Let's keep this group supportive

awrtz92

Being a part of this group is very helpful a lot of the time and that's what it's here for but I do see rude comments at times that aren't helpful. Yes, some opinions are not going to be what you anticipate which is the point but bashing people and judging them is just not necessary. Of course if someone posted they were drinking go ahead and tell them that's not very smart but assuming people aren't going to be good parents is just unnecessary. Let's be supportive of each other. It's hard enough being pregnant at times. If we stick together and give our best advice without being rude we can help each other.

adecembermom2015

Just a heads up: this kind of thread usually backfires.

awrtz92

That's okay people can be negative about it or argue all they want. If they want to be in a rotten mood that's their choice. I just don't like rudeness. I don't like to waste my time making others feel bad. I just want all the mamas out there to get the positive support they deserve:)

JenScheil

Why does it usually backfire? We are all adults, making children...who we hope to raise with respect from others. Which is exactly what she is talking about. I think it's a great idea, be supportive of your fellow moms. Post your opinion, but it should be free of judgement. Not everyone likes chocolate ice cream as my Mom always says!!!

awrtz92

@JenScheil exactly! That's what I'm trying to say. I think she was just trying to warn me how other people may react. Some people just feel the need to be rude for no reason. I'm saying let's try to avoid that because it's unnecessary. So far I've been called lazy and selfish for asking for advice. That's just not the type of person I am. We are all free to share our opinions but it's terrible to call someone something they're not especially when you don't know them. As new moms you have to have a more open mind than that.

kleshelle

I agree, no need to judge others because they do things differently or feel differently... Just keep it to yourself if you feel the need to be rude. I haven't been rude to any moms on here unless someone gets snappy with me. I'm not the person to sit there and listen to people cram rude words down my throat. But I definitely won't be the one whose doing the cramming in the first place. I'm here to be nice, offer suggestions, & be as helpful as I can.

BostonBaby1

magburt said:

Just a heads up: this kind of thread usually backfires.

^^ this exactly

awrtz92 said:

That's okay people can be negative about it or argue all they want. If they want to be in a rotten mood that's their choice. I just don't like rudeness. I don't like to waste my time making others feel bad. I just want all the mamas out there to get the positive support they deserve:)

It should be noted again, this is an online forum, not a support group. The entire point is to get feedback from different points of view. That does not mean that you cannot get support on here, but if you read TOU, you can clearly see that not everybody has to agree with you on your post. And disagreeing is not rude. What is rude is to be misrepresenting one's opinion by giving the false impression that one may agree with a person that they do not. I see no integrity in that. However, I do agree with you that there is no need to argue simply for arguments sake.

* edited for grammar

adecembermom2015

I totally agree that it isn't appropriate to bash women in many situations, however, we are all very opinionated. This is not a support group. This is an online community forum. We are all bound to find people who love and hate our opinions. There's much more than just "drinking while pregnant" that I'll publicly disagree with. That doesn't mean I'll be a jerk about it, but things do tend to escalate back and forth.
Unfortunately life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

BostonBaby1

adecembermom2015

awrtz92

My point is you can share you're opinion without saying "I can't believe you are going to be a parent" or calling people selfish and lazy. Of course we're not all going to agree.

kcas123

I also think most moms have a pretty strict way they're going to raise their children and how they're going to treat their pregnancy. For example, I don't agree with smoking marijuana while pregnant. I had no problem voicing my opinion on that thread because it's something I strongly disagree with. Other moms didn't think the same way I did. I would never purposely hurt someone's feelings, but I'm not going to support something I don't agree with.

BostonBaby1

awrtz92 said:

My point is you can share you're opinion without saying "I can't believe you are going to be a parent" or calling people selfish and lazy. Of course we're not all going to agree.

I respectfully disagree with you. I personally have not seen anybody say "I can't believe you are going to be a parent," except perhaps something to that effect of that on the smoking marijuana while pregnant thread. As for people acting selfish and/or lazy, a lot of people do (more laziness than selfishness IMO.) Everybody here is using smart phones for the most part. We should all take the initiative to use our smart phones and use Google. It is actually lazy to expect other people to do your research for you. So many of these questions would be answered in great detail if one would just use Google or the search function. It's also quite easy to buy a book on pregnancy such as What to Expect.

yl1m32015

The reason these threads don't do any good is because we literally get a "let's all get along" thread like once a week. Nothing ever changes. You aren't going to change anyone's personalities here. Personally, I don't come here for support. I can get that from friends and family, my OB and my husband. I come here to educate myself, learn new things, different views and styles. I take everything with a grain of salt and don't take it personally. No one here personally knows who I am, and I don't know them. Yes we can be polite, but let's be honest, this board would be incredibly boring if everyone just agreed and always got along.

awrtz92

I'm not looking for people to do research for me. I'm asking for their personal opinion

BostonBaby1

awrtz92 said:

I'm not looking for people to do research for me. I'm asking for their personal opinion

I'm not disputing that you personally are not asking for other people to do research for you. There are women on here that absolutely do that on a regular basis though.

courtney198078

BostonBaby1 said:

awrtz92 said:

My point is you can share you're opinion without saying "I can't believe you are going to be a parent" or calling people selfish and lazy. Of course we're not all going to agree.

I respectfully disagree with you. I personally have not seen anybody say "I can't believe you are going to be a parent," except perhaps something to that effect of that on the smoking marijuana while pregnant thread. As for people acting selfish and/or lazy, a lot of people do (more laziness than selfishness IMO.) Everybody here is using smart phones for the most part. We should all take the initiative to use our smart phones and use Google. It is actually lazy to expect other people to do your research for you. So many of these questions would be answered in great detail if one would just use Google or the search function. It's also quite easy to buy a book on pregnancy such as What to Expect.

Hey friend how are you these days?? Hope you are feeling much better!!

Check out the cat rehoming thread and the bottle vs breast feeding thread for those comments they were kind of nasty And not in a supportive way at all.

adecembermom2015

Is _____normal?

I use google all day long.

awrtz92

Oh lol. Believe me I google everything haha. I didn't know ppl post things like this once a week or I wouldn't. Not that it does any good. Like someone said people will act how they are no matter where you are on the Internet or in real life.

groovylocks

There is a difference between being blunt and being mean or superior. I have no time for people who use bitchiness and contrariness to desperately try to prove they're the cleverest person in the room. I respect genuine frustration but not this bitch vogue garbage.

awrtz92

@courtney198078 the cat rehoming post is what I was referring to. Just that lady's comments were unnecessary. Everyone else's were great. They gave me a lot of different opinions and made me realize you can't just Rehome a cat before you see how things go with the baby. The different opinions really opened my eyes. My bf even went out and got a tower for the cat yesterday because I suggested it

Jazmine928

In regard to the post about smoking pot while pregnant, that mamma specifically stated that she wasn't looking for peoples opinions because she was aware that it was a charged subject. People disrespected her by posting their strong opposition to her when that was not what she was looking for. To me, that is disrespectful and what there needs to be less of. I understand this isn't an online support group but honestly, that sounds nicer to me! If you can't support something don't! Doesn't mean anyone should be judged or disrespected

Jazmine928

kcas123 said:

I also think most moms have a pretty strict way they're going to raise their children and how they're going to treat their pregnancy. For example, I don't agree with smoking marijuana while pregnant. I had no problem voicing my opinion on that thread because it's something I strongly disagree with. Other moms didn't think the same way I did. I would never purposely hurt someone's feelings, but I'm not going to support something I don't agree with.

That mother was not looking for opinions...

adecembermom2015

Jazmine928 said:

In regard to the post about smoking pot while pregnant, that mamma specifically stated that she wasn't looking for peoples opinions because she was aware that it was a charged subject. People disrespected her by posting their strong opposition to her when that was not what she was looking for. To me, that is disrespectful and what there needs to be less of. I understand this isn't an online support group but honestly, that sounds nicer to me! If you can't support something don't! Doesn't mean anyone should be judged or disrespected

You can't preface a post by saying "supporters only." That's not how this works. This is a public forum and you can expect to hear people who agree or disagree, even if you tell those who disagree not to comment.

yl1m32015

Ok, I think everyone needs to remember that this is not your real life! When you're asking questions and people respond in a way you find offensive or hurts your feelings, it's not personal! It cannot possibly be personal because they do not know you personally. They have no idea who you are, where you come from or why you're asking. You've never made eye contact, sat and had coffee or margaritas. They are simply stating THEIR opinions from their point of view and from where THEY come from.

Odds are, you know other mothers in real life. You know someone who has been pregnant at least once or twice that you can ask questions, but yet you're asking strangers online.

When you get upset, it's very easy to walk away. You simply click out of the app or close your computer and you're back in the real world. I've had to do it myself, when things get tense or offensive, I can walk away at any time, we all have that luxury.

I know it's hard not to let comments or opinions affect you, but try not to be so sensitive about it. At the end of the day, we only know and see a fraction of each other's lives here. No one truly cares what sex your kid is, what you name it, if you circ, if you bf or ff, or what you do with your cat because it doesn't affect them. It's not their life and they don't know you. So take their opinions with a grain of salt and make your best decision for you and your family, because that's who truly matters.

Jazmine928

I understand you can't prevent certain posts but I think one can say "oh this mom would rather not hear my opposing veiw so I won't write it" I guess it takes a gentle soul to do that though..

yl1m32015

I guess I'm not that gentle then. I think if you're asking a question on a public forum, instead of asking personal friends or family members, you're looking for opposing opinions. I don't know anyone personally enough to know their sensitivity levels.

Mizuiro007

magburt said:

Jazmine928 said:

In regard to the post about smoking pot while pregnant, that mamma specifically stated that she wasn't looking for peoples opinions because she was aware that it was a charged subject. People disrespected her by posting their strong opposition to her when that was not what she was looking for. To me, that is disrespectful and what there needs to be less of. I understand this isn't an online support group but honestly, that sounds nicer to me! If you can't support something don't! Doesn't mean anyone should be judged or disrespected

You can't preface a post by saying "supporters only." That's not how this works. This is a public forum and you can expect to hear people who agree or disagree, even if you tell those who disagree not to comment.

I'm going to be completely honest. Everything said here ceased to exist as soon as I saw the gif you shared. My mind didn't go to Braveheart, oh no. It's now consumed with scenes from The New Guy. Thank you. It cheered me up.

adecembermom2015

Jazmine928 said:

I understand you can't prevent certain posts but I think one can say "oh this mom would rather not hear my opposing veiw so I won't write it" I guess it takes a gentle soul to do that though..

I guess my soul isn't gentle because I thought it was insane to recreationally smoke weed while pregnant.

adecembermom2015

@Embuzz247 while I'd love to share margaritas with a few of you, you are exactly right on the money! Everyone needs some big girl panties because it's not personal. Internet strangers don't have to ruin anyone's day.

redfallon

My answer to this: It'd be nice, but it's not going to happen. 

To add to that, I think that for the most part people on here are nice and respectful and supportive of others and their questions and concerns. However, there are always going to be those who are not. That's just how it is. That's how life is. This isn't any different, and if you think that it will be, then you're fooling yourself. 

If anyone calls you a name, that is against TOU. I think it would be great if everyone actually read these guidelines that are stickied at the top of every board: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12588073/the-bump-guidelines#latest

You can click the report button and report them for abuse and state the reasons why. You can also click on a name and click Ignore so that you no longer have to see any further comments from that person. It's a lot easier to do that here than it is with someone in real life  

ammnam14

Thanks for this post. Unfortunately, there's always going to be a handful of people that will be always be rude. That's life.

Don't take anything too personal on here, it's not worth it.

adecembermom2015

I hope you all understand that disagreement is not equal to rude.

ammnam14

But, disagreeing in a rude way is what the issue is. OP said she was called lazy and selfish..whoever commented that obviously disagreed with her which isn't rude. Calling her lazy and selfish is rude.

adecembermom2015

AudriannaMaria said:

But, disagreeing in a rude way is what the issue is. OP said she was called lazy and selfish..whoever commented that obviously disagreed with her which isn't rude. Calling her lazy and selfish is rude.

Correct, however many people on the boards think if anyone disagrees then they are rude.

ammnam14

Yup, that is true too.

MegStark

Can we all agree to stop the "lets all get along" posts? For real. Please?

redfallon

AudriannaMaria said:

But, disagreeing in a rude way is what the issue is. OP said she was called lazy and selfish..whoever commented that obviously disagreed with her which isn't rude. Calling her lazy and selfish is rude.

If someone outright called her lazy and selfish, she can report them for being against TOU. She is not going to change that person. 

ammnam14

I never said she was going to change the person. But that is great advice for the OP.

adecembermom2015

redfallon

I just went through that thread. Unless someone changed their post, the first time the word "lazy" is brought up is from OP. There is no instance of that word on page 1, and it is only used twice on page 2 (first time by the OP). The word "selfish" is also only used by the OP. So, I'm not sure which person called her lazy and selfish. I can't find it. If I saw it, I'd report it myself. 

I also don't see anything on that thread that was bashing OP. There were a lot of people offering suggestions on what to do instead of rehoming the cat and then if those didn't work then try rehoming the cat. 

The only thing that got slightly heated was the discussion of declawing, and that was really around the original topic as a side topic and wasn't directed at OP.