Looking for support... So tired of worrying

Beverly0628

Hey guys. I just need to vent and let out some feels. Any support or similar stories that ended positively would be greatly appreciated. I'm in my 12th week, so I thought things would be better but not so. I have been having intermittent light to heavy spotting (both bright red and brown) pretty much since 6 weeks. I have had 2 great ultrasounds and heard my baby's heartbeat several times. My OB told me a few weeks ago that I have a friable cervix (bleeds easily) but that it is closed and not shortening. Last week I got a yeast infection (sorry if tmi) and with OB's ok used monistat 3. For the past 5 days I have had red spotting and had to wear a pad instead of a pantiliner this weekend. My MW said this can happen with yeast infections. I have a Doppler that I have used to check my baby's heart beat and have heard it every night. I am so worried and filled with panic and anxiety. I just want things to be normal. To make matters worse, I had a LEEP and cryotherapy ~9 years ago and I'm so worried that it messed with the integrity of my cervix. Unfortunately, I have a friend who had the same and lost her baby late in pregnancy. I am so afraid that my cervix will open and the same will happen to me. I have stayed in touch with my OB's office and have been told things like "we see this a lot" but this gives me no reassurance. To make matters worse, my husband is gone for the week so I'm just sitting at home freaking out (was told by MW to rest and put my feet up). I am normally a rational, non-emotional person, so all this worrying is just wearing me down. Every time I go to the bathroom I get so sad. Sorry for the long post.

kaym6

So sorry to hear that you are going through all this! I have not gone through the same thing so I can only imagine what that's like but I can imagine I would feel similar! I know when I had spotting at 6 weeks it caused me to be very anxious and upset when I am not normally like that so im sure the fact that you have delt with this for so long has to be exhausting. For sure sending some throughts your way and hope that you get relief from this soon! Glad to hear that your little one is healthy and I hope that it stays that way for you!

jem8407

I am so sorry you're going through this.
I had a loss in January and am now 11w4d. As if it was not difficult enough being PGAL, when my husband was on a river trip, I had a crazy bleed out. I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It is mostly resolved with some residual spotting.
I have seen the baby a number of times with a nice strong heartbeat.
A mantra I use is "being positive or upbeat about this pregnancy will not jinx it in any way. Being negative ruins my days". It helped to work on feeling better.

Beverly0628

@kaym6 Thank you for the sweet and encouraging words.
@jem8407 Thanks for the good advice. I will try and use that mantra to stay more positive.
It means a lot to have encouragement from other women who can empathize. Thanks guys!

willashbaby

Will they do a cerclage? I would hope they will check you often for an incompetent cervix and do one if needed.

Beverly0628

@willashbaby I did speak with my OB about this. He didn't seem concerned, and said that they would do one if necessary, but that it wasn't needed at this time. It's been a struggle waiting the month between each appt. I just don't know how quickly these things can go wrong. I know I need to just chill and trust the medical professionals, but the bleeding makes it difficult. My next appt is in a week, so hopefully I'll get some reassurance then.

ak215

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I imagine it must be so stressful. I'm a big believer in positive thoughts. I know its hard but try to stay positive. The more you stress the harder it is on the baby. Can you keep busy while resting? watch some funny movies or tv shows to distract you. Read a good book you can get lost in. I'm not sure if you know how to knit but that calms me down when I'm stressed. Maybe you have other hobbies that can be done while sitting? Wishing you the best!

mcrane8

I'm so sorry.  I can somewhat relate.  I had a large bleed at 6 weeks and I've had brown bleeding/spotting ever since (about 5 weeks).  My doctor keeps telling me this is "normal for my body" and "not to worry", but obviously, you can't help it.  I've also seen two healthy ultrasounds.  I would suggest not to goggle anything about bleeding.  Each situation is different.  My doctor told me that women who bleed without immediate MC have the same low risk as everyone else.  I like to pretend it's not happening, and concentrate on other symptoms.  It's more fun that way:)  Plus, if your body was acting this way the last time you saw a healthy baby, there's no reason to think anything has changed.

XO. 

Beverly0628

Thanks @ak215 for the good advice and support. I actually started reading the Outlander series, and so far it's pretty good.
@mcrane8 Google is the worst for perpetuating gloom and doom about bleeding! It is hard not to worry, even when they tell you that the bleeding is "normal."
Thankfully, things appear to be getting back to normal, as the bleeding has nearly stopped for now. I'm trying to chill out and stay positive until my appointment next week.
Thanks for the sweet words ladies! Wishing you all the best as well!

SummerOH

My sister had a LEEP and carried two babies to term afterwards. She never needed a cerclage or had any issues.

You seem to be a bleeder like me. Ugh. It's the worst. I spotted throughout my pregnancy with DS. Even had to go to L&D at 16 weeks because it was heavier than normal. I'm spotting with this one, too. Apparently it's normal for some women...gee, aren't we lucky? I 100% understand how you're feeling. I wish I could say it gets better, but I didn't stop worrying until I held him in my arms. And then I started worrying about other stuff! Lol.

Try to redirect your thoughts and think of positive ones. Stats for a healthy baby are overwhelmingly in your favor. Hang in there.

Beverly0628

That's good news to hear about your sister @SummerOH. It's also very reassuring to hear from other "bleeders"
:-S that have ended up with healthy babies.

l4rk

I feel you! I'm just over 10 weeks and have been spotting since 6, but all my other symptoms are mild. Confirmed heartbeat at 8w1d and it was reassuring for a few days, but now I'm back to worrying. My big fear is that the fetus is just straight up dead.

Is it possible for you to have appointments more frequently? I'm hoping the constant worrying will ease off when we're far along enough to feel something...

Beverly0628

@l4rk I will probably ask if it's possible to have more frequent appts next week when I see my OB, just because of all of the bleeding and my past. One thing that has been reassuring to me is my at-home fetal doppler. Do you have one? I got his one:
https://www.amazon.com/Womb-Music-Heartbeat-Monitor-Wusic/dp/B00Z52R76S
They have almost doubled in price since I got mine, but I still think it's worth the money for the reassurance. Because you are 10 weeks, it may not be as easy for you to find a heartbeat. I think the package insert on mine says it is easier to detect after 12 weeks, but I was able to find one at 10 weeks.
I'm wishing you the best. Stay strong!

redmond_steph

Have faith that your baby is a fighter. I know how hard it is not to worry, with my first I bled heavy from 8 weeks until 22 weeks. The low point was the OB telling me that they gave the baby less than a 20% chance of survival given the circumstances. So every week I went into the ultrasound convinced it was going to be bad news, and every week he proved me wrong with a strong heartbeat and kicking away! I went from planning for a micro-preemie to being induced at 4 days over. My little man was born a 9lb healthy guy! He's now a 18m old running around and driving me crazy

redmond_steph

So have faith that your baby is just as determined to survive as you are determined to deliver a beautiful, healthy baby. Good luck.

danasphillips

With my last pregnancy I had heavy bleeding and clotting for 3 weeks from 13 to 16 weeks that was caused by an SCH. I had to wear a pad the whole time and it was so scary, so I know how hard it is not to worry. But I now have a healthy and crazy 3-year-old! It sounds like your baby has a nice strong heartbeat and there's no reason to think that he/she shouldn't be just fine. Also, I have three friends who've had leep procedures and went on to have healthy pregnancies and babies!

Beverly0628

Thanks @WineBaby122. That is very reassuring.

leahabattle

jem8407 said:

I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a loss in January and am now 11w4d. As if it was not difficult enough being PGAL, when my husband was on a river trip, I had a crazy bleed out. I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It is mostly resolved with some residual spotting. I have seen the baby a number of times with a nice strong heartbeat. A mantra I use is "being positive or upbeat about this pregnancy will not jinx it in any way. Being negative ruins my days". It helped to work on feeling better.

I went through the exact same thing even down to the sch, I am 12w1d now.  Just remember you are pregnant today, take it one day at a time.