Annoyed by the daddy — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Annoyed by the daddy

mummybear1478mummybear1478 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic
edited June 2015 in February 2016 Moms
is it just me or do all soon to be fathers just not get what we are going through, my husband just seems to have no interest, I know he is a good man and loves me dearly and will love his child dearly but he dosnt yet and it's bugging me I already love my baby more than anything, I just want him to feel the same :(

Re: Annoyed by the daddy

  • ^what she said.
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    ACleanLife24mrs3615
  • ohbaby714 said:

    ^what she said.

    Yep, not the same for them.
    When dh was home when I was barfing it changed his outlook for a day or two then he would forget.

    Then when he felt her kick and saw her kick it would change his excitement and be helpful for an hour lol, then back to normal.

    Then once lo is born he will be incredibly helpful for 2-3 weeks then back to normal...
    MrsStacey15ACleanLife24
  • Agreed with PP, it's not the same for them and it never will be. We get attached from the second that line turns pink, they get attached when they can hold the baby. I know my hubby will love the baby but right now he just isn't that excited (that's also his personality). They don't have to deal with the 24/7ness of it like we do. Give your hubby a break and try to include him when you can without being overbearing about it.
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  • wagvanwagvan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    My hubby is all in from the get go.  I thought this might be different because this one wasn't planned and we were done, so I thought he might take a bit to warm up.  But nope, he's treating me like a queen. rubbing lotion on my belly.  Telling me how awesome I am and how he wishes he could make it better or go through it instead of me.  (I'm in withdrawal from my opiate pain meds, so the last couple of weeks have been especially brutal...) When I had hyperemesis with my first, he help my hair and wiped my face with a cool washcloth when I was puking.  He talks to the baby and gets far more excited than I do.  He is a super breastfeeding supporter/ally too.  Once I am pregnant he waits on me hand and foot.
    Katie ~wife to my beloved, Scott for 25 years
    mama to SEVEN +1 wonderful Waggoners
    K~ 22yo, C~ 20yo, J~ 18yo, N~ 13yo, G~ 11yo, M~ 7, A~5 and baby due 2/12/2016

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  • newjnewj member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    As most of the PPs have said, it takes time for men to feel the excitement. I have a super supportive and very involved husband but we are in completely different boats when it comes to baby excitement (I actually have told him I feel like I'm on a cruise while he is in a life boat LOL). The experiencr of being pregnant with your child brings you a lot closer to your baby than your husband possibly could. Give it time! Be patient with him and try to be understanding, as difficult as it may be.
    BabySeaTurtles
  • wagvanwagvan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    My hubby is all in from the get go.  I thought this might be different because this one wasn't planned and we were done, so I thought he might take a bit to warm up.  But nope, he's treating me like a queen. rubbing lotion on my belly.  Telling me how awesome I am and how he wishes he could make it better or go through it instead of me.  (I'm in withdrawal from my opiate pain meds, so the last couple of weeks have been especially brutal...) When I had hyperemesis with my first, he help my hair and wiped my face with a cool washcloth when I was puking.  He talks to the baby and gets far more excited than I do.  He is a super breastfeeding supporter/ally too.  Once I am pregnant he waits on me hand and foot.
    I think I just barfed. Or at least I would if my H tried touching me so much. Anyway OP, men react to pregnancy differently. He may still being adjusting to the idea of how his life will change. Even if the pregnancy was planned, it's a whole new ballpark when you're ACTUALLY pregnant. My H has been a lot less hands on with this pregnancy because he thinks that since I had twins last time that this one will just be cake.
    I just LOLed.  He wishes he could touch me more.  Especially my boobs.  The sore breasts is killing him.  You know I wonder if the fact that this is baby #8 and we have been married 25 years has anything to do with it. This aint our first rodeo, we know how we work together in pregnancy labor, birth and parenting.  We are very symbiotic and empathetic with each other when one is hurting the other can often sense it even if we not in the same place.  If this is your first baby or you have only been together a couple of years, you may still be figuring each other and pregnancy together out.  I don't know that, its just a theory.  I just wanted to point out that not all guys are aloof about pregnancy.
    Katie ~wife to my beloved, Scott for 25 years
    mama to SEVEN +1 wonderful Waggoners
    K~ 22yo, C~ 20yo, J~ 18yo, N~ 13yo, G~ 11yo, M~ 7, A~5 and baby due 2/12/2016

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    Quazel
  • notasycophantnotasycophant member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2015
    @wagvan , okay we get it. Your hubby is a super amazing boob lover and you're super INSENSITIVE .
    roadspeckle
  • 4N6s4N6s member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    It's not real to him yet! He will get there.
  • Like most everyone has said, it's a different experience for men.
    If it makes you feel any better my husband always joked when I was pregnant with our first "I'll see if I like him when he gets here." It drove me crazy. But once our son was born they were instantly two peas in a pod.
    Just last night we were talking about the baby #2 and he joked that the baby was going to be a less cool version of our son...my husband clearly has a bad sense of humor. I gave him an ear full but I'm not worried this time around. He is a great dad and loves his kid(s).
    Try not to worry. If you think it would help maybe talk to him about your concerns.
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  • My DH is a great guy and a wonderful husband. But for him right now? All the baby is is me being sick and him probably getting a second job and us not going on vacations anymore so we can afford child care. So he's not particularly excited. I'm confident that once baby's here he'll be fine. 


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  • My husband said it wasn't "real" for him until the baby came out at the hospital. In his words.."wow, she really was pregnant!" Lol a bit extreme, but maybe it in an indication as most others have said that it isn't real for your husband yet. It doesn't mean he won't be a great father. :)

    Mom to Benjamin 6/2011 and Lena 5/2013; baby 3 on the way

    lauren0571Quazel
  • Men are an odd breed. My DH doesn't mention a thing and is a little annoyed (albeit understanding) that my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has altered some plans. But when he sees a cute family out at a store or playing outside he gets super excited...it'll click when the baby is born and then we can take lots of those "dad/deer in headlights" pics of them holding the new little one :)
  • DH was the same way with my first pregnancy. This time he seems a little bit more excited and connected. Though he still gets annoyed when I ask to go lay down after dinner because I don't feel great---tells me I am milking the pregnancy card. Irritates me. Wish I could make him feel nauseated and exhausted for a night to see how it feels. 

    When he could feel him kick and then when he held DS for the first time was when it became more of a game changer. 
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  • OP - I can kind of understand where he's coming from. TBH, being pregnant didn't really sink in for me until after that first appointment and at that point it still kind of seemed surreal. 

  • KiekKiek member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments 5 Answers
    It is impossible for them to know what we're going through because they can't have babies lol. I got so offended by my husband my first pregnancy because I just felt like my husband was being so insensitive. But in all honesty, he doesn't feel the baby moving around, he doesn't get sick all hours of the day, he's not going to get fat, I've learned this time around to cut him some slack. Because when it comes down to it, I know he's an amazing loving dad to our daughter and when he meets this little one, he'll be head over heels. Don't get all mad at our poor guys. They come around when the baby gets here lol.
  • Thanks for all of the replies guys it's really helped, we have spoke about it and he is making more effort now :)
  • I've noticed hubs is totally different with each pregnancy, like he is more invested earlier on. This time he touch my belly and talks about the baby in there and is way more sympathetic etc. He's also way more game for going over cribs/names/gear/diapers etc. He wasn't anything like this with #1, and a bit better with #2 but totally different with #3.
    image
    Avid babywearing, breastfeeding, vaccinating, SAHM of M ~ 12/11 and S ~6/13.
    Married New Year's Day 2013
    Previously Clizh, bumping since 2009 and still mourning my platinum medal. ;)


    AmadorRose
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