Friendships

ash74nc

So I'm a FTM and I'm young and married. I'm a military spouse and I don't have many friends that I hang out with. I really only hang out with one person. This girl and I have been friends for over a year now and there have been a lot of jabs that she has made about pregnant women and people with kids. I am worried that she will stop being my friend just because I'm pregnant. I know if she were a true friend then the situation wouldn't matter to our friendship. Have any of you went through this before? Do you have any advice on making new friends while pregnant?

Monilee1017

First as you said if she really cares about you it doesn't matter if you have a kid or not, she will stay your friend. But once you become a mom look around you neighborhood and see if you can find any mommy and me classes. Where I live they have one once a week at the library and one every Monday- Saturday at the town parks and rec center. Good luck!

ash74nc

@Monilee1017 That's true. I'm sure they have mommy and me classes on post too. I guess this is just gonna show me who my real friends are. Hopefully I can find more mommies to be in my area (:

SullyN

There is also a military families board on here. I never really participated in it other than to lurk for ideas during deployment and Tricare stuff. I would think if you lurk on there you might get an idea of what different bases offer and keep an eye out! Also, check out the libraries and rec centers for towns in your area even off base!

Blueyedsky

Good luck to you! You could always join a prenatal yoga class or craft class or something like that. Those tend to have mommies in them

ash74nc

Thanks guys!! These are all really great ideas. I appreciate the support (:

SullyN

Also, when it gets closer you can looking to childbirth classes, and if you're planning on breastfeeding they have breastfeeding classes too! Are you part of your FRG? That's another way to meet other families too! 

ash74nc

I am part of the FRG @SullyN but surprisingly the women that are also in it aren't very welcoming. Most don't want to be "friends" because I'm young. But I'll definitely look into the classes. Also putting in on the labor buddies page. I saw someone from my area on there so fingers crossed lol.

SullyN

Ugh that stinks. They can be hit or miss! we're National Guard and during my husbands deployment ours was mostly the moms and dads of soldiers which was an interesting dynamic. I would keep going though you never know who else might be new and show up! The whole not wanting to be friends since you're "young" is ridiculous since at some point most likely at least one of them was probably married at your age! I know during our first deployment I wasn't included in a lot since I wasn't 21 yet and "was just a girlfriend." Which made deployment number two interesting with the same group of women yet I was married with a baby but didn't have a desire to be friends with women that would treat others that way. 

ash74nc

@SullyN I'm 20 and will be 21 in October. A lot of he women seem to forget that my husband is 27 lol. I'm mature to say the least. But the FRG women just won't give me a chance or they are too busy. It's sad. I'll keep looking around (:

daninikicoli

With my first pregnancy, one of my "best friends" totally ditched me. It hurt my feelings at the time, but now I look at her and wonder how I ever was ever friends with her. Hopefully your friend will show up for you, if not its her loss.

The best friends I've made in adulthood were through work. Also my husband's friend's wives/girlfriends. Maybe your husband has some friends with cool wives, have a BBQ and get to know them? Also I've met a few women just at the park...our kids play together so we get to talking.

Some PP had good ideas with the mommy and me classes. All the ones I've attended, the women are friendly and talkative.

Also I've hooked up with old friends through social media. Not sure that's at an option.

Good luck!

ash74nc

@daninikicoli It sucks because she claims I'm her best friend but she constantly says things like "I'm never having kids" "Kids are terrible" "I could never be friends with a pregnant woman"
And just loads of negative things about pregnancy and kids.
Now I'm pregnant. I've kind of seen her drift off somewhat. I'm just waiting for her to drop me. She is even posting things about me on social media without actually saying it's about me but then turns around and asks to hangout.
I'm not really worried about it anymore because if she drops me then that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
I'll ask my husband about linking up with some of his old friends and see what he thinks about it. Thanks for the ideas and support (:

CBWifey

Omg I am going through the same exact scenario with someone right now. We are both military wives. I met her because we worked for same employer. We had our first babies within 2 weeks, difference, she didn't want kids. Well, I've tried to stay friends with her, and when I announced in my family newsletter we were expecting again, her responses were, "OMG" x 2, and then, "I'm still dumbfounded". Nice huh? Anyway, haven't been texting her anymore, and she hasn't me. I can't speak to FRG because I've never participated in one. But I can speak to some military wives judging others and not being kind, uggg, I'm sorry. If you don't mind, private message me where you are located. One of the other moms on here and me have same location, also military wife. If you are same as us, maybe I can help in the support part!

ash74nc

@CBWifey Keeping my fingers crossed that we are in the same place!!! Thanks for your response. I just messaged you! (:

cawalp

@ash74nc
As far as the military board on here, I was there the other day and most the posts are years old.

Try going to some of the new parent classes in your town or on your base if they have them. Also, I usually meet my new friends through my husband's friends that have wives. That's how I met my current 2 friends at this station. And more isn't always better, if you find 1 woman that you really get along with, sometimes that's all you need/ all you can keep up with once baby is here. Good luck!

ChrissyD1203

I'm moving to a new state next month far away from where I live now and working from home (so office friends are out). I'm hoping to befriend my husbands new co-workers or their SOs, do a pre-natal yoga class, do a volunteer activity and get involved in whatever parish we end up joining. I figure if I put myself out there, I will meet some people. I'm 30 and think it's probably easier to make new friends when younger.

lyannast

I'm a hospitality worker and quite young... My friends have always come over for a drink or something several times a week... But since finding out I'm pregnant, I'm pretty well isolated. I've had one friend who's stuck by me and my god, she is the most precious thing! She never wants kids herself but is so supportive of my situation. Sometimes I get upset about the friends I have lost.. But I guess quality over quantity. I found deleting Facebook helps... It was really hurtful to see all the girls that were avoiding me having fun together.

jfritschie87

I'm also a military wife and i know how difficult it can be to make friends, especially after having to move every few years or so. I just came back to the states from 3 years in korea with my husband and now being here feels foreign lol. I know no one here and my husband hasn't any luck trying to hang out with his co workers either. I don't mind being alone most of the time though since i am definitely an introvert but every now and then i really need some girl time! In korea i met friends through fitness classes, the dog park, and my husband's buddy's wives. What are your hobbies? Are there any spouse facebook pages for your base to participate in?