help — The Bump
Attachment Parenting


My 4 year old son has been with me since he was born, now that he's 4 I'm going back to work ive only been back 3 weeks and atlease 3 times a week I have to get off and go pick him up because he's showing out and screaming for me idk what go do and neither does the day care workers any suggestions lady's

Re: help

  • Can you try talking to him on the phone instead of picking him up? Sorry, that's my only suggestion. :( I am following to read for other ideas!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would start talking to him about all the great and exciting things that happen at daycare. Try to get him excited.

    Is the daycare making you come get him? Or are you going because you feel badly that he is upset?

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  • @Chychy182 I'd be very concerned if the nursery doesn't know how to help with your son's situation & I would consider putting him into a different nursery.
    That aside I used to work in a nursery and these are some of things we would encourage parents to do if the child wasn't settling.

    Morning routine. Be calm when you dress and feed him in the morning, and when you take him to nursery. Even if you are tense on the inside, try your best to appear relaxed.

    Talk positively to your son. Tell him that he’ll be safe in the nursery, that the children and staff all like him and that he’ll have great fun there.

    When you arrive at the nursery, make the separation from you loving but brief. Find a member of staff, give your son a quick kiss and hug goodbye, then hand him over.

    Explain you’ll be back soon, as this will help calm him. You know you will pick him up from the nursery at home time but that fact may not be obvious to your son while he's distressed.

    If you use these strategies consistently for three or four weeks, you’ll probably find that his daily tears become a thing of the past.
  • Ditto the idea of checking with your daycare/babysitter to find out what they're doing.  Dealing with children who are having trouble making this transition is a big part of what babysitters and daycare providers should know how to do!  

    Also, I think leaving work to come get him is probably a short-sighted approach.  The solution to all this is to help him develop the confidence and resources to handle the separation.  Coming to get him sends the message that he really DOES need your help!  That he really CAN'T make it on his own until the end of the day. The key is to find ways to help him develop this confidence that are gentle, non-shaming, and non-punitive.

    I left my job when my son was born, and stayed home with him until he was in preschool.  He had a hard time separating at first, and the first few months of preschool were tough.  I used a lot of the techniques mentioned above.  One thing that really helped my son was finding one special toy or book that he really liked at school and developing a routine around that for drop off.  I would talk about the book he liked in the morning before drop off and help him anticipate spending time with that book while he was at school.  Then at drop off time, I would walk him over to the bookshelf, give a quick goodbye hug, then walk out.  This was hard for both of us, and there were many times when I cried as I left, knowing that he was really missing me.  But I never let him see that I was upset.  I knew that his teachers were awesome, that putting him in preschool was the right choice, and that he needed to develop these coping mechanisms.  

    Stay consistent!  You'll both get through this!
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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