Has anyone else....

amberrmariee20

Been pushing themselves away from certain people, including some friends and family ?!

I noticed the past few weeks I have ZERO tolerance for people who are always being negative, or talking about the same thing over and over.
One of my good friends recently leased a new car, got a new place which is more expensive, now she's complaining she can't afford to have all this "luxury" and that it isn't fair. Come on give me a break, you can't afford it don't buy it and complain about it. Maybe I'm not seeing her point... I just can't seem to listen to the complaining anymore !

anorthro

I was in the pushed away person's shoes once. My best friend was pregnant and I was going through a really hard time. She got tired of my negativity and pretty much stopped talking to me for a few months. I missed the birth of her baby and the first two months of the baby's life. She finally explained why she'd been ignoring me, and apologized. It was really hard. We are now very close again, but it took a lot of time. I think it's great to weed out the folks who are bad influences in your life, but be careful not to throw away any good ones .

Edited to add: my cat was dying and my husband and I weren't getting along. Sounds like your friend's situation is legitimately annoying to listen to!

amberrmariee20

@anorthro I get what your saying ! I love the girl to death, but wow I can't handle the constant complaining, yes houses and cars are expensive so why lease a brand new car if you know you are going to struggle to afford it !! It gets old hearing about it all day everyday.

LiveNLove44

I wouldn't say I'm pushing away, but I certainly make less of an effort to get together with someone who is particularly toxic (family member). I have very little patience for her petty and tactless immaturity. She was the same way when DD was a newborn, so I anticipate it'll die down in a year or so... 

MrsFaust1432

Yes!! My husbands aunt is trying to be all up in our business about everything!! Made a big deal about us not sharing the gender until the gender reveal. She lives out of town and could not make it to the party but she kept saying things like, "I can keep secrets," and "I promise not to tell." I just felt like, I'm not going to tell you before I tell my parents, or my husbands parents!! Finally after the reveal we told her it was a girl, and she IMMEDIATELY started suggesting names!! I'm like, hold up, it's our child, I think we will be naming her. And you are just the aunt!!! We aren't even that close!! She then suggested a name and said that particular name was "special" to her. Okay..... Now today she starts again with the name thing and I told her it would be a surprise. (My SIL advised me not to share names of we don't want to hear everyone's opinions so we haven't shared names with ANYONE). After telling my husbands aunt it would be a surpise she said, "Surprises aren't my thing. I guess I'm used to being more involved and that has not been the case lately." Like totally trying to guilt trip me! I'm just tired of her trying to be all up in our business! We rarely talked before I got pregnant and now she wants naming rights and input in our child's name! I think not!!!

mrsdhouse89

I did this with my first son. My best friend at the time lost her grandfather the week my son was born and in the NICU. She claimed I was the worse friend ever for not calling (I didn't know he passed, because she never called and told me) and comforting her. I lost it and cut all ties to our friendship. The stress I felt from my exhausting and eventful delivery of my newborn and him being in the hospital for a week after delivery, and then her rant has been too much.

She's always been a demanding friend who always got put first in our friendship before I met my husband and she didn't adjust well to it.

We didn't talk for over a year and our friendship still hasn't fully recovered. There are times it's hard, but I know it's best to keep our friendship the way it is now.

millereliz13

I have a friend who is negative and I point blank told her that I can't handle how negative she has been lately. We've been friends for over 20 years, so we can be honest with each other. I am having a rough pregnancy and she doesn't listen to me when I need her to listen. I was just honest with her.

adcoxmt

BrooklynBroussard said:

@amberrmariee20 I am totally doing this. I'm a bit of a maternal person, so I tend to be the most caring and loving of my friends and family. I have the bad habit of always putting other people's need before my own, even if they don't ever do the same for me. I have only recently stopped doing this. Now I am so focused on my needs and my daughters that I simply don't have time for those who have weighed me down in the past. A lot of my friends' problems are of their own making, and hearing about them is just too much for me now. @anorthro I have been in a similar situation. I was a mess for awhile, and I am so thankful for those who stuck by me. Luckily none of my friends were pregnant, because I'd be lost without them.

I've always been the same way. BD has tried to "toughen" me up many a time because he hates seeing me getting taken advantage of; I always help and fail to say no, even to people who I know wouldn't lift a finger for me. But now I'm way too focused on trying to make this pregnancy as healthy and stress free as possible. I have some great friends who I know will be wonderful support when my son is here and BD isn't (unless he's able to get a job in the state, he'll be 7+ hours away). The "friends" who do nothing but complain about having no money when they go out to eat and get multiple alcoholic beverages a night? Yeah, no, they get the minimum. One in particular is supposed to be my BEST friend and she's only asked about the baby ..twice? maybe? this entire pregnancy. Every conversation is monopolized by her. How she goes out every single night and then has to ask her parents for money to pay for rent (she has a well-paying job and almost no bills aside from rent and utilities, her parents pay for everything else). Or about her newest Tinder date...I just cannot pretend to care sometimes. 

Did this turn into a rant? Ooops...basically, @amberrmarie20 I totally get where you're coming from!

babywuwuf

I have been isolating myself from anyone except my husband. I dunno. I just feel like I don't want to see/hear other people in person. My entire pregnancy, I just stay inside our room (unless I really have to do something outside).. I even exercise and eat all my meals here. I just want to be alone all the time for no reason and I'm not even sad. I'm very happy. People think I'm weird. Lol. I don't care. I'm gonna do what I wanna do.

DeeGreer

Some of my friends don't get why I stopped participating in our weekly bar visit. Are you kidding me? Those are the ones I avoid now because like your friend, the constant blabbering about "poor me" for situations that are entirely their fault just annoy the crap out of me. Also...WHY WOULD I GO TO A DAMN BAR!?! I'M 6 MONTHS PREGNANT! jesus...

MamaOwl15

When I was pregnant with DS, I had to cut a few toxic people out of my life. Like one "friend" who got mad at me because I was making my BF/fiancé/husband my #1 priority after work (we got engaged and married while I was pregnant so he played all 3 roles during that time). This same "friend" would cancel almost every time we made plans . . .

I've also been on the other end (though neither of us were pregnant). I was going through a really rough patch and dealing with a lot of depression, and also being very negative. One of my best friends decided she couldn't deal with my negativity anymore and basically stopped talking to me. This makes me sad because our time being out of touch basically killed our close friendship. We got married within a few weeks of each other and her daughter is about 6 months younger than my son. But we're just "friends" on Facebook now, not close like we once were. But sometimes people need to be cut off . . . Some people are truly toxic.

dparker721

I totally understand where you're coming from. I haven't found myself pushing myself away from friends as much as I have a couple of family members....my mom, mainly, and my grandma. I just can't take their neediness.

My grandma turned 80 this weekend. She lives a few blocks from me but they have a house at the beach 2 hours away. I had out of state family come to the beach and wanted to get the whole family together for dinner for her birthday. So with DH being out of town for the month and after unexpected doctors visits last week for bp issues, I still drove the two hours by myself for the night for dinner. When we're leaving dinner she looks at me and says "well it was nice to see you even if you did only come for a few minutes". Umm, really...nothing is ever enough!

My mom has found similar ways to make everything about her and to be inconvenienced if me being pregnant doesn't coordinate with what she wants. For example, she has a Halloween party every year that my dad doesn't want to do this year since I'm due the weekend they would have it. She insists that I come to the party anyway so that my dad will agree to have it. I just can't deal. & no, I'm not going.

I think we just have a lower tolerance for pettiness now.

dparker721

And I don't know about the rest of you, but I've found that I can't stand to be around people who constantly want to tell me what I HAVE to do or have for the baby. I really don't think I can endure 4 more months of why this one pacifier is the absolute best.

kindlycrystal

Oh yes. I've definitely lost my capacity to deal with overly negative, toxic and pushy people. Honestly, I mostly just want to be left alone. I used to be a bit of a door mat, but now I either politely ask them to stop or distance myself from them. There are a few family members and friends that I am polite to, but never go beyond that because I don't want to deal with the drama. 

I've had some issues with my grandmother, actually. She is exceedingly stubborn and independent. We used to be really close, she pretty much raised me as her daughter while both my parents worked. But since my grandfather died a few years ago, she's be very negative and mopey. Like no one else was hurt and grieving. I understand how devastating that loss was, he was the one who held the family together, but she just won't move past it. She fusses that I never come to visit (I live two and a half hours away and call her every week or so). We are also worried that she is developing dementia. She calls me at least twice a week and we have pretty much the same conversation each time. She insists on calling our baby a nickname based on my grandfather's name, mainly because I refused to name my child after my grandfather (or any family member). I'm really don't like nicknames and we've discussed this a number of times, but she just keeps on insisting (I did mention she's exceedingly stubborn, right?). Have I slacked off on calling her because of that? Yes, a bit. I just don't have the energy for it right now. 

And I get snappy when I'm drained, so it's really best for everyone right now.

Edit: fixed paragraphs

Birdee212

I think it's natural to start to withdraw from people during pregnancy because it allows you to bond exclusively with the baby and not waste energy on petty, toxic bullshit.

From an evolutionary standpoint, not socializing much and retreating into your home is a subconscious way to keep yourself physically safe. Our pregnant ancient ancestors probably didn't venture too far from the home or community due to the increased risk of bodily harm. (Just my guess). I've felt oddly compelled to stay indoors more and not do as many activities as I'd normally do since becoming pregnant and I figured it's an evolutionary response.

momma=z

Yes! This has absolutely been me! I thought once I was on summer break (I'm a teacher) I'd want to spend time with people again but that has not happened. I prefer cleaning my house and nesting to listening to nonsense from people. My priorities have changed so I feel like I don't have time for pettiness. I've always been the nice, accommodating friend and this made me realize that it's one-sided with some people. The same people I always go out of my way for don't even check on us to see how we're doing and that's been an eye opener but my focus is on my little family right now. No tolerance for bs.