So sad

thinkpink101

This is my 4th baby but I've had such anxiety this whole pregnancy, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep thinking something is going to go wrong. I am just so aware of all the things that can happen this time around, whereas I wasn't with the last pregnancies. I have been reluctant to prepare for baby too early, and I haven't opened the box of anything that has been gifted to us. Today I found out that my kids' speech teacher lost her baby just days before her due date last week. She was so excited for her first and in great shape/health. I feel so terrible for her and her husband. This news makes me even more anxious.

Is anyone else feeling this way and how are you coping?

sarahnikai

I have anxiety from time to time too and since we can't really take medication, the only other option is counseling which can be time consuming if you're a busy person but can also be very helpful. I try to just think of things in the most realistic, scientific way possible. For instance, what happened to the teacher is incredibly sad, but also incredibl rare. I've known a couple of people who have had similar situations but they also had specific issues that I've never had. The fact that you've had children already without issue is very promising that something like that will never happen to you. You might also try various relaxation techniques that can help too. Keep your head up momma!!

excited2bmommy09

It's hard not to have anxiety or worry about your baby. One of my good friends lost her baby 5 days before he was due a couple years ago due to a random knot in his cord. I have a hard time not letting my imagination wander in that direction sometimes, but I have to keep myself in check and remember that her case was really rare. We get closer to the finish line every day, try to focus on the joys of being a new mom and all the happy and good things. The sad stuff doesn't deserve focus and will just drain us if we let it. No point feeling sad until there is something to feel sad about right! Hang in there, you have a great support system here for the days worry seems to be taking over.

irenejean

I feel for you! I have similar anxieties. I have a friend who years ago lost her baby a few days before her due date as well, her first too. It's hard not to think about that, but I also think about how many people I know who have had babies recently, and late term loss is very rare. It's hard though, we have been preparing for baby and I can't help but wonder what if? I've been telling myself that anything can happen at any time, and that worrying about the "what if" shouldn't stop me and my husband from preparing for the baby. Odds are good that we'll have a baby come September. If the worst happens, I think we will likely try for a baby again, though I'm not sure when we would start. So all our preparations now would hopefully come in handy at some point. 

I don't have really good answers about pregnancy anxiety specifically, but I have anxiety in general, and it helps me to realize that there are the things I can control, and there are the things I can't control. As long as I'm doing what I can do for me and my baby, that's really all I can ask of myself. Beyond that anything can happen, and I try to accept that in all likelihood, everything is going to be fine. My history with anxiety has also shown me that a lot of the things I worry about normally don't come to fruition. Exercise also helps me, these days that's mostly waking and hiking. 

This has been a great resource for me in coping with anxiety: https://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1626252157/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433438206&sr=8-1&keywords=anxiety+and+phobia+workbook

Don't be afraid to talk with your doctor if your anxiety is really bad. You can also PM me if you want to chat about your anxiety, sometimes it helps to just get it out. Deep breaths too, this isn't easy!

ForeverEverAfter

I try to focus on things I can control, and release the things I can't. While pregnant with #1, a coworker's baby died during birth after an abrupted placenta, and a couple weeks later a patient came into our ER in full blown hellp syndrome with eclamptic seizures (while resuscitating the mom they did an emergency c section, baby was fine, Mom was in a coma for 4 days but eventually fine too). It really shook me, but I kept reminding myself how rare those things are.

shelbydd

I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with life at the moment. Mostly because a lot of random things have just landed right on top of eachother (not even bad things! I'm supposed to be driving 2 hours tomorrow to pick up my step son to stay with us for 2 weeks, my best friend is at the hospital in active labor RIGHT NOW, baby furniture just came in today so there's giant boxes all over my house, having construction done on chimney/fire place next week) so I'm already struggling atm.. then on one of the local mommy facebook groups that I'm apart of a lady posted a carrier for sale and explained it was never used, she was just trying to get a little bit of money together for her babies funeral. She had purchased it for her new baby due in September but lost him a few days prior. Now I'm an emotional wreck.

JenLovesDesign

You can worry about everything if you feed those thoughts. Worry about dying driving to the store, or your husband dying driving yo work. Someone coming down with a horrible cancer, and all these things do happen. There's an endless amount of things to worry about, but it's seriously unproductive. It does nothing to prevent them from happening, so it's best to live your live enjoying each day and appreciating those around you rather than being a worry wart.

TabulaRasa25

It's hard (this is my first, I'm AMA, I have a bicornuate uterus, all things that stress me out), but you really do have to keep from even going anywhere in the vicinity of that rabbit hole.  I'm a generally anxious person, and even outside of pregnancy, I'm the sort to worry about what-ifs.  I'll be watching a TV show, and see a car accident, and think, "That could happen to my husband!" and wake up in the night in cold sweats about mortality.  I just have an anxious personality and my imagination runs with things. But knowing that about myself, I have to pretty much tell myself to "Stop it, relax!"  Because the fact that bad things CAN happen doesn't mean they WILL, and when you worry about something prematurely, you're just hyping yourself up for no reason, and you can't do anything about it, anyway.  

mybabynumber2

@shelbydd oh Hun I'm sorry your having such a hard time at the moment. That's such a sad sad story. Try and focus on how many women give birth to healthy babies. The stats are higher for successful births rather than the other way round.

Chin up sweetie x

theglitteredpterodactyl

I deal with a lot of anxiety, even with medication, and something that I've found invaluable is practicing mindfulness and redirecting. You can't control your thoughts by easily flicking a switch on and off, but you can work on redirecting them when they get overwhelming. There are some great books and podcasts out there that can help you with this. My current favorite is Mindful Birthing which is more focused on childbirth and less on controlling anxiety, but a lot of the properties are the same. There are a lot of fears and anxieties that couple with pregnancy, and they can feel incredibly overwhelming when faced with others' tragedies, but there really is nothing to be gained from feeling mucked down by those fears. My mom pointed out to me when I was having a really hard time with this earlier on in the pregnancy that if something bad did happen, heaven forbid, it will hurt in that moment regardless of how many moments I've spent hurting over worrying it. You can't actually grieve for a future, unknown tragedy so wait until you're actually faced with it (especially since odds are, you won't be faced with it).

 Whenever you catch yourself in a train of bad thoughts or anxieties, point it out to yourself. Like an internal "Okay, that's a pretty anxiety-fueled thought. It has no bearing on truth or anything I can plan for. I think it's run its course enough, so maybe lets start thinking of something else" and from there, have a standby of easy thoughts you can incorporate. A breathing exercise, a meditation chant (My favorite pairs a phrase with each inhale and exhale and starts "I know I am breathing in, I know I am breathing out. I am aware of this moment, I smile at this moment. I am a river, I reflect all that I see" I don't have the whole thing memorized anymore, but I mostly just work in positive affirmations until I feel a bit more centered). It's hard, and some days it feels like you spend more time redirecting yourself than even being anxious, but it's just like working out any other muscle. The more you do it, the easier the habit and the faster the redirection. Best of luck!

mybabynumber2

@theglitteredpterodactyl brilliant post! Very helpful. Thank you :-)

... From an anxiety sufferer

thinkpink101

Thanks everyone. I have never experienced anxiety and thoughts like this before, but I am going to try to take your advice.

shelbydd

mybabynumber2 said:

@shelbydd oh Hun I'm sorry your having such a hard time at the moment. That's such a sad sad story. Try and focus on how many women give birth to healthy babies. The stats are higher for successful births rather than the other way round.

Chin up sweetie x

Thank you. :x I hope I didn't bring anyone else down with that post, I just kind of word vomited all over the place this morning lol. I'm not generally a worrier but when you see things like that it's hard not to overthink things.