Picking Godparents

aah1013

Just wondering how everyone is making this decision (if you are). I feel like we're a little bit in a bind.

We have a daughter already and have a will set up that she and any subsequent children will go to my brother and his wife should something terrible happen to us. They are also our daughter's religious godparents.

Our problem is picking religious godparents for this baby. It's truly just symbolic, but still a very meaningful honor. We are baptizing Catholic. My religion requires that one godparent is Catholic, the other is seen as a "religious sponsor". I'd like for the religious gp's to be different than DD1's. We don't have any other Catholic family. I was thinking I would pick my extremely close friend (for 20+ years) who is Catholic. That leaves us to pick a godfather. Do we pick her husband who is truly wonderful and will be very present in her life? Or do we pick a brother-in-law (there are 2) from my husband's side? I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. If we pick a BIL, one might feel left out. If we don't pick anyone from DH's family, everyone might be hurt. If we didn't have to have a Catholic gp, this wouldn't be as much of an issue, but still a tricky choice. We're not particularly close to either BIL and they are already gp's for each other's kids.

How do we decide without hurting anyone? How are you all making your choice?

(I'm not posting this as a religious thread. Just wondering if anyone has suggestions on how to navigate through our options.)

edavis926

I think I would go with the friends husband. My moms best friend was my religious GP but they had to use my grandpa as well because at the time we had no Catholic friends or family anywhere near us and I always thought that was odd. I think it makes more sense to pick a couple that would actually be co-parenting if it came down to it. Even though you have legal measures in place and this is more just to be symbolic (I feel like that sounds offensive and I sincerely don't mean for it to be but I'm tired and can't come up with a better wording).

That's just my thought and I think it would have less of a chance of causing waves than picking between family that you're not super close with just because they are family. Keep in mind I was raised a Christmas/Easter Catholic (had a priest call me out in Mass once because I was actually there) and that's about it. I wasn't confirmed, don't currently practice and have no intention of practicing so it's a completely outside opinion.

on_the_move

Can you have more than 2 Godparents?  If so pick the friend and both brothers. I know each of my kids only has 1 because none of the siblings were married at the time.  If you can only have 2 I would just go with the friend and her husband and not mention it.  BIL's will assume (or you could explain) it was because there was a need for them to be the same religion.

millette2015

My husband is French catholic and I am not - but godparents are extremely important in his family, even though it's just symbolic.

I guess the tradition is to pick one person from each side of the family? (His and mine). We decided on his sister, as we are both close with her. And for the godfather we are asking my uncle, as he is the only catholic person in my family and would therefore find it to be a much bigger honour than anyone else. He was also unable to have children of his own with my aunt, which would make it even more special to him.

Do you think your in laws feelings would be hurt, or are you just worried that they may be? Honestly, I would say do what makes you most comfortable and don't base the decision on other peoples feelings. Chances are they aren't as sensitive about it as you think. I known husband and I wouldn't be the least bit offended if our siblings chose a friend over us as gp.

nbpa3027

We are kind of in the same boat. My husband and I each have 2 sibling. Each of our kids have one godparent from each side. Both of my siblings are godparents and only one of his. And there is a reason he is not. Our choices for godparent for this baby are either his sibling who has made zero effort to be a part of either of our kids lives. They live about 5 hours drive away and have never made it to a birthday party or baptism and it took them over 3 months to even meet my daughter. The other is a more extended family member, but sees them fairly often and hasn't missed a big event, even if they can't stay for long.

I know t is likely to cause problems, but I really want to choose the one that will be a part of this baby's life, not just someone they will see once, maybe twice a year.

I feel like this is a situation where you just can't win. Either you choose the family member and not have who you really want, or potentially hurt family feelings. It is sad how you are the parent and it really should be your decision, but it doesn't really end up that way.

aah1013

All this feedback is great, ladies! Certainly helping me think things through. I know I still have time, but I'm a planner.

VallieS86

We're having similar issues picking godparents, but not for religious reasons. I only have one sibling, a brother and he is very financially irresponsible. He's 35 and still lives with my parents. He does have a job but any income he has goes towards vacations. My husband has a brother and sister. The brother is young, 22, and says he doesn't even want to spend time with our baby until she's like 3-5. His sister is married but is .... We just worry about the environment she would be raised in. His siblings are just, unreliable and self absorbed. His best friend is a single dad and is great with his son, but we don't think he would be able to financially support two children if something were to happen to us, and we know his mom would freak out. The whole godparent deciding is frustrating, if I were you, because of your religious beliefs, I would choose the friend of 20+ years. I know how hard it can be with family though. Good luck getting it figured out.

twogirlsandagreen

It was a nightmare to try and figure out godparents since my family grove (not tree) is so huge. We ended up not appointing godparents because it was just too stressful. No one's feelings got hurt that way. Good luck! I feel for you.

Krysta6

We are planning on having my best friend from childhood who I've known for just under 20 years. And also my brother, who lacks in the responsible adult department even though he is 35. My husband has no siblings so my brother is the only one we have. We chose my friend to be with him because she is hyper responsible and we would make her the legal guardian (after our parents) should anything happen to us. My brother will not be legally named responsible for our children in anyway, but I've spoken to my parents and they feel its best to make him one for traditional purposes.

dchiapella

For my pick of Godmother it was actually pretty easy. I didn't choose the person I've know the longest or who is the most settled or anything else. I picked the person who is most like me. That way if God forbid something happens to me, my son has a significant person in his life that will answer questions the way I would and give the same advice I would. I'm just lucky in the fact that this person is a very Godly and extremely good (almost to a fault) person. She's the better version of me. 

swcm

I don't have any insights but just wanted to thank you for posting this! My sister married into a Catholic family and they chose her husband's sister as their daughter's godmother. At the time I was slightly hurt but never said anything, I figured she was a better choice since she is also Catholic. Now I know I probably wasn't even an option since I'm not Catholic... makes me feel a bit better.

gograce

I see a lot of people concerned about the GP picks in the event something happens to them and their SO.
Just a reminder, Catholic GPs are meant to be responsible on seeing that the children are brought up in the Church, practicing the Catholic faith, in the event that the parents cannot do this.
I was raised Catholic, but have never made my confirmation. DH was raised Methodist. It is really important to me to raise our baby Catholic. It just feels right to me. Since the only people that could be GPs that are related already have GC, we're going to ask our friend from college and his wife. We will be asking my sister to be a Sponsor as she is also not confirmed.
This doesn't mean that our friends will get custody if something happens to us. It has no legal standing. It's more of a way to show trust in someone, I feel. We're saying to our friends "We trust you to look out for Baby even if we're not in the picture."

baconlady

I'm a planner too! We were having a similar discussion with my husband.  I wanted to be fair and have someone from his family and mine as godparents.  However, fair flew out the window.  His family is not very religious and the few options we had were very limited and I could never picture them as my childs godparents.  He agreed.  We decided to go with two of my cousins(brother and sister) who are wonderful with my daughter and are great peeps plus we're very close to them. With my daughter it was easy we chose my older sister and his only brother.  Good luck!  Just go with the option you feel is best and hopefully no one is too upset about it.