Truthfully I don't even want the baby at there house.

alisonrmc

My in laws are divorced and i dont have a problem with my FIL but my MIL drives me nuts i come from a pretty laud back family and her side of the family is very loud and over opinionated. Shes always talkig about the fact that " im small for bwing half way through my pregnancy" and "i dont eat enough" not just that seeing how she is with my sil daughter makes me worry about how we will get along when my baby comes. She treats the almost 4 year old niece like a baby she coddles her and freaks out every time she has a little trip and always over rules the mothers decisions in front of the child. If she does that to me i know i wont hesitate it snap on her.

oliarnmom1517

Most of the time my in laws and I have a good relationship.. My FIL is a little crazy but nothing too crazy but my MIL... Went from perfectly fine.. To trying to control every aspect of my pregnancy.. I made my husbands favorite dish that I make which is shepards pie.. She didn't think I should eat it because the meat was too fatty for the baby... So she has decided that she will do all of the cooking.. Because apparently convincing my husband that spicy food was bad for the baby wasn't enough!!!! I grabbed my tapatio and put some on my shepards pie and ate it anyway.. When I'm hungry for something I'm going to eat it!!!!! I have been having food aversions again so when I want something NOBODY is going to get in my way!!!

alisonrmc

oorl11052015 said:

Most of the time my in laws and I have a good relationship.. My FIL is a little crazy but nothing too crazy but my MIL... Went from perfectly fine.. To trying to control every aspect of my pregnancy.. I made my husbands favorite dish that I make which is shepards pie.. She didn't think I should eat it because the meat was too fatty for the baby... So she has decided that she will do all of the cooking.. Because apparently convincing my husband that spicy food was bad for the baby wasn't enough!!!! I grabbed my tapatio and put some on my shepards pie and ate it anyway.. When I'm hungry for something I'm going to eat it!!!!! I
have been having food aversions again so when I want something NOBODY is going to get in my
way!!!

If someone tried to stop me from eating spicy food i wouls probly go on a killing spree.. My MIL thinks i SHOULD be eating fatty foods and such because apparently veggies and chicken isn't good enough

oliarnmom1517

alisonrmc said:

oorl11052015 said:

Most of the time my in laws and I have a good relationship.. My FIL is a little crazy but nothing too crazy but my MIL... Went from perfectly fine.. To trying to control every aspect of my pregnancy.. I made my husbands favorite dish that I make which is shepards pie.. She didn't think I should eat it because the meat was too fatty for the baby... So she has decided that she will do all of the cooking.. Because apparently convincing my husband that spicy food was bad for the baby wasn't enough!!!! I grabbed my tapatio and put some on my shepards pie and ate it anyway.. When I'm hungry for something I'm going to eat it!!!!! I
have been having food aversions again so when I want something NOBODY is going to get in my
way!!!

If someone tried to stop me from eating spicy food i wouls probly go on a killing spree.. My MIL thinks i SHOULD be eating fatty foods and such because apparently veggies and chicken isn't good enough

She wants me to eat learner beef... I usually get the 93-7 from Walmart.. My husband has realized her little spicy food thing came from Facebook so he doesn't try to talk me out of it anymore lol but my MIL will try everything in her power to get me to not eat it!!! I'm so ready for this baby to be born so she will go back to normal!!!

august111966

Because they're so friggin perfect and adorable and I love them. It's awful!

rubirubi89

Mother in law says my son wont know im his mom because ill be going back to work after he's born and my mom will baby sit in our home.

alisonrmc

rubirubi89 said:

Mother in law says my son wont know im his mom because ill be going back to work after he's born and my mom will baby sit in our home.

So babies dont know who their dads are because theyre working while moms at home.. Shes ridiculous. I hate the double standard between moms and dads goig back to work after babies born. Good for you for supporting your child theres nothing wrong with it!

McQuadesVA

Mine just drives me insane when I have a newborn. She will not give back the baby if they are crying and she wants me to let her bottle feed but I breastfeed so really crying=give baby back NOW

mamavbs

This text box isn't big enough for my thoughts on my in laws. Seriously. Tiny example and summary (forgive me, I've vented about this before but it still kills me), MIL is a sonographer. We are team green this time. She demands to see photo and says "ah wonderful, now I know the sex of your baby and you don't!" She's basically a massive spoiled bratt and FIL is a socially incompetent, selfish idiot.

Anyway, you're not alone!!!

VexedMommy

Ugh.  MIL is incredibly controlling and unfortunately BF is a mama's boy.  She was a single mother and "raised him" with the help of her parents and an assorted cast of friends and co-workers.  Her parents pretty much paid her way and kept BF constantly, but she refuses to acknowledge that and insists that she did it all through her own hard work.  Her daddy bought her a house and later she inherited half a million dollars from him.  Because of this, she thinks she's a financial genius and should have a say in our family finances.  I basically want to kick her teeth in when she does that.  BF wants me to just learn how to deal with it.  No.  I am a grown up and am the only one making money in this household.  I'm not letting some half senile old bitch tell me how to spend my money just because you leaped out of her vagina nearly 40yrs ago and feel you owe her something for it now.  She also always makes sure to tell people that my daughter is not her grand daughter when we take the girls to events and parties with her.  It hurts my daughter very badly and although BF does stand up to her on this issue, it doesn't change what she does. 

FIL is nuts.  It's a fairly benign form of crazy and he doesn't live nearby though so I can tolerate it. 

Neither of BF's parents (both retired) understand that most people have schedules and things like work and so can't drop all of their plans to accomodate whatever hairbrained scheme they've come up with on the spot.  They also don't understand logistics of things like children being in school and not being able to get up and leave whenever they want.  They are also both hoarders.  FIL has 5 shipping containers filled to the brim with "antiques" outside of the barely habitable trailer he lives in.  MIL has 3 houses across which she spreads her "antiques."  Both of their definitions of "antique" includes any piece of crap a dead family member owned. 

GAH. 

ash413

My MIL is freaking BSC on a good day. She has spent the last 55 years getting g whatever she wants by manipulating and guiltily her children and husband. Unfortunately for her, I don't put up with it, and neither does my DH now.
She is currently throwing a fit about not being at the hospital when the baby is born. We want time to relax and bond after baby is born. She has made it clear the she does not respect this decision, so I told her if I can't trust her to respect us, I will just avoid the issue and not tell her I'm in labor until baby is her and we are ready for visitors. Apparently not letting her in the delivery room =not letting her see or be involved in her grandson's life (dramatic much?).

I could go on for days about her BS.

thefithuntress

My MIL isn't nearly as horrifying but she has moments that are just kind of funny-annoying.

Like right now she's read this Japanese book about de-cluttering her life so what does she do? She sends boxes of crap to our 2BR apartment across the country. Yeah, cuz while I'm pregnant I totes want to deal with where to put your junk, too.

dmiller1213

Hate hate hate hate my FIL. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my husband and him don't have the greatest relationship. His father comes to Houston to do business, he lives in California, and he doesn't even tell us. Hurts my husbands feelings but on the inside I'm elated. Cannot stand the man, partially because how he makes hubby feel.

My MIL means well, but she is way too much. She's always smothering me and driving me crazy. She's completely neurotic and it just drives me crazy. Always asking if I'm eating healthy, and if I say "oh I had a cheeseburger for lunch" she completely flips out. Pretty much everything I do she asks if the doctor approved it. Even something as simple as going to a concert or beach trip. Just way too much.


My 2 SIL are just a train wreck. We got married in Vegas, and the 2 of them got into a naked fist fight with each other after the rehearsal dinner. Pretty much sums them up.

brielise414

My in-laws are, as someone else said, not open at all and so have just never really spoke to me in the 7 years my husband and I have been together. Everything is about his job, and they never ask about me or the baby. When they visit though my MIL wants to control everything. My husband says she has always been manipulative and his whole family walks on eggshells around her constantly, letting her do whatever she wants. They haven't had contact in about 20 years with his grandparents or aunt/uncles/cousins because his mom is holding some insane grudge against them. So she used to rearrange things in our house and made herself at home, but my husband and I put a stop to that. When we finally bought a house and moved in she tried doing that and we just said no way (I also didn't know I was pregnant at the time I got a bit hormonal!!). They also stayed at the house and when they left I went to tidy up the guest room and bathroom figuring all I would need to do is change sheets, vacuum, etc. just standard cleaning. But it was like they moved in!!!! They had everything set up like they wanted and in the bathroom she had replaced the guest stuff with their stuff, and left their towels and things everywhere. I boxed it all up and told them when they came back that they could take it with them. His mom hasn't spoken to me since and they no longer will stay at our house, but I knew I had to set boundaries. She loves to stay near my SIL because my SIL lets her do whatever she wants, and she can totally baby her (which my husband and I find soooo disturbing!!). Also she seemed semi-excited about the baby but as soon as we told her it was a girl she just basically started ignoring it, aside from comments like "If you were having a boy you would be able to eat that pork" since I've had a huge meat aversion. I asked my husband about it and he said she doesn't like to ask about the pregnancy because I had a miscarriage before and she thought I wouldn't want to talk about it. I'm like… I'm 6 months pregnant. and our nursery is done. Yea I was super cautious until we got to about 15 weeks but obviously I am over that! And she was completely fine hounding us about baby gear and the nursery in the first trimester sooooo pretty sure he's just trying to cover for her complete disinterest!!!

That was a very long rant. Can you tell they're coming to visit this week??? haha - need to get it all off my chest! Thankfully husband and FIL are renovating the kitchen so I'm going to stay with my parents because I think the drywall and stuff will be bad for the baby (or so I told them). 

lopezalonso

I'm totally ok with my FIL. He's sweet and very mindful of boundaries. My MIL is a different story. She is very loving and always means well but she is so intrusive. She ALWAYS wants to be with DD and ALWAYS wants EVERYTHING to be a family activity. She wants to go on vacation with us, she wants us to spend our entire weekends with them at their shore house, offers to babysit every day (sometimes several times a day), she texts me novels about what she talks to her son about.... She has NO boundaries. 

After DD was born she kept coming over to my house unannounced "to help." I didn't need her help but she couldn't hear that. So she insisted so much I let her stay one day and she just sat across from me on the couch while I uncomfortably tried to learn to breastfeed while covering myself. I resented her. She also kept coming into my house unannounced. Like literally walking up the stairs and knocking on the door of my master bath WTF. When I told her to call before coming over and not to let herself in she got offended. So i later had to tell her I get scared easily and need her to knock so I am not scared. She could deal with that. It's like having a little child you have to make stories for. 

Last part of my vent. MIL is intrusive. She is also helpful. Part of me resents her because she is closer than my mom and I wish my mom could help more so every time she comes over and helps it makes me feel guilty that my mom doesn't have the same ability to come by whenever.  

Caffrey54

Mine love to favor my bil and his family over us all the time like they can do no wrong and we can't do anything right until they need something then they love us. My sil is due only a week after us too so if I hear that our kids are going to be twins one more time I'm going to blow. This is going to be our first and her second but the in laws won't even recognize that I'm pregnant unless it's to tease me about something (this week it was calling me a wide load, even tho I've barely have gained any weight because of how sick I've been the whole 25 weeks)

nycmommy13

My MIL is hurt that I accepted my mother's offer to throw me a baby shower and politely turned down hers. I explained that we wanted to have one big shower so the guests aren't split. Plus, since my mother lives so far away, she never got to throw me a bridal shower. My MIL did that for me instead. She never gets mad, but her feelings get hurt about the tiniest things.

rachswi

My MIL informed me that if my mom didn't come stay with us to help out when the baby was born, she would...

... of course, then later my mom informed me that not only was she planning on coming down, but she would be buy a queen size memory foam mattress for us to put in one of our spare rooms for people to stay in (we live in a 4-BR parsonage and this is our first child so we have the space)... nice to know she comes with her own bed...

flas

I have no problems with my MIL and I barely see my FIL ( they're divorced with good reason) but I am not having fun dealing with my BIL and SIL. They have rude bratty children that they never discipline. Not an outing with them goes by where I don't have to say something to one of the kids. I would rather mine not be around them as mine are starting to pick up their bad habits but we only live a couple of streets away so it's pretty impossible. They feel it's perfectly okay to smoke around me and my children. Every time they sit down beside me and light up I just walk away. My SIL offered to watch the baby for me if I wanted to return to work early and I politely said thank you for the offer but there is no way I'm letting my newborn be at her house that reeks of cigarettes and cat piss. She also has a sister who has 3 kids. My MIL has 2 cottages ( they're a bit run down but the area is nice) and we go out there sometimes. Someday a SIL invites Her sister and their 3 bratty kids out who then mooch food off of my poor MIL the whole day and then expect supper. They even did this during a family reunion that they shouldn't have even been invited to in the first place. My MIL bought a used trampoline which this sisters kids then monopolize while MIL's grandkids have to sit and watch, even though SIL has her own trampoline and pool that her kids and her nieces and nephews use. We don't have any of that kind of stuff. I know MIL is starting to get pissed too cause we talked about it. Thankfully I know she'll stand up for herself.

TKG83

My MIL and I got along just fine... Until I was pregnant. Since getting pregnant I've only heard from her for her to tell me that I don't know how to balance my money when the only reason I didn't have any was because my husband, her son, was out of work for a while. Thankfully, he now has a good job so I don't have to hear about that anymore. She's never once asked how I'm doing but had no problem calling up my husband's ex to find out how she was doing with her second pregnancy (not her grandchild). She's stated she will not be attending my baby shower as she doesn't want to drive the 2 hrs from where she lives to where we live and insists that we will have to visit her when baby is born. Um, it's a lot easier for her to come to us than us to pack up a new born in winter and come to her. Plus they never turn their heat on and Canadian winters are cold... I'm not putting my child through that.
My FIL and my husband don't really get along so the fact that he hasn't inquired about baby at all doesn't bother me. It actually suits me fine.
Rant over.

CarrieOct15

My in-laws make me stabby. I could go on for days, but I'll just tell you about the most recent craziness.

So my MIL wants my SO and I to start calling family members and asking what they plan on purchasing off the registry. First off, registries are gift-grabby as it is, so there is NO way I would call someone and ask them what they are planning on buying us. Wtf. I don't know where this is coming from, but she is insisting on it, and keeps suggesting that certain family members could buy certain things. Obviously it will be super generous and appreciated if any family member buys us anything at all, but I would NEVER just expect someone to buy something for me. I know she's just being like this because she's trying (poorly) to make up for the way she treated us when we first announced our pregnancy. It's as if she thinks if we get everything off the registry, she can take credit for it and we will forgive her. She's lost her marbles.

Favoritemandms

@CarrieOct15, this kind of nonsense is happening in my family too. We haven't gotten to the calling people and asking what they're planning on getting, but some various family members are VERY annoyed that they don't yet know who's buying what from the registry. 

CarrieOct15

Favoritemandms said:

@CarrieOct15, this kind of nonsense is happening in my family too. We haven't gotten to the calling people and asking what they're planning on getting, but some various family members are VERY annoyed that they don't yet know who's buying what from the registry. 

Gaaahh, it's insanity! I've never heard of anything like this before. I thought the whole point of a registry is so you can list what you need, and people can pick from the list and also see what's already been purchased so far. I'm uncomfortable enough "asking" people for stuff via a register, but literally asking people what they are buying for me just takes it to a whole different level. Sorry you're dealing with this, too!

Favoritemandms

CarrieOct15 said:

Favoritemandms said:

@CarrieOct15, this kind of nonsense is happening in my family too. We haven't gotten to the calling people and asking what they're planning on getting, but some various family members are VERY annoyed that they don't yet know who's buying what from the registry. 

Gaaahh, it's insanity! I've never heard of anything like this before. I thought the whole point of a registry is so you can list what you need, and people can pick from the list and also see what's already been purchased so far. I'm uncomfortable enough "asking" people for stuff via a register, but literally asking people what they are buying for me just takes it to a whole different level. Sorry you're dealing with this, too!

Hmmmmmm, funny that's what I thought a registry was for too!!! 

estick814

My mil saw a post on Facebook that my brother wished my SIL a happy anniversary. She and I have the same first name so when she got married we now have the same surname as well. So my MIL told my husband she thought I was having an affair and was married to someone else. It was my bloody brother dang it.

VexedMommy

estick814 said:

My mil saw a post on Facebook that my brother wished my SIL a happy anniversary. She and I have the same first name so when she got married we now have the same surname as well. So my MIL told my husband she thought I was having an affair and was married to someone else. It was my bloody brother dang it.

Oh. My. God. 

estick814

VexedMommy said:

estick814 said:

My mil saw a post on Facebook that my brother wished my SIL a happy anniversary. She and I have the same first name so when she got married we now have the same surname as well. So my MIL told my husband she thought I was having an affair and was married to someone else. It was my bloody brother dang it.

Oh. My. God. 


Tell me about it

sheri0102

Honestly, I get along with my in-laws just fine. However, we have a HUGE difference in opinion when it comes to schedules and routine. My daughters (4 1/2 and 3) are on a schedule. It is not super strict, but I expect them to have about an hour or so of quiet time in the afternoon, and they have a bed time of 8 even during the summer. They think I am crazy for having such a 'strict' plan for them, but it keeps all of us sane. DH often complains because I do not like our girls spending the night at their house often since I am the one who has to deal with the cranky aftermath from their complete disregard to schedule. Maybe now that my SIL and nephew are no longer living at their house, it will get better and they won't be going to bed at 10:30! All I can say is this is why our girls will be staying with my parents when this LO is born. They respect the schedule which will be super important since they will be in school when baby comes.