A talk with the hubby

mommaSimpkin

Last night I finally spoke up to DH while we were laying in bed about how he's been distant. He's been getting distant over time, ever since we found out I am pregnant.
Turns out. My sweet, cute hubby is afraid our relationship will change. That we won't be the same or act the same with each other after the LO.
This is my second but his first. He's new to all of this.

But when his sister had his nephew, his relationship with his brother in law went from brotherly to almost nothing. So with that past experience for him, he's afraid another baby will do the same thing.

I don't know how to explain to him, that the way I act with him, is not going to change in anyway.
I love him so much and don't want him to feel this way instead of being involved and excited.

MustangPegasos

I would remind him that your bond is completely different than that with his brother in law. Continue to express how grateful you are for him as your partner and that you can't wait to have this experience together. Create a promise that no matter what you can be open with each other and if one person feels "neglected" so to speak because of the attention and time spent with the little one, that you will both be open and understanding and do whatever it takes to bring the relationship back. And always try and keep the marriage in mind throughout pregnancy and raising your child, it's so easy to get caught up in daily life that something so important can get overlooked or take for granted.

Remind him that as the father of your baby, you're only going to love him more .

Good luck!

SparklesC

I agree with what @MustangPegasos suggested. I wanted to say that's actually super cute that he feels that way. He just loves you so much that he worries and is so sweet!

danasphillips

A lot is going to change, including your relationship, so I would be honest about that. But as long as you have a strong relationship now, most of those changes are for the better.

CaraBoonie

My husband has outright said that he's upset because he thinks I'll love the baby more than him. I said honestly, probably, and frankly I hope you love it more than you love me too, it's your DNA and you can't walk away from it as easily as you can walk away from me (not that I'd make that easy, haha).

BBEA2006

WineBaby122 said:

A lot is going to change, including your relationship, so I would be honest about that. But as long as you have a strong relationship now, most of those changes are for the better.

I would say this as well.  It will change and usually that means the husband takes more of a backseat in those initial months.  However, I believe marriage needs to be something you work on and we have dates and also take time for us.  Changes have occurred but honestly, it has been for the better and we are closer now than we were then.  We treasure our moments together were before kids, we took them for granted.

TinyDancer51510

That was one of my biggest fears in deciding to try to get pregnant. My husband and I almost never fight and everyone is all "That'll change once you have kids!" I'm still a little nervous about it but our relationship is already quite a bit different from most people's. My husband doesn't let work and stuff like that stress him out. So even if I'm being my crazy, anxious self, he's usually calm and helps me calm down.

Like others have said, relationships take work, kids or no. As long as you're both understanding and make each other a priority, you will be fine. My dad was very disengaged and my mom threw herself into us and neglected him. I'm not sure which came first but I think that is what happens to a lot of couples. If you're aware of pitfalls like that, you can avoid them much more easily.

The fact that you guys were able to have that honest conversation makes me think you'll be just fine. :-)

ChipMonster

From my experience with my first, after having a baby, my love for my husband grew immensely. Seeing what we created and seeing him as a father made my heart grow even bigger.