Registry Rules — The Bump
Baby Showers

Registry Rules

So after @DylansCandyBar nicely pointed me in the directions of the Miss Manners site, I found this page on baby showers: http://entertainmentguide.local.com/miss-manners-baby-shower-etiquette-10098.html

It states that registries are in bad form. I have never been to a baby shower, nor heard of a baby shower without there being a registry. So I guess wanted to know more about everyone's personal opinions on registries. 
Is there ever time when they are acceptable?
If they are not, how did they evolve into a nationally recognized thing ( as in you can go to buy buy baby and do the whole zap gun thing)? 
Did you or will you have a registry, why or why not? 

I thought this may be a good discussion starter since the board's been a little dead lately. 

Just ladies, please remember it is okay to disagree
image


Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
kristen2b

Re: Registry Rules

  • Elsa1984Elsa1984 member
    5000 Comments 250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
    edited July 2015
    Every baby shower I have gone to, there has been a little slip of paper that says where the mom is registered. For baby showers, I don't side-eye it, because getting a gift is the purpose of a baby shower. I do kind of side-eye if the invite has the baby shower listed, and then states a criteria for shopping ("please stick to the registry!" or something of that matter). A registry is just a wish list (although WAY too many ladies seem to think that everyone MUST shop from that list and get pissy when someone buys something not on the registry). 

    I did not put a registry on my wedding invite (or anything that has to do with a wedding). We all know that you get a lot of gifts at a wedding, but I find it extremely tacky to be included on a registry. We did register, but several friends and family knew about it and if someone asked one of them if we were registered somewhere, they told the person asking. 

    I did register for both my baby shower, our wedding, and will do it for any additional children that we are may have in the future (obviously, those additional children's registries are not for showers or sprinkles, but for us to keep a list of things that we need to purchase before/after baby). 

    Edit to add (after reading Miss Manner's link): She also states "once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her." So she is stating that "sprinkles" are okay. She also mentions " friends and loved ones should be observant enough to sense what the guest of honor would need or want based on her decorative preferences" but who has time for that jazz? So the MOB mentioned that she is doing a zoo theme for the nursery. Is it a cartoonish type one? Monotone colors? Vibrant colors? She is going to use bottles, but what kind? Regular size, or wide mouth? Etc....etc....etc. If it is someone that you are really close with, and you know every little snippet of info about what the person is going to do with their child, I guess not having a registry is fine. But there are some of us, that really don't care about every little detail, and just want to be able to get something that the MOB/FOB want, without having to talk about the baby every five seconds. For people like me, registries are AMAZING. I just want to be able to look, see what their taste is, buy things that the need, etc. If it is someone like my best friend, or a really close family member and I know all of those little details, then I will usually get a few items on the registry and then shop for something (in their taste) that is not on the registry. I don't want to be standing there talking about what nipple on their binky they feel is best for their baby.....KWIM?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
    DylansCandyBar
  • @Elsa1984, so I am a dork and have no idea what KWIM means. I liked your stance. It was polite and to the point lol.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Man, I'm bummed I can't get your Miss Manners link to load, but Ill still play! I have to say I'm not a fan of registries. I know they make it easier to shop, but I guess I just like the old notion of a shower gift being a thoughtful gesture towards a friend or family member, just like any other gift (birthday, Christmas, etc.) Sure, when you don't tell people exactly what to get you, there are bound to be some hits and some misses, but to me that's just the essense of gifting. I've never thought of registries as inherently rude, I just think it's rude to advertise one without specifically being asked, whether it's printed directly on an invite or on a little accompanying slip of paper. Yes, I know "everybody" does this, so I'm not like shocked or appalled by it, I just think it's a little too forward, and definitely sends the message, "I want stuff from you but I don't trust you to pick it out on your own!" To answer your question about how the big box registry has evolved if it's rude, well, because those stores are in the business of making money, not encouraging gracious behavior. Why do strip clubs exist? Heroin? Candle parties? Answer: $$$.
    fwtx5815wassuphoesDylansCandyBar
  • Jonesy288 said:
    @Elsa1984, so I am a dork and have no idea what KWIM means. I liked your stance. It was polite and to the point lol.

    It is short for "know what I mean".....LOL

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
  • @Elsa1984 Ahh thank you. That was an easy one.. I get a duhhh for that 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I agree with most of the PPs. Just to add on, in the past there were a select few nursery themes/color combos and not the wide variety of gear you see nowadays. Now that the baby gear industry is what it is, it would be damn near impossible without registries to try and figure out, out of the 20 or so different bathtubs, bouncy seats, etc. which one the MTB would want.


    I had a registry, but by the time my shower rolled around, I had purchased the majority on my own. I did also request that the registry not be put on the invitation, just because I'm not a huge fan of that.
  • ChariZaeChariZae member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2015
    I see registries, as PP said, as a guide for shopping. People want to know what bottles you like, if you already have the big ticket items, etc. In my circle we mostly spread registry info by word of mouth or people search via the mother's name, though I have seen (and didn't side eye) baby registry info on some invites.

    DylansCandyBar
  • I think a baby registry helps people to know what a mother might wish for, since child rearing is a very personal thing and there are so many parenting styles out there. I think it also helps with the problem of people buying multiples of the same thing. For one, it helps to prevent that, and if you do get multiples, it is much easier to return a registry purchase than a non-registry purchase. When my shower invites went out, several people asked because I hadn't had a chance to fill up my registry yet since we were on vacation.

    I don't always buy off baby registries, sometimes I make gifts or I give something that I think the mother will find useful that she didn't register for. And I know that despite not registering for clothes, people will buy me baby clothes and toys and books and other things I didn't register for. Moms-to-be should obviously be grateful for whatever they get and not expect people to buy off a registry, but it's expected now that people have an idea as to what mom wants, especially since this can include out of town relatives and the such. You can't tell people what to buy you, but some people appreciate a guideline as far as what a mom to be wants and needs (and already has)..
    ChiccoBeanzDrillSergeantCatbheatz22
  • Jonesy288 said:

    @Elsa1984, so I am a dork and have no idea what KWIM means. I liked your stance. It was polite and to the point lol.

    KWIM = Know What I Mean
    Vive Les Frasers
    Related image


    Anniversary
    ChiccoBeanz
  • I appreciate a registry. In my mind it's a buying guide and check list for the parents-to-be. If a baby shower is being thrown I see no problem including registry info with or on the invitation, after all a shower is a gift giving event.

    I plan to make a baby registry when the time comes, for myself... and if a shower is offered to me I will gladly share my registry info to be included with the invitations.

    I had a bridal registry for my bridal shower, NOT my wedding. I have never heard nor seen registery info on or with a wedding invitation, but if I did I would totally side eye that because it's not appropriate.

    Vive Les Frasers
    Related image


    Anniversary
    wassuphoeskmcc14
  • NydaPNydaP member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I look at a registry as a 'things to buy' list, whether for a wedding or baby. It allows me to keep my wish list of items in one place. If someone wants to buy something for me, they can be directed to the registry for ideas. But there us no requirement that they actually purchase something from there.

    It should never be mentioned on anything wedding related, unless someone directly asks where I'm registered. But since it's understood that showers are gift giving events that are not hosted by the bride or mother-to-be, it would be appropriate on a shower invitation.

    I have registered during each of my pregnancies. The first was shared in my shower invitation. The second was strictly for myself and my husband. And my registry this time around will be the same. It's just a checklist of things we still need to get.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    DylansCandyBarSassenach1743fwtx5815bheatz22
  • I don't mind registries at all. They do help let people know what you need and don't need. I personally didn't make a registry for my showers but I probably should of. I got a lot of pacifiers (thankful) but I didn't want my children using them.
  • Hm. Interesting discussion!

    One of the first weddings I ever attended as an independent young adult was that of a college friend whose parents were very well-off and traditional.  Her registry contained stuff like "formal china," "good silver," and "crystal."  Because these items were so expensive, people would be buying a single place setting, so a registry helped keep track of her patterns and pieces.  I think I got her a towel because it was the only thing on her registry I could afford!  She is the ONLY person I know whose registry contained such traditional stuff.  When I got married 6 or 7 years later, I did register for household stuff, but it was different.  I had been on my own for a while and H and I had lived together and already had most of our household items.  A registry was a way to give people suggestions and wind up with matching towels.

    When we registered for baby stuff a few years later, it felt really awkward.  I'm not that into decorating, so having a matchy-matchy nursery was not a priority.  Yes, I had strong feelings about which stroller, carseat, and PNP I wanted.  But other than that, it felt silly to be registering for some of these baby supplies.  And I felt like many of my shower guests knew better than I did what baby supplies were really great and which were useless gimmicks.  Many people got me clothes (even though we didn't know the sex of the baby) and really interesting personal stuff.  Some people used the registry; others didn't.  It was fine.

    When I'm a guest, I appreciate a registry and I'm not offended by it.  If I don't have anything in mind for the person, I use the registry, but I don't feel bound by it.  

    In the list of shower-related etiquette breaches, including registry info in the invite is WAY below some of the other atrocities I've heard suggested on this board!
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
    DylansCandyBarChiccoBeanzfwtx5815
  • taysuntaysun member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Personally, anytime anyone brings up my registry I usually mention that it's a list of things we like, a shopping list for ourselves, and if the person would like to give a gift they can purchase something from the registry but they are more than welcome to choose something themselves or nothing at all.
    But if they don't ask, I don't mention it.
  • NydaP said:
    I look at a registry as a 'things to buy' list, whether for a wedding or baby. It allows me to keep my wish list of items in one place. If someone wants to buy something for me, they can be directed to the registry for ideas. But there us no requirement that they actually purchase something from there. It should never be mentioned on anything wedding related, unless someone directly asks where I'm registered. But since it's understood that showers are gift giving events that are not hosted by the bride or mother-to-be, it would be appropriate on a shower invitation. I have registered during each of my pregnancies. The first was shared in my shower invitation. The second was strictly for myself and my husband. And my registry this time around will be the same. It's just a checklist of things we still need to get.
    This is what I was going to say! They are good for keeping track of what you want/need, and you can share with whomever you want or not share at all! Also, a lot of places offer completion discounts, so its beneficial to add things even if you are planning on buying for yourself. 
    ChiccoBeanz
  • I like the idea of registries, especially when I was invited to co-workers showers and I didn't have children (it was super helpful!)  And now a lot of sites and stores have completion coupons, so the MTB may not expect everyone to buy what's on the registry, but it sure helps on savings once the baby's born.

    Besides, there will always be people who ask for registry information and people who totally ignore it : )
  • Every baby shower or bridal shower I have been to, there is always a registry. I don't know, to me it is the norm. It does not obligate you to buy from the registry but it certainly helps to what the person actually wants. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I read the same thing about bridal registries. But what I also read was that it is acceptable to have a bridal registry but not to put it on invitations. Instead, you just tell your mom, bffs, and anyone who asks you if you have one. Then if people want an idea of what to buy, they can ask you or the people really close to you about the registry. But people who don't want to shop off the registry, don't feel obligated to do so. I wonder if this also applies to baby registries.
  • I don't know why having a registry would be taboo. I understand you don't want to put it on the invite or ask someone to shop only from the registry because you assume they will get you a gift. 

    From those I know registries are helpful so a group could go in on a crib or larger item together and know exactly what the mom wants. Or to know that someone already purchased a baby swing so the mom probably doesn't want 2 or 3 of the same item.

    Even if someone has a registry you can still get them something off the registry like clothes or diapers. 
  • Tharr be zombies in these parts.

    I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.





    DrillSergeantCatmissemmawoodhousenlwz123
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards