Discipline

patriciahomol

My son is 3, he is all boy. Constantly hitting, biting, running. All typical I know, however he is just behaving so badly sometimes and towards other children. I have started using a "quiet chair" where if he is acting out I have him sit there, when he calms a bit we discuss what he was doing and what he could do instead. Is this a good tactic? Also how do you deal with tantrums? specifically in public? 

Bigboobsmcgee

A quiet chair and "discussing" the behavior would not go over well with my 3 year old son. Their attention span is way too short and you can't have an in depth conversation about the bad behavior and expect him to follow along and see the light.

My son hasn't hit or bit anyone since before he was 2. I'm not saying that like I'm some perfect parent but right when the behavior started (biting and hitting around 17 months old), we used time outs for discipline. I was told "oh it's normal for kids to do that" but I didn't care. I didn't want my kid hitting and biting other people.

IMO young toddlers, and most kids in general need consistency and repetition when it comes to discipline. You have to deal with the negative behavior the exact same way, every single time for them to understand no matter where you are. My son has had time out's in Target and the grocery store but we haven't had to do that in over a year. 

I truly feel you can discipline your child without being mean about it but you have to be stern. It won't scar them for life, it will help them understand how to behave. As long as you communicate, follow through and are consistent, they will get it.

pixieprincss

Check out Ahaparenting.com. There are loads of ideas for how to enact positive discipline in these situations. For my family, and what this site uses, is the idea of "time in" (working through the issue together, parent modelling calmness, role playing, etc.) rather than "time out" (isolation, punishment, can become a battle simply to get child to sit there). 

neverblushed

When my son went through a hitting phase as an older toddler/younger preschooler, I dealt with it by watching him like a hawk.  When he was in a situation where I could tell he might lash out physically, I would intervene verbally and try to see if that would help him curb the impulse to hit. Ideally, I would try to get him to stop and speak what he was feeling instead of hitting.  If not, I would try to get him to hit a pillow instead.

If a verbal cue wasn't enough and he did wind up hitting (usually me), I would sometimes take his hands and say to them, " DS, these hands just hit me!  That's not good. It's your job to get these hands under control and my job to help you.  If you are angry, you can hit a pillow.  If you are angry, you can use words to let out your angry feelings.  But you cannot hit.  Until you can make these hands stop on your own, I will have to stop them every time.  Because in this house we don't hit."  

Then I would gently but firmly hold his hands until he calmed down.  I would then address the hands and ask, "Hands!  Are you ready to behave?" (Usually this got a giggle.)  Then I would ask him if his hands were ready for me to let go. 

It didn't take long using this method until he gained the impulse control to speak his angry feelings instead of resorting to hitting.  Just be consistent.  Remember that it's possible to still follow the principles of attachment parenting AND have firm structures in place to help a child meet your expectations for good behavior.  

Bigboobsmcgee

neverblushed said:

When my son went through a hitting phase as an older toddler/younger preschooler, I dealt with it by watching him like a hawk.  When he was in a situation where I could tell he might lash out physically, I would intervene verbally and try to see if that would help him curb the impulse to hit. Ideally, I would try to get him to stop and speak what he was feeling instead of hitting.  If not, I would try to get him to hit a pillow instead.

If a verbal cue wasn't enough and he did wind up hitting (usually me), I would sometimes take his hands and say to them, " DS, these hands just hit me!  That's not good. It's your job to get these hands under control and my job to help you.  If you are angry, you can hit a pillow.  If you are angry, you can use words to let out your angry feelings.  But you cannot hit.  Until you can make these hands stop on your own, I will have to stop them every time.  Because in this house we don't hit."  

Then I would gently but firmly hold his hands until he calmed down.  I would then address the hands and ask, "Hands!  Are you ready to behave?" (Usually this got a giggle.)  Then I would ask him if his hands were ready for me to let go. 

It didn't take long using this method until he gained the impulse control to speak his angry feelings instead of resorting to hitting.  Just be consistent.  Remember that it's possible to still follow the principles of attachment parenting AND have firm structures in place to help a child meet your expectations for good behavior.  

I think this is great. You found what worked for your son and you were consistent. I also agree with the "watching like a hawk" comment. Parents have to be on duty every moment of the day in order to address behaviors when they happen and to get them under control in a timely fashion. You can't half-ass parenting and expect your kid to be well behaved.