Baptism debate...Anyone out there struggling with having their child baptized or not?

KittenMittens8

So I'm having a huge internal struggle with having my child baptized in the catholic church.  I was raised catholic and have gone through all the sacraments. Although I believe in God and still consider myself catholic, I have not attended church in years. My husband was baptized catholic but never practiced.

It is really important for me to raise my child to believe in God, however as I grow older I realize that I do not agree with a lot of the church's teachings. I think the current Pope is amazing and I really do admire him, but I just don't agree with the churches teaching on gay marriage, birth control, divorce, and women's role in the church.

I want to baptize my child because being raised catholic, it is seen as an important event to bring your child close to God...which is what I want. Its also extremely important for my family that my child is baptized catholic. However, as I'm getting closer to my due date I'm really struggling with exposing my child to some of the catholic teachings that I personally do not agree with.

Has any struggled with choosing whether or not to baptize child? Anyone switched religions before baptism? 

VioletandRose

I feel pretty much the exact same way you do about the Catholic church. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for all 12 years. However, I had very open-minded parents who didn't necessarily believe in all of the church's teachings word for word. And I definitely don't, for all of the same reasons you do. I do, however, want my child to be baptized for tradition's sake, and because I want him or her to have some sort of relationship or bond with God from birth. If they decide to change their beliefs along the way, so be it. Maybe it is hypocritical of me, but I don't think that in order to be part of a religion, you have to agree with their teachings 100 percent. That is very unrealistic. Similar to political parties....you can be a democrat or a republican, yet vary in your convictions. Even the new Pope himself doesn't agree with a lot of the teachings and is slowly working on changing them or the church's interpretations of them.

This is just my opinion...whatever you feel most comfortable with is what you should do, and stand by your decision

carlymarie021

I, like you have reservations on the Catholic Church. Due to views on homosexuality and what's considered a sin etc. A lot of RC churches however have gotten better and are more lenient on "rules" depends on the church. I was also raised RC. And made my first communion not confirmation. Some churches won't let me get married or baptize my child because of not making my confirmation and I found one that will in my area. I am baptizing my child due to my Italian background and mainly because my grandmother is just so excited to see my son baptized I'm doing it for traditional purposes. I believe that God sees all children as pure and we don't have to recreate the John the Baptist story to prove that. also il add that in order to prove yourself to god it does not have to be in a church. Prove you are a good person. And keep holy the sabbath day. Doesn't mean race around and worry your going to sin because you don't belong to this church and you don't live up to this rule. God knows your good by the good deeds you do and how you appreciate his love. Also! I found out that you do not have to be a priest to baptize. You can take holy water and have a ceremony at home if u wish !! That is according to my grandmother I haven't done research on it. Good luck !!

heytallmama

My husband and I were both raised and baptized Lutheran. That said, he is not particularly religious, and while I certainly believe in God and pray and am generally more religious than he is, neither of us go to church. We've been part of the Christmas only crowd when we spend the holidays in our hometowns, but haven't felt the desire to find a church near us.

For this reason, we are opting out of baptizing our baby. We don't want to go through the motions because we "should", or pick a church just for the baptism. It feels disingenuous to us. Also, I am fascinated by other religions (Judisim, Hinduism, etc.) and love learning about them. We decided that once she's old enough, Sunday mornings will be spent at home, learning about different religions with the help of lots of books. We like the idea of exposing her to lots of different religions, discussing faiths openly, and learning with her. When she gets old enough to decide if she wants to go to church with a friend, or even get baptized (I think I was 13/14 when I was confirmed?), we'll support that choice.

It'll definitely be a learning curve for all of us, but feels better to us than just doing Lutheran baptism and church-going because that's what we did when we were babies.

It's such a personal choice for you and your husband-- good luck!

dchiapella

I am very non denominational despite being baptized Catholic (I too disagree with many of the church teachings...) and am planning to do a "dedication" more than an official baptized. Basically the same thing, just a different name, not through a Catholic church. When he's older he can chose to reaffirm his faith in which ever way he chooses, if he chooses. @lnord7 I agree with much of what you say and it's great hearing that perspective. I love learning about different religions as well. I'm especially captivated by Buddhism even though it was never meant to be a "religion." 

devonsd315

I was raised Catholic, did all the sacraments, and ended up leaving the church partway through college. I just couldn't take some of the teachings, especially regarding birth control.

DH was raised what I like to call "not Catholic"... his family attended a smattering of different Protestant churches depending of where they lived. Presbyterian, Methodist, and now his parents attend a Congregational church which is where my husband was confirmed. 

After we got married, we searched for a long time for a church that would work for us, and ended up at an Episcopalian church. I have to say, I absolutely love it. It has the reputation for being pretty liberal, and frankly it is, and that is part of it's appeal to me. I love that I don't have to check my brain at the door, while still having a relationship with God. I also love that it feels a lot like going to Mass.

Anyways, we will be baptizing our baby Episcopalian, but really my point would be to recommend checking out an Episcopalian church if you have a hard time with the Catholic church's teachings. There are a lot of former Catholics in my church, probably a third of the members. What you are feeling is not an uncommon dilemma.

Carmofrap

I'm not catholic, I was raised non denominational christian which I prefer because it is a congregation of many people who all have unique views on the bible, pulling together to worship the same God. My husband was raised strict catholic, did all the things they do. He however became a non denominational christian long before I ever met him because he had problems with the church teachings and what is actually represented in the bible.

 We don't baptize our babies because they are completely innocent human beings with no need for the act of washing away sins. When they are old enough to understand God and understand the symbolism behind the act of baptism then at that time it will become their choice to perform that public ceremony of expressing their faith, But I would never force my child to be baptized. I feel it's something they should want to do for themselves.

His grandmother really freaked out on me saying if I didn't baptize my infant son and he died, he wouldn't go to heaven. I was very offended and simply said that that thinking isn't represented in scripture anywhere, baptism is an act, not a requirement for salvation. She has hedged around it a few times since but now knows better than to bring it up with me.

morganabyrd

Woah! What happened to all the conversation on this thread from yesterday?

carlymarie021

@morganabyrd a lot of discussions were half gone or gone altogether. There was an update at midnight this morning.

tate62610

You could always have a baby dedication As a Baptist (more non-denominational) that's what we do! Once our children understand and ask Jesus into their hearts, they can be baptized at that time. It's been a fight with my MIL for her to accept that and it's been even more frustrating because I think she went to church for like 2 weeks and started trying to push catholic teachings on us.

carlymarie021

@BrooklynBroussard yes I really want my baptism post back ... (

carlymarie021

@BrooklynBroussard i posted a rant about my shitty boyfriend and it's gone. I need my coffee

casserole27

Fortunately for me I don't have to make the decision.  In our religion we believe children are born innocent, once they are old enough to know right from wrong we let them make the decision on if they want to be baptized or not. We do sometimes have what we call a  "Baby Blessing" (Some people call it a "Dedication" or a "Devotion" kind of depends on where you live and what you practice.) Its just a little prayer to bless the baby throughout its life, you can do it at church or just as a family if you want. Then you still get that special spiritual moment for the baby but without having the infant baptism.

I don't believe anyone or any one religion has a monopoly on spiritual enlightenment, baptized or not.  I am sure that no matter what you decide, God loves His children and will bless them regardless.   If it were me, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay active in the church I was in or not I don't think I would have my baby baptized in it. You want to do it for the right reasons, not just because it is what is expected. Then again a lot of people that aren't practicing Catholics get their babies baptized Catholic.  So either way, I think you will be alright.  It's a big decision so it's good that you are thinking a lot about it. 

mag9812

I could've written this post myself, as this was the exact struggle my DH and I were going through. We were born raised Catholic and received all our sacraments but have not practiced or stepped foot in a church in years. Both sets of our parents are still very religious so we have not brought up this topic with them yet but we came to the conclusion that we would not baptize our baby because we felt we would be doing it just to please others and was not something we wished to continue. When she is older and if she makes the decision to be involved in a religion, we will support her choice.

On a side note, I did call our local Catholic church to see what it would take to get her baptized, if we chose to, because we aren't currently members. They said they would only consider baptizing our baby if we got "remarried" in the church because our marriage isn't recognized (we didn't have a church ceremony). I'm sure this is not the case for everywhere and every Catholic church but you may want to check into this.

Good luck!

intheversa

was raised Catholic but do not support all of the beliefs so I haven't regularly practiced for years. My DH was raised Methodist but doesn't practice. To appease our parents we got married in the Catholic church. We considered going back after that but still disagree on some of it's teachings so we are leaning towards non-denominational.

Both of our parents are freaking out about the baby not being baptized so I think this is the best compromise as both of them. My DH really doesn't want to go back to church but I think it's important to find some type of religious community to belong to. I just wish my MIL would stop suggesting that I'm the reason we don't go to church but that's a whole other issue.

I think it's important that our children know some kind of religion even if it's not the one that we were raised with.

meghan82

i am glad someone posted about this. i wrestled with these thoughts before even finding out i was pregnant. my story has a lot in common with @devonsd315. 

i was raised catholic and went to catholic school from kindergarten through college. i regularly attended church in college even if i had many doubts about my faith. my husband was raised in a different religion, one which he no longer follows. when we got married in the catholic church it was more due to me wanting to get married in a place that was important to me (my college). we did not have a full communion mass but we had a catholic ceremony (catholics have closed communion as most on this thread probably know). we never settled the question of where to baptize our children. my husband has never been interested in becoming catholic and at the same time i became less enthralled with the church. we started occasionally attending episcopalian services around the time of our wedding (and yeah, even mentioned this to the priests and nuns where we got married!! they were super cool) and husband and i both enjoyed it...it felt inclusive and welcoming and didn't have the baggage of some catholic church dogma we disagree with (basically all the things you named, @kittenmittens8!). then we moved 3 times and didn't really find a church or attend one regularly. 

fast forward some years and my nephew was baptized in the catholic church just a few days before i found out i was pregnant. i was the godmother. as i started thinking about raising my own child i was having sort of a mini-crisis and feeling like a hypocrite for standing up as my son's godmother when i have moved away from the church, but also realizing that i personally find denominational differences to be not as important as the values i believe my faith has taught me. i would personally rather share a church with my husband and one we are both welcome to fully participate in. so we found an episcopalian church in our neighborhood which is amazing. i haven't felt this connected to a church since college and feel like my faith has been renewed. we are actively looking into having our son baptized there. to me, i believe with all my heart that my relationship with god does not depend on which denomination i belong to. but i am absolutely dreading having this convo with my parents. i know they will be horribly upset and blame my husband. i have been hemming and hawing over when to tell them because i'd rather tell them in person but don't get to see them too often. it will be a hard conversation to have but i guess one they will have to come to terms with eventually.

ameares721

I joined the Catholic Church last year and have loved every minute of it!!! I have been fortunate to have a wonderful, accepting Parrish! My catechist was a 70 year old divorced woman with 2 gay sons whom she adored! The priest I did my sacraments with had a grandson from an annulled marriage. Our current priest is very accepting of the gay community and asks us to reflect on any biases we may have. When I did my first confession I mentioned my struggle with the church's views on birth control and my priest told me ninety-something percent of the Parrish was using birth control because it was what was best for the marriage. When my husband and I talked about the Catholic Church (I had previously had similar views to some of you) he told me, "I would rather be apart of a church that holds me to the highest standard, but forgives me when I fall short". Such a powerful statement!!! The birth control argument is to say yeah, you should wait until marriage to have sex but if you ask for forgiveness, you will get it". It's ideal, but not always realistic. I will be baptizing my child in our Catholic Church. I think I have had a much better experience than many because I was not raised Catholic and I made the decision as an adult (and didn't go to Catholic school, though my Catholic father threatened it a few times, haha). If you have been away from the church for a while, I encourage you to look back into it and maybe check out a couple masses. I was raised in the Episcopal church so it wasn't a huge leap, but I am so happy with where the Church is now!

elmann1

Yes! I totally have this problem! I'm Catholic but not practicing, never have. Made my communion & confirmation when I was 19 by choice. My family is Catholic but never go to church. DH isn't anything, but he believes there's a higher being(s). I love the concept of being baptized. I was and so were my two brothers (and parents). It's a nice tradition, but since DH and I aren't both Catholic, no church will take us in. Also- the godparents of my daughter would be my best friend/cousin and his boyfriend/fiance; obviously that will not be accepted in a Catholic Church... we're going to keep searching for options, but I may just do an unofficial celebration and name God parents as we please. I dont like all of the restriction of the churches. No fun. 

cdepperschmidt

My husband and I are Catholics. We have choosen to continue to practice as adults, although we don't see eye to eye with the conservatives on many issues. My honest opinion, don't baptize your child in a religion you don't believe in. We will be baptizing our child because we believe in the churches teaching about infant baptism. If you don't believe in it don't do it to appease someone.

TheSouffleGirl

I agree with PP (@cdepperschmidt). The church teaches that baptism removes original sin and makes communion with God possible, for the rest of a person's life. If you believe that and want it for your child, you should give it to them. However, the ceremony does contain promises that the child will be raised in accordance with the heritage into which they are being baptized. It sounds like your integrity is important to you, and that you might have trouble making those promises in good conscience. You might want to find out what they involve, how they are are worded, etc. FWIW, if I were you, I might call the parish and talk to a priest honestly about the situation. Any good priest should be just as invested in keeping your conscience clear before God as he is in helping to clear your baby's.