What is the obsession with the mothers doing something versus fathers doing something? It is completely irrelevant.
Right? OP, If the two of you can work things out and decide that you can go to school while he's a stay at home dad, great! I don't think that's controversial at all. What IS controversial is that - according to your first post - the two of you seem to hate each other, but you want to leave your child with this abusive person and go gallivanting around for a few years not thinking of your child to pursue your dreams (which appear to not involve a child at all).
what the hell is MUD??? You guys areRIGHT, im YOUNG. I have also lived the past 3 years of my life raising my BROTHERS daughter for him, so i know what its like trying to survive with a child. it has been pure hell. i wasnt speaking on full legal custody. More on physical custody. Why is it sooooooo selfish for a mom to do the same things that so many fathers do everyday??? i need therapy?? why dont FATHERS need therapy when they are out living their lives with a baby sittin at home with their baby mom? why dont fathers need "to talk to" someone because they feel like giving custody to the other parent?? What about the fathers who actually want to be a part of their kids lives but CANT because the mother makes it so difficult by trash talking and treating them like crap? Whats soooo wrong with Mothers paying child support? Selfish?? Childish? If im out here working my butt off in WHATEVER job field i decide to work in, making sure my child has everything, paying child support, making regular visits, making sure he knows who i am, WHY am i so wrong ?? There are fathers out here who DO NOT CARE what these ratchet baby moms say or how they treat them, they STILL make sure their children know them & love them, no matter how rude & mean they are. Why is it so bad if the roles are switched? So what if he doesnt like me?? SO WHAT? The courts will have the say so on how things go down. Smh, the advice is great BUT so ONE TRACK MINDED....
You're right. There are fathers that do this ... It's called being a deadbeat dad. People do not praise them ...
My suggestion is you watch the movie I Don't Know How She Does It, because if you look past Sarah Jessica Parkers dreadful squealing and waving about of her massive veiny hands, it delivers quite a strong message on how working mothers are viewed by society and the challenges of trying to have it all.
Christina Hendricks character delivers some very poignant messages.
Why have you deleted what you had written? Dirty deleting is very much frowned upon. If you could not handle the responses that YOU asked for, then don't post. My issue here is why would you want to give full custody to your baby father knowing he's mentally abusive to you? Are you not concerned with how your child may grow up being around a man like that? By all means go get a job, educate yourself but you don't have to give up custody of your child to do so. Seriously there are other options. It's sounding like you don't want this child & if that's the case well protection should have been used.
OMG.. Yes I remember that post about him having 4 domestic abuse charges against him. Are you actually insane? To even think about giving your ex full custody of your child once it's here is beyond me. I think you need to get your stories straight before posting.
I was just coming to post this as well. You asked for advice before you dirty deleted so I'm going to give you some that is completely just my opinion of your situation. Give the child the best possible life and put the child up for adoption. You clearly don't want the child, it was more than evident in your "I have dreams" comment. No offense, but I have dreams too so does every other mother on this board and when we conceived a child, either intentionally or not, we immediately either changed the route to those dreams or changed the dreams for the sake of our LO. If you are not capable of doing that, why keep a child you clearly do not want to put first? As far as custody to the father, I thought it was absurd that you would consider giving him full custody when I thought he was just controlling and verbally abusive. However, after rereading your original post I feel like it's just bsc. Why the hell would any mother EVER consider giving up custody of their child to a man who has 4 freaking domestic violence charges against him? The fact that you would even consider that further pushes my belief that your situation is not the best one for a child to be brought up in. You made this baby, do the right thing and protect the baby. Whether that is keeping custody yourself and actually caring for his/her safety, honestly i wouldn't even put the father on the birth certificate, or giving the baby up to a private adoption so that a loving family who only dreams of a healthy baby can give him/her the attention he/she deserves.
OMG.. Yes I remember that post about him having 4 domestic abuse charges against him.
Are you actually insane? To even think about giving your ex full custody of your child once it's here is beyond me. I think you need to get your stories straight before posting.
I remember that post, too, and didn't realize this was the same person. These sound like two completely different scenarios to me...
I remember that post too! Wait... You have custody of your 3 year old niece but don't want to keep your own baby and would rather give them to your abusive ex boyfriend? 1-Seriously, how OLD are you? 2- For the love of God, don't reproduce again
Oye, that's probably a TOU but you've gone and pissed off this here pregnant woman!
Not sure what to say here about this.. Besides if you didn't want to get pregnant you shouldn't have opened yourself up and had sex.. And then a DD.. Okay then..
I would like to point or she titled this "unusual universal controversy"...and then gets upset because the topic is controversial and everyone thinks she is crazy.
Wow, just wow! I would have never realized this was the same poster to the other one. I'm disgusted. The original question here should have been should I give my child up for adoption not give that prick full custody. People amaze me.
Now I'm not even gonna comment on the original post, because my thoughts on this have been well covered by PPs. However, I just want to throw out there that those of you suggesting adoption are really oversimplifying things. Even if she wanted to put the baby up for adoption, if the father doesn't want to sign over his rights she can't do it. And from the sound of the post I would assume that he probably isn't going to want to go along with that.
All of this advice has touched me in more ways than i thought possible.. Very terrifying.. I am very happy that I did move as far away as I did, the good part is that I dont plan on leaving this place, and he doesnt plan on leaving where he is. I dont want anybody to ever hurt my baby, hell, IM NOT THE ONE TO BE PLAYED WITH! I will do life without parole for my child! But, id rather not have myself in a situation where id have to do that! I know whats its like to have a newborn, I forgot to mention that Ive had custody of my 3 year old niece since she was 3 months old, So i lots of experience, and I know exactly what you ladies are speaking of about 2am mornings, excessive crying, and pushing the limits to my sanity! ....But he doesnt, and you ladies are right.. Ill never know how he will react to my crying child. If i leave him alone with BV ill never know! I cant take that risk knowing his temper... Still being very early, (and very far away) Ill have time to think everything over and figure out whats best! I really appreciate all of you ladies' opinions. I am taking ALL advice to heart.. Thank you so much..
Im SURE that the conversation I am striving for will raise some eyebrows but this is real life. I am going to go there, regardless. My child's father and I have known each other since we were toddlers ourselves, due to our mothers being best friends. Nonetheless, we were raised COMPLETELY different. His parents were in the military, giving him an explorative, well off type of lifestyle. Whereas, my father was never around and my mother struggled (and is still struggling) my entire life. I believe, for that reason, our ambitions are switched. I am striving for a life where there is no such thing as struggling, where every bill is paid on time, where my child doesnt want for a thing! I have not lived with my mother since I was 15 years old, holding various jobs and caring for self ever since. BabyFather, on the other hand, is nestled comfortably in his mother's home, who has made it clear that her children can live with her home as long as they like. His father died almost 9 years ago, and he has been his mother's rock ever since, he has also made it clear that he doesnt want to ever leave her side.. (I know, GET TO THE POINT, right) . Well, i have dreams.. I want to go to school for Sonography, Interior Design, and Architechture. I want to travel the world and be a SUCCESSFUL independent woman! I have goals, I want so much out of life! Which brings me to it, what type of woman would i be, if I gave full custody of my child to the father so that I can pursue a better life? I mean, he will be sitting at home, anyway. So why do I have to do the same and our child have TWO unsuccessful parents who work odd end jobs just to struggle? The issue is, BabyFather despises me, he loves to disagree with EVERYTHING I say and do. Im 20 weeks pregnant, I live 3 hours away from him, and he ALREADY tries to control everything dealing with the baby. He insults me by calling me a fat whale. He loves to argue over the name of baby, and tells me all the time that our child wont like me. Just knowing this, I feel like giving him custody will just make it easier for him to make our child hate me. My family cursed me out at the idea but I know that my child will love me, regardless. I dont plan on starting school until after baby is over the age of one, so I have ample time to make a decision. But why is it so wrong for Fathers to take care of their children full time while the mother pursues a better life for the child? Why, when mothers are in the same situation everyday?? Please give advice....
---- Always qfp ladies (I think this will work.) You're welcome.
I can't even. I'm done. If this is real OP, go get therapy. You can not leave your baby in the hands of a monster like this. You can very much pursue your dreams and raise a child. My SIL is the perfect example. She is about to graduate from college and go to chiropractic school all while raising her almost 3 year old daughter. She has had emotional support from her family but they haven't had the means to provide financial support. Get over yourself and your drams and figure something out.
Re: Unusual Universal Topic of Controversy... Please Read & Respond!
People do not praise them ...
Christina Hendricks character delivers some very poignant messages.
My issue here is why would you want to give full custody to your baby father knowing he's mentally abusive to you? Are you not concerned with how your child may grow up being around a man like that?
By all means go get a job, educate yourself but you don't have to give up custody of your child to do so.
Seriously there are other options. It's sounding like you don't want this child & if that's the case well protection should have been used.
Are you actually insane? To even think about giving your ex full custody of your child once it's here is beyond me. I think you need to get your stories straight before posting.
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
I was just coming to post this as well. You asked for advice before you dirty deleted so I'm going to give you some that is completely just my opinion of your situation. Give the child the best possible life and put the child up for adoption. You clearly don't want the child, it was more than evident in your "I have dreams" comment. No offense, but I have dreams too so does every other mother on this board and when we conceived a child, either intentionally or not, we immediately either changed the route to those dreams or changed the dreams for the sake of our LO. If you are not capable of doing that, why keep a child you clearly do not want to put first?
As far as custody to the father, I thought it was absurd that you would consider giving him full custody when I thought he was just controlling and verbally abusive. However, after rereading your original post I feel like it's just bsc. Why the hell would any mother EVER consider giving up custody of their child to a man who has 4 freaking domestic violence charges against him? The fact that you would even consider that further pushes my belief that your situation is not the best one for a child to be brought up in.
You made this baby, do the right thing and protect the baby. Whether that is keeping custody yourself and actually caring for his/her safety, honestly i wouldn't even put the father on the birth certificate, or giving the baby up to a private adoption so that a loving family who only dreams of a healthy baby can give him/her the attention he/she deserves.
1-Seriously, how OLD are you?
2- For the love of God, don't reproduce again
Oye, that's probably a TOU but you've gone and pissed off this here pregnant woman!
WHERE DID THIS GIRL GO??
Always qfp ladies (I think this will work.) You're welcome.
I'm done.
If this is real OP, go get therapy. You can not leave your baby in the hands of a monster like this. You can very much pursue your dreams and raise a child. My SIL is the perfect example. She is about to graduate from college and go to chiropractic school all while raising her almost 3 year old daughter. She has had emotional support from her family but they haven't had the means to provide financial support. Get over yourself and your drams and figure something out.