I don't see anything wrong putting on the invites diaper/wipes shower. You may still get other things ontop of it, but we have lots of those sprinkles here for Moms especially with more than one child. We have lots of "casserole and diapers sprinkles" they are fun and a great way to stock someone's freezer in preparation for baby.
I'd probably just return the items I don't need and exchange for diapers. Unfortunately, posts like this don't go down well. Although, I don't mind at all if a host tells me what to bring. Less guesswork for me!
I'm thankful that my circle of friends is super laid back and doesn't have a stick up their ass about the way someone else chooses to throw a party. We're all pretty easy going and we're happy to contribute to the party, or the mama-to-be, in whatever is needed. I honestly can't imagine behaving any other way.
You want diapers? I'd be bringing several boxes and I wouldn't complain. I think it's important to remember that someone is hosting a party for their pregnant friend, and if they choose to make it a diaper party, it's not the pregnant woman's fault. No need to be so offended by a simple suggestion that would ultimately help this pregnant woman you obviously care about (because you were invited to her shower).
My friend is doing a diaper raffle at my baby shower, I didn't ask her to, and I don't personally care for diaper raffles, but she's throwing me a party. I'm not complaining about anything she does or doesn't do, and I can only hope that people who love me will take these things as a suggestion from the HOST to make my life easier with my first baby. No one has to do anything they don't want to do and I certainly wouldn't feel bad if no one brought diapers either. I can buy my own diapers, it's just a suggestion for people if they want to bring something useful to the new mom.
I haven't gone to many parties like that since college either. My idea of fun drinking is cards at someones house anymore. I guess I was just assuming people still ask to pitch in for kegs. We're on baby number 3 lol. Parties like that require a three day recovery and no one has time for that.
ok, well at least where I come from, when grown ups throw parties, they provide all food and beverage without asking for money. Most other civilized grow ups will ask "What can I bring?" And the host can say "nothing, I'm good, thank you" or "you know, I'm out of ideas on an appetizer. Want to bring a little platter of something?". Those with specific beer tastes will sometimes bring their own six pack. Just like I'd never say "come to my party, please bring the burgers", I'd never say "come to my party, please bring diapers". And keg or not, no 3 day recovery required if you act like an adult.
I guess I didn't realize my opinion was offensive to a person who has never eaten at my dinner parties. I didn't say it is how I do it. But I wouldn't be offended if I were asked for diapers instead of a cute outfit either. The purpose is to help out the expectant family.
You're the one that said "Typically people Pay 5-10' for kegs at parties" and that you ASSUME people chip in. I'm just saying that it's not typical and you assume incorrectly, at least in civilized circles.
With that logic, saying costumes aren't required at a costume party is technically true, but it's expected that you go along with it. You're basically guilting your guests into bringing diapers.
I'm a little lost now. I may be really far off with this, but aren't the guests we are inviting to our showers our close friends and family? If we can't be honest with these people as to what we need/want as far as a gift goes, who can we be honest with? Our baby showers are not work parties or Chamber of Commerce mixers where we should have to be over the top worried about every little thing. I'm confused who these people are who have the time and energy to be upset over things like diapers as a gift suggestion and other shower details. I guess it really all does come down to personal logic which is one of the reasons we all differ so much on this topic.
I'm thankful that my circle of friends is super laid back and doesn't have a stick up their ass about the way someone else chooses to throw a party. We're all pretty easy going and we're happy to contribute to the party, or the mama-to-be, in whatever is needed. I honestly can't imagine behaving any other way.
You want diapers? I'd be bringing several boxes and I wouldn't complain. I think it's important to remember that someone is hosting a party for their pregnant friend, and if they choose to make it a diaper party, it's not the pregnant woman's fault. No need to be so offended by a simple suggestion that would ultimately help this pregnant woman you obviously care about (because you were invited to her shower).
My friend is doing a diaper raffle at my baby shower, I didn't ask her to, and I don't personally care for diaper raffles, but she's throwing me a party. I'm not complaining about anything she does or doesn't do, and I can only hope that people who love me will take these things as a suggestion from the HOST to make my life easier with my first baby. No one has to do anything they don't want to do and I certainly wouldn't feel bad if no one brought diapers either. I can buy my own diapers, it's just a suggestion for people if they want to bring something useful to the new mom.
Mrs. Cate, you are a superstar! If we all lived closer, you know our bunch would be there with diapers, unwrapped gifts and all! I can't wait to see how everyone's showers go. Not too much longer now!
I really need my set to be completed. Anyone ever see that episode of Big Bang Theory where Ann is trying to train Sheldon not to need closure on everything? That's me right now.
@PrincessPiper I know you would and that's why I love you girls, you make it about the guest of honor and not about yourselves. We do have one guest who has already informed us that she'll be wrapping her gift regardless of what we request haha. And as I've said, that is fine, I'm not going to be complaining about anything baby-shower related. I'm just showing up with a smile and waddling around to take pictures with everyone and eat barbecue! I can't wait!!
"Diaper Drive" sounds like your donating them to charity. I would personally be a little put off if you called it a "Diaper Drive" and then didn't donate them.
I haven't gone to many parties like that since college either. My idea of fun drinking is cards at someones house anymore. I guess I was just assuming people still ask to pitch in for kegs. We're on baby number 3 lol. Parties like that require a three day recovery and no one has time for that.
ok, well at least where I come from, when grown ups throw parties, they provide all food and beverage without asking for money. Most other civilized grow ups will ask "What can I bring?" And the host can say "nothing, I'm good, thank you" or "you know, I'm out of ideas on an appetizer. Want to bring a little platter of something?". Those with specific beer tastes will sometimes bring their own six pack. Just like I'd never say "come to my party, please bring the burgers", I'd never say "come to my party, please bring diapers". And keg or not, no 3 day recovery required if you act like an adult.
I guess I didn't realize my opinion was offensive to a person who has never eaten at my dinner parties. I didn't say it is how I do it. But I wouldn't be offended if I were asked for diapers instead of a cute outfit either. The purpose is to help out the expectant family.
You're the one that said "Typically people Pay 5-10' for kegs at parties" and that you ASSUME people chip in. I'm just saying that it's not typical and you assume incorrectly, at least in civilized circles.
Ha. Whatever floats your goat lady. I don't know why you're all worked up about someone else's shower any how. You're not even invited. So let her be her and wish her the best, you can go be you in your "civilized" circle, and I'm going to do me. Lets leave at this.
@mrscaterosales I love your invite! Sitting down with my host this week to help hammer out mine.
What I love about this group is that despite all the cattiness that is inevitable with these threads, we build off each other's ideas despite that, and now have all these wonderful showers planned for our upcoming bundles of joy! Can't wait to hear how everyone's turns out!
I'm so glad my friends and family were raised with manners. That they would be mortified to have someone host what boils down to a charity fundraiser in their honor.
I just love these folks that brag that their friends don't care, when all their really saying it they were raised without any social graces and just plain don't know any better.
Good to know that because I'm fond of etiquette I have a stick up my ass.
There is not only one right way of doing things. Where I'm from, whatever is helpful to the mama-to-be is acceptable, and we're not sensitive about traditional things.
If you want to stick with traditional and you hate diaper parties, that is your right, I just feel like there are plenty worse things then suggesting to bring diapers to a diaper party.
I'm thankful that my circle of friends is super laid back and doesn't have a stick up their ass about the way someone else chooses to throw a party. We're all pretty easy going and we're happy to contribute to the party, or the mama-to-be, in whatever is needed. I honestly can't imagine behaving any other way.
You want diapers? I'd be bringing several boxes and I wouldn't complain. I think it's important to remember that someone is hosting a party for their pregnant friend, and if they choose to make it a diaper party, it's not the pregnant woman's fault. No need to be so offended by a simple suggestion that would ultimately help this pregnant woman you obviously care about (because you were invited to her shower).
My friend is doing a diaper raffle at my baby shower, I didn't ask her to, and I don't personally care for diaper raffles, but she's throwing me a party. I'm not complaining about anything she does or doesn't do, and I can only hope that people who love me will take these things as a suggestion from the HOST to make my life easier with my first baby. No one has to do anything they don't want to do and I certainly wouldn't feel bad if no one brought diapers either. I can buy my own diapers, it's just a suggestion for people if they want to bring something useful to the new mom.
I don't have a stick up my ass because I disagree with diaper raffles or diaper drives or whatever cutesy name people want to call "buy me basic necessities for my child" parties.
Here's the thing, IRL people don't talk so candidly about shower etiquette. Back when I was planning my wedding, and before researching etiquette, I thought it would be super cool to do a down payment registry. I mentioned it to my mom, and she was just kinda quiet, no real reaction. I later realized she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying that a down payment registry was tacky. And my Mom is one who has no problem telling me if look fat or have an unflattering outfit on.
Sometimes we censor ourselves around our loved ones because we don't want to hurt them. I won't talk about how dollar dances are tacky to my friend who had one, just like I won't mention some people find the books instead of cards thing rude to any of my cousins who had showers with that. I still love my best friend, I just don't find her to be the most etiquette mindful person. So, unless your friends and family have all said "OMG Diaper raffles are the best thing ever, " they might not actually be okay with them.
But online, I'm going to be fully honest. I'd hate to put my friends in a situation where they aren't comfortable with a part of my shower, and if my blunt opinion helps someone to understand how people can be offended by it, well if they decide to go through with it they at least understand the chance someone might be hurt by it.
I'm thankful that my circle of friends is super laid back and doesn't have a stick up their ass about the way someone else chooses to throw a party. We're all pretty easy going and we're happy to contribute to the party, or the mama-to-be, in whatever is needed. I honestly can't imagine behaving any other way.
You want diapers? I'd be bringing several boxes and I wouldn't complain. I think it's important to remember that someone is hosting a party for their pregnant friend, and if they choose to make it a diaper party, it's not the pregnant woman's fault. No need to be so offended by a simple suggestion that would ultimately help this pregnant woman you obviously care about (because you were invited to her shower).
My friend is doing a diaper raffle at my baby shower, I didn't ask her to, and I don't personally care for diaper raffles, but she's throwing me a party. I'm not complaining about anything she does or doesn't do, and I can only hope that people who love me will take these things as a suggestion from the HOST to make my life easier with my first baby. No one has to do anything they don't want to do and I certainly wouldn't feel bad if no one brought diapers either. I can buy my own diapers, it's just a suggestion for people if they want to bring something useful to the new mom.
I don't have a stick up my ass because I disagree with diaper raffles or diaper drives or whatever cutesy name people want to call "buy me basic necessities for my child" parties.
Here's the thing, IRL people don't talk so candidly about shower etiquette. Back when I was planning my wedding, and before researching etiquette, I thought it would be super cool to do a down payment registry. I mentioned it to my mom, and she was just kinda quiet, no real reaction. I later realized she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying that a down payment registry was tacky. And my Mom is one who has no problem telling me if look fat or have an unflattering outfit on.
Sometimes we censor ourselves around our loved ones because we don't want to hurt them. I won't talk about how dollar dances are tacky to my friend who had one, just like I won't mention some people find the books instead of cards thing rude to any of my cousins who had showers with that. I still love my best friend, I just don't find her to be the most etiquette mindful person. So, unless your friends and family have all said "OMG Diaper raffles are the best thing ever, " they might not actually be okay with them.
But online, I'm going to be fully honest. I'd hate to put my friends in a situation where they aren't comfortable with a part of my shower, and if my blunt opinion helps someone to understand how people can be offended by it, well if they decide to go through with it they at least understand the chance someone might be hurt by it.
Sometimes, I find that people who act like the etiquette police end up stating their opinions in rude and offensive ways, under the auspices of honesty while ignoring their own decrees of etiquette for all.
Perhaps it's to cover up the lack of skill to disagree in a thought provoking and diplomatic manner? I don't know.
If you want to have a diaper party then just do it. They're your friends and family so I'm sure they would understand your reasonings. If people want to give you extra gifts other then diapers, then so be it. Your choice to keep or return. Do what feels best for you and not other people's opinions
Sometimes, I find that people who act like the etiquette police end up stating their opinions in rude and offensive ways, under the auspices of honesty while ignoring their own decrees of etiquette for all.
Perhaps it's to cover up the lack of skill to disagree in a thought provoking and diplomatic manner? I don't know.
I think it's more people only want to hear that their idea is completely great and they get easily offended when they are told that what they want to do might not be well received and the reasons why.
Do what feels best for you and not other people's opinions
THIS is what it all completely boils down to in these discussions and the lines divided between "traditional" and "do what you want". THIS is the new world order way of thinking and I find it so dissapointming. I will personally be teaching my children the "traditional" way of thinking of others and not the "Do what feels good for YOU - others should feel good doing it for you, too. If they don't, they're the bad guys".
Good to know that because I'm fond of etiquette I have a stick up my ass.
There is not only one right way of doing things. Where I'm from, whatever is helpful to the mama-to-be is acceptable, and we're not sensitive about traditional things.
If you want to stick with traditional and you hate diaper parties, that is your right, I just feel like there are plenty worse things then suggesting to bring diapers to a diaper party.
Yeah suggesting a book instead of a card.
I do help the mother to be, but like to stay classy.
@wassuphoes You make some good points, one of which I had to deal with personally when I got married. I married into a huge Latino family and they wanted us to do the dollar dance. It was the weirdest thing I had ever heard of! People pinning money to my dress?! I don't think so! It honestly wouldn't bother me if I attended someone else's wedding and they chose to do it, but I have no problem telling people it wasn't for me.
I guess that is my point with some of these shower issues. There is nothing wrong with your honest opinion even if it's different from mine, you don't like the idea, it isn't for you, you believe it's impolite etc etc.
But there is not only one right way to do things (universally), and some circles really are more laid back than others. Yes, some friends and guests may just not want to hurt your feelings, but that isn't always the case. Based on the many showers and weddings and parties I've attended, some people are very honest about their opinions, and some people really do believe in the policy of "to each their own" with no judgement.
Someone who is laid back and doesn't judge the way someone else throws a party is not always a tacky person with no social grace or etiquette. Maybe they really just love their pregnant friend and want to do what's most helpful or beneficial to them, and not themselves. I think that's pretty gracious.
I think it comes down to who the shower is really for. Lets be honest, weddings, bridal showers and baby showers are not just for us but also for our families. I get that you only want/ need certain baby items but people also want to feel like they had choice in the items they bought for yoy and it's fun for them. Others may want to make you items such as blankets etc. I think a raffle is a good way to compromise or a less formal shower and do the bbq and diapers party.
Sometimes, I find that people who act like the etiquette police end up stating their opinions in rude and offensive ways, under the auspices of honesty while ignoring their own decrees of etiquette for all.
Perhaps it's to cover up the lack of skill to disagree in a thought provoking and diplomatic manner? I don't know.
Honey knock off the passive aggressiveness. It's unbecoming.
@wassuphoes You make some good points, one of which I had to deal with personally when I got married. I married into a huge Latino family and they wanted us to do the dollar dance. It was the weirdest thing I had ever heard of! People pinning money to my dress?! I don't think so! It honestly wouldn't bother me if I attended someone else's wedding and they chose to do it, but I have no problem telling people it wasn't for me.
I guess that is my point with some of these shower issues. There is nothing wrong with your honest opinion even if it's different from mine, you don't like the idea, it isn't for you, you believe it's impolite etc etc.
But there is not only one right way to do things (universally), and some circles really are more laid back than others. Yes, some friends and guests may just not want to hurt your feelings, but that isn't always the case. Based on the many showers and weddings and parties I've attended, some people are very honest about their opinions, and some people really do believe in the policy of "to each their own" with no judgement.
Someone who is laid back and doesn't judge the way someone else throws a party is not always a tacky person with no social grace or etiquette. Maybe they really just love their pregnant friend and want to do what's most helpful or beneficial to them, and not themselves. I think that's pretty gracious.
I suppose my thought is, why risk it? I declined to do the have guests write their address on an envelope thing at my shower just I'm case someone thought poorly of it, despite not really caring when I see it at other showers.
If my bestie mentioned to me personally that she really needed help with diapers, I'd get her a gift card or diapers no problem. But to have it on an invite is so impersonal, and just feels like I'm being handed a grocery list.
@wassuphoes You make some good points, one of which I had to deal with personally when I got married. I married into a huge Latino family and they wanted us to do the dollar dance. It was the weirdest thing I had ever heard of! People pinning money to my dress?! I don't think so! It honestly wouldn't bother me if I attended someone else's wedding and they chose to do it, but I have no problem telling people it wasn't for me.
I guess that is my point with some of these shower issues. There is nothing wrong with your honest opinion even if it's different from mine, you don't like the idea, it isn't for you, you believe it's impolite etc etc.
But there is not only one right way to do things (universally), and some circles really are more laid back than others. Yes, some friends and guests may just not want to hurt your feelings, but that isn't always the case. Based on the many showers and weddings and parties I've attended, some people are very honest about their opinions, and some people really do believe in the policy of "to each their own" with no judgement.
Someone who is laid back and doesn't judge the way someone else throws a party is not always a tacky person with no social grace or etiquette. Maybe they really just love their pregnant friend and want to do what's most helpful or beneficial to them, and not themselves. I think that's pretty gracious.
You said it perfectly, but then again you always do! I have rewritten a response about 5 times but I know no matter what I day won't sound near as good as your response and would only cause more drama. All I can say is I was raised with manners and etiquette...that is all.
@wassuphoes But isn't a registry pretty much a grocery list??? I mean, it's pretty much a socially acceptable way to say "here's what I want. Please buy this for me."
Different opinions do not equal trolls! How many times does that need to be said? Just because you and your passive aggressive followers think you own this board doesn't mean everyone else has to agree or STFU in the corner, PerkinsFam. Good lord.
For the shower they hosted at my work the host put, gift cards, diapers, and well wishes welcome, at the bottom. I didn't ask her to do anything specific. It worked out well. I got a lot of gift cards, a few packs of diapers, and some clothes.
@wassuphoes But isn't a registry pretty much a grocery list??? I mean, it's pretty much a socially acceptable way to say "here's what I want. Please buy this for me."
Some people do feel that way, but the best way I can put it is that aside from diapers (which there are so many options that I don't personally side eye seeing them on a registry ) registries are for things that last. You don't put garbage bags on a wedding registry, but you can do trashcans.
Just out of curiosity, with all this talk of etiquette and manners, has anyone been to prep school and literally studied manners and etiquette?? I hate publicly admitting this, but I have and I will tell you what, pretty much the entire population breaks social etiquette on a daily basis. From the way we lay our silverware on our plate to the way we cross our legs...there are ten million ridiculous rules of manners and etiquette we are breaking. I will also say coming from a culturally diverse family and community, the same European (white girl for lack of a better term!) etiquette and manners we are taught are completely offensive in other cultures. So all of this talk of manners and being offensive and uncultured blah blah blah is crazy! We live in such a diverse world now there is very little right or wrong when it comes to this kind of stuff.
Ladies! We are all right and we are all wrong. It truly just depends on where you are from and culture you are in. My Chinese stepmother is slightly horrified by the entire idea of a baby shower! That doesn't mean I am wrong to have one and it doesn't mean she is wrong to feel that way. We do not need to change each others points of view or opinions and we will never please everybody.
Just out of curiosity, with all this talk of etiquette and manners, has anyone been to prep school and literally studied manners and etiquette?? I hate publicly admitting this, but I have and I will tell you what, pretty much the entire population breaks social etiquette on a daily basis. From the way we lay our silverware on our plate to the way we cross our legs...there are ten million ridiculous rules of manners and etiquette we are breaking. I will also say coming from a culturally diverse family and community, the same European (white girl for lack of a better term!) etiquette and manners we are taught are completely offensive in other cultures. So all of this talk of manners and being offensive and uncultured blah blah blah is crazy! We live in such a diverse world now there is very little right or wrong when it comes to this kind of stuff.
Ladies! We are all right and we are all wrong. It truly just depends on where you are from and culture you are in. My Chinese stepmother is slightly horrified by the entire idea of a baby shower! That doesn't mean I am wrong to have one and it doesn't mean she is wrong to feel that way. We do not need to change each others points of view or opinions and we will never please everybody.
I'm guessing your Chinese stepmother is in the US, though, where baby showers are commonplace, no? So when in Rome. While growing up I did learning about all you've discussed here and it served me well when traveling abroad, my view of etiquette is more that guests that are invited into my care should feel comfortable and taken care of, less about forks and knives.
If I received an invite that asked for diapers or a book instead of a card, I'll admit I would feel a little put out and here's why: I have a standard gift that I usually give for showers. My budget ranges from $100-150. I usually pick a nice basket that would be useful in the future and include an outfit or two a favorite book, Sophie and some A+A blankets, towels, burp cloths, because as a mom, those are things that I loved having. I wrap it up really pretty with cellophane and it presents really nicely. I also like to write out a nice card for the mom to be with well wishes and I'm not crazy about writing in books (in case of duplicates, etc.). Also, if the book is in the place of the card, it makes my gift less. Further, if I have to buy diapers, that's even less that I can spend on what I want to buy and kind of takes the joy out of giving my gift and makes me not really happy with it. So then I feel bad and awkward because I don't want to be the only one who doesn't participate.
Of course I would never say that to a hostess or mother to be, but here, it's different, you are getting honest opinions.
@wassuphoes I just want to say I thought you were very polite and eloquent in explaining why you share your opinions and try to point out if you think something is inappropriate. There's a difference in being snarky about it and trying to genuinely help a fellow mother-to-be out with planning her shower.
That being said, I'm SOOO glad this is baby #2 and I'm not having a shower. My first go round, I had four showers, and each person who hosted did 100% of the planning and carrying out. Not a single thing any of them did struck me as tacky, rude, or unsettling. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention I can't imagine the headache of planning a shower - what is found offensive to one guest may be the normal way of doing things to another, depending on where they are from and/or past experiences. Just from the wide range of opinions I see on shower posts on here... Whew, it makes my head spin!!!
Re: Turning baby shower into diaper drive.
You want diapers? I'd be bringing several boxes and I wouldn't complain. I think it's important to remember that someone is hosting a party for their pregnant friend, and if they choose to make it a diaper party, it's not the pregnant woman's fault. No need to be so offended by a simple suggestion that would ultimately help this pregnant woman you obviously care about (because you were invited to her shower).
My friend is doing a diaper raffle at my baby shower, I didn't ask her to, and I don't personally care for diaper raffles, but she's throwing me a party. I'm not complaining about anything she does or doesn't do, and I can only hope that people who love me will take these things as a suggestion from the HOST to make my life easier with my first baby. No one has to do anything they don't want to do and I certainly wouldn't feel bad if no one brought diapers either. I can buy my own diapers, it's just a suggestion for people if they want to bring something useful to the new mom.
You're the one that said "Typically people Pay 5-10' for kegs at parties" and that you ASSUME people chip in. I'm just saying that it's not typical and you assume incorrectly, at least in civilized circles.
I missed my shower thread phone alert.
The joke's old, ladies. Give it up.
The joke's old, ladies. Give it up.
The desperation, it reeks, lol.
You're the one that said "Typically people Pay 5-10' for kegs at parties" and that you ASSUME people chip in. I'm just saying that it's not typical and you assume incorrectly, at least in civilized circles.
Ha. Whatever floats your goat lady. I don't know why you're all worked up about someone else's shower any how. You're not even invited. So let her be her and wish her the best, you can go be you in your "civilized" circle, and I'm going to do me. Lets leave at this.
What I love about this group is that despite all the cattiness that is inevitable with these threads, we build off each other's ideas despite that, and now have all these wonderful showers planned for our upcoming bundles of joy! Can't wait to hear how everyone's turns out!
I just love these folks that brag that their friends don't care, when all their really saying it they were raised without any social graces and just plain don't know any better.
Yay you, I guess?
If you want to stick with traditional and you hate diaper parties, that is your right, I just feel like there are plenty worse things then suggesting to bring diapers to a diaper party.
Here's the thing, IRL people don't talk so candidly about shower etiquette. Back when I was planning my wedding, and before researching etiquette, I thought it would be super cool to do a down payment registry. I mentioned it to my mom, and she was just kinda quiet, no real reaction. I later realized she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying that a down payment registry was tacky. And my Mom is one who has no problem telling me if look fat or have an unflattering outfit on.
Sometimes we censor ourselves around our loved ones because we don't want to hurt them. I won't talk about how dollar dances are tacky to my friend who had one, just like I won't mention some people find the books instead of cards thing rude to any of my cousins who had showers with that. I still love my best friend, I just don't find her to be the most etiquette mindful person. So, unless your friends and family have all said "OMG Diaper raffles are the best thing ever, " they might not actually be okay with them.
But online, I'm going to be fully honest. I'd hate to put my friends in a situation where they aren't comfortable with a part of my shower, and if my blunt opinion helps someone to understand how people can be offended by it, well if they decide to go through with it they at least understand the chance someone might be hurt by it.
=D> =D> =D>
Perhaps it's to cover up the lack of skill to disagree in a thought provoking and diplomatic manner? I don't know.
THIS is what it all completely boils down to in these discussions and the lines divided between "traditional" and "do what you want". THIS is the new world order way of thinking and I find it so dissapointming. I will personally be teaching my children the "traditional" way of thinking of others and not the "Do what feels good for YOU - others should feel good doing it for you, too. If they don't, they're the bad guys".
I do help the mother to be, but like to stay classy.
I guess that is my point with some of these shower issues. There is nothing wrong with your honest opinion even if it's different from mine, you don't like the idea, it isn't for you, you believe it's impolite etc etc.
But there is not only one right way to do things (universally), and some circles really are more laid back than others. Yes, some friends and guests may just not want to hurt your feelings, but that isn't always the case. Based on the many showers and weddings and parties I've attended, some people are very honest about their opinions, and some people really do believe in the policy of "to each their own" with no judgement.
Someone who is laid back and doesn't judge the way someone else throws a party is not always a tacky person with no social grace or etiquette. Maybe they really just love their pregnant friend and want to do what's most helpful or beneficial to them, and not themselves. I think that's pretty gracious.
If my bestie mentioned to me personally that she really needed help with diapers, I'd get her a gift card or diapers no problem. But to have it on an invite is so impersonal, and just feels like I'm being handed a grocery list.
I mean, it's pretty much a socially acceptable way to say "here's what I want. Please buy this for me."
Different opinions do not equal trolls! How many times does that need to be said? Just because you and your passive aggressive followers think you own this board doesn't mean everyone else has to agree or STFU in the corner, PerkinsFam. Good lord.
I'm guessing your Chinese stepmother is in the US, though, where baby showers are commonplace, no? So when in Rome. While growing up I did learning about all you've discussed here and it served me well when traveling abroad, my view of etiquette is more that guests that are invited into my care should feel comfortable and taken care of, less about forks and knives.
If I received an invite that asked for diapers or a book instead of a card, I'll admit I would feel a little put out and here's why: I have a standard gift that I usually give for showers. My budget ranges from $100-150. I usually pick a nice basket that would be useful in the future and include an outfit or two a favorite book, Sophie and some A+A blankets, towels, burp cloths, because as a mom, those are things that I loved having. I wrap it up really pretty with cellophane and it presents really nicely. I also like to write out a nice card for the mom to be with well wishes and I'm not crazy about writing in books (in case of duplicates, etc.). Also, if the book is in the place of the card, it makes my gift less. Further, if I have to buy diapers, that's even less that I can spend on what I want to buy and kind of takes the joy out of giving my gift and makes me not really happy with it. So then I feel bad and awkward because I don't want to be the only one who doesn't participate.
Of course I would never say that to a hostess or mother to be, but here, it's different, you are getting honest opinions.
That being said, I'm SOOO glad this is baby #2 and I'm not having a shower. My first go round, I had four showers, and each person who hosted did 100% of the planning and carrying out. Not a single thing any of them did struck me as tacky, rude, or unsettling. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention