visitors during labor

aschoppers

I don't understand why so ppl want to visit during labor and basically wait until delivery. My husband supports my desire to have an hour or two alone with baby right after birth. But, just knowing ppl are gonna be in a waiting room somewhere will create anxiety for me.

They all want to be called as soon as we head to the hospital. I refuse to. Husband will call after we settle in and know it's the real thing. But, I want him to call back after she's born to come visit.

I really don't want people waiting at the hospital. I hope they understand it's about my anxiety and nothing about them.

mirrenrue

Trust me, I hate feeling anxious as it's easy for me. When I started labor and was going thru it, I didn't give a crap who was waiting it literally was last thing on my mind. They just want to be there for their anxiety basically. Don't think about it too much, they're just excited. We had an hour just us three after birth and my husband sent a picture to our parents right when he was born to hold them over. It all worked out fine.

greatgrandbaby7

DH will probably tell his parents when we go to the hospital but they live in a different province! Aside from a dear friend that may walk our dog while we are at the hospital, the rest of our family and friends will receive a text after the baby has arrived and we've had some bonding time. Depending how we feel we'll let them know when they can visit. It's your time and everyone else can wait just a little bit longer if that's what you need :-)

BettyCotton

It's yours and your partners decision who is there.
We decided that we wouldn't even tell family when I go into labour. They will only hear from us when our little girl has entered the world. We have also said the first night at home is our night as a new family so all family can start visiting the day after.
it's completely your decision. No one else can make demands on you.
Hope things work out alright!!

JHaworth84

With my first daughter we had a similar thing and so many people were like 'let me know as soon as and I'll head straight to the hospital' and I was just like 'erm... No thanks...!'. I got induced and it took ages, some 45 hours from the start for her to be born. I got a little sleep that first night but less than 5 hours in total, I was tired and sore and dealing with the fact that all of a sudden I was a mum. The last thing I wanted was people!!! We didn't allow anyone other than our parents to even visit at the hospital, however the next day at home I had something like 30 visitors to our house it was exhausting. Second time round I was even firmer in saying no but thankfully some of the novelty wears off after your first child. It's an emotional rollercoaster- I'm not surprised you feel anxious that people would be waiting outside during actual labour x

aschoppers

Omg, that's a lot of visitors. I don't expect that all thankfully. It's just the parents in law and sister in law. I don't care too much during the labor. For me the anxiety will set in after the birth and I suddenly remember a first time grandma is there waiting to meet her granddaughter. I will rush myself to be ready for visitors.

When I had my daughter my mom was in room with me, no clue if anyone was in waiting room. With my son; my mom and in-laws were in waiting room. They didn't cross my mind until later.

But, I didn't have anxiety issues back then. It helps to talk about it, I'm such a do for others personality and I know they don't want me miserable thinking about them.

megmansell

We are having a midwifery birth and aren't telling anyone until after he arrives. Once he is here, we aren't allowing visitors until I feel ready, which may be a few days.

2babes3angels

I'm doing a homebirth & my MIL (and maybe FIL) will be at the house with our older boy, should I go into labor during the day. I'm planning on taking my sweet time with just me, hubs, and the baby. And then letting in our toddler and taking our sweet time with just them. And THEN when we're good & ready letting the in-laws in to meet the baby. I don't know if they'll have a problem with it, but honestly, if they do, that's not my responsibility. It's your family & you need those first few moments of privacy.

ashleytiff

I got exactly what I wanted by accident.
My mom wanted to be in the room but I didn't call her til after I got the epidural, I was not trying to talk to anyone until then.
active labor was surprisingly quick so she didn't make it til a few minutes after he was born.
She walked into a wonderful sight of me getting stitched up hahah.

JLynnG86

We had about 15 people just show up to sit in the waiting room. I warned them all in advance that I wanted time alone with my SO and the baby and that they may have a long wait. I'm not sure if they just didn't believe me or what, but after she was born, we spent three hours alone and I didn't really care that they were outside. Do what you need to do before allowing anyone in. It's your time!! They will all get over the waiting period after they see the LO anyways.

taruuh

My father in law brought his Crack head looking girlfriend. He didn't even ask. I was beyond mad! Like who in there right mind would bring someone to something so private? 10 hours after giving birth as I was finally getting rest, he once again came flying in my recovery room. Needless to say it caused a huge argument between everyone.
make it known to everyone what you want! It's your day and your special time! Don't hold back in telling people what you want!

aschoppers

I should clarify, I'm not too worried about how they will react to our desire for private time. They seem very understanding. I'm worried about finding a way to minimize the anxiety I'm letting myself create.

Example of who I am: I have panic attacks at the grocery store if people are waiting for me in the least bit at the check out of even selecting things as I shop.

gmk1784

I was induced and my FIL expected to be at the hospital at 8 am (the time my induction started). I didn't give birth until the following day and at one point DH said did my dad really want to be here for all this?

We simply told him no and that we'd keep everyone posted. I didn't need my husband's dad all up in my cervix

aschoppers

Oh god, I haven't even thought about my dad. My mom took care of things regarding him with the first two. She had since passed, I bet my step mom will keep him away.

mamaz3

I am so glad you posted this! I noticed during the hospital tour just how packed the waiting room was. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, their children and so many others just there waiting with balloons and flowers. I would feel so anxious, like I need to hurry up as if that was possible. I think this is a situation where honesty is not required and it is totally acceptable to not call anyone until you feel comfortable. If you don't like conflict there is no reason to be upfront about it. When anyone questions why you didn't call earlier, just say it was an all consuming process and you didn't have time. (Or some other made up excuse, whatever)

aschoppers

I have talked to my husband about it a couple times. Tonight I brought it up again. His solution is we just don't call until after delivery. That seems crazy to me, but I'll consider it. It's his family so him making that decision is cool. His opinion over all is everything is for me to be happy and comfortable.