EXTREMELY rough time with annulment with international DH, just need to vent :(((((

andreaAL11

Hi, I'm a FTM and 15 weeks 4 days. I'm new here, and I'm currently going through a really rough time with my DH, well, not so DH. I'm young, I married young, and I don't regret it, just because I have my baby now. But I am going through an extremely hard time right now. My DH is leaving me. We have this baby and 3 pets. And he is leaving me. I don't have a job, I had to quit mine because my OB recommended that it was not the best one for me because I am pregnant and it was not safe for baby. This is not the first time he has threatened to leave, but this time I kind of want it to be over with. Who needs to be walking on eggshells constantly not knowing whether or not this is going to be a good day or a bad day, and it wont work?

He is international, and we are waiting on his green card (and no he did not use me to get a green card, thank you for not judging) and he is now going to withdraw his application for it. He is going to go back to his country, and have nothing to do with the child. And I want him to have nothing to do with it, because of the fact if he does pay child support he will have some custody of the baby, and I'm not comfortable with that because he is going to be halfway around the world. He wants an annulment because he says he made a mistake to marry me in the first place and doesnt want anything to do with me, the baby or our pets.

His family hates me, but my family accepted him with loving arms. He called me a gold digger in nicer terms (saying that he shouldnt have given me all the gifts in the first place and it was his fault I turned out this way), and his father is trying to send him back to his country ASAP because in his own words, I am a b****. His father called me out on not keeping my job and said there were no excuses, baby or not, I should have kept the job. How selfish is that?

 The thing is, I dont have a way to stay where I am at, seeing as I don't have money to pay rent. My parents are great supporters but they live in a totally different city, and I wouldn't be able to bring my pets with me, and they're my first children. I'm trying to apply for EBT assistance or any other government benefits because I don't have a way of living.

I'm stuck and completely alone in this. I have been isolated through this marriage, no friends, literally had to delete my FB to prove to him that I was all in this relationship, I don't get out of the apartment because it makes him uncomfortable.....I don't even get to see my best friend back in my hometown because we are so far away. I just can't bear it anymore, I'm so lost. I've gone to counseling and tried to set up couple's counseling for us but he is not into it. I've been in a relationship like this before but now there is a child involved.

I'm sorry for ranting about random stuff but thank you for taking the time to read. I'm not sure what else I can say or do at this point.....

Bless you all, and have a great day.

tbasinski

Wow that sounds incredibly difficult. Do you have the option of working, just in a different type job? Or are you eligible for medical disability- you could ask your OB?? Is there anyone who could take the fur babies for a little bit until you get back on your feet? I know you said you have been cut off from your friends, but perhaps there a still some friends out there who could help. I'm sure you've thought of all that before, just trying to offer suggestions in case you haven't. Good luck- wishing you the best.

andreaAL11

tbasinski said:

Wow that sounds incredibly difficult. Do you have the option of working, just in a different type job? Or are you eligible for medical disability- you could ask your OB?? Is there anyone who could take the fur babies for a little bit until you get back on your feet? I know you said you have been cut off from your friends, but perhaps there a still some friends out there who could help. I'm sure you've thought of all that before, just trying to offer suggestions in case you haven't. Good luck- wishing you the best.

Thank you, this was actually a little helpful because my mind is so incredibly cluttered. I will check my options, thank you so much

TacoSarah

Firstly I don't think you can get an annulment, especially as the marriage has been consummated. You would need to get a divorce.

Secondly, paying child support doesn't automatically entitlement him to custody, full or part. Especially as he is essentially abandoning you and the child. He may be granted visitation rights, but that doesn't equal custody.

Your city should have a free family law advisory service. My advice is to take legal advice as quickly as possible, as this could take a while to sort out and as your husband and the father of your child, he is responsible for supporting you both financially.

Good luck.

groovylocks

So a few things.

First of all, it's obvious he didn't marry you for the card. Otherwise this wouldn't be happening so nobody will assume that. RIGHT GUYS? Put that worry out of your head. (Plus i am foreign too and married my husband and got a green card etc. And i'd be just as happy, if not happier, home. So lots of people do it for all the right reasons )

Secondly, he sounds like a miserable person to be around and it'll just get worse. He's already suspicious and judgmental of your activities and that would have passed onto your kid. 

As for child support, I'd take that jackass for all he's worth. He can be deemed unfit and still has to pay child support. Don't let him get away with this. 

bmrsnrally

Ugh what a crappy situation! Even though it means your child won't get to know his father, he sounds like a very controlling man, & you & your baby will probably have a better life in the future without that. I'm not sure how long a couple has to be married before one can receive alimony, but since you weren't working & he was supporting he should really be on the hook for that as well as child support. I know you probably don't want his family thinking even more of you as a gold digger, but if he's abandoning you like that then he needs to at least own up to the financial responsibilities he took on by marrying you. Annulment or divorce aside. I agree w the pp who said that you probably still have friends who would love to do what they can to help you, even if you haven't talked to them in a long while. True friends are friends forever & I'm sure someone will at least be a shoulder for you to cry on, if not give you a couch to sleep on, or fur-baby sit, while you get your ducks in a row. Good luck to you. I know you must be hurting in addition to your financial stresses.

brklie84

You should still have him pay child support. It sounds like he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life anyway. At least he can support the baby and that will help you out...