TTC after 35

I will be leaving you. Loss mentioned

It's been a tough day.
I woke up spotting which turned to full bleeding by mid morning. So when the nurse called to tell me my HCG dropped to 90 I was not surprised. Cramping is bad and I'm passing clots.
I go in in the morning for sono and exam.
So tonight instead of telling DH he was going to be a daddy again I had to tell him I'm having a MC.
So he scoops me in his arms and lets me ugly cry in his lap for a bit. He is taking off work to come with me even though I told him he didn't have to.

And the straw that is breaking the camels back is the water main burst on our block and they shut off our water. So I can't even flush my dang toilet.

This will be good bye for me. I just can't handle anymore.
I wish you all well and thank you all for the years of support.
I will stalk but it's likely will not participate any longer.

  Me:39, DH:40

DD born 8/96, DS born 8/04


NTNP since 2006, active trying 1/13

Natural M/C 3/13 at 7 weeks

CP 2/14

Daisypath Anniversary tickers


All welcome

Re: I will be leaving you. Loss mentioned

  • @hooligans4, I'm so very very sorry!  I wanted you to have a successful and healthy pregnancy as much as I want it for myself.  Please take care of yourself.  And let your hubby take care of you too...  

    I'll be thinking of you.  A great big hug from me...
    *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***
    Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)
    7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)
    3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014
    12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!
    First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!
    Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl! :) 
  • Krisd6Krisd6 member
    I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you and sending you are in my thoughts and prayers
  • Loading the player...
  • My heart hurts for you. I will send up a prayer for you and your family.
  • I am so so so sorry. Thinking of you. 
    Me 38 DH 40
    TTC since Dec 2010.
    Diagnosed anovulatory, HSG clear. Slight MFI- borderline count, but excellent motility and morphology 
    Nov. 12- Feb.13 Gonal F + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN
    Lap April 13. Found blocked tube and bridged fimbria. Opened tube and cut fimbria. All clear 
    June 13  Gonal F+ Pregnyl +IUI = BFN Stopped treatment with RE due to side effects from drugs and told we needed IVF.
    Oct. 13 started Accupuncture and Chinese herbs- being monitored by RE. Getting better response- e2 and follie size. 
    Now RE says TI till March, then IUI. Fingers crossed, 

    All welcome
  • So sorry to hear this. I wish nothing but the best for you! You will be missed! Please take care of yourself. Sending big hugs!
    Me: 40  
    TTC #1: 3 years
    Me: Type II Diabetic
    Started with RE 11/2014
    Going through IUI with Donor Sperm

  • oh no! I'm so sorry this is happening. What a crazy rollercoaster. I will miss you a lot. You've been a wonderful presence on this board but I understand your need to move on. Sending you lots and lots and lots of hugs. Take care of yourself.
    ME: 36 (PCOS), DH: excellent SA
    NTNP since 11/12, actively trying since 8/14
    m/c @ 7w (4/22/14), m/c @ 6w (11/19/14)
    11/15: Letrozole, Ovidrel, TI = BFP!!!
    Beta #1(14dpo)=349, Beta #2(18dpo)=2,805
    12/17/15: Got to see the heartbeat (105bpm)!
    1/25/16: NT scan = normal (HB=163bpm)
    EDD: 8/10/16 
    8/8/16: Baby boy born @ 12:25am, 8lbs, 20.5 inches
    5/18/17: BFP!!! (11dpo)
    Beta #1(12dpo)=176.4, Beta #2(15dpo)=607.1
  • I'm sorry @hooligans4 I'm glad you have your DH there to be with you during this time.
  • Lurking...I haven't been on here for awhile and now I check in and see both of your posts at the same time. My heart hurts for you. I am so sorry. I know nothing I say can help you feel better so I'm just sending a hug.
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • This made me tear up. I'm so sorry.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • I'm so sorry :( I feel awful for you!
  • My heart aches for you and DH. Take care of yourself.
    Me: 41
    DH: 44
    TTC#1 since April 2015
  • ****Lurker****

    @hooligans4 oh sweetheart.  My heart is breaking.  I am so sorry.  Please know I am here if you need anything.  You are an amazing person and I am blessed to have gotten to know you here. Please take care of yourself.
    ****Siggy Warning***
    ~Formerly ABabyMabe4us

    Me(35) Him(35) Untied for life 4/1/2015.
    TTC Our 1st since 8/2014
    MC @ 7 weeks 5/2014
    Me: DD#1 3/2000, DD#2 6/2001, DS 5/2003
    BFP: 2/19/2015 EDD: 11/1/2015 IT'S A BOY!!!!

  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking. I wish you peace and comfort. I know it takes time and a lot of tears. Be kind to yourself.
  • vh2014vh2014 member
    Came over from "the dark side" just to tell you how sorry I am.  I was so excited for you and now my heart goes out to you.  Big creepy internet hugs and may life be kinder to you in the future. 
    me:41   dh:43 
    Off Mirena Nov 2013, On Nuvaring end of Jan, Back off Sept 2014.  Never ending cycle starting end of Sept... 
    11/14 Provera failed... cycle continues 
    12/14 High FSH (57 "midcycle")  OBGYN had no clue... about anything 
    01/15 More lab results coming back from RE. U/S showed small (1")cyst on left ovary, thin lining, and couldn't locate right ovary so  possibly straight to DE and IVF 

    Occassionally mess with the chart below to see "what if" and learn (not to make it pretty but because FF stays drunk with me).  

    My Ovulation Chart
  • Big Hugs! :-(
  • I'm so sorry, Hooligans.  You've been such a great support for such a long time, and it just isn't fair that you're leaving like this.  Please be kind to yourself.  You're in my thoughts.  Hugs.
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    My Ovulation Chart

  • over from the dark side - So,so sorry hooligans :(
    tons of creepy internet hugs to you and your H. 
  • @hooligans4 I don't know how to say how sorry I am to hear this.

    I am glad your H is there with you. Wishing you peace at such a very terrible time.
  • I am so sorry, wishing you all the best :(
    H: 34 dx Azoospermia due to CBAVD from CF  
    ME: 39 IS FINE!!!  DOR and poor AMH/FSH/LH
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #1 Beta 1 373 Beta 2 1783 BOY/GIRL TWINS!! Born April 2010!!
    Natural FET 5/26/12 2 blasts Beta 1 207 Beta 2 513 Beta 3 1377 U/S 6/28 Pregnancy not viable d & c scheduled :( 
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #2 ER 11/15/12 Nothing to transfer :( 
    IVF/ICSI #3 April 2013 MDLF 3dt of 3 embryos, chemical :(  
    IVF #4/ICSI/MESA/CCS/FET EPP April 2015
    ODWU CCRM with Dr. Sch COMPLETE!!!! Put on acai supplement they are studying for DOR and embryo quality.
    DAY 3 Labs Drawn 2/26 put on vitamin D and calcium supplements
    Regroup and Protocol Reveal 3/04 "Bazooka Protocol" EPP with MDLF "Protocol 6 with patches"
    ER/MESA 4/10 ER 9 eggs retrieved MESA success found live swimmers :)
    Fertilization Report 6 eggs mature and ICSI'd 4 eggs fertilized normally
    Day 6 Report to Blast for CCS 4/16: 2 DAY 5 BLASTS BIOPSIED FOR CCS a 4AB and a 3AB!!!!
    CCS Results BOTH BLASTS CCS NORMAL!!!!!!  call on 4/24
    Regroup call to discuss CCS results and FET call on 5/20
    FET prep: CD 1 6/08 CD 3 Start BCP 6/10, HSG 6/12 Lupron Start 10 iu 6/17 End BCP 6/21 CD 1 6/23!!!
    Start vivelle patches 6/25 change e/o/d reduce Lupron to 5iu 6/25 Blood Draw 7/01, 7/08, 7/15, 7/19
    Increase vivelle patches 7/03 2 change e/o/d and 7/05 change e/o/d 3 and 7/07 4 change e/o/d add vaginal estrace 2x a day
    Lining Check/Blood Draw 7/08 and 7/15 End Lupron 7/18  Start PIO 1ml daily 7/18  Blood  Draw 7/19
    Flight to clinic 7/22
    FET 2 CCS BLASTS :):)  7/23 :):) YES YES both thawed and both fully expanded :):)
    7/26 :):) 3dp5dt PM very very faint positive FRER
    7/27: 4dp5dt Neg Digi AM but very very faint positive FRER PM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 1-2 :):) 
    7/31:8dp5dt AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 2-3!!!! :):) 
    Beta 1 8/01= 408!!!!!!!!!! at 9dp5dt FET
    Beta 2 8/03 = 1014!!!!!!!!!! at 11dp5dt FET
    8/05/2015 AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 3+!!!! :):) 
    First Ultrasound: 8/20!!!!!! TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Genetics says BOTH BOYS!!!!!!!!!
    Second Ultrasound: 9/03!!!!!!!!!!


  • I am so very, very sorry.  I'm sending you all the hugs and good wishes.
  • I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. :(
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • 2pups2pups member
    Damn it. I'm sorry @Hooligans4. This whole fertility thing is so unfair, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your all your struggles and your losses. You've always been so positive and welcoming towards everyone and really, just such a comfort to me and so very many others on this board. I always looked forward to your advice or check-ins, I hope you know that you can ALWAYS come here for that same support and comfort. Your husband sounds just as wonderful as you are, we're all praying for you, and I hope in some small way that helps. Take care.

    Formerly 2pupsnokids
    Husband: 41
    Me: 36
    3 months of clomid
    3 failed IUIs
    changed REs
    1 failed IVF (chemical pregnancy)
    1 FET (single transfer) 2/28/15-BFP
    Due date 11/16/15
  • Hooligan I don't know you but you have my condolences. I understand the pain of loss and recurrent loss. It comes with many emotions beyond just sadness. I hope to see you back here one day.
    6 & 2 year old, 2 losses
  • @hooligans4 I don't know you, but lurking, I've read your story. My heart goes out to you. Prayers for peace and healing.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • @hooligans4 I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can ease your pain but just know you will get through this. Sending prayers to you and your family.
  • Oh @hooligans4 I am so sorry.  Please take care of yourself. 
    You will be missed. Thanks for all the support you provided on this board. 
    Me (42) w/ partner for 16+ years
    TTC #1: 11/2012 - 9/2013; 6/2014 - present
    Follistim + TI (3x): All BFNs
    Follistim + IUI (1x): BFN 
    IVF #1: 17 retrieved,15 fertilized, Day 3: 15, Day 5/6: 3 biopsied
    Result; 1 frozen blast (inconclusive PGS results)
    IVF #2; ER: 6/22 16 retrieved, 6/25: 5 transferred (CP), 2 frozen
    FET 9/17: BFN
    Current FET -- Transferred 2 day-3 embryos - BFN

  • No...just no. I am so so very sorry. I just want to get in a car and come give you a huge hug. This makes me so sad and my tears are falling for you my friend. Many hugs to you and YH :(

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!



         image   imageimage

  • I'm so very sorry @hooligans4! My heart and thoughts go out to you... We'll miss you! Your help and support have been invaluable on this board. I hug you tight!
  • Big hugs to you even tho I know I'm newish here... Nice to see you post again, it's crazy how the internet brings people together sometimes - we haven't met but I've been thinking about you a lot yesterday and this morning. Hugs and prayers your wAy!
  • I have been rooting for you for so long, love. I am so sorry for your loss. 

    Many people are not able to log in to express their sentiments, but please know that you are loved and treasured here. 


                 Visit The Nest!image Visit The Nest!

      "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt


  • Oh, no. So sad for you.

  • C_GirlieC_Girlie member
    edited June 2015
    Damn damn damn my heart hurts for you @hooligans4. When I came back to the boards two weeks ago I was happy you was still around. Then the following day you shared exciting news and you was so happy and I was happy for you. Then I check in today to read it was a loss. Why does bad things happen to good people? Guessing if we were homeless and on drugs we wouldn't have trouble TTC. Hoping for you to heal emotionally, please do lurk I'm gonna miss you my Long Island TTC friend
  • Are you fricking kidding me!?!?!?!

    This is so heartbreaking to me!!! I really thought this was going to be your rainbow.......Im so so so sorry @holligans4. Its not fair. Not at all.  My heart is hurting for you. :(
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away

    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
  • Sorry lurking. Siggy warning

    I'm so sorry for your loss! I wish you lots of peace and healing as you move forward. Big hugs to you!
    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old

  • Somehow my post from before isn't showing up so I will post again,  I am so sorry for your loss... you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Married for 7 years, TTC for 4 years
    dx:  Diminished Ovarian Reserve
    2 Clomid IUI's + 4 injectable IUI's= 5 BFNs and 1 mc

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