Haven't spoken to my dad for 4 months!

talisha1992

Help. Last time I spoke and saw my dad was the 16th March. We fell out after he said some hurtful things about my baby and pushed me several times in the street. My partner is still livid and I'm still so upset about it. More so as he hasn't even tried to get in touch with me. I hear he asks after me but has told his family I'm the one to blame and that I'm just over reacting (cousins have told me this). He texted my sister and said how a baby should bring this family together. I feel rejected by him as hes always been in and ouf of my life. I thought me being pregnant would bring us closer.However he's made no effort to apologise and he hasn't been there for me during this time I'm a FTM and 22. I'm finding it difficult because he lives 5 min drive from my house and I'd hate to bump into him in the street with my new born son. Should I contact him so if I do see him around it won't be awkward. Due in 4 weeks and that's my major concern is seeing him. I worry most nights.

jessyluscious77

Dad's have a hard time seeing their daughters pregnant. When I was pregnant with my son at 22, my Dad was livid. Told me I ruined my life and he expected more from me. It hurt. He didn't talk to me for months, but, eventually came around. Once my son arrived, he was the proudest grandfather! Fast forward 15 years: My Dad recently passed away the end of January prior to me announcing this pregnancy. I miss him terribly and knowing my newest addition will never know him kills me inside.

My advice for you is to contact your Dad and give him the opportunity to apologize. Some people just don't know how to initiate contact after a fight and long separation. Tell him he hurt you and you need that apology.

ChristyM87

You need to do what is right for you. A similar sort of incident occurred early in my pregnancy between my husband and FIL and, given my FIL's history of lashing out physically, we have decided not to try to reconnect before the baby is born. Ultimately that is not sort of role model we want for our child and if he lashed out physically at my child I could never forgive myself. We are getting a lot of pressure from family to forgive, forget, and move on, but ultimately it is up to us as parents to make the right decision

Only you know if your dad is prone to violence and such behavior. If he is you may want to think about your child

kedbach

No one can give you the right answer, but I can tell you, you're not solving anything by keeping your peace. If you're both unwilling to apologize, it seems like this is going to be the way it is forever. I feel it would be LESS awkward tension between you, your dad, and other family members if you reconcile prior to baby arriving. I don't agree with what your dad did- no one should ever lay a hand on a woman, ESPECIALLY a pregnant one, but if you want to move forward, someone has to step up and be the mature one to fix things. I've found with most people (especially men), sometimes you have to just give in and apologize because they're too stubborn to do so. I would be blunt and tell him that what he did was not acceptable and if he can't keep his cool, he can't see you or baby, and explain that putting his hands on you WILL never happen again. Then ask if he wants to move forward and be part of your life and baby's life. This way, it's more of an agreement, and less of a forced apology.

Ambermom043

My dad was the opposite. The very day I got married, Hubby and I went back to my dad's (and his wife's) to grab our things, and the first thing my dad says says is, "So when can I expect my fresh new grand baby?" And every time I talked to him after that, he'd hint around about a fresh grand baby lol... I was also 22 at the time. But only you know your dad well enough to know what would be best for you and baby. I would say to go ahead and try to contact him.. Maybe once the baby is actually HERE, it'll change his perspective a lot, idk. Maybe you could invite him to come and see the baby at the hospital (in a neutral setting, with other friends and family) once baby is born, to make it less awkward for him and you... Go with your gut!

talisha1992

I think I will give him a ring I won't apologise tho as I didn't do anything wrong it was his comments on my baby that started the argument. I think I'll give him the opportunity to at least come and visit and if he doesn't want to at least I've tried. I know my dad well enough he's stubborn and never sees no fault in himself. But I will at least offer the olive branch

abbybaby19

It sounds to me like youre doing the right thing. And if he doesnt come around then at least you know you did all you can do. Hope everything works out for you.

talisha1992

I called him and he said he has nothing to say and hung up on me. So that's the end of that.

Miz_Liz

talisha1992 said:

I called him and he said he has nothing to say and hung up on me. So that's the end of that.

Well at least now you can say you tried and officially screw him! I am sorry that he is being like that, but it definitely sounds to me like you and your baby are better off without him in your life. Don't let it ruin the excitement of having your new baby.

talisha1992

@Miz_Liz he's now got family members messaging me abuse about how rude I am for not trying with him and how I've done him wrong. I honestly think this man is bipolar he tells me one thing but gives a sob story to others. I've got 3 weeks to go so he can go fuck himself I'm focusing on my new family now x

Miz_Liz

Change your number.

MouseMama817

I'm sorry you have to deal with this during what should be a very happy time. But there is such a thing as a chosen family. There is no time more opportune than now to decide who will be positive influences in your baby's life and who will only be poison.
I'm dealing with a similar situation myself and I've decided that this person will not be in my daughter's life. His intentions are always selfish and impure. I've watched him manipulate and take advantage of every individual in my family and I cannot allow my daughter to fall prey to that.

I agree w/ @Miz_Liz. If you're now being harassed, change your phone number, block them from FB, etc. Do whatever you need to do to move on and be happy with your new addition!

MamaMandy2015

I am so sorry you are going through this love, I don't know the details and only you know your father, but you did try. If the family wants to accuse you of certain things, the best thing to do is to just turn the other cheek and live your life the way you chose. Eventually the family will see the err of their ways and the truth will come out, one way or another. Like Miz_Liz said, if they start harassment, then take the steps to block them. Sometimes the only thing you can do is nothing, because no amount of talking or arguing will change things and quite honestly you don't need that type of stress. Take care sweetie and I'll send up some prayers for you and the baby and for your family and father.

talisha1992

Thank you everyone for your support. He called me today to express why he doesn't want to talk to me. I told him that was fine and he needs to understand I'm a grown woman with a baby on the way and I do not need any extra stress and to end it there and finish it all. If I see him in the street we can be civil but that is all. It's unfortunate that he doesn't want to be a part of my life but I've got a loving family and a fantastic guy. I realise now if a parent can disown a child they are not worth It. I hope I never give up on my baby x