What to expect after birth

Rakastajatar

Ok, it'll be my first birth, I plan on natural unless a medical reason says otherwise. I've read all the articles on what happens to our bodies and it'll soon be normal after some weeks. My questions is, just how stretched out do we get?   How was sex after? Different? Better? I'm nervous everything won't the be the same. 

thanks ladies!

thereisalight

Honestly I feel like you get tighter after healing... Or at least I did. Sex for the first time after felt like the first time ever! I've actually never talked about this with other moms... Curious what others experienced!

sck601

Women's bodies are amazing things. Your body will tighten back up. Sex after 6 weeks was painful, because it felt like the first time all over again.

Rakastajatar

So I might be over reacting here

kmcc14

Some ladies on the Trying to Get Pregnant board put together a really great thread a few months ago that answered a ton of post-partum questions.  Here's the link for anyone interested - https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12576547/postpartum-preparedness-ama-trigger-tmi-warnings/p1.

Karenin

Good topic- I was always too afraid to even ask other women about this!

I was nervous about this too! My second baby was 10 pounds and I was VERY nervous after that. Luckily, my doctor explained things and made me feel better by explaining that this is what the female body expects so it's not like childbirth "ruins" it as though something unnatural occurred, and labor is a few hours, not like years of stretching, so while your body may heal and be slightly different it's not as though you'll be double the size or something. For me, with both kids, although the first few times having sex after childbirth hurt a little, it became normal pretty quickly. If it's different I and my DH don't seem to notice. One thing that made me feel proactive was kegels- during and after pregnancy, and exercise in general, so my body felt strong. Also, there was an article on GOOP today about the pelvic floor you can google if interested.

mommaSimpkin

I tried after the 6 weeks, and had to stop because it hurt. I think my DS father had to wait like 12 weeks after birth to finally get any. But that's just my own experience. The 6 week mark hurt, like PP said, like the First time.
So I just waited longer. Though I also agree with PP about feeling like things were tighter down there.

steph_pegasus

I can't answer to the stretching part, due to unplanned c/s (breech) past my due date but from what I've read everything goes back.
It was uncomfortable to have sex until DD was 6 mos. We only tried a handful of times (poor DH) because nothing helped and I wasn't willing to grit my teeth and bear it. I don't think that's the norm and I certainly hope it doesn't happen that way again after this one.
Eta after reading down a little further I should probably mention I was BFing on demand so that probably attributed to a lot of my discomfort with sex.

adcc43

It eventually all goes back to at least the way it was before birth. This is if there were no major complications in that area during birth. The first couple of times can be scary/ painful but it eventually goes away.

zg49

I tore a bit with DD so I was worried that would stretch things out even more but like previous posts said it all tightened back up and was a bit uncomfortable the first few times. I've come right and asked my DH and he said it feels the same. Once I got my period back, tampons fit the same as well. 

monaclemere

I've had 2 c-sections, so I can only speak to that experience.

Even after a non-vaginal delivery, I thought it felt a little tighter after a few weeks of non-use )

Just as an FYI, most people complain about the discomfort/dryness of sex after having a baby, but I think a lot of that has to do with breastfeeding/hormones. I BF my DD for about two months and attempting sex was terrible. It felt like my vagina was lined with sandpaper. Once I stopped BF, I eased right back into it. I did not BF my DS, and resumed an enjoyable sex life about 5 weeks post-partum with no problem. I think the hormones associated with breastfeeding really impact post-baby sex.

mamaksweez

For me, sex was horrible and painful for a long time, like crying, using tons of lube... Horrible horrible. I felt like I was a 12yr old sleeping with a man on steroids.

My doc said I would be dry and it would be painful the entire time I breast fed. I only lasted breastfeeding for 6 months, so I can't say for sure if that's true. I would say it got better each time, and you just have to suck it up and do it. I agree with pp that it goes back to normal eventually like maybe after 6mo or so.

Also, after giving birth I bled for 9 weeks, which is in the "normal range" so be prepared to get all 9 months you missed of your period once baby comes. That I wasn't prepared for.

TVL25

Like PP have said, our bodies are amazing! Exercising during pregnancy helps a ton with healing after birth...Even taking the time to stretch daily will really help. Sex was definitely painful at first but you get back into it with time. Keep in mind when they say you are extremely fertile post partum, YOU ARE. No matter how hard/how long it may have been/took for you to get pregnant, it can happen again after birth much easier! Take extra precautions even if you feel like you aren't ready for sex or think you won't want your SO within 800 miles of your vagina! I say this from experience Also stock up on tucks, witch hazel and dermoplast or pinterest "padsicles"- your lady parts will thank you later

DaphneMoon1

DS was 9#5oz, and I had 2 second degree tears. My first shower after birth, I couldn't tell where my vagina ended and my anus began. The swelling was so horrific and there were so many stitches it felt like a bunch of grapes from front to back.

As my OB says, the vagina is very forgiving. Sex feels no different now. I don't feel stretched. Amazingly, it's the same as always.

I don't tell my scary vagina story to scare anyone. It's just to show even if you have terrible tears and repairs it will go back!

jessielynn1

It all goes back! Even after a horrible tear with number one it was all stitched back and brand new. A woman's body is amazing. Sex after baby was a bit uncomfortable lots of lube an taking it slow worked for us. I think the dec'16 member whose fisting her whole nine months to prepare for labour may not be so lucky. Jks.
Edit-dec'15

Rakastajatar

I'm a lube gal for sure. it helps protect our vagina as well, puts a barrier between penis and us  

glad to hear positive stories!  

i'm just terrified of birth and i'm kind of grossed out by it to be honest, so this makes me feel much better!! Much appreciated!

thank you ladies who have shared so far!! 

Knottie1452445632

Well as a mum of 3 (and one on the way) I can let you know my experience (obviously everyone's experience will be different - including yours). Anyway, 1st baby - 6 weeks after - scary but mostly in my head as fine and felt sexier as like 1st time, 2nd baby - 2 weeks after (hubby couldn't wait) - felt normal and fine and if anything tighter (much less trauma and no bruising during that birth), 3rd - 4 weeks after - birth more unpredictable and large 7 year age gap between 2nd and 3rd child so I'm older too - not great - not painful or sore at all but everything felt loose and weak (upsetting for me) but fine now 13 months after and amazing expecting no 4 but took at lot longer to "bounce back" this time! I'm sure you'll be fine xx

SummerOH

I had a second degree tear and an episiotomy (medically necessary - heart rate was bottoming out and he was stuck).  My stitches didn't dissolve until about 8 weeks, and I didn't feel up to sex until probably 12.  I nursed so it was like the freaking Sahara!  But your doctor can prescribe you a cream or you can use lots of lube.  I haven't noticed any difference and neither has DH (yes, I asked!). 

Honestly, I was so freaked out when the doctor told me I had a tear and episiotomy that I thought recovery was gonna be WAY worse than it was.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a cakewalk, but it wasn't too bad.  You just have to be careful sitting for awhile so your stitches don't pull.  I didn't even use numbing spray or Advil when I got home, but you can do that.

laurenmichaels

I was so damn damn busy and tired after my first that I didn't even have the energy to think about sex. Your body will tell you when it's ready. No need to worry about it now.

mollyj931

Lube is your friend

anightintunisia

jessielynn1 said:

It all goes back! Even after a horrible tear with number one it was all stitched back and brand new. A woman's body is amazing. Sex after baby was a bit uncomfortable lots of lube an taking it slow worked for us. I think the dec'16 member whose fisting her whole nine months to prepare for labour may not be so lucky. Jks.
Edit-dec'15

Please elaborate on the "fisting if you don't mind"!

jessielynn1

anightintunisia said:

jessielynn1 said:

It all goes back! Even after a horrible tear with number one it was all stitched back and brand new. A woman's body is amazing. Sex after baby was a bit uncomfortable lots of lube an taking it slow worked for us. I think the dec'16 member whose fisting her whole nine months to prepare for labour may not be so lucky. Jks.
Edit-dec'15

Please elaborate on the "fisting if you don't mind"!

Search for the thread "can our board be like this soon?" All the madness is in there for your reading pleasure.

danasphillips

I had a vaginal birth and tore, but my recovery was actually really easy. I feel like I went forever before having sex, but that was because I had a colicky baby that never slept. Once we had sex again everything felt the same and DH didn't notice a difference.

xomeredith

I had to investigate the post you were referring to so I searched it and read. Laughed so hard.

Edit: because to me what I originally said sounded rude, even though it wasn't. oops.

ChrissyD1203

This post was so helpful! Thank you!

ashhsa

This post is equal parts scary and comforting. I think I still am in denial I'm going to give birth. At least I know in a bit of time I will recover though, so thanks for posting.

destinyb12

I think I was very lucky or should I say blessed with my after birth experience. No pain at all, once my doctor said my stitches were healed at four weeks we had sex that night

ChipMonster

We had sex 6 weeks pp. We took it slow because my stitches hadn't fully dissolved (very small episiotomy) and it was scary but not awful at all. I breastfed and am still but I've never really had any issues with dryness. I hope things will go as smoothly this time pp!

BabyRut2015

Someone just told me the other day that the first few times she breastfed hurt worse than the labor, because of it making the uterus contract.... It kind of scared me lol

Any experienced moms to weigh in?

mg137

BabyRut2015 said:

Someone just told me the other day that the first few times she breastfed hurt worse than the labor, because of it making the uterus contract.... It kind of scared me lol

Any experienced moms to weigh in?

I just weaned my 15 month old twins. They were early and little, with tiny mouths and bad latches. The first 3 weeks or so I literally screamed most times I breastfed and was in excruciating pain for almost all of the time they were nursing, which was 8 hours a day, plus 4 hours a day of pumping, which was just as bad. But we worked it out (thank god for lactation consultants!), it stopped hurting, and my girls got 15 months of breastfeeding. (Would have gone longer but pregnancy sapped my supply and made the babies lose interest) breastfeeding is painful for most new moms, but so doable for most (again, lactation consultants are amazing). Most moms of healthy, full sized babies won't have the trouble I had, but I think it's the rare mom who thinks it's all butterflies and sparkles from day one. But trust me, it gets easier and becomes really sweet and pleasant. And it's so good for the baby, way cheaper than formula, and so much easier than heating and cleaning bottles all day.

As to pain from tightening the uterus, I don't recall any pain from that, but honestly, the first week postpartum was more painful than labor (you pee fire. It's awful. I'm sorry.) so I wouldn't have noticed a little more pain. Breastfeeding does help your uterus shrink back, which is nice for losing weight and starting to feel and look like a person again.

As to the dryness, at the beginning I was much drier, but it slowly ticked back to normal (maybe when the babies started on solids and were nursing less but I don't remember.)

We had sex about 4.5 weeks postpartum. I was on pelvic rest from about halfway through my pregnancy so we weren't waiting any longer than that.

mollyj931

BabyRut2015 said:

Someone just told me the other day that the first few times she breastfed hurt worse than the labor, because of it making the uterus contract.... It kind of scared me lol

Any experienced moms to weigh in?

I screamed because my nipples hurt so bad but that went away. Yes, BFing causes your uterus to contract and can feel like cramping. The first few days I took Tylenol and ibuprofen to help it.

BabyRut2015

Thanks for the info & honesty. I've been keeping an open mind about drug free labor, and thinking more and more maybe I will try to see how far I can go without getting an epidural or anything. If it's too much I am fine with getting one, but with so many ladies telling me some of the aftermath is worse.... lol my head is spinning with new info.

Good things to know!! It's good to be informed and have realistic expectations!

This was a great idea for a post! DH & I have a great sex life, it's important to have an idea of what I can expect afterwards.

steph_pegasus

@BabyRut2015 breastfeeding my newborn hurt my nipples more than my uterus, but due to the wonderful pain pills I was Rx'd for my c/s I didn't feel much in the way of uterus contractions anyway.
An icepack helped the most for that, for me. I'd just hold it across my chest (outside the bra & tank top) for 10-15 min after she was done. The first few weeks are the hardest but as you both get used to it, it gets better.

apinkpelican

I probably waited until 8 or 10 weeks to have sex as I had stitches and a bruised/broken tailbone (the tailbone is just now feeling better after 14 months)
BUT sex is much better!! Don't know if I should call the Dr and thank him for a happy stitch or what but to be honest I never climaxed that much until after the baby.
Also. DO YOUR KEGELS. Do 'em early and do 'em often. I have to stop and cross my legs anytime I'm going to sneeze. I did an body pump class and couldn't do the jumping jacks. Yesterday during my run I thought my uterus was going to fall out. I was actually thinking of posting a PSA about this. Haha. If anyone else is like me they'd benefit from a weekly kegels check in!

ChipMonster

I don't remember any significant pain in my uterus from breastfeeding, maybe some slight cramping but nothing that was very noticeable after having given birth. And I was more terrified of breastfeeding than giving birth. I was extremely lucky and DS had a good latch and I had a pretty pain free experience.

thereisalight

ChipMonster said:

I don't remember any significant pain in my uterus from breastfeeding, maybe some slight cramping but nothing that was very noticeable after having given birth. And I was more terrified of breastfeeding than giving birth. I was extremely lucky and DS had a good latch and I had a pretty pain free experience.

This. I really don't remember much pain from my uterus besides a little cramping. Breastfeeding was never really painful either, except pumping was for me. I really hate pumping. I was lucky and had a baby who immediately latched on and never had an issue with it. I'm just really not looking forward to the hospital pads and mesh undies... Which were both very needed.

steph_pegasus

@apinkpelican yes, I think you should do PSA check ins for Kegels.
The benefits for the pelvic floor/birthing may be debatable but being able to prevent peeing your pants every time you laugh, cough, or sneeze is totally worth it. I have a hard time remembering to do them too.

apinkpelican

katharinerisk said:

ChipMonster said:

I don't remember any significant pain in my uterus from breastfeeding, maybe some slight cramping but nothing that was very noticeable after having given birth. And I was more terrified of breastfeeding than giving birth. I was extremely lucky and DS had a good latch and I had a pretty pain free experience.

This. I really don't remember much pain from my uterus besides a little cramping. Breastfeeding was never really painful either, except pumping was for me. I really hate pumping. I was lucky and had a baby who immediately latched on and never had an issue with it. I'm just really not looking forward to the hospital pads and mesh undies... Which were both very needed.

I was nervous about the cramping too but didn't have much. What no one told me: the blood. All the blood. I was sick to m stomach every time I moved and felt the gush. Frozen hospital pads were a love hate relationship

thereisalight

apinkpelican said:

katharinerisk said:

ChipMonster said:

I don't remember any significant pain in my uterus from breastfeeding, maybe some slight cramping but nothing that was very noticeable after having given birth. And I was more terrified of breastfeeding than giving birth. I was extremely lucky and DS had a good latch and I had a pretty pain free experience.

This. I really don't remember much pain from my uterus besides a little cramping. Breastfeeding was never really painful either, except pumping was for me. I really hate pumping. I was lucky and had a baby who immediately latched on and never had an issue with it. I'm just really not looking forward to the hospital pads and mesh undies... Which were both very needed.

I was nervous about the cramping too but didn't have much. What no one told me: the blood. All the blood. I was sick to m stomach every time I moved and felt the gush. Frozen hospital pads were a love hate relationship

So much blood... So much. No one told me either. I love not having a period while being pregnant... But I was not prepared for my body to compensate for it all at once!

ChipMonster

No one talks about all the blood!!! It's awful and an awful feeling. Not only the bleeding after you give birth but your first period! To say it is heavy is an understatement!

sherks11

Your first poop will be one of the most painful things ever. Sadly, it's not just the first one either...