And the obsessing begins...

Carazona5

I just need to vent I guess ... I've said this somewhere else in the forum but this cycle of TTC (second month trying) was sort of a bust in my mind because my husband was sick for a few weeks and we couldn't BD as much as we should have. I also haven't gotten my basal thermometer yet so haven't temped or charted, or even tried an OPK. I seem to live and die by my period tracking app which i understand can't ever give a really accurate account of what's going on except that when I go back months and months I can see how regular I seem to stay as far as AF goes.

So Last month was my first month trying and I was 10 days late (as far as the app goes) which for me was a 41 day cycle and way late for me! I got all excited, googled until my fingers hurt, and took 8 tests. So this time around especially since I feel like my cycle is "messed up" or "off" now from being so late, I have no idea where I'm at with anything, and us barely doing anything this time, I thought I wouldn't even care this month or think about it, or buy any tests.

Then my boobs got really sore and have stayed that way for about a week now. Until today I just thought "pfft - so what". But all of a sudden today I'm back to googling, you tubing, and obsessing over my calendar app. . It's so annoying! I tend to get overwhelmed easily and give up on things which is how I'm already feeling. I keep wanting to buy a test now but feel like if it says negative again this cycle it's just not ever going to happen. That's how my mind works it's so all or nothing! And I know people have tried a LOT longer than 2 cycles! I'm just driving myself crazy.

I'll probably pick up a test tonight for tomorrow morning which could either be right on time to test or a week early since I'm not sure if or when I O'd.

I'm just feeling all emotional and kind of overwhelmed by everything today for some reason. Anyone else?

jilligan14

I too have the "all-or-nothing" type of attitude when it comes to TTC and I tend to give up easily or feel like it's never going to happen. So you are not alone :-) A close friend recently reminded me that each cycle doesn't have to be the only cycle to conceive, that I will get another chance the following cycle. It's hard, but I've been trying super hard to follow her advice (but again, she's not TTC so she doesn't really know what it's like!). A couple of things: boobs get sore during the luteal phase due to an increase in progesterone. This happens whether or not you are pregnant. For some reason, I think most women don't notice it until they are TTC, mainly because they suddenly become hyper focused on every single thing going on with their bodies. It's tough to confirm ovulation based on an app, especially since you were late last cycle. Once you start temping, it'll relieve a lot of the guesswork as to when or if you did in fact ovulate. As far as testing, you can get super cheap test strips from Amazon that can detect the pregnancy hormone HCG at level 25, which is similar to most pregnancy tests. This way you can become a test addict and not feel bad about wasting a ton of money. Once you get on a routine of temping and confirming ovulation, then you can wait until the recommended test day (which I can never do). Just hang in there. I know it seems like the end of the world if it doesn't happen this cycle, but there will be more opportunities. Take a few tests, take a few deep breaths, and just take each day at a time.

jilligan14

I forgot to mention, my fingers are crossed for you!!!

Tomerine

I get it. My cycles are often "off" and I have a hard time even telling when AF actually starts (spotting for days. Fun.). Anyway, it's all me trying to control something. And life just isn't all that controllable, so I end up feeling futile. Def try the OPKs. It creates a new kind of obsessing, but for me, at least, it feels like an informed kind of obsessing. Other than that, I'd guess a lot of us are in the same boat as you- because constantly waiting sucks! Best of luck to you. I hope this is your month!

hooligans4

I will give you the best advice I can because I was ttc for years.....don't symptom spot. It will drive you insane. Trust me.
For the first year after my first loss I swore it was pregnant every month because my boobs hurt or I was bloated, I grasped onto any sign I had. Every month I was let down.

Start temping and use opk's so you will give yourself the best shot every month. This way when you are 10days "late" again you will know it's just because you O'd later than usual.

I hope you are successful sooner rather than later but if you do end up ttc for a while my advice will save you a lot of heartache.

Carazona5

Thank you so much everyone! It helps to read that im not the only one (and I knew that since this forum/group even exists) but it's nice to voice it and get some feedback. I appreciate it!! I'll be around so everyone will definitely know if it happens lol

How are you feeling @hooligans4 ? Sick yet at all or is it too soon?

hooligans4

@Carazona5 i feel fine still. Just constipated, that sucks though!!!!

Knottie16743552

You are just like me. I am over analyzing EVERYTHING and just feel oddly discouraged like I'm already ready to give up...

Carazona5

Yeah same here although I saw this quote that
Makes a lot of sense... I'll post it here. It's just that there IS somewhat of a time limit on having babies . And it's hard because I've been in child care my entire working life. So about 20 years now. Preschool teaching, nannying, babysitting, even an in home daycare. I've always wanted it to just be my own kids and to be a mother and now that I'm finally married and can have that, i thought ok I'll just get pregnant! But it's just not that easy I guess.

carrieandr

Ooh, I like that quote.

jilligan14

Carazona5 said:

And it's hard because I've been in child care my entire working life. So about 20 years now. Preschool teaching, nannying, babysitting, even an in home daycare. I've always wanted it to just be my own kids and to be a mother and now that I'm finally married and can have that, i thought ok I'll just get pregnant! But it's just not that easy I guess.

I'm in the same boat! I've worked with children my whole life, as a dance teacher and a nanny. I've always wanted my own kids and everyone has always told me I really need to have my own kids because I'm so great with children. I just assumed that it would be easy once I was married and settled down. I like the quote, it definitely reminds me that some good things take a while to happen and to just be patient.

Carazona5

Well I finally signed up on FF and will be getting a basal thermometer any day now. Also thinking of taking baby aspirin, just want to hold off on that until I test but AF still isn't due for another week (again - just going by a tracking app so not 100% sure but I'm normally pretty regular with the exception of last month.)


thanks again for all the advice! @jilligan14 how cool that we've both been in child care! I love it but sometimes it's depressing taking care of everyone's kids but my own I have learned a lot tho and definitely feel prepared if it does happen! At least I'm not one of those people who are scared to hold a newborn.

Carazona5

Ok AF came today whatever.

jilligan14

Boo! Sorry to hear this...

Tomerine

Rats! Sorry, @Carazona5.

Carazona5

Thanks... Trying a few new things this cycle so we'll see

emsmama15

Sorry @Carazona5!

KirstenAlecia

start temping and charting. It will gee you a better idea of what is really going on! Although i have to say i still have months (like this month) where my cycle is still very confusing to me. Although most of the time i know whats going on and whether or not we have a chance.....most of the time our timing is plain ol off.....