4-6 weeks or 1 year off--ISO Student Maternity Leave Advice (long)

violetigerlily

Hello everyone!  I tried searching for an appropriate thread to revive but couldn't find anything that seemed right.  I'm a PhD grad student and am facing a weird situation planning for maternity leave. I'm due Nov 28th.  I actually have decent benefits (8 weeks paid stipend and up to a year of unpaid time without losing my student status), and was planning to take the spring semester off but I found out there's at least one class I must take in the spring that's a requirement for every additional class. I'm also not allowed to take classes part time in this program.  Essentially I'm left with either taking 4-6 weeks off over the winter break (squeezing in final exams somewhere in there) and getting back to a full class schedule or taking the whole year off and starting off with that required class in 2017.  

Fortunately insurance isn't an issue--we'll be covered by my husband's plan--and daycare in this city costs almost much as my stipend so while we'd lose a little money it's do-able.  I'm more concerned about having trouble re-adjusting after so much time away, being seen as on the "mommy track" by faculty members right before I need to chose a mentor to fund my thesis project, and having even more trouble tearing myself away from my son after a year together. I'm also a pretty motivated student and I'm a little worried about what to do with myself for that long. On the other hand 4-6 weeks seems pretty short.  My husband works nights so I'll also be pulling night time feeding and diaper duty solo.  

Any experienced moms want to comment on the ups and downs going back to work so early, staying home for a year and then jumping back, juggling a baby with school, or suggestions to get around this choice?  I'm a FTM and really don't know what goes into raising a baby or if it's better to take a heavier course-load when they're infants vs toddlers for example. I'm grateful to at least have these options (provided my grant won't go away if I take the year off--still need to double-confirm that), but the all or nothing choice has me a bit worried. 

Edited: Because a PhD student (even in the sciences) should have better grammar...

Ceridwen77

I think this is hard to plan for considering you don't know when the baby will arrive, or how (c-section). If you are near your due date and have a c-section you may not be cleared to go back to school by your doctor depending on how much recovery time you need. You may also go early and find you have plenty of time before your spring semester, or late and have even less time. My only advice is to plan for multiple circumstances, but you may not know what you want to do until baby is here and you're through your recovery.

Lastly, I think it shows strong will and desire to take a year off and return, vs your perspective that professors would look at you negatively.

Good luck.

KeHill08

I'm a FTM so I can't talk from experience, but I can tell you what my plan is. I'm in graduate school as well, but only for my masters and am due November 30. I'm going to be taking fall semester off so I won't delivering right in the middle of one of my sub terms, and because my husband is supposed to be deploying towards what would be the end of another one of my sub terms a little earlier in the semester. I figure it will give me a bit of a break and I can take the extra time I would normally be spending doing course work to get ready for our little guy, clean, organize, and move home after my husband has to go. Come spring semester I should have settled into the mommy role enough and be ready to jump in a take on the last of my classes for my degree.

Pontot31

I would not have been ready to go back at 4 or even 6 weeks. I struggled with going back at 9 weeks last time and in the beginning I was part time.
I would probably take the year.
I was in such a fog the first 6 months or so. There's no way I could have handled school.
If they are giving you the time I would take it.

lmyrmo

When my third was born in the middle of me getting my BSN, I went back after a week for clinical and class. I was even able to pump enough milk that he never had to have formula for the first 6 months. That was a FT program. My fourth and fifth I took 6 weeks before going back to work. I did manage to graduate with my master's two days before my fifth was born with working full time. Not saying it is ideal, but possible if you are hoping to keep going. You really need a helpful husband or close family though. I was a SAHM with my first two though so that makes a big difference too. Only you know what is right for you.

j-bell

I can only speak to taking a year off from work.  I ended up taking off a whole year of work after my daughter was born. It wasn't what I originally planned but ultimately turned out to be good for me professionally.  I returned to the workforce actually rested, motivated and mentally engaged in what I was doing.  There was no way I would have been that successful after 4-6 weeks.

I think either choice you make will work out fine and you need to make the best choice for you and your family.  Best of luck!

MoRay05

Personally 4-6 weeks leave would not be a long enough to recover and to start functioning again with lack of sleep. I would suggest taking the year off. You will never get that time back with your LO so take advantage!

jln114

I'm a FTM too and graduated from my PhD program last year. I think the key is to do what's best for you and your family, and then find an advisor who is on the same page.

There are many accounts of how inhospitable academia can be for women and families. But there are also wonderful mentors who know how important our lives are outside of school, and how we can be exceptional scholars /and/ parents. (Fortunately, I had a good one!).

This also meant I didn't work with some of the "rock stars" in my department, but I couldn't have been happier with my choice of advisor. Good luck to you!

(Edited: first post got cut off)