First appointment was not what I thought it would be

EC2016

I'm 9 weeks and had my first appointment today. I waited an hour in the waiting room before I was called back. Then they acted like I was crazy for wanting to talk about things before doing the exam, which I thought was the point of having a midwife. I felt rushed and invalidated in my questions. She did the exam and pap and didn't even attempt to look for a heartbeat even though I had asked about it. She said it was too early, even though I know some of you ladies have heard a heartbeat even earlier. I cried because I was so frustrated and embarrassed. I get an ultrasound in 3 weeks and see a Dr after. I hope I like the Dr better.

marykathryn86

You can always buy one. But usually most places won't attempt to listen until 11 weeks.

fragglemom

With the title of this post and the amount of losses that have occurred I thought this was going to be way worse. Phew! My Dr won't even try a doppler until 13 weeks. I think it's partly that he doesn't have a great one and partly just in case he has a hard time finding the heartbeat ( total panic). He also runs behind on appointments because of other emergencies that pop up ( he's awesome at being available when there's an emergency). Anywho.....I never settle for doctors and neither should you. If you feel like this may not be the practice for you then look for another. There are a ton of resources online for finding the right Dr for you. It's a super important relationship and you should be nothing less than satisfied by it.

EC2016

You're right. I changed the title a bit. I had expectations that weren't met but nothing as disappointing as a loss. I will try the other dr because it's a big practice.

mypeeps27

I had my first appointment at 7 weeks and the first thing the doctor did was check out the baby and listen for the heartbeat. All doctors are different I guess, but if she made you feel that way, you should definitely look for someone else who makes you feel comfortable.

thereisalight

With my first pregnancy the Dr. never checked for a heartbeat. We weren't sure how far along I was, long story, but all she did was stick her hand up there and guess. Then she informed me they would only do one US at 20 weeks. I know in some offices that's typical but I was a terrified FTM and needed some reassurance.

I immediately switched practices. That one didn't hesitate to do an ultrasound. They found out about a complication I have and corrected the due date, which was way off. I'm so happy I switched and am still going there with the new babe. I agree with others one here... Don't settle! Call around or ask other moms who they recommend. It's so important to feel comfortable and cared for in this process!!!

myliitlefairygarden

If you are uncomfortable with your midwife than you should switch. I have had three different midwives during my pregnancy and i can tell you that is not normal behavior for a midwife at all. Personally I would not see her again. You should be comfortable with her and she should be willing to answer every question you have, she should inform you of any and all testing offered and i mean truly inform you of both the risks and benefits, not just we are going to have you take this test becuase we say it is needed so you take it.  Midwives should be all about informed consent, explanations and information. My midwife schedules an hour for each patient, I'm sure midwives who work in a OB practice don't have that luxury but my last four were born with a midwife in a hospital and she always had time for me.

bananers

Agree with the others about finding someone new. I hope you like the Dr better, but if you don't, don't hesitate to switch practices. Our first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage, so an early ultrasound was a non-negotiable for me. Your MW was right in that it's hard to hear a HB via Doppler this early, but most practices have portable u/s machines where you should at least be able to measure the approximate size of the baby to make sure your dates line up and it's developing on track, and you'd also be able to see a flicker of a HB, even if you can't hear it yet.

I hope these next 3 weeks fly by and you have a better experience at your next visit.

myliitlefairygarden

If you search grassfed mama and I think how to choose a midwife, you will find a good article
I didn't post the link wasn't sure about the rules...

peppercorn16

My first appointment was totally weird too, and I left feeling the same way you did. My doctor did do an ultrasound but she did not print it out for me. She did not ask me if I had any questions, and she did not give me any information. I expected some info on the basics like what to eat/not eat, if I had any limitations and if things were on track so far, if I was taking prenatals, just the basics-- but NOTHING! She also brought a PA intern in with her and neither she nor the intern introduced her, yet she was all in and around my business lol... And neither of them even acknowledged that my husband was in the room! I did however get referred to high risk, and they were amazing-- it was the exact opposite of my first appt. They plan to see me throughout the pregnancy for all my appointments and I don't have to go back to my other doc. It was just so disappointing and anti-climactic. Definitely try the other doc, but try not to feel discouraged, 2nd time was the charm for me!

ondabianca

I had my first appointment at 9 weeks.  The first thing they did was a vaginal ultrasound and we heard the heartbeat.  Next, I met with a nurse and she asked me questions and that was my chance to ask any questions I had.  After that was the pap and blood work.

You are still early enough in your pregnancy that it wouldn't at all be too late to change providers.  You should be completely comfortable...:) 

robomama

My doctor that I had with my daughter was a total loon, and I wish I didn't stick it out to the end. I was very verbal of my distrust of her to the nurses, and didn't have a great birth experience because of it. If you have signs of things not being what you want now, then change. I felt trapped when the crazies started coming out at the 24 week mark.

ninnahpooh

I had an ultrasound at 6w 5d and I heard a very strong heartbeat. If I were you I'd most definitely find a new DR.

Veronicab1985

I got up early in the morning for my appointment this morning. I'm also 9 weeks. The receptionist told me my doctor had to cancel my appointment, so I had to schedule another one for three weeks from now. I have yet to hear a heartbeat, haven't had an ultrasound. I was so crushed I cried in the car ride. Luckily my husband reassured me our baby is probably fine and bought me some chocolate chip pancakes. 

When I got home I immediately made a call to change clinics. The one I was at is crap. My doctor wasn't even nice. I felt stood up. Going to a better clinic where I can have a midwife, more caring staff, and hear or see my baby for the first time. I still have to wait for the new clinic to get my medical records before I can make an appointment. Who knows how long that will be? Rough day for me too!

l4rk

I agree that you need to switch if you can! Not trying for a heartbeat was probably just due to their equipment, so I wouldn't worry about that or even hold it against them. But not letting you ask questions is NOT okay. My first appointment at about 6 weeks with my midwife was ONLY questions--all we did was talk about my medical history, some decisions I would have to make (genetic testing, etc.), and then my list of questions (that THEY recommended I bring with me!) Even with the nicest midwife in the world, I still felt shy and intimidated and like I could cry at any second (hormones, sheesh), so I couldn't imagine being in a hostile environment.

claireloSC

Edited: posting issue

EC2016

Thank you ladies for the advice. I had a notebook of questions I had written down and she made me feel weird for being organized and seeking information. She was like are you going to keep a notebook like that the whole pregnancy? Um yeah I was planning on it. Anyway I've already decided I'm not seeing her again and I will try to see someone else in the practice. Unfortunately there are slim pickins in my area. Thank you ladies again for the reassurance.

Lugaru

At my first appointment my nurse only gave me a 20 page formulae to fill out with my family history etc. I had my family with me. My husband and our son (3 yrs old). She only asked me one quick question and that's it she changed my due date and gave me an app with the doc. Also she gave me about the same amount of papers on info about the pregnancy and things that can happen water to eat n not to etc. THAT'S IT!!! I was expecting much more... on our first pregnancy we heard the heartbeat and talked with the doctor

amberlynnr7

My midwife tried at 9 weeks and it was too early and it sent me in a mild panic. I'm still pregnant now at 12w but still haven't gotten an u/s or gotten to listen to the HB.