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November 2015 Moms
lopezalonso
member
Resurrecting the MIL vent thread: Because I have to.
lopezalonso
member
I looked for this thread prior to starting a new one but it's so far back I can only think two things: (1) all mother in laws are behaving; or (2) we forgot we can unrestrictedly and unapologetically vent about them here. I'm going to guess it's the later and use this space to vent a bit... (Warning: LONG)
So it's my MIL's bday this weekend. Great. DH and I were happy to celebrate with her... until... She started making suggestions about a weekend-long celebration. She said that because it is her birthday and her wedding anniversary is on the same day, we should be celebrating on two days. She also wanted her bday celebration to be centered around or 15mo old -- in other words she wanted us to do something fun with DD for her bday. That sounds nice too until she planned 5 activities for Saturday one after another without break and included things like going to major theme parks that are 2hrs away for DD. She's 15mo. She can't even do rides yet!
I was fuming. I felt like this was a total lack of consideration for the fact DD is a baby and DH and I work all week very far away and the weekend is our only time to hang and get stuff done. Anyway, I felt it wasn't my place to tell her that is was too much and that DH needed to reign her in. We also had plans with my family on Sunday. Well...
DH called her and had a 45 min convo that ended in her twisting his words, taking stabs at him, and her feeling so incredibly offended she called the whole thing off. I called her the next day, which was her bday to say happy bday and see if I could salvage some plans and get her to understand out point. I talked to her for an hour. She sobbed on the phone about no one wanting to be with her on her bday. I tried to convince her to do a few things on Saturday with us and not on Sunday. I told her it was just too many things for DD on sat and we would be happy to do less. She said no no no. She complained that DH said she was being overbearing (the right word was intrusive) and then went on to tell me that who is overbearing is MY mother. I told her to stop right there but she kept going. I had to go so the convo ended there. I was so pissed. I was trying to help her and she pulled a "yo mama?!"
Anyway, the whole thing seemed like it was off until we got a family group text 30 min later stating that she spoke with her DH, that Saturday was still on and that they would be attending the same country club event on Sunday that we were attending with my family and that she didn't see it as being overbearing because my family was invited so it was ok for them to go to. BAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! We spent 2 hours on the phone with her individually and all that happened is that she cried and took over our Sunday event that was meant to be spent with my family.
She has kept texting is throughout the night. YES. THROUGHOUT the night with massive text about how she didn't know she was such an inconvenience. We have given up now. We are not answering those messages. We are going today in a small dose and are ok with her being pissed off. F' her.
I'm done.
So it's my MIL's bday this weekend. Great. DH and I were happy to celebrate with her... until... She started making suggestions about a weekend-long celebration. She said that because it is her birthday and her wedding anniversary is on the same day, we should be celebrating on two days. She also wanted her bday celebration to be centered around or 15mo old -- in other words she wanted us to do something fun with DD for her bday. That sounds nice too until she planned 5 activities for Saturday one after another without break and included things like going to major theme parks that are 2hrs away for DD. She's 15mo. She can't even do rides yet!
I was fuming. I felt like this was a total lack of consideration for the fact DD is a baby and DH and I work all week very far away and the weekend is our only time to hang and get stuff done. Anyway, I felt it wasn't my place to tell her that is was too much and that DH needed to reign her in. We also had plans with my family on Sunday. Well...
DH called her and had a 45 min convo that ended in her twisting his words, taking stabs at him, and her feeling so incredibly offended she called the whole thing off. I called her the next day, which was her bday to say happy bday and see if I could salvage some plans and get her to understand out point. I talked to her for an hour. She sobbed on the phone about no one wanting to be with her on her bday. I tried to convince her to do a few things on Saturday with us and not on Sunday. I told her it was just too many things for DD on sat and we would be happy to do less. She said no no no. She complained that DH said she was being overbearing (the right word was intrusive) and then went on to tell me that who is overbearing is MY mother. I told her to stop right there but she kept going. I had to go so the convo ended there. I was so pissed. I was trying to help her and she pulled a "yo mama?!"
Anyway, the whole thing seemed like it was off until we got a family group text 30 min later stating that she spoke with her DH, that Saturday was still on and that they would be attending the same country club event on Sunday that we were attending with my family and that she didn't see it as being overbearing because my family was invited so it was ok for them to go to. BAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! We spent 2 hours on the phone with her individually and all that happened is that she cried and took over our Sunday event that was meant to be spent with my family.
She has kept texting is throughout the night. YES. THROUGHOUT the night with massive text about how she didn't know she was such an inconvenience. We have given up now. We are not answering those messages. We are going today in a small dose and are ok with her being pissed off. F' her.
I'm done.
Re: Resurrecting the MIL vent thread: Because I have to.
During our wedding weekend she proceeded to tell me and my mother that there was a nurse that treated her after surgery she wanted to set her son up with. Um, a little too late, dontcha think?
My DH was talking to her yesterday told her our appointment went well HR was 150's so she could tell friends now. Once again she said baby is obvious a girl based on HR.
She then got mad and offended when my DH told her she was being rude and told her to stop calling him a girl. His father called apparently she cried herself to sleep because we told her to stop calling her future GRANDSON a girl
It's really hard on DH. Before he met me he cheated on every one of his girlfriends frequently, and his mom constantly finds ways to remind him of a past he would rather just forget.
She then made him undergo extensive psychological testing (as further punishment). Luckily the courts saw through her craziness and granted his grandfather parental rights until he turned 18.
He forgave her two years later (at 18) and wanted to reunite the family. I got pregnant a year later (I was 18, he was 19).
She was okay throughout my pregnancy. She was actually happy that we were having a baby. (Which was weird to me because as an 18 year old fresh out of high school I was not that thrilled. Of course I changed my mind the first time I saw DD).
A few months after DD was born she picked back up her crazy ways. We started to limit when she could see DD to occasional visits when we were present. She could not be alone with her.
The final straw with my MIL was when she tried to steal my and my husband's identities for credit reasons and TRIED to make us feel bad for her when we found out-WOW. Keep in mind this is NOT the first (or even 100th) thing she had done. We haven't spoken to her since.
That was 2 years ago.
Short story:
started dating..."I hope the sex is good. That's not a relationship". Hold up, you've never met me, yes I'm older, but you know whatever (we waited until marriage...guess she was wrong)
Planning wedding: DH last name is VERY Scottish, he wanted kilts. We had agree to make his brother the best man before he would wear a kilt, they would pay for anything, or even agree to come. (He is not close to his brother). The kilts come in and she gets bitchy...I may have yelled at her and told her I could care less if she came...
Wedding day: outdoor semi formal afternoon wedding. She wears black pants, a sparkly tank and flip.flops... we got married a week before mother's day. Get back from honeymoon the next Saturday to find a Public Conversation between her and her cousin talking about how MY MOM dressed! She wore a fitted, knee length floral dress!
Announced first pregnancy: went to build a bear and made bears with shirts and gave a copy of ultrasound pic for Christmas. This there first grand...she looks at it goes "huh" then proceeds to look at my BIL and tell him to open his presents. (Side note: he is 30 and living in their basement, she couldn't be happier)
Date night after LO1: LO is exclusively BF and 3 months old. We leave him with in laws (way against BF?) And arrive home to baby projectile vomiting..ended up spending the night at the hospital because he was so dehydrated...thought it was just an bug...until it happened again a month later after the second time we leave him with them. That's early November. 2 days before Christmas, I leave me job, go "visit" my parents 6 hours away and only went back to help pack up our apt because we moved down here in march.we only visit them. Of course we can't make every holiday with 2 LO now, but they make no effort to come for birthdays or holidays
AND she thinks I'm going to send LO1 (he will be three soon) up there the stay for a week! Over my dead body!
On a high note, my DH is completely supportive and as bothered by this crap as I am.
P.s. I didn't realize I had been holding all of that in...
Ps. The whole calling your mom out is so dang tacky. My MIL once called my mom a psychic vampire. Yep she's totally nuts.
She left the party...walking in the rain, even though we pretty much begged her to let me drive her. We have seen her 4 times this week and she turns her back to me and refuses to acknowledge my presence.
I'm glad to know that there are other MIL out there who are bat crap crazy and that I'm not alone!
My MIL had no problems calling up my husband's ex-fiancé (they share a son) when news broke that she was having another baby to find out how she was doing, but she's never once called, emailed or asked me how I've been feeling. When I comment on it to my husband he says "she asks me all the time." Last time I checked my husband wasn't me and he doesn't really know how I've been feeling at all. She also keeps photos of my husband with his ex and their son up in her house. Talk about making her son's wife uncomfortable when I do have I go there.
Also, she told him that she thinks I hate her. This made me laugh! I mean how old is she?!?! I've never once said anything to her leading her to believe that I hated her! When we got married I did my best to include her in all of the planning but, as she lives 2 hours away, she declined joining us for everything because she didn't want to make the drive. I invited her dress shopping, food tasting and to other things. Now really, if I hated you would I do that stuff? Probably not. She says I never make the effort to go and visit, which is partially true, but only because I work most weekends and the ones that I'm not I've had a million things going on for lately. With that said, it's not like she comes here and I don't feel like that means she hates me.
Ugh, sorry venting felt great! I'm sorry you're all having MIL issues as well, but I am glad that I'm not the only one!
At lunch, she made two comments that really bothered me. First, she said she was going to make my baby "so mean" that we would want her to keep him. Then, she said that she would no longer wait for an invitation to my house once the baby is here; she will just show up. Ummmm no. I'm already so annoyed...I can't imagine when baby boy is actually here! Also, this is the first grandchild for my parents and my ILs, and while my mom is excited too, she also has tact and respect for me and my wants and needs.
And his sibling who's kids are wild and don't listen think that we somehow owe them something because we live there so they are constantly leaving the kids there for us to watch and when they ask and we say no they get mad at me. Constantly complaining about me to my boyfriend that we don't babysit and I don't let them borrow money so they don't ask him around me anymore. Even though I'm not controlling him. He tried to talk to them and stand up for me which ending up into a war and had things written about me all over Facebook. Getting so frustrated. My SIL wanted us to buy her old car seat but it smelled and i didn't want a used one. So she was mad at telling I'm wasting his money on baby stuff we don't need. And his parents told me the same thing because I bought four bottles. Just feeling at my end.
We've decided every gift from now on will be a photo until we make it unto her damn fridge.
I love this. I would make a spot for yourselves too next time.
So happy I had no kids with my ex husband!!
Only down side is even though she only lives 45min away her and her (3rd)husband never visit and she has only seen my youngest son 3x and he is 14m.
On the flip side my parents live on the other side of the block and my dad drops in whenever
You have us. You can always share how you're feeling and lean on us for support. I know we can get strict around here regarding rules and whatnot, especially regarding resposts of hot topics and AW-ing posts, BUT I'm a firm believer that no one should feel alone ESPECIALLY during a time like pregnancy, so don't ever feel like no one cares. We are all in it together.
We have a rental house sort of in front of our house. She has been begging to rent it out because it's her dream to live next to her son. All she ever wants to know when and if she ever calls me is what her son is doing and can she come over or can we come have dinner. I should add that she has bed bugs all throughout her house and we refuse to even get out of the car at her house. She used to ask about our sex life and still makes extremely inappropriate comments about my dhs penis. My dh used to dismiss how I felt about her and would have excuses as to why she was being f****ing crazy but now he sees through her shit and thankfully has my back with everything.
She drives me absolutely insane but thankfully she rarely calls unless my dh is home from work (He works out of state for up to 2 months at a time), and then if she calls him and he doesn't answer she immediately calls me. All this really is the tip of the iceberg. I'm working myself up lmao, I need to stop!
I'll be your creepy MIL!
@lyankowi can I kiss your belly? Don't gain weight too quickly. I want to be there to watch you crown! Look, I got matching outfits for me and the baby!
I second that! Mine does that too... and she also thinks I should wait on my husband and completely baby him (and her when she decided she was going to come visit us for two weeks without asking if it was ok first a month and a half before we left Italy! My husband was there a total of three years and I was there a year but she kept flaking out until she found out my parents were going and when they say they are going to do something they follow through with it!!!). Ughh anyway... Last I checked he is a grown ass man capable of doing things for himself. Same with her. She's a grown ass woman and SHOULD be capable of doing things for herself... and yet she demanded I do something for her after my husband said he could help her since I was busy doing homework. No, that wasn't good enough. She said she wanted me to do it and stood there looking at me expectantly while I worked on my paper. Seriously?!
I'm also pretty over her not wanting to think for herself and have me think for her. Ohh, and wanting to act like she's the greatest mother and MIL in the world and like she has done soooo much for us while in reality she hasn't done a thing and has only caused tension between us. Fortunately I think my husband is now seeing that and seeing that my parents aren't pushy and possessive like his mom, and that they actually HELP us, rather than make things more difficult like his mom... and that we can actually rely on mine and know they will follow through. His has only flaked out almost every time she has said she was going to do something. But you know, we should let our baby stay by her... and her alcoholic tendencies. I don't think so. She has already told us that she lets our niece do what she wants pretty much and that she lets her have candy after her mom said no more until after supper... and gave our other niece a freaking chocolate bar at 7 months old. Not really helping her case there. Gosh, sorry. I guess I needed to get that out more than I thought!
Edit, because words are hard today!
Mine has 5 sons and no daughters, and is awesome. Or maybe she's just busy, her youngest two are 5 and 12.