Announcement Etiquette Question

vvitchhazel

I hope I didn't miss a similar post--I tried searching, but the search function isn't working properly on my app...

Anywho! We are 12w5d and we were planning to do our official public announcement mid-July. However, my partner brought something up that I hadn't thought about yet... His cousin is getting married at the end of July and we don't want to appear as though we're trying to overshadow her big day. Should we wait to announce until after the wedding? Or should we stick to our original timeline?

Love4littlethings24

I would think as long as it's not that day or maybe a few days within I would think it would be ok, I don't see anything wrong in etiquette there.

LauraFi

I think that sticking to your original timeline is fine, that way family members may congratulate you in person at his cousins wedding if that's the first time they will have seen you since the announcement but it won't be taking away from their wedding day at all. And that way you don't need to make excuses for not drinking at the wedding. An etiquette issue would be if you were to announce at their wedding or at their rehearsal dinner. I think you are good to go ahead with your original plan.

KaraEpp16

Hey lady! I think it depends on how close he is with the cousin....are you attending the wedding? If so, I would wait. It's just a little longer for you to hold onto those beans before spilling them everywhere. I don't think that it would necessarily overshadow her wedding BUT it's just a nice courtesy. Some women are MENTAL about their weddings not being overshadowed. My friend's sister told everyone that no one was allowed to get pregnant or engaged before she got married. Crazy, I know. Personally, I wouldn't let my sister dictate anything that I did but I would probably be nice and announce it after the big day. Also, I think it speaks awesome volumes about your SO that he considered her feelings

JandJ62914

My husband's cousin and his wife announced that they were expecting three days before my wedding last June. To be honest, I was kind of annoyed at the moment because it was SO close to our wedding. (And I was the furthest thing from a "Bride-Zilla" that you can imagine! Even the women at the bridal salon when I did my dress shopping and later the bridesmaid dress shopping commented on how easy going and considerate I was of all my friend's feelings about their bridesmaid dresses!  So I was not one of those crazy brides lol.)  

His brother was one of our groomsmen so they were at our rehearsal dinner and the first twenty minutes we were all together was all about the pregnancy.  However, the rest of the the weekend was perfect and our wedding was still everything we hoped it would be and more.  In the end it was fine and I didn't feel overshadowed at all.  

I think it is okay to still announce mid-July, especially because it sounds like it'll be at least two weeks between your announcement and her wedding day.

arose3eb

I think a couple of weeks is plenty of space before the wedding, personally. If you're really concerned though, I would maybe reach out to the cousin and tell them the day before you were planning on announcing and see how they feel about it.

Monilee1017

I think the timeline is fine. I love my in FIL but this weekend we were at a wedding, and he tells his family during the wedding. I gave him the "green light" to tell people a few weeks ago but I wasn't expecting him to do it at someone's wedding. Now it was just a reception because they were married somewhere else 6 months ago but I still thought is was a jerk move for him to do that. Plus I feel like it kind of make me look bad.

PreggoInTheCity

I agree that about two weeks (which it sounds like that's the approx space) is fine to announce without overshadowing. Plus, it's two completely different life events. An engagement I could see someone going bridezilla, but a baby is in a different category, in my book. I think the idea a PP mentioned was good, that if you're still concerned you could reach out to the bride and check. Maybe do it a few days before you were thinking of posting, and if she has a problem you can wait and if not then you won't feel bad.

DaphneMoon1

A few weeks before the wedding is totally acceptable!

Blueyedsky

My brother in laws wedding is the first weekend in August, and we were planning to tell around July 15th. His fiance totally figured out we were pregnant and so I just asked him if he would feel like we were trying to steal the show. He was adamant that they hadn't even thought of it and that it would totally fine to announce whenever. He even mentioned that it would be so cool if we announced at their reception, but then his fiancé kind of gave him a look lol. We'd never do that even if they had said it was ok though. I think within a couple of weeks is ok, but if you 1) are concerned about their feelings and 2) are actually willing to wait if she doesn't like it, then maybe just ask? You definitely wouldn't be comitting a huge etiquette faux pax though.

SummerOH

I've never understood the drama about announcing around a wedding. A recent post asked if telling family at the wedding would be wrong. I don't think so at all. The bride doesn't own the day, and you're simply updating your family on big milestones in your life. Heck, if I were waiting to not offend someone, I'd never announce! (Tons of weddings and babies in our circle this summer.)

Anyway, baby announcements don't trump weddings. You announce, people smile and congratulate you, and that's the end of it. A wedding is a big event. Any bride who gets mad is nuts, as long as you aren't grabbing the mic and toasting yourself of course lol. 2 weeks is more than enough time!

littleloves3

I have the exact same issue! My good friend is getting married 2 days after my 30th birthday (the day I wanted to announce- also the 13 week mark).  I am going to see all of my friends at this wedding and really want the cat out of the bag before then.  My solution I think is to announce a week before and hope that provides enough of a buffer.

I remembered recently that my other close friend told me she was pregnant at my wedding and the thought did not even cross my mind that it was rude/overshadowing. To me, they are such separate events/have no real effect on the other.  

Brides don't own an entire month. Do you.  ;-) 

mcrane8

I think that's totally fine!  We plan on telling family, not announcing on facebook, around the 4th, and I'm going to a family wedding on the 11th.  I'll be 13 weeks at that point and I think it would be more difficult to keep it a secret from family members than it would be to tell them.  I honestly never thought about it since i'm just having my MIL tell whomever once I give her the go-ahead on the 4th, and not making an announcement myself.  i think of it more as an FYI than a WOOOO LOOK AT ME!  I also see it as, if I'm sitting at the table not drinking (if I'm not drinking at a wedding i'm either announcing my bid for presidency in the morning, or I'm pregnant), and one person calls me out, the rumor might be going around the whole wedding night and taking away from it anyways.  If they already know they'll be like YAY ok back to dancing.  

The only thing I can think of...is if you're in the bridal party.  I might wait if that were the case.  If all morning people are goign to be touching you and asking you how you're feeling instead of paying attention to the bride...ok I would feel terrible about that.  But if you're sitting at table 15 and grandma comes up to see how much of your steak you finished and make sure you don't have wine in front of you....I mean, no one is even going to notice.  

LuluJo

Got a similar situation here. I will be 12 weeks a few days before my friends wedding - at which I will be bridesmaid. Only our parents and my close friend (the other bridesmaid) know at present. We are just going to keep it secret until after her big day. It was my wedding last year and I think I would have been a bit miffed if someone close had announced just days before it. It's hard to keep secret but I've done it so far....a few more days should be fine!

ChelseyBels

I wouldn't have cared if someone announced anywhere near my wedding, but maybe I'm too laid back? Don't know. I think 2 weeks is a great buffer. Life happens and I hope the cousin will be excited for your news, even if it's before her big day.

mollyj931

SummerOH said:

I've never understood the drama about announcing around a wedding. A recent post asked if telling family at the wedding would be wrong. I don't think so at all. The bride doesn't own the day, and you're simply updating your family on big milestones in your life. Heck, if I were waiting to not offend someone, I'd never announce! (Tons of weddings and babies in our circle this summer.)

Anyway, baby announcements don't trump weddings. You announce, people smile and congratulate you, and that's the end of it. A wedding is a big event. Any bride who gets mad is nuts, as long as you aren't grabbing the mic and toasting yourself of course lol. 2 weeks is more than enough time!

I agree with this. Maybe this is UO but I feel like pregnancy announcements are really only that super exciting for the parents and grandparents. I mean my friends and other family is excited but until the baby comes my pregnancy isn't overshadowing anything.

I also was pretty laid back about my own wedding so maybe that's it?!?

l4rk

Ahahah, yeah. Babies don't trump weddings. I would say any day except the wedding day is acceptable to announce. The only exception would be if it were a sibling's wedding, because then you really could be stealing away all her attention (though still unlikely). But friends? They won't be nearly as excited as family members. I think half my friends will wonder what the heck I was even thinking getting myself knocked up.

Sovvy

They aren't even in the same universe. Announce mid-July! It'll be nice to tell any family members who missed it when you're all together anyways.

JNGettinMarried

I had a similar dilemma with my first. We bought Christmas cards from etsy to use as an announcement for our baby due in June, planned to send out after Thanksgiving. But tragically one of my uncles passed away suddenly on Black Friday. I spent a lot of time going back and forth with my mom... I didn't want to take attention away from his grieving family and make the time about me at all. But she told me it wouldn't come across like that at all, and that it just might be a little pick me up during a dark time for some of my family. She also noted that people would probably ask me about it (as I was sorta showing then) at the funeral, so if I waited I probably wouldn't get the surprise from my announcement I was hoping for. Ultimately we sent them and it worked out completely fine. No one was offended in the least, they were all able to be happy for me. So I'm sure since everyone is already in the mood to celebrate something exciting like a wedding, they will all be happy for you as well! Plus, you may end up letting the cat out of the bag without your announcement at the wedding if you wait, particularly if you're showing or if it would be unusual for you not to be drinking.