Losing Confidence

MolassesMomma

My LO is 4 months now and I have my good days, days when I feel like "I got this" and I'm able to keep up with baby and even manage to clean something around the house but then the not-so-good days come and I wonder if I'll ever be able to manage getting through a week without hitting bottom. 

I feel like I won't be able manage this very much longer without some serious consequences but I just can't see how to improve the situation; babies are high maintenance, my husband works, we don't have any friends or family nearby, and I'm not able to take care of myself enough to keep up with it all. 

Does anyone have any success stories? What has worked for you as far as keeping it together and keeping the darkness at bay? Is motherhood supposed to be this hard? I wasn't expecting a pleasure cruise but I certainly wasn't expecting to be this done in and feeling so miserable.

Thanks in advance

britini90

For one I want to let you know your not alone. Many of women go thru this myself included. I wouldnt say I have a success story unless you include everyone still being in one piece aahha. I know its awkward and you feel like you dont want to tell anyone because you feel wrong about feeling this way in general but don't like I said ur not alone. I would talk to your OB about it they can perscribe meds to help. If your not into meds what I do is I make sure they are in a safe place (entertainer ext.) and just walk away and go into my room and close the door even if they (my twin boys) are crying/screaming I just take 5 minutes to myself ether cry or vent about how frustrated I am and that usual works wonders just remove yourself from the situation. Also if you dont clean everyday thats fine too. Having a 4 month old is a lot of work they need lots of hands on. Just do your best. Im in the exact same situation husband works crazy hours and lots of hours and there is no family near by for me ether, so I feel for you but just know it gets easier I found that 4 months seeemed the hardest for us too. Know that they do get a little more self sufficient and when they do it gets a little easier. Plus try to enjoy it..your LO will be learning so much soon rolling over crawling starting solids its going to be fun to watch. To answer your question I think motherhood has its ups and downs and yes it is tough but you get to enjoy so much too. Try to stay positive and when things get to much don't be afaird to walk away. Hope this helps

nursej519

I am here also. I don't have a success story for you but I am here to tell you that you aren't alone.

mollygrims

The fact that you can recognize that you need help dealing with everything is so brave and amazing.

I started going to a PPD group at the local hospital. The first time going I was so nervous, but I could bring the baby and my toddler to the group. Everyone was so welcoming and it was the first time I really felt like I wasn't alone, like someone else could truly understand why I could ever possibly be that frustrated, upset, etc. developing that support system made a huge difference. I still talk to many of the moms on a secret Facebook group. It's worth checking out at your local hospital. The worst case scenario is that you go, hate it, and just don't go back- what else is there to lose? That's at least how I talked myself into going.

Disneygeek77

I don't know if you are religious or not, but what helped me was going to a women's bible study.  The church provided childcare and it was just nice having a reason to get out of the house and put on pants.  I made some friends and found the book we were studying interesting ( and no it wasn't the bible just a religious book about parenthood).  I guess the biggest thing for me was getting a break from the kids for a few hours a week and have adult conversations with other moms.

VToman

I am feeling the same way. I'll have some good days in a row and then I'll have a day - like today - where I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I look at my beautiful daughter and I just think," I don't even know you, and can't understand what you need/want. How am I supposed to take care of you?" I find myself really enjoying when she's asleep, because then I don't have to guess what I should be doing with her or trying to decipher why she's crying. I love her so much, and yet I feel so disconnected.

I have my 6 week PP appointment next week and I am planning on talking to my dr about how I feel. I don't really want medication but I don't want to feel this way anymore.

emsillick

This was me a couple of months ago and I let it get to breaking point. This is not a success story as I am very much in the middle of PND, but if you feel desperate then you need to ask for help before it gets worse.

I was on my own with the baby morning until night while my husband worked split shifts, I don't know anyone else with a baby or small child and everybody who offered their support pre-baby all seemed to be miraculously busy.

I don't mean to scare you because everybody's different, but if I tried to 'keep the darkness at bay' myself for months until I crashed. Caring for a baby is always hard work, but if you have post-natal depression, it's unlikely to just go away with will sheer will and determination. I tried eating right, walking for miles a day, seeing friends and family, spending time alone... Nothing spared me the grip of clinical PND and I only wish I had spoken up sooner, or even that I was well enough to ask for more support now.

Trust me, I thought it was impossible to ask for help- my husband had to work the hours so we could pay our rent, and my family all seem to have crisises of their own to deal with. I didn't want to worry anyone. I have too much pride to reach out and I ended up feeling like I was drowning. It felt like there was no way out, everything was only going to get worse and I couldn't even face the day. But still I kept going and putting on the facade until I stopped sleeping completely, started drinking to numb the pain when my husband had the little one, and ended up not being able to get out of bed. I was aching all over, exhausted to the point of desperation and permanently in tears. I just wanted to be asleep and never have to deal with a single damn thing again.

One day my Mum came round and was so worried that she took me to the doctor. I was prescribed anti-depressants, iron tablets and sleeping pills. My husband decided he had to take two weeks out of work as I couldn't bear to be alone with my baby. Not because I thought I would harm him, but I was petrified at the way I felt when I was in sole charge of him. I was engulfed by anxiety and panic attacks, consumed by a cloud of depression so severe that I was petrified to be alone. Everything stopped when people realised how ill I was and I could get the help that I needed.

I am still battling with this terrible illness but I am no longer struggling to cope. My hubby now has a much less demanding job where he only works in the evening, and my Mum is here every night to help me put my son to bed. It's extreme, but PND is not something to be taken lightly. I spend my days resting, sleeping, doing bits of gardening or meditation and enjoying playing with my son with the support of my loved ones and knowing that things will improve, I'm just so glad I got help when I did.

Good luck to you. xxx