Secondary infertility

mstelz02

Hello, 

My name is Marissa & I am new to the bump community. At this point I am just looking for some support & encouragement because all of us know what a long emotional process this is. A little background on me...I have been pregnant 3 times in three years. The first time resulted in a miscarriage. The second time I got pregnant I was blessed with my beautiful son who is now 3 years old. About 2 years after I had him I got pregnant again and it was a molar pregnancy so I needed to have a D&C. Now we have been trying for over a year and it just isn't happening which is incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking. It seems like no one seems to know what to say or how to act regarding secondary infertility. 

ErikaMG

Hi Marissa,
I'm in a similar situation, and my heart is with you! Hang in there, and know that your feelings are just as valid as anyone's. While we are blessed to have amazing young sons, it's still painful and heartbreaking when you want another child and are dealing with fertility issues.
Erika

karam425

Hi ladies, 
I'm in a similar situation as well. In Feb 2015 I had a chemical pregnancy, my first pregnancy, and then was able to conceive our daughter very easily 2 cycles later (Mid-May 2015). I gave birth end of January 2016 and breastfed my daughter for 6 months with absolutely NO fertility during that time. I stopped breastfeeding end of July 2016 to start TTC #2 and I believe that I started ovulating in August. I got pregnant in October and has another chemical pregnancy and since then I haven't been able to conceive. My husband keeps telling me I'm being impatient, and maybe I am, but I'm just so let down and sad about all of this. 
I had an HSG in January, I did my first round of femara this month (low dose 2.5mg CD 3-7) and I ovulated later than normal! My OB said that if I don't conceive this month she will up my dosage- which makes me believe she thinks I won't conceive with late ovulation. I keep trying not to stress out, but that's easier said than done. All and all, I've been TTC for 7 or 8 cycles. I'm 33 and starting to stress about time- I'd like to get pregnant again and have two more babies before 35. 
My husband keeps telling me that I need to relax and that the doctor says nothing is wrong, all my tests have come back fine. He hasn't been tested at all because we have conceived 3 times- so he doesn't have to do anything at all.
I told him I want to start discussing IUI soon, so we can at least be prepared if it comes down to that and he isn't even open to that because "we haven't been trying that long". I keep reminding him that I'm not getting any younger and that these are things we need to decide on, because if not we need to start the adoption process because I really want my daughter to have sibling. 
Do I sound like a total basket case? Because I feel like yes, I have anxiety about this, but that I'm trying to think ahead in case I truly can't have another baby naturally. 

End rant. 

Any advice/insight would be appreciated.

Marley629

Welcome!  I am in a similiar situation. I am 34 and have a 3.5 year old son who was conceived fairly quickly without issue. We have been trying for 18 months for a second and are currently in our 1st IVF cycle. My AMH came back very very low (.328) and my fsh is elevated.  My tSH also came back normal but over the 2 they would like it at for ttc so I am now on thyroid medicine as well. We are also dealing with male factor as well. 
I deal with people all the time saying "well at least you have DS" etc.  that definitely does not help things.  I am grateful for my son and I love him with all my heart - but my family is not complete yet and I want him to have a sibling - whatever that entails. I think people just really don't know what to say.  Just letting you know you aren't alone  

Polythene Pam

@karam425 I get it! We got pregnant easily with my daughter (3.5) so after 9 months I went to my OB. My husband felt I was rushing and stressing, but if my daughter was the result of one cycle of half trying, I just felt things weren't right. Testing takes a LONG time and even if nothing is wrong, they can help just better your chances. It's been a full year since we started testing and we just wrapped up IVF so I'm glad I was proactive since, like you, I think I'd love 3 kids total and don't want to go through 2 years of trying ever again. To be blunt my husband was a pain in the ass (like an asshole) about getting tested, because 1. "Obviously my boys can swim" (eye roll) and 2. "You're rushing so I don't think it's necessary." He was actually fine and it was an issue on me, now after IVF he apologized for holding up the process, but seems like men can be weird about this stuff. 

Best of luck!

funkykey

Hi Marissa (@mstelz02) - welcome, I hope you find support on these boards.

@karam425 - I'm sorry about your CP. I do agree with your husband - if you've just been trying since about August and had a CP, I'd give the old fashioned way a few more tries - if you're 33, especially if you have had a healthy pregnancy, you won't be considered infertile until this coming summer, which is several months away.

All that being said, on a personal note, I actually considered the period where we'd been trying for 7 or 8 cycles more emotionally difficult than the period we're in now, with failed IUIs. All phases are disappointing, of course, but personally, I was more panicked and upset earlier on in our journey. The spectre of IF was so scary, and now that I actually am IF, I'm more pragmatic, like: "Ok, I'm living my nightmare. I'm still alive and can move. What happens next?"

Good luck to you, don't lose hope.

karam425

@funkykey Thank you so much for the real talk. I need to hear that. I'm looking for that as well as the advice that the other ladies offer. I appreciate your insight so much!

karam425

@Polythene Pam thank you for he support.  Can I ask how old you are and how long you tried before IVF? Did you try clomid or femara first? IUI? I know I'm not in a bad place yet, but like @funkykey mentioned above- the stress before IF is real. Any advice. I know my hubby means well and I love him dearly, I'm just stressing and need someone to discuss my thoughts with. 

Polythene Pam

I'm 33, I have one blocked tube and after clomid and monitoring apparently the ovary on the blocked side is the one that likes to produce eggs. So my RE had other thoughts on treatments but it's been 2 years of trying, we were over it and wanted this to be "easier" if we have a third (we were able to freeze extra embryos). It took us about 18 months though for us to both be ready for this, with my daughter coming so easily I never envisioned so much stress for more kids. It's a bit of a compromise, try to listen to your husband too, we snuck in a weekend away to reconnect too. Once my husband came around to seeing a specialist we did (the 18 month mark) it would've stressed him out to go much earlier. Good luck!

pawcall

I'm in a weird secondary infertility situation. I have an amazing 6yo boy, conceived without any trouble the first cycle we tried. My husband was not a good guy, and my son has major medical problems, and we eventually separated and divorced. 

I am now engaged to a man who is wonderful to me and my "Little 6" and we want to add to our family. It would be my second and FI's first. We tried on our own for 12 cycles and finally went to an RE in January. Cycle 13 was an unmedicated IUI, and this cycle is a clomid IUI. 

We don't have clear answers - his SA is fine other than low morphology, my testing is all fine except that my early cycle US's look kind of PCOS-ish with a bajillion follies. But I ovulate on my own, with just one dominant follie at go time. So who knows. 

Secondary infertility is a strange beast. It makes it hard to discuss things - I feel like everything I think of saying is a trigger warning, simply because my son exists. I feel like people think I should be happy with what I have, that I'm not that bad off because at least I have him. But (as I know you know) the pain of secondary infertility is real. 

bpietronicco

I am right there with you ladies. I'm 37 and DH is 48. My Dh and I got married in 2005. From that point we Ntnp but never got pregnant. 6 years into our marraige we finally started to really TTC, and still nothing. We started the fertility testing. I found out I had a blocked tube from my hsg. I was referred to a specialist and started testing all over again. By some miracle I got pregnant with my DD the month I was supposed to have another hsg to try to unblock my tube. Fast forward 3.5 years and we have been unable to get pregnant again. We started trying when my daughter turned 1. We did a few cycles on clomid that failed. I finally received my referral to an RE and had our first iui on February 14. I have my beta testing on Tuesday, but my progesterone level came back so low on 7 dpiui that it doesn't look promising. All while both my sisters are pregnant or just had a baby and several of my friends all are having their 2nd or 3rd child right now. FX for you all.

heavysnow

Hello, I'm new here as well as you. My story is similar. Infertility came to us many years ago, I didn't expect to be in such situation. My husband couldn't accept this for a long time. 
I was ttc for the couples of years. I couldn’t get pregnant  naturally so we tried oe ivf in our country but it didn't work. Our next step was de conception but we failed 2 cycles again. Because of many attempts of ivf I have bad health condition. The doctor told me that I can't be stimulated any more in addition I have poor ovarian reserve so it's impossible to have babies. She told that I have no chances to be a mother and adoption is for us, because a surrogacy is forbidden in our country. I don't want to lose my family, that's why we are looking for a clinic abroad.