i think my baby is manipulating me ?????

PerrisWheel

My baby is 4 months and 2 weeks. He's always been a calm 'go with the flow' kind of baby. Recently though he's become increasingly difficult and fussy .

We are co sleepers . And I admit I probably cuddle him more than he cuddles with me. I also breast feed on demand . I will feed him whenever he cries and a lot of times it's just comfort nursing . When we are in the house I run to soothe him whenever I hear him cry and I struggle to finish housework because I must hold him.

Now he is ok if he's laying down for a minute but if you pick him up at all give him what he wants and try to put him back down he goes crazy . Or if you don't hold him exactly how he wants he gets fussy and stiffens up so u can't hold him at all.

I started noticing that if I set him down and let him cry for 2-3 minutes he'll stop crying as if nothing was ever wrong . Like he knows that crying will get what he wants but he is completely ok .

Am I catering to him too much ? Will he learn to be a little more independent ? And have I trained him to be a fusser ?

wintersong

Sounds like normal four month fussies to me, unless there is more to the story?

ETA Your baby isn't manipulating you, just learning to communicate. Are you manipulating your partner I'd you ask them to get you a glass of tea or good your hand a different way? Nope.

engineermommy

There is no manipulation going on at this age. Baby is just being baby. I hope you can find some time to rest. I know it can be difficult at that age.

dufferoo

I hate hearing the word manipulation being used with babies' behavior. It just has such a negative connotation. What your baby is doing is using the only resources he has available to him (crying) in order to meet his needs (love, attention). I've never thought of responsive parenting as catering to your kid too much, and of course he will grow to be more independent as he acquires new abilities and can therefore meet his own needs without crying. Cut him some slack!

Bigboobsmcgee

dufferoo said:

I hate hearing the word manipulation being used with babies' behavior. It just has such a negative connotation. What your baby is doing is using the only resources he has available to him (crying) in order to meet his needs (love, attention). I've never thought of responsive parenting as catering to your kid too much, and of course he will grow to be more independent as he acquires new abilities and can therefore meet his own needs without crying. Cut him some slack!

This. And stop overthinking it.

spank705

I treated my son the same at that age
.always fed whenever he wanted and pick him up when he cried. He's over a year now and very much independent. He weaned himself at 15 months. The more secure they feel in you the safer they feel to explore. You can't spoil them at that age. Under a year was the best time! Now my son hardly likes to cuddle at all. He's just not a cuddler. Your doing it right!

SLGILL1978

Baby is being a baby. Try baby wearing if you need your hands free. When my daughter was a baby if she was fussing, I would soothe her and feed on demand as well. I also agree, that I don't like the term "baby manipulating me" or even "spoiling a baby". In my opinion neither is true. My daughter is 2.5 and she is very independent.

neverblushed

It's too early for your baby to consciously manipulate you.

However, I think you can be a very attached, responsive parent and NOT rush to pick up your baby the minute he fusses.  You might notice that after a minute or two of fussing (and by this I mean fussing, not hard crying -- at 4 months, you can really tell the difference between these two states) he changes gears.  Maybe he dozes off.  Maybe he finds his hands and gums them.  Maybe he looks around and sees you smiling at him or talking to him and this satisfies his need for attention/interaction.

If you notice that your son is gaining the ability to soothe himself occasionally, then roll with that.  But if he can't manage to switch gears on his own and he gets more upset, then you certainly want to step in and help the little guy out.

Trust your instincts.  You're not going to make a mistake and neither is your baby!  You've got this! 

janat1717

Be grateful you can cater to his needs so fast. We are having BFing troubles due to ties/low supply. Being strapped to a pump, etc makes this so much harder