Intro loss mentioned cramps and anxiety

Hipshaker

This is my first time posting. I'm coming over from the loss board. I had mmc at 9wks and subsequent d&c after I found out at 12wks in February. My Dh and Dd were there with me every step. Every doctors appt., and at the hospital. I got the opportunity with my hospital and with the Knights of columbus to have our baby cremated and buried later the next month. But, I attend alone. My Dd who is 3 took it hard. She told every stranger she could about the baby who was and what happend in detail. It is painful for us all. I waited one cycle(although the doctor ask I wait two) and here we are 10wks five days. I've been battling depression and sleeplessness along side my anxiety and, the panic attacks I've had since my early teens. The oct sleep aid my midwife suggested has helped tremendously. I'm also in the very final act of weaning dd, bittersweet. I believe my body is missing that extra boost of oxytocin too. This first trimester has been a doozy. Which is comforting in a way since with my angel baby I had zero symptoms. But, also difficult/impossible being a sahm. I had my 1st us at 8.2 wks and all is well. My my symptoms are becoming more managble now at 10wks. I know symptoms come and go but, I can't help but be consumed by thought of losing another. I cry every night thinking about putting another little white satin box in the ground. Every night. I have had pain along and center of my previous cesarian scar all night and day. No spotting. Having had a mmc for almost 3.5wks. is really messing with me. It's almost as if I quit hoping for the best the worst won't be so bad. I'm sad to say that. I want to have joy like before. Praying that it's just growing pains! I can't wait for the office to open in the morning so I can call and have them do something/anything for me.

jem8407

I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. I think all of us PGAL girls go through bouts of anxiety all while trying to stay positive.
My DH recently said to me, after an anxiety attack, that this time is different. No matter if I prepare myself for the worst and not the best, if we experience another loss it will still hurt badly. I am trying to be more positive between appointments.
Sending you lots of love.

Hipshaker

Thanks it helps alot.

Vets1

Thinking of you, it's horrible thinking every day something could go wrong and overanalysing every thing. I just wish for all of us that we could all just have an anxiety free pregnancy. The only thing that keeps me going is today is another day and I'm pregnant today.

PlainJane8350

Don't ever feel bad about running into your doctor's office between appointments if you're worried. Once I explained to my (new) doctor that I had lost a pregnancy, they were very understanding. There are some times that my doctor isn't in. During those times they're very slow and its easy for the nurse to sneak me in for a quick "baby check" ultrasound. Thinking of you!

whit3183

My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, and I've had all the same feelings as you (I'm 12.5 weeks now). To make matters worst, my husband was traveling for work most of the first month after I found out, so there were days when I would come home from work and just get in bed at 7:30 pm and cry by myself until I fell asleep.  It's so hard, I wish it could be easier. Sending you positive thoughts!