Demanding MIL

gladfelter2010

Hi All, 

         I want to get some perspective on this because I know I just gave birth 3 weeks ago so my emotions are a little wonky right now. 

         My LO has three sets of grandparents: my parents, my husband's mother and step father and my husband's dad and step mother.  All three sets of grandparents are within 10 - 15 minutes of our house, except his mom and step father live 5 minutes from us.  Prior to giving birth, my MIL told us to keep our house clean (I don't like having visitors, even family, when the house is messy) because she would be stopping by all the time to see her grandson.  I responded by saying, "No. I have to sleep when LO sleeps, so there will be times when we are unavailable" and she just ignored my comment.  Now that LO is born (he's 3 weeks today) she has been very demanding with us. For instance, she's demanding monthly pictures to add to some frame that she bought, and she's demanding an extra monthly picture so she can send it to her mother who lives in another state. She's also demanding weekly pictures.  On top of that she stated at dinner last week that she figures she'll see LO each Wednesday and Saturday or Sunday.  She said those would be her "days to see him."  I'm sorry but i'm not scheduling out a 3 week old.  I'm trying to get my DH to understand that what his mother is doing is not okay.  This is our child and we get to say when he'll see family, and it's up to us to send out pictures when we want, not on demand. 

        Does anyone else have parents/grandparents who live close by? How often do they see your little one?  Are all parents/grandparents this demanding? 

Disneygeek77

Ok, this is what you do.  You look your husband straight in the eye and say " Look buddy, this isn't happening.  So either you tell your mom that she will see the baby when we feel it is time or I will, but I promise I will not be nice about it.  Understand."

No not all grandparents are this demanding.  She is being over the top and this needs to be nipped in the bud NOW.  It would be better it the message comes from him, but if he won't put his foot down then you simply will have to do it.  

Latina211508

Wow. That is so demanding and just rude. I would say hell no to her. "You will see MY chile when I want you to". I understand she's excited but her approach is horrible. You shouldn't and don't have to schedule days like that for her. My parents were very understanding and would only come by if I invited them. My mom knows all about personal space especially after having a baby. My husbands mother was pushy to a point honestly but not as bad as your MIL. I would make it clear from the beginning with her and your husband.

greenbeanqueen

Is she demanding you take specific formal pictures or is she just wanting you to shoot her iPhone pics each week? I send my parents and IL's pictures just about every day. I also took monthly pictures of DD for the first year of her life and sent them to people/Instagram. While I think that her demanding specific days to see yout LO is a bit over the top, I also know that sometimes these posts written within weeks of baby's birth are exaggerated due to emotions running high. What you are calling "demands" may just be her asking for these things and you are just overwhelmed becasue of your new LO. Have DH talk to her about it, but just be glad you have 3 sets of grandparents near you. Trust me you will be glad you do when you are ready for a date night or break. They all love LO and want to have a part in his life. Just set rules and enforce them. But until I read something a whole lot more crazy than this I dont see anything terrile on MIL part tbh.

Scrambles1

My MIL lives in town and she doesn't boss us...DH doesn't let her. However, she was under the impression that she could just come over whenever she wanted. That's what her daughter let her do.

In fact, she started to after we got home from the hospital. She would just walk in when we had other company and be so loud so that everyone would know she was there. We finally told her she needed to call before she came and that if she didn't get an answer she was not to come over.

One time "she forgot her phone" and DH made her leave because she didn't call. She told everyone that she shouldn't have to call.

It's been a year now and it's better....she at least understands her boundaries but she still doesn't like that she can't come over and take over like she did with her daughter.

My advice to you is let your thoughts and feelings be known now so there's time for her to get used to it.