Who are you having in the delivery room?

s&jeggerton

So I had always thought, before i got pregnant, that I would want my mom and hubby at bedside when  I had a baby and that we would call a bunch of people to let them know I am in labor. However, knowing how overbearing and annoying my mom can be at times I'm thinking I only want hubby there. I have also been thinking that I don't really want any visitors leading up to delivery. 1.) I know I will feel and look like crap and just want to be alone. It is how I deal w/ pain 2.) I really want my hubby and I to just be able to go through this experience together, alone. I feel like it will be a great way for us to bond and 3.) I want like an hour alone w/ our daughter just to soak up the newness of it all and to enjoy being a family of three before having to share her and pass her all around when all I will want is to just hold her. Any thoughts? How do I break this news to our parents that I don't plan on calling till after baby is here? and how do you plan on doing things?

tempatrap

I'm a FTM but I've been thinking a lot about L&D lately. I think I'm going to do what your doing because I really would just like my hubby to be there with me. I get grouchy when I'm in pain and I don't want to have to worry about stepping on toes when I'm laboring. I have some close friends though that are under the impression that they will be invited to the hospital the second I go into labor. I've thought of just not calling or texting when the time comes until after baby is here. If they are upset we can just say that in the crazy moment we forgot to call. Seems like a legitimate excuse to me. Haha!

bishopgn

Just my husband. My parents understood and didn't come up until a bit later so they didn't have to wait long.

LiveNLove44

I have noticed that we have a decent number of women here who will have someone in addition to their SO in the delivery room. When I was pregnant with DD, I had never thought twice of having anyone else in the room, and I still feel the same. I definitely wanted my parents in the hospital because, after all, if I needed them, they'd be there for their baby girl. With that said, the birth of a child is such an intimate and personal experience that I only wanted DH in the room with the birth of our daughter, and when our son arrives this fall, I will do the same. 

leighann1

Just my husband in the delivery room, for sure. I will tell my mom and his aunt (his mom is deceased). They can choose to wait in the waiting room or not. I have a feeling my mom will be there, and I have no problem with her seeing us soon after birth. The rest of the family can wait.

As far as friends...I plan to text my work BFF and my real life BFF. They can relay messages to other friends if need be. None of them expect to be there the day of, but they do want to know once everyone is safe and healthy.

They are on call to bring me a sub sandwich and a bottle of wine once I give the all clear, however.

MirandaC1984

Just me and my husband. We won't call others until after the baby is born.

curfam4

Just my husband   And we didn't tell anyone I was in labor with DD#1 until after she was born.  This time, the only person who will know I'm in labor will be whoever we end up getting to watch DD.  Otherwise phone calls and texts get sent out after baby is born.  It's super important to both my husband and myself that we get some bonding time alone before family and friends start piling in to visit.

s&jeggerton

leighann1 said:

"They are on call to bring me a sub sandwich and a bottle of wine once I give the all clear, however. "

Haha I am glad I'm not the only one already thinking about an adult beverage afterwards lol

midge519

Our plan is for my boyfriend and our moms in the room. I'm sure we will have family at the hospital and that's ok with us. We're not sure who is going to watch our kids when the time comes but it'll be family.

basdenjn6

Both my close friends had only hubby and called everyone about an hour or two afterward for visitors and they were really happy with their decision. It gave them time to be just the three of them and for FTM to rest. Then they got to visit and celebrate. As a FTM I'm probably going to have hubby and mom because she and I get along well and she was a neonatal nurse for 30 years so I think it will make me comfortable to have her there for her baby/medical know how as well as being my mom.

jefinley1

It will be just me and my husband at the midwife center for the delivery. We are only letting out of town parents know that we are even going in when it all starts, as we don't want lots of messages and calls. If my mom is even able to be in town right away, we have decided that it is OK for me to call and beg for her to come too if I want. I don't think that will happen, but I'm big enough to admit that I have no idea how I will react to any of this (FTM), so if I find myself really needing my mom, I have that right reserved. Haha. 

We actually decided that we wanted a little bit of time to adjust to everything with baby and for us to get situated in our home since we won't be hanging around the center long after delivery if all goes well, so no visitors until we're ready. We're going to say at least 24 hours. My parents may come to our house before then to help out with logistics like food and all of the stuff that no matter how much research I do, I'm sure I'll be clueless on, yet somehow my mother will miraculously know. This is solely because of the amazing, better than I could ever have asked for relationship my husband and I have with my parents, and the necessary boundaries we have had to place on his parents. But we'll send an email right away giving all of the details, and a better timeline for structured visits for the other parents and our siblings. We'll go from there with everyone else, including extended family and friends. It will be based on our relationship with them, not on relational hierarchy. 

I think this is a decision that is so based on what your priorities are, the experience you're planning medically, your relationship with your family members, and also simply your life situation. Above all else, it should be about the comfort of you, your SO, and your baby. For us this is one of those life moments where everyone can either accept our wishes graciously or they can deal. We plan on simply telling them a couple of months in advance in as kind and gentle a way as possible, then that will be the last word. For us, the situation is that my husband travels constantly so every moment we have together with our baby is so precious. He will be devastated on the first job he has to leave on already and is painfully aware that he will miss a lot, so we aren't playing around with making anyone but us happy. 

gograce

Originally, I was just going to have my husband with me. We talked about it and agreed it was best. As we get closer, however, I'm getting more realistic. I'm the biggest baby who wants to crawl up next to her mama when her headache gets too bad. I know I'm going to want my mom with me, too. My husband and I talked, and he agreed to let me invite her into the delivery room with us.

My mom knew about our original plan of just having my husband in the room when the baby came. I brought it up in casual baby conversation one day. Her feelings were a little hurt, but she didn't say anything mean to me about it. She understood. All she ever wanted from life was to be a mom, and has been really empathetic towards me when I'm tired or achy or not feeling well.

When I asked her if she'd like to be with us when Baby gets here, she was so over the moon. She tells me "I was prepared to just be in the waiting room." It was really sweet.

Good luck in talking to your mom! I hope she understands as much as my mom did with my original plan!!!

I'm really glad we invited her, but I'm also glad we set the original boundaries we did. I was honest with her when I told her our original plan, and she accepted and respected it. Our moms were in our positions once, too. Hopefully, she'll remember what she wanted in having her children.

Edit: I cannot type to save my life, y'all.

saraking437

My mom and husband will be with me during labor and only my husband will be there during delivery. I don't plan on calling anyone else until after baby arrives so that we will have several hours to ourselves to rest and bond a little bit. 

babybumb1229

FTM I also thought of having my husband and my mom but then thought no because it's our first baby it should be me and him and well bring my mom in I would think my mother in law would feel upset or would feel in titled to be in there too when nope she shouldn't I think keeping it simple is best and yeah I agree with just having your baby and husband just to take in the beautiful momment. Then having others come in to enjoy the rest of the momment with you.

beckles112

I don't mind visitors up until a point before I deliver. During delivery, it will only be my husband and I and we're planning on taking at least an hour for just us, then we'll call in the grandparents.

millereliz13

I'm just having my husband with me. I love our family but I don't need anyone else with us when I'm delivering.

lanaloulittle

My husband and sister will be there. She is going to be there to take pictures and in case my husband passes out But she will only be there if she can make it in time as she works and has kids of her own. Everyone else will wait until I tell them to come.

ChariZae

With my first, both of our families came and hung out in room during labor, but for the delivery, it was just me and hubs. For our second, my mom stayed with DD1, and everyone came after DD2 was born. This time, we also plan for it to just be us in the delivery room.

texasmommahen

Oh wow, L&D is like a party for my family. When my aunt went into labor (she's only eight years older than me) My grandmother, her husband, my mother and myself were in the room with her the entire time with our close family (her brothers and my dad and brothers) downstairs in the waiting room the entire time. The minute her water broke we got a phone call to go down to the hospital and we never left haha.

So, of course, when October rolls around it'll be my Husband, my Grandmother, my Mother, and my Aunt in the delivery room with me the entire time. Thank goodness those rooms are nice and spacious!

casserole27

Right now the plan is just me and DH. I have bad anxiety and he calms me the best. I haven't told anyone its just us yet and I don't really plan on bringing it up unless I am asked.

My family is big and several have told me they plan on going to the hospital when we do. I just won't tell some people for that reason. Everyone can wait until we are ready. I honestly don't know if I will be ok with people in the room while I am laboring or not but I know the staff will kick people out for me if I decide that is what I want.

sugarplum513

Just hubby and the drs. No one else is welcomed.

knottymomma

This is my second baby. First time I only wanted hubby, but my sister happened to be in the room when I felt the urge to push and only one nurse was there. So she held a leg while I told the nurse to catch my daughter.

This time, as much as I want it to be just us I know I'll have my sister there to take pictures. I only have 2 pictures of my daughter from her first month and none of the ones from the hospital even look good.

Sballerina

@s&jeggerton:
I'm thinking of doing things very similarly to what you're planning, for similar reasons. I think I will do better with quiet. I don't want to have to expend energy maintaining awareness of others. I may invite a friend or two (relatively new mothers themselves) to offer support and distraction during labor, before transition. I am not very close to my mom emotionally (sad) and she lives across the country anyway. I am not close enough to my DH's mom to want her in there for labor or delivery (nothing against her, just she is still new to me). So DH and I are planning on only us in the room for delivery.

We have not yet talked through whether we will let parents, close friends or other family know when I go into labor. We have also not decided about whether people can wait in the hospital to see the baby soon after delivery. I think we will want to text a few friends for prayer support before or shortly after I go to the hospital. We might let our parents know, too. But I also want time after the birth to recover in peace and just enjoy being a family of three. I know I rest best without commotion around me. The next week's and months will be full of people wanting to visit. So depending on the time of day baby is born and how tired I am, I may want 1-8 hours to ourselves before even the new grandparents visit. That could change - maybe I'll want to show baby off - but I kinda doubt it. So it makes sense then not to have people waiting in the hospital, otherwise their natural expectation will be to press to see baby.

As far as communicating this, we'll just have a conversation with the parents, I think. I probably will give some explanation as to why we are doing things the way we are so they don't feel like they are being left out.

kirsty100

I'm just having my boyfriend and myself. My boyfriend works in the the city, so I may need my mum to drive me to hospital, but she won't be in the room and hasn't asked because she's not good with blood and stuff, either am I, but not just my mum will know I think maybe my grandad because he's pretty much raised me as my dad died when I was 7 but I wouldn't want him anywhere down there, it all sort of depends on how well everything is going, I would honestly just have my boyfriend and myself. he'd be made to stay at my head, but we're not telling other family members and inlaws until we are ready for visits this could be few hours or next day depending on when she is born. this won't go well with my mil but she has yet to ask or comment im still waiting for that, shell be told when were ready we won't even be telling them when we go into labour due to her over stepping boudries and she's the type to rock up even though we asks her not to. Also if she doesn't get her way she cry and carry on so this way less stress on my boyfriend and me and if he needs support my mum will be in the waiting room

alinic916

My husband and mother are going to be in the delivery room.  My husband doesn't want to be.  I think he's scared of all the gross things he will see!  But I told him I will need him.  He doesn't quite get it, but after I cried because he said he didn't want to be there he hasn't mentioned it since.  I want my mom there because she is also a nurse and has been for 20+ years. She can be the one to tell them what I want and don't want when I'm to exhausted or in too much pain.  I want a natural birth and hope that there will be no issues or pushing by the staff/doctors for medications/epidural/csections but she will be there to help with that part.  

I don't want anyone in the waiting room except my sister if she flies down in time.  My aunt is going to be very disappointed and take it personally, but I want some time with just us and the baby after.  To me, this experience is not about what everyone else wants, but what my husband and I want.

saintpaulJess

I or hubby will call my parents to let them know I'm in labor and baby is on the way, but with the understanding that they will get another call after baby is born and that they can visit then.

I will only have hubby, and possibly my sister, in the room.  Anyone else would be a distraction and annoyance.

trishee13

My husband and my mom. I couldn't imagine my mom not being there. I'm a big baby and need them both

lopezalonso

I am only having DH in the room. That's what I did during labor with DD. My mom is very overbearing too and I thought having her there would only make both of us more nervous. We went I to labor at 11pm and didn't tell anyone. We only called our families in the morning when we were told to start pushing. If I were you I just wouldn't call until I was ready for visitors or I would request no one show up until you called to announce the baby was here and then call when you want.

LiveNLove44

TexasBride90 said:

Oh wow, L&D is like a party for my family. When my aunt went into labor (she's only eight years older than me) My grandmother, her husband, my mother and myself were in the room with her the entire time with our close family (her brothers and my dad and brothers) downstairs in the waiting room the entire time. The minute her water broke we got a phone call to go down to the hospital and we never left haha. So, of course, when October rolls around it'll be my Husband, my Grandmother, my Mother, and my Aunt in the delivery room with me the entire time. Thank goodness those rooms are nice and spacious!

Haha, @TexasBride90, this totally reminded me of how different we all are! This is like a bad dream to me! I love that so many of us have different approaches to L & D. I learn a lot from all of you! 

kindlycrystal

Just my husband, with either my mom or BFF if he needs a break (whomever gets there first, they all live about an hour and a half away). DH has a medical condition that can cause him a lot of pain, so if he needs a break they are there to tag in. I don't deal well with pain and get very anxious if there are a lot of people around.

My mom was actually the one who brought this up, saying she had only wanted my dad with her. I will probably have DH call or text family when I go into labor, so that they can have time to get there, but they will be in the waiting room.  

taralohse

s&jeggerton said:

So I had always thought, before i got pregnant, that I would want my mom and hubby at bedside when  I had a baby and that we would call a bunch of people to let them know I am in labor. However, knowing how overbearing and annoying my mom can be at times I'm thinking I only want hubby there. I have also been thinking that I don't really want any visitors leading up to delivery. 1.) I know I will feel and look like crap and just want to be alone. It is how I deal w/ pain 2.) I really want my hubby and I to just be able to go through this experience together, alone. I feel like it will be a great way for us to bond and 3.) I want like an hour alone w/ our daughter just to soak up the newness of it all and to enjoy being a family of three before having to share her and pass her all around when all I will want is to just hold her. Any thoughts? How do I break this news to our parents that I don't plan on calling till after baby is here? and how do you plan on doing things?

I seriously relate to this in so many ways. I'd like just my husband by my side and the time together alone with baby before anyone else arrives. I'd like to have my mom at the hospital in case my husband needs anything - but ONLY my mom. I don't want anyone in the waiting room and I want people invited in when I'm ready! 

I think you just have to make your wishes known as early as possible.Your family will understand. If they respect your birth plan, you can call them when you are in labor so they can feel the excitement and that they are involved but they will also know when it's their turn to visit. 

MrsFaust1432

Just my husband! My mom is a worrier and I know that if my BP rises or my pulse rate goes up or if the baby is in distress she will freak out which will only make things worse for me! I already told her she would not be in the room and she was very hurt by it. I even told her dad would be allowed in the room before she is bc my dad is more calm. She didn't take that well either. I'd really like to not even call them until it's time to push, but I know my mother would never get over that!

What I am having more problems with is my MIL. My mom is not a big fan of my MIL and I pretty much agree especially where our child is concerned. My MIL did not raise my husband and basically abandoned him and left my husband with his grandmother (not her mother, but my husbands dads mother). My mom and I just don't understand how she could do that. (She basically did it with all 4 of her kids). And my MIL has not had a good track record since we my husband and I have been together either. She is very manipulative, and she didn't even make it to our wedding bc she was in JAIL! After that she was on probation and went to jail again about a year ago and was in jail for about 10 months. She is supposedly clean now and lives with my brother and sister-in-law and helps out with their little boy, but I just still don't know how I feel about her being there right after we have our little girl. Like I said she is manipulative and thinks she knows everything since she had 4 kids, but she never took care of them and was probably high the whole time anyway!!!

I could just see there being a lot of drama between her and my mom. And if she does come right after the baby is born she would have to stay at our house since she lives out of town, and I don't know that I can handle her for an extended period of time. And that would leave more time for conflict to happen bc my mom won't want to share!

ErinLily44

When I first found out I was pregnant my mum was totally going to be there. I wanted it and so did she. I was only 16 so she helped me with everything. My mum and I have never got on and she is really controlling and annoying. When I started going into labour I was suddenly really against the idea. It was probably cause I felt so shit. After ten hours in I was in so much pain and felt so scared that I needed my mum. I guess because I didn't have a partner with me or someone that I loved it's different. If my boyfriend had been there then I would have just wanted him too. I'd just tell your mum. The sooner the better! As for wanting an hour or two just with your little one and hubby, that's totally fine. I'm sure they'll all understand. Most people are more understanding if you're pregnant than you think they'll be.

FirstTimeMamaAricka

It will just be my boyfriend and I while i am in labor. We haven't decided on whether or not we are going to allow visitors at the hospital. We don't really want to but i also feel bad if we don't allow his mom and my parents at least, though i don't think my mom will make it to the hospital. I know for a fact that we aren't going to tell anyone until he is already here because we don't want people coming up before we are ready for them. On top of that we want at least a few hours alone with our son. The way I see it is he and I created this baby alone and there fore will will decide how we want things done. people can accept it or not but thats their problem. once we have it all figured out we will tell everyone what the plan is and leave it at that.

lginnan

Planning on parents in waiting room and maybe to say hello beforehand, but just my husband for pushing.

doe2813

My SO and my mom. My mom was in the room with me with my first two, I was young and she was a great support person for me. She encouraged me to have natural births and when I was tempted to give in she reminded me I could do it. She is also great with a camera so she will be capturing all the moment leading up to and after delivery. Our 4 DD''s will be waiting in the waiting room for us, most likely my sister or another family member will be with them. Since we are Team Green we want them there so as soon as the baby is born they can meet their brother or sister.

SarahAnne1101

I have been really nervous about this too. This is my third baby, but my husband's first.  I have decided on my husband and mom in the room with me. And we are only calling parents and siblings to let them know I am in labor. No visitors at hospital during labor. After delivery and getting settled a bit we will call and let everyone know baby has arrived and that we will call whe nwe are ready for visitors. We are planning to have the kids come up to the hospital a few hours after the baby comes.I want to have time to get a shower and eat and have a nap before anyone comes. After that the grandparents and aunts can come to visit, but have asked they keep visits to under and hour and call before they come to get a time to come. I had hard deliveries with both of my previous and have had a lot of complications this time and just want to relax and have some hubby baby time before anyone else comes.