*Update* DH is upset with baby shower... — The Bump
December 2015 Moms

*Update* DH is upset with baby shower...

slabanczslabancz
250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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edited July 2015 in December 2015 Moms
Well my baby shower was getting to the point of being too big (a little over 100 ppl) it included my side and his side of the family, church members, and very little friends. The church members got added on later because of my MIL after my mom and cousin already started planning, nothing was booked but they knew what they wanted to do. Anyways with the church getting included moved the shower from our nice restaurant plan to the gym of the church and from there so many other miscommunications between all 3 planning. It got to be point where my mom told my MIL that she wanted to give me a more intimate shower so our side is doing our own thing again which means two showers. Anyways DH is all upset and won't even talk to me now because of this, he even ate dinner in the basement he is so upset. Anyways now I feel like I am being selfish since he is making such a big deal about this. All I wanted was to have a nice shower and not a mess which it was turning out to be with the overflow of ppl and miscommunications. Yes I know I could have bigger issues or not even get a shower but I'm just so frustrated.

Re: *Update* DH is upset with baby shower...

  • I think you need to go talk it over with DH, not sure we will be much help but hope you get it figured out.
  • I'm not too sure why exactly your DH is so upset. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing the 2 showers if that's what you want. Maybe get all the planners together for lunch to discuss the details and have a plan that you and DH are comfortable with.
    redfallonChiccoBeanzMizuiro007
  • Wow!!! I canNOT imagine a shower with 100 people. Not at all. Yes, you need to talk to him about it, but he's being a little childish in giving you the silent treatment. I think it's actually pretty normal for both sides to have their own showers. Hopefully you guys can talk it out without you having a huge fight or a monstrous shower.

    Just one question, is it co-Ed? If it's not, then I don't understand why he's upset unless he's picking up on his mom's offense. If it's co-ed, then I can understand why he wants more say.
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  • slabanczslabancz
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    edited July 2015
    Nope it isn't a co-ed shower, just women. If his attitude is anything like our wedding shower some of it was because he didn't want to come and help me open gifts, which I think it's nice for the help and plus he can come and say thank you in person for all the gifts. It just seems like he is making too big of a deal for that to be the issue.

    Also he normally is the type of person that just goes with the flow so this type of thing is so out of the ordinary for him.
  • In my family, the groom/daddy comes to help open gifts and say thank you, BUT I've been to plenty of showers where the man was not present at all. If he truly feels uncomfortable being a part of it, I can understand that. Maybe he can come at the end to say thank you and load up all the gifts to the car? Some people don't like being the center of attention and that's ok.
  • I had 2 showers. 1 for family and 1 for friends and co workers which was more like a picnic and co-ed. In my friend and family circle if the shower is not co-ed then the SO just shows up near the end and brings the mother flowers says thank you and helps clean up and pack up. Maybe he is feeling left out. I know some people that have a man shower during the baby shower which the guys hang out have a cook out and his friends each bring a box of diapers.
  • Does he not want to be involved? Then just don't have him there. It's nice for some men but I know my husband would hate it... As much as I would hate being with a group of all the men in his life.
    Mizuiro007
  • I personally wouldn't want to be a guest a t a shower that size. Can you imagine sitting and watching someone open gifts for that long?! Definitely have a sit down with your MIL, mom, DH, and whoever else is involved and talk things out. Nothing wrong with having more than one shower, by the way, especially if they are hosted by different people for different guests!
    kepoole
  • Sounds more like he's upset because his mom called him and made a big deal out of it. Ultimately it will be easier for her to plan If she's not having to coordinate it is challenging when their are a lot of "Chiefs" and few "Indians".
    Best to try to talk to him, he'll get loud if you have to to start the conversation but it's a silly thing to stay mad over.
    ChiccoBeanz
  • Actually his mom didn't call him. I was the one who told him of the change taking place because I didn't want him hearing it from someone else. Thought it would be the best since he was already annoyed about all the miscommunication.
    ChiccoBeanz
  • That was good of you, but it totally confuses me why he would respond like that. Good luck, maybe he just has something else on his mind.
    slabanczCMDD
  • It sounds like it was his mom who made the shower big enough to warrant needing to separate them. Maybe she's giving him a hard time about it because she felt slighted in some way. I know moms are the best at making stuff about them and getting upset over being left out 8-| but just try talking it out with everyone to come to a compromise that everyone is comfortable. It sounds like you don't even understand exactly what he's so upset about so the silent treatment isn't helpful on his end. Hope everything works out!
    redfallonCCasey2015
  • Why is he upset??
    kristen2b
  • haylierm said:

    It sounds like it was his mom who made the shower big enough to warrant needing to separate them. Maybe she's giving him a hard time about it because she felt slighted in some way. I know moms are the best at making stuff about them and getting upset over being left out 8-| but just try talking it out with everyone to come to a compromise that everyone is comfortable. It sounds like you don't even understand exactly what he's so upset about so the silent treatment isn't helpful on his end. Hope everything works out!

    This is what I was thinking.

    Jamie


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  • Hmmm.... Maybe his mom can make the 2nd shower more about Dad? Like a Diaper Party kind of thing? Then it could be like his and MIL own separate thing and not a second shower. Plus she can tailor it to him and their guests. I just think that if mom wants to invite all those extra people, then maybe she should host it separately to limit any issues. I actually think your Mom and Cousin trying to make that work was really nice of them, but too much is too much. I have a HUGE family (my sweet 16 had like 350 ppl, and only about 40 were friends or parent's coworkers), so I know I will most likely have multiple showers so things don't get ridiculous and obnoxious. 

    I suggest talking to DH when he calls down and finding out what is his attitude about and then going from there. Maybe he is having a sympathy mood swing rather than a sympathy pain? 
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  • taysuntaysun
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    You definitely shouldn't feel selfish. You are not the one planning these events.
  • Your H needs to grow up. Who gets upset over that?
    kristen2b
  • Your H needs to grow up. Who gets upset over that?

    This. If he doesn't want to go or participate he just needs to say that instead of sulking. My husband doesn't know anything about baby showers other than when and where so he'll know where I'll be. I would never even expect him to care.
    DylansCandyBar
  • Boys and their moms can be weird, sometimes I just shake my head at things my DH and MIL end up doing (half the time I am convinced that weirdness comes from one assuming something about the other--that I am sure they didn't actually discuss...there is a language barriers so I can't really be sure). I'm glad he got over it, fights in marriages rarely seem to actually be about what they appear to be--so maybe he just felt safer giving you a hard time than trying to deal with his annoyance with his mom.
  • I would suggest talking to him, getting together with the planners and discussing everything to get everyone on same page. If you don't have one, create a registry or list of stuff you still need. Then possibly suggest doing a potluck since there is going to be soo many people. Take notes of all details then fill him in again.
  • CmagnoCmagno
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    You've gotten great advice and I hope it all works out for you. With DD I had four baby showers. Sounds insane but it allowed different small groups of people to celebrate baby with me (one for friends, one for family/church, one for friends in another city, Seattle and one at work) We spaced them out over time and it was really fun. I felt like I got to spend quality time with everyone. Maybe try breaking it into a few parties like PP's have suggested if you can? DH usually came at the end to load gifts and say hi quickly, then helped with thank you's. He was very content with that arrangement because he's super shy lol.
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