4 year old separation anxiety-help — The Bump
Pre-School

4 year old separation anxiety-help

Help! My 4 year old has separation and being the boss issues – I think they go hand-in-hand.  At night time when I put her to bed, and on many other occasions like dropping her off at school or leaving the home to go to work she demands “one more hug” or “I need to tell you one more thing”.  The problem is, it isn’t “one more time”. It will be countless times of back-and-forth until she is either comfortable or until I get upset because I truly need to go or it is becoming ridiculous.

Bedtime is the worst. We have a routine where I lay with her, tell her about my day, say prayers, rub her back and then it starts with the “I have to tell you one more thing” or “give me another hug” and then she does this “exiting speech” every night about things that don’t actually happen like “in the morning I want to do the flying fairy and eat ice cream and you have to give us all hugs” (that is the brief version). It’s virtually the same speech, every night. I end up very frustrated because it is back-and-forth in her room until I cave and just let her determine when I leave which could be 30 minutes later or until I get mad and she cries and even then it ends with “one more hug!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

Today my husband called pissed because she did this at school and he obliged but every hug and every “let me tell you one more thing” didn’t matter.  She has gone to the same place for years and she typically does better with him leaving her then me.  He is over it and things we need to put a hard stop to this behavior at bed time and just in general. He thinks she “stalls” because she knows she can because we typically oblige. I agree BUT I think she also has separation anxiety – mostly with me – and I want to ensure I put in place a reaction that doesn’t actually make that worse…

Anyone have a similar experience or some sound advice to offer?

Thank you!

Re: 4 year old separation anxiety-help

  • I'll just sit and wait for some advice too.  I'm going through the same thing with my son only I've made the mistake of letting him in my bed most nights because my H works midnights.  He's also acting very shy when we first get to school.  I know he's really happy there and has lots of friends and some days he gets mad if we pick him up to early because he wants to stay and play.  But recently at night he's stuck to me like glue and says he's scared.  He asks if I lock the door at night because of bad guys.  Poor thing. 


  • Honestly I think It Is Normal.my son never did it.but my cousin who is now 13 did when she was about three years old she would yell from her room i have to pee or i need to tell you something or i need a drink. ect so i think if you ignore her she will eventually stop when she realizes hey she is not coming back.



    (Me)
    (30)
    Jonathan Hunter
    February 27 2010







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