Newbie Intro

2PeiMom

Hello, I'm 36 and TTC for about 18 months. My story is a little different from what I've been reading here so I'll share a bit of background. 

DH and I have been married 13 years and I have been firmly in the "no baby" camp for most of that time. DH got a vasectomy after my failed attempt at sterilization (low pain tolerance) five years ago. Fast forward to Feb 2013 and DH tells me he's still thinking about children and has never stopped. So I spend 8 months in therapy and soul-searching and we decide to move forward. Reversal in Nov 2013, 6 months of natural trying and getting his levels back to normal, then I started Clomid, and just this month added HCG shot. I was feeling good until today and now just "not feeling it." I'm worried that somewhere deep deep in my heart, I don't want this enough and my body is responding to that. I've tried yoga and thinking happy thoughts and I'm hoping having this group to talk to will help. I had not told anyone we are trying except two close friends; recently I've told a couple others and so has DH and maybe that will help too. 

I'm looking forward to hearing your stories and trying to help any way I can! 

emsmama15

Welcome to the board.  I think you're in such a tough situation.  When one part of a couple wants a child (or another child) and the other doesn't, it's just so difficult.  My hubby wasn't ready to try for a second when I was and it caused a lot of stress for me.  I will just say this, because it's not completely clear to me from your post - do you WANT to have a child?  Because if you don't or think you don't, you really need to talk to your husband.  

Good luck in your journey.

2PeiMom

Thank you for the response! I definitely do want to have a child, I can't think of anything now that I want more. I was just so long in the other camp, I blame every cycle on something in my body that is remembering "the old me." You are right, from the post it isn't clear, and I need to work on presenting myself in the YES and in the NOW. Thank you!

Jenniferk08

Welcome to the group. Don't let the guilt do the talking or blame yourself. That would be like telling a woman who had a m/c it was because she didn't want it enough. You wouldn't say that to another woman so don't say that to yourself. It is not your fault.
Good luck on this journey. And if it helps I was once in the never wanting a kid club either. I asked my gyn at 19 if I could be neutered yet, then asked her every year until I was 27 and met my husband. Nothing wrong with changing your mind as long as it was you who changed it

jlo1019

Welcome to the group!

TTC is a tough journey. Don't be hard on yourself. I've found that, unfortunately, getting pregnant is tough and can be a long journey (for some). I don't say that to discourage you but to let you know that a lot of women struggle. It helps to find support here. I'm glad you found the site.

be kind to yourself :-)

emsmama15

@2PeiMom - okay!  Just checking.  I agree with previous posters.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  It's easier said then done.  Every month I don't get pregnant (14 of them now), I've thought about at least one thing I wish I had or hadn't done.  It's ridiculous.  Take it from me - DON'T be like me.    

thistle8677

Welcome to the board, and best of luck to you!

dolphin012

welcome! I agree with everyone above - don't be too hard on yourself! 

AMDR1979

Welcome!

Tomerine

Welcome!  Good luck!

2PeiMom

Thanks everyone! I hate that we are all going through this, so glad to find people who understand.

HisPromisIsTrue

Welcome from another newb

rspalding001

Welcome and good luck with your decision. Its a big one so its good you are really thinking about it. I agree that you really need to be sure its something you really want to do before you do it. That being said if you decide to move forward I hope your stay here is a short one