Dads

hollybear4

My DH has said on several occasions "he hates me" because DS cries sometimes when he holds him and DH can't calm him down like I can. It makes me feel sad that he feels this way but I don't know how to tell him it's because I spend all day with him and he knows me. I really want to say "you need to spend more time with him" but I don't want it to come off as he never spends time with him, because he does. Anyone else's SOs feel this way? What do you do about it?

courtneylevesque

My husband complains the same thing as well, but it has been getting better. I usually give him DS right after I'm done feeding him, DH will burp and then rock him to sleep. That usually helps.

But the fact that your husband is saying he hates you is very upsetting. I don't know if maybe he is saying it in a joking manner or what but that's uncalled for.

hollybear4

He's not saying he hates me, he's saying DS hates him!! Sorry if that was confusing!!

courtneylevesque

Ooooooohhhhh. Sorry, must have read that wrong. Yeah my husband says that all the time, but then he will get him when DS is all smiles and suddenly DS loves him. He is so all over the place with it.

Like I said, maybe try to hand LO off to DH right after feeding and get him to burp him. Maybe that'll help? If not just keep reminding him that when he is a little older dad will he just about the coolest person in your son's world - so he has that to look forward to

hollybear4

Ya I know they will bond later for sure. I just wish he would bond more now! For example, I'm making dinner tonight and DS is crying and freaking out and DH tried everything but couldn't sooth him, as soon as he handed him to me he quieted right down and I really didn't do anything. It makes me feel a little guilty.

justkeeptrying

I just had this conversation with DH an hour ago. DS wouldn't stop crying while DH was rocking him to sleep. I calmed him and he fell asleep within 5 minutes. But I had been out for a bit before bedtime so DS hadn't spent much time with me for almost 2 hours. He just needed some mom time. DH was disappointed but I just reminded him that I'm with LO all the time and they this is why I want him to spend as much time as possible with him when he's home. I also reminded him (and myself) that DS is still only 2 months. Sometimes I forget that he's still in that "fourth trimester" and really just wants to be with his mom.

SmrBrd2012

I'm going through the same thing and my husband is going to be taking a month off starting friday to care for LO before he starts daycare. Every time H comes home LO is so fussy and can't be soothed easily. He also says LO hates him. I've tried to show him how LO responds to being soothed certain ways but H is stubborn and does his own thing. I think he's too "aggressive" with his movements and uses a strong voice and works LO up whereas he is used to me talking in soft higher pitched voices and I do slower movements among other things. I hope he figures it out soon or its going to be a stressful month for all 3 of us.

kremerj1

We started having DH give DS a bottle of expressed milk and put him to bed. It might be a different schedule when I go back to work, but it works for now. DH loves it!

MrsKindy40

My son is two and a half and only wants daddy. His time is coming.

lola2bee

Whenever my girl cries my husband instantly wants to give her back to me. I just say "nope. You need to find your way with her." Now he invented some kissie game With her and it's all good. :-)

mars8k

DH isn't bothered by it, he just hands her over when she cries which i hate! He works crazy hours and maintains his social life and even when he's home he barely helps at all.

borntorun17

My dh picks up the baby when he comes home from work before he even says hello to me. We do bathtime together but dh usually gives him. His last bottle and waxing to sleep so they have special time together. I also make sure that I leave to work out every Saturday so they have some special bonding time

erin79

A good idea is to have your DH spend time with your son alone, without you there.  I know it's hard to leave, especially if your nursing, but I think always having mom as an option/backup sort of undermines their self-confidence.  If he's alone with DS, then he's forced to figure out his own way of soothing him.

My DH has been great with both of our kids from the start, but what really helped is that he stayed home with each of them the first week I went back to work both times.  He was in charge of feeding, soothing, changing, napping, etc. with no help from anyone else.  I think it really strengthened their bond, and it made him see exactly how exhausting a full day with a baby can be.

erin79

Also, if you have some kind of carrier, have your husband babywear!  My husband uses the Ergo a lot for the evening nap after work, or when we're out and about with our older son and DD needs to nap.  It will give you a break, and allow them to have some great extended snuggle time.

MrsS728

My husband wants our daughter to be a Daddy's Girl, but right now she just needs mommy and he's slowly starting to accept that. He wants to her be excited when he comes home and wants her to be his little buddy and I've tried to explain that she's only 3 months old. I'm her whole world right now. When she becomes a little more independent he will have a bigger role in her life 

MrsElizabethPlano

DH said the same thing when our 1st was a baby. It peeved me because babies generally don't just dislike people, they merely haven't been given the opportunity to bond and feel safe with them. My first didn't like daddy until he was 2 years old. There are many ways for DH to bond with baby to make it allll better. Skin to skin, baby massages, actually holding baby when bottle feeding, talking to baby, or just making eye contact and smiling whenever he sees baby. This time around I forced DH to do these things and now when I can't calm baby and have tried for a long long time, I give her to DH and BAM baby's calm.