So overly frustrated with everything :(

Carazona5

I'm just going to lay it all out and vent so feel free to skim or ignore this all together. Lol

This was our 3rd month of TTC. I've always been extremely regular with AF before this. Always kept track on a calendar tracking app and for years had a 30 day cycle. Then we start TTC!

Month 1. 10 days late with AF! So of course I thought "well that was easy!" Nope!!!!

Month 2. Husband comes down with a week long flu that landed him in the emergency room twice. Guess which week? Yep!

Month 3. (current month) I got a 40 pack of opks and tested 3 to 4 times a day for weeks. No true positive but lots of lines. But BD was perfect, all the time, lots of times! Very regular and all during the week that was my best guest of ovulation. So I've been walking around all stupidly hopeful and thinking I'm just starting my TWW. Then TEN days early!!! This morning I get spotting. X( So I was upset and frustrated all morning but then there's been nothing all day since then!! Not even a hint of anything! But I'm kind of crampy and feel AFish. I've never in my life spotted tho. It's just there big time or it's not. But I'm never this early going by cycle days. So frustrating. I don't know what is going on with my body but I talked to DH about just going to a specialist even tho we're only 3 months in and he's on board. So I guess that's the next step. I'm just so annoyed. Everyone around me is pregnant "on our first try!"

dolphin012

@Carazona5 -- sounds super frustrating. Vent any time.  Good to be proactive and make a dr's appt early on-- at least that helps me. Forward progress. Slower than we would like, but hang in there. 

carrieandr

Just reading your post title made me feel a little better.  At times like these, I wish I wasn't such an awkward curser.  (When I stub my toe, I often just shout a random word like muffin that is a surprise even to me.)  I feel like I need to rattle off a stream of swear words about this long, frustrating unfair road to motherhood.

Knottie16743552

I'm from Jersey (outside of Philly) so I have no issues with cursing! I'll curse for you guys.

happyktmom

Totally sending you creepy internet hugs and fist bumps.  If I knew how to do cool emoji's and gif's, I'd send them too!
This is my every freaking cycle for over a year now. 
All my Bunco ladies are over 40 and after I finally fessed up why I wasn't drinking because we were TTC, 3 came up PG the next month.  And they all said - it 'just happened'.  Why can't this be easy?!

First off, I have decided to sit back and be so chillax about everything.  Try destressing and getting back to the basics.  It takes normal couples several months of TTC, so why would we have it easy?  I'm not going to be the one that says - relax and it will happen because I will slap the next M-F'er that says that to me.  I am saying there are things we cannot control -  no matter what app we use on our phone or how many cardboard sticks we pee on.  

I'm currently reading 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' and it is oh so helpful.  Give it a try and GOOD LUCK!

Carazona5

Thanks everyone, it just helps to vent and get a little feedback even if it's just "me too!" That's helpful in its own way

I posted that last night and then was up all night with cramps but still not even a hint of a period today! Which never happens, so it's like my body is just being as random and weird as it possibly can just to screw with me since I'm TTC. Lol

bookworm40

Oh i can relate to this post! But I know what they say, "Your regular until your not", yeah that's a frustrating term.  It's just like "oh relax and it will happen".  Relax??? I'm waiting for AF to arrive (which it should have last week) and i've had AF like symptoms every single day for 2 weeks now.. Every morning i wake up and curse like a truck driver because it hasn't arrived!  This is the only time in our lives I'm sure we wait for it to come or not so that we can move on with whats ahead.  Just stay positive.. that's all I can say!  

jilligan14

I don't want to get your hopes up but maybe it's implantation spotting? The first time I got pregnant I had a little bit of spotting and strong AF cramps so put on a pad thinking AF was on her way but nothing happened. It was about a week or so before expected AF time but AF was often irregular so I didn't think anything of it (and I wasn't TTC at the time so definitely didn't consider the fact that I could be pregnant). It could also just be a wacky cycle since that tends to happen more when TTC (maybe the stress of it all?). Either way, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Carazona5

I thought of that and it would be cool if that were it - I had a friend this morning say the same thing happened with her friend. I guess it's possible but it's one of those things where I think I would just be reaching and get my hopes up for nothing. We'll see tho! I've done the same yesterday and today - pad but nothing! So weird. Just want to add for anyone who might be reading this and get annoyed - I am NOT symptom spotting. If anything I'm symptom spotting for AF and just waiting. Lol I know better by now

Tomerine

I had the same thought about implantation spotting.  But maybe that's because I think I might be having that every month and it's just AF creeping her way into town.  I don't seem to learn.  But if that's not typical for you.... maybe!  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.  It's a frustrating road for sure, and the effort and mental space it takes up can be exhausting.  Good luck.

Carazona5

Thanks @Tomerine! I mean I guess it's possible! I'll keep everyone posted lol

jilligan14

How many dpo are you?

thistle8677

I've got my fx for you!
It gets exhausting wishing and hoping with each new month.
My first thought was implantation spotting...

Carazona5

jilligan14 said:

How many dpo are you?

I can't be 100% sure because I wasn't temping. Going by my period app I always use it says 6 DPO but I feel like it was a few days before that. Just because of some mild twinges/cramps I usually get with ovulation and judging by opk's I was using.

lady+bee

Oh, I so understand what you mean! I never expected this to be easy, but I was not prepared for the roller coaster of hopeful/disappointed/stressed/impatient waiting/excited/exhausted/confused/WTF of the whole process. The only good thing is that since it is a roller coaster, you eventually come back around to the good feelings. So far at least...

Hang in there and good luck!

Knottie16743552

lady+bee said:

Oh, I so understand what you mean! I never expected this to be easy, but I was not prepared for the roller coaster of hopeful/disappointed/stressed/impatient waiting/excited/exhausted/confused/WTF of the whole process. The only good thing is that since it is a roller coaster, you eventually come back around to the good feelings. So far at least...

Hang in there and good luck!

Holy crap - you just NAILED it girl. You read my mind.

jilligan14

Hmmm...it definitely sounds like it could fall into implantation spotting based on your DPO and the fact that this has never happened to you before. I know it's hard to get your hopes up (and then have them crushed) so I think it's good that you're playing it safe and not assuming it means something. But I'm going to be super excited for you and hope and pray that it means something big!

Carazona5

Thank you so much for all the comments everyone! @lady+bee that roller coaster comment and how it eventually comes back to good emotions is a great point so thanks! I never thought of it that way but it's true.

And @jilligan14 thanks for your rays of hope! I mean it does seem likely the more I think about it but maybe I'll get more hopeful in another day or two of no period. Because I've never cramped and not gotten it that day or at least the next morning.

Carazona5

Still no AF. I shouldn't have it for a week anyway but I spent the last two days crampy and miserable so no idea what's up now.

emsmama15

Fingers crossed for implantation cramping/spotting.  

jilligan14

@Carazona5 - just wondering how things are going? Has AF showed up? More spotting/cramps or anything else? Have you tried testing yet? Just curious...

Carazona5

Thanks for asking no AF yet! No spotting since that one day but have had dull weird little cramps on and off for days. Sore boobs but to be honest that happened last month too and didn't mean anything. I caved and tested yesterday during the middle of the day and got a BFN. Yesterday would have been 9DPO (I think). I didn't try testing this morning because I discourage easily so now I feel like I'm just not pregnant so I probably won't test again unless AF doesn't show up which should be this Friday.

AMDR1979

I know your feelings!! First off I told DH "if I have to watch one more person around me get pregnant with out even trying I'm gonna lose it"
And secondly, the sitting around waiting to see if AF is gonna show while you have weird symptoms and I wonder sometimes if it's all in my head.

Carazona5

Yeah - I just don't trust any physical feelings anymore. Someone on here once said something like any symptoms that are actually pregnancy symptoms are only known about in hindsight which is so true! So I'll say what I'm feeling since someone asked or because I'm venting but I'm fully prepared for a bfn again in a few days

AMDR1979

Same here. Supposed to start today or tomorrow. So I'm preparing to wake up to AF.

Carazona5

Aww well fingers crossed that you don't!

AMDR1979

I hope good news for you as well!

thistle8677

Fx!!!

Carazona5

I caved and tested again. BFN with an Internet cheapie. AF due in 3 days. I'm probably out

This is what I meant in my original post about being so frustrated with my body tho. Such weird things happening that literally never have before so it's all so confusing and exhausting. I guess I'll just ignore anything I feel from now on.

I do have an appointment to look into fertility stuff but I couldn't get in until the end of August. I'll have had one more chance before it so we'll see what happens.

Thanks for all the support and comments! Talking it out helps

thistle8677

@Carazona5 I'm sorry.
I'm feeling very discouraged myself right now.
Hope there is still hope for you this month.
And that's good to hear about your appt in August. Hopefully you won't even need it.

AMDR1979

No period here and still a BFN. I'm pretty sure Mother Nature is having a good laugh a lot my expense

Carazona5

Thank you @thistle8677 I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged too

@AMDR1979 sorry how late are you?


I'll update if anything worth updating happens!

AMDR1979

@Carazona5 two days now.after being religiously spot on for years. You could set a clock by my cycle

jilligan14

@Carazona5 so sorry about all the BFNs!! Blah. That's good you got an appointment at the end of August. I hope your time comes soon!!

thistle8677

@AMDR1979 I'm sorry you're experiencing late AF and still BFN.

AMDR1979

@thistle8677 thanks. Like I said Mother Nature hates me

thistle8677

@AMDR1979 it sure can feel like that sometimes, that's for sure.
I'm on my 7th day of flashing smileys using clearblue digital opk and my body is like hovering over ovulation. They say after 9 days of smileys you can assume that you won't ovulate. I'm feeling shunned by mother nature myself.
Fx for you.

Carazona5

I've never used the digital ones with smileys. What do the smileys actually mean on those?

AMDR1979

We are waiting for a call back from the fertility clinic to see what DH's sperm and blood tests look like. If it's good we will freeze some and start the IUI process.

Carazona5

Good luck with everything!

Tomerine

@AMDR1979 , I'm sorry about the BFNs... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, and for good news from your clinic. @Carazona5 , the smileys indicate that you're getting close to O. Flashing means "high" fertility, and solid means "peak." Fingers crossed for everyone.