breaking up

bella2210

I'm 10.4 weeks pregnant and it looks like SO and I may not make it through this pregnancy together. We both want the baby but we're not getting along and his mother had been awful to me. I used the search engine and really couldn't find anything. I planned on staying home with baby and am devastated at the thought of being in this without my partner. Does anyone have any support or advice?

willashbaby

I always say this but I feel like it's so important, contact a family lawyer to start child support arrangements NOW. Especially if he has a mother who might be a pain in the ass. Good luck and vent as needed.

bella2210

Thank you!

jessiedonnie

I have felt like that sometimes, but i also have to remember (and usually calmly remind SO) that I'm emotional, irrational, and hormonal. I think the previous advice is good too.... Never hurts to be prepared. And i find it really helpful to have someone to confide in who has been through it and knows me really well. Sometimes i just need to be scared and cry, and SO isn't the best person for me to be like that with.

Good luck... We're here for ya!

xxarlannaxx

willashbaby said:

I always say this but I feel like it's so important, contact a family lawyer to start child support arrangements NOW. Especially if he has a mother who might be a pain in the ass. Good luck and vent as needed.

^^this right here is good advice. Even if you guys figure out a way to make it work, his mom ends up backing off and everything runs smoothly, it is never a bad idea to be prepared and to know what will happen following the worst of any situation. However, I do feel like you shouldn't just give up. How old are you? How long have you been in this relationship? i'm sorry if it sounds like I'm asking for personal information, it's just hard to help when you have such little information...

bella2210

I'm 30 and we have been together a year

xxarlannaxx

Congrats on your pregnancy! (I thought that I would throw that in there because I realize I had been rude and not stated it in my first post) In my personal opinion a year is not a very long time, but that's just me. Just out of curiosity you, why is his mother getting involved in this? This pregnancy is between YOU and your boyfriend to come to terms on. If you guys want to have a chance at fixing the relationship or making it work he can't allow his mother to be meddling in the middle of it attacking you, it will only decrease the chances of your relationship being salvaged.

bella2210

I think she is just a type A control freak. I agree with you that a year is not a long time . I'm not sure what will happen with this relationship but I definitely don't care to involve his mother! I will talk to an attorney so that I have a clear idea of how to proceed with custody, just in case, but hopefully it won't come to that. That was a wonderful idea. I know he is very overwhelmed right now but it doesn't excuse some of the problems. I feel like with his mother, he needs to make a strong stand and he hasn't.

xxarlannaxx

He is overwhelmed and you are hormonal, and every relationship has its bumps in the road. Not to mention, a baby is a pretty big deal so it's not uncommon for you guys to have your arguments. However, I think he needs to keep in mind that you two are supposed to be a team and this pregnancy happened because of the two of you, so in reality his mother really has no place in it. Yes, she is his mother and yes, I'm sure they love each other and don't want to hurt each other but there's a point in time where every mother needs to let her child(ren) grow up and handle their own to the best of their abilities. I'm sure that no matter what happens, you will do what you feel is best for your child and you will unconditionally love your child despite the circumstances. I do believe that the two of you have to have a serious talk about trying to make things work and trying to understand how the other one is emotionally overwhelmed...you try to be understanding and supportive of his emotions, and he returns the favor to you and the two of you, as a team, try and find a happy medium. I also believe that you should explain to him how it makes you feel when his mom oversteps her boundaries and attack you. I wish you the best of luck, enjoy your pregnancy!

keshakdavis

Do your best to work it out. My advice. Get counseling if needed.

ChrissyD1203

My husband and I got into the biggest fight out our 6+ year relationship this week and it was over the most ridiculous thing (going to his aunts house in August for a BBQ). I think tensions are high / this is our first pregnancy (and although, I'm also 30, it was not planned and we both feel so unprepared). Sometimes relationships just go through growing pains. Not saying you should be with him if you don't want, only maybe don't give up easy if you love him and want to be with him. MILs can be crazy. My husband's mother is very nice, but she is just so different than my mom and how things were done in my family, so I'm still adjusting. I'm trying hard to accept people where they are and not try to fix them or think how I would act differently if I were them.

bella2210

Thank you, ladies. He had been suggesting we go talk to a therapist together, so I agreed. We are going next week.
@chrissyD1203 I think you hit the nail on the head. We are both new to pregnancy/parenthood and it has been really stressful, at times, trying to prepare. We really love each other and this baby, no question. It's nice to know that even in established and stable relationships there are troubles like this. I was afraid to resort to therapy this early in the relationship but I have spoken to some people who had therapy early on and healthy, long relationships after.

BreeAnnPG

I love my husband to pieces, and this is our third child. I always joke that our marriage is great until we get pregnant. Something about the hormones makes me feel like we are the most incompatible beings on the planet. I always end up glad that we didn't make any rash decisions during a pregnancy because everything always feels way more extreme than it is. Not saying that is your situation, but if you have been together for a year, I would try to avoid making a relationship decision while pregnant. It's a hard transition for both partners. I still laugh about my first pregnancy because I literally thought my marriage was in shambles and that I would need to leave him. I'm glad we stuck through it because nothing was truly wrong. We love each other (and our children) so much!

SummerOH

Chiming in a bit late, but like others have said, it's totally normal to argue during pregnancy. My husband and I have been together 8 years and have been grumpy lately. It was the same way when I was pregnant with our son, so we have the experience to know it will pass, as yours most likely will, too. It's just because you both feel overwhelmed with the idea of a baby and all of the changes that come with it, in addition to stressing about the list of things to get done. The fact that he is willing to go to counseling is huge! All the best to you!

kcappy

I completely agree with the one who mentioned custody stuff. I would suggest going to see a mediator, they are less expensive than court and lawyers and they will work with you to write up a parenting plan and get it signed off by a judge. This seems crazy and stressful and hopeless to think about but custody drama is the LAST thing you want to stress about right before you're due and with a new baby. I have a step son and custody stuff has caused massive amounts of stress on me and in my relationship, we have had a lovely dry spell of drama but I really suggest thinking about this option. 

Hope this helps!

kcappy

Counseling is also a great option! 

sotosamantha101

Hi my opinion would be just take a step back and breath being pregnant is difficult as it is and adding relationship problems just makes it more overwhealming dont ever let anyone get involved in your relationship it will only cause more frustration for you and the baby the mom should back off. Talking to an attorney or mediator is a great idea knowing your options always helps so that if you have to make a decision later on you have the information you need. I hope this helps good luck.