Lost

babelisious

Oct 2013 I went in to be induced with baby number 3 .... my first boy. They put in gels in the afternoon and monitored him for an hour or so.... he was going off like a frog in a sock... after that he went quiet... i assumed he went to sleep in prep for birth... early the next morning they went to check on how i was progressing and how Jett was ... they couldnt find his heartbeat.
Thry took me off for emergency csection but were only abld to put him on life support after trying to get a heartbeat for 18 mins ... but by then he was brain dead.
Im now nearly 20 weeks with baby 4 and im constantly waiting for him to die.... its driving me nuts.
I came to the realisation last night that ive also kind of distanced myself emotionally from my 2 girls.... im totally devastated about all of it.
I dont know how to get through this pregnancy and its really killing me

candycane_10_7

What a devastating thing for you to go through!! I'm sorry for your loss. I lost our first in February and am now 14 weeks with our second. I understand the desire to disconnect and feel unattached. I have to work extra hard to feel connected to this baby, but despite my fear of losing her, I can't help but fall in love. Can you talk to a friend about how you are feeling? Praying for you...

PlainJane8350

Don't beat yourself up, allow yourself to feel however you feel. That was very traumatic and you're bound to have leftover feelings. Praying like crazy for you.

babelisious

Thank you... im trying to feel connected too but its difficult

PlainJane8350

I felt, and still feel, that way sometimes, too and that's O.K. It's O.K. to allow yourself your feelings, feel the way you need to in order to get through it. How else could you cope? My aunt always tells me that we have PTSD and feeling like that is normal. Thinking of you and praying for peace for you. I promise you, your baby is as busy as a bee in there and enjoying his/her home regardless of what you're thinking. Please try not to be hard on yourself, you've been through enough.

whit3183

I'm so sorry for your loss.  What a terrible and heartbreaking thing to go through.  I think it's totally normal to feel disconnected. Just remember that this is a phase in your life and not the way things will be forever.  Hopefully this pregnancy will turn out well, and then you can move forward (though I know you will never truly get over losing your son, but life will hopefully get a bit easier). 

wilkat2009

I am so sorry for what you have had to endure!  That is something no woman should ever have to go through.  I pray that this pregnancy goes smoothly and that you are eventually able to move forward while always remembering your sweet baby boy. 

babelisious

Thanks everyone. .. im seeing dr tomorrow so hopefully i can get referred to soneone to talk to.

PlainJane8350

You're welcome to email me any time. I'm on couch potato rest so I'm always available!

Plainjane19792001@gmail.com