dealing with older biological kids when adopting

AoifeR

Does any one have any good advise/experience with having older kids (biological) when adopting? How did they handle it? How old were they at the time?

Poppy16

We have adopted 2 from foster care. We started doing foster care when my bio kids were 3 and 4 years old (both boys). They just see it as a normal way of life. We'd get a baby for a few weeks, and then they'd go back to their family. We adopted our first daughter when our bios were 5 & 6, second isn't finalized yet, but we got her when they were 6 &7. My sons absolutely love their sisters and can't imagine life without them (they've actually said that). They even keep asking if we can adopt more!

I guess what I'm saying is that if your kids see adoption as an important thing and a normal way of life, I think they'll do great. Include them a lot in the process and they'll feel like big kids. (You didn't mention how old yours are, but I'm assuming they're small). 

AoifeR

Thanks for answering! My boys are still quite young 2 & 3.5...but we're doing alot of planning right now and wouldnt go start the process for  another year or two. I'm glad to hear your boys did so well at such a young age! If you dont mind my asking were all your infant placements exposed to drugs? and how are they doing? a relative who was kind of poo-pooing us kept saying all the babies would be drug addicted and have lots of behavior problems as a result...

onegoodthing

Not all placements have drug addiction problems. I am going to be a birth mother (35 weeks now) and I haven't used drugs alcohol or smoked. It just depends. You can also turn down situations you aren't willing to handle (such as drug addicted children).

Hector33

onegoodthing said:

Not all placements have drug addiction problems. I am going to be a birth mother (35 weeks now) and I haven't used drugs alcohol or smoked. It just depends. You can also turn down situations you aren't willing to handle (such as drug addicted children).

Agreed! I work for CPS in Australia and the statement that all infants/ children who come into care for drug issues simply is not true and quite naive of people to suggest that. And of all the children I have worked with that have come into care only the minority have behavioural issues.

Poppy16

It depends on where you live, I think. We live close to a big city with lots of drug problems, and that's where our placements have come from. Out of 14 placements, only 3 did NOT have drug exposure issues. Whether they have behavior issues depends on what kinds of drugs their birth mom used, how much, and when. 

Our 3 year old daughter was exposed to 2 types of drugs plus alcohol, and so far you'd never know she had any issues. She acts like any other 3 year old I know (and is a lot better than my bio sons at that age!). Our 2 year old has delays, which we think are from drug issues. 

In your training, they will probably teach you all about drug exposure and what it really looks like in children. It sounds scarier than it actually is. (And as far as I've researched, the worse thing is fetal alcohol syndrome--that's what causes a LOT of behavior issues). 

Knottie1442268460

Ours are all drug and or alcohol exposed. There are some behavior problems. But you may be the best placement for this type of child. If you have early intervention involved it will be like pp daughter maybe not much difference.

The behavior problems we deal with don't seem like badness to me. I see it as a "medical problem" that we work with.

Drug exposure is less long term affecting than alcohol in many cases.