PGAL Check-In?

winnie1122

I know we have quite a few PGAL ladies on here and I've been trying to keep up with your stories. I know we've already lost a few, very sadly. Anyone interested in a weekly PGAL check-in to keep tabs on fears, appointments, and successes for our rainbows? If so, I'll make this the first check-in!

How far along are you and what is your story?

GTKY: Describe yourself in 3 words, go!

Here's mine:

I'm 6wks today, this is my fourth pregnancy, first child (hopefully!). I got married to my high school sweetheart in June 2013. I had a MMC with D&C at 11wks (baby stopped growing at 9wks) in September 2013. That was the worst experience of my life. I graduated from college in May 2014 and found out I was pregnant the day before our first anniversary. Had a natural m/c at 6wks the day before Father's Day. Started my teaching career this past fall (high school special ed!), so that's been fun. November 2014 I had terrible back pains and spotting a few days after what I though was AF ended, so I went the ER concerned about possible ectopic even though I had had a negative pregnancy test the day before AF came. The pain was really bad and came on so suddenly. ER doc did the routine blood pregnancy test and it came back positive, so I think AF was actually a very early m/c. The pain ended up being from a ruptured cyst and it went away on its own, but I was glad for it because I wouldn't have known about that pregnancy otherwise and I wouldn't have met my new OB who was super sweet and so mad when we told her our story at the ER and how our old OB had handled everything. (Not the greatest experience.) So it was definitely a blessing because she got me in really quick for an appointment and lots of blood work to figure out what was going on, which ended up being low progesterone. And now here I am! Still very nervous, but I know God has my baby in his hands and that no matter what happens, he is in control. 

My 3 words: Goofy, loyal, patient(ish)

MissMheMhe

I think a PGAL check in is a great idea!!

I am 8w3d today and feeling wonderful! DH and I married November 2008 and just celebrated our 10 years together this past May. We always knew we wanted kids, but weren't in a hurry to try. When we found out we were expecting in August 2011, we were over the moon! At the time, I was self employed as a nanny and didn't have any maternity coverage, but we were willing to make it work! I had my first u/s in the 5th week (I feel terrible that I can't remember the exact age anymore!) and saw a beautiful heartbeat! But my dr was concerned at the appearance of the sac and had me come back two weeks later for a follow up scan. When I had that scan, we discovered the baby had stopped developing in the 6th week. 

I currently work for the State of Florida in the State Attorney's Office and love my job, the people I work with, and best of all the benefits!! 

It feel great to have passed my loss milestone. I had an u/s at 7w5d and was crying on the table when the tech showed the baby's hb. So beautiful!! I'm quite nervous to wait for my next scan on June 29 but I know everything will be fine and we will see our beautiful baby again at 12w1d!!

My 3 words: Quiet, bookworm, loyal

winnie1122

Ok, since apparently @emililyha and I are subconsciously connected and posted the exact same thing at the same time, go post your answers to this on her thread so we don't have two PGAL check-ins? Or @emililyha, wanna join here? Whatever floats your boats! 

winnie1122

Hi @MMLmeow! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat, never gotten to do that before and it will definitely be a milestone if I get there. I will likely be a crying mess too if that happens. So so glad everything is going well for you!!!

MissMheMhe

winnie1122 said:

Hi @MMLmeow! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat, never gotten to do that before and it will definitely be a milestone if I get there. I will likely be a crying mess too if that happens. So so glad everything is going well for you!!!

Thank you!! And I wish you nothing but the best and FX for a beautiful little heartbeat!!!!

bananers

I think this is a great idea!

Our story:
We got our first BFP in October 2011, after our first cycle trying. We couldn't believe our luck! Everything seemed to be going well until our first appointment at 8 weeks, where we found out the baby had died a week earlier. We were devastated, and to make matters worse, my body didn't get the memo that our baby was gone. At first I thought I wanted to let myself miscarry naturally, but after a week of nothing (and still throwing up every day, my HCG was so high), I opted for a D&C. I just wanted to move on. The D&C itself wasn't bad, just very emotional, but I didn't heal from it like I was supposed to. I bled for two straight months, and later found out they hadn't gotten everything with the D&C, and almost needed a second surgery, but they were able to give me medicine to help me pass the rest. The whole thing was such a nightmare, and the whole time I just wanted to move on. Unfortunately, it took us almost a year to conceive again. It was a very dark place for me. We finally conceived with the help of Femara. We had DS in May of 2013, and he is the most amazing, funny little boy.

Fast forward a couple years, and we're ready to try again. My doctor told us we might have luck trying naturally, but since I had responded so well with the Femara the last time, that all I had to do was say the word and she'd write me a script again. We gave it a try for two cycles naturally, but then called in for reinforcements since we had a short window to get pregnant because of my job, or we'd have to put it off for another year. Thankfully I responded to the Femara again and here we are! We had a viability scan at 6w6d and everything looked great. We go in again tomorrow at 9 weeks and I'm terrified. Even though my pregnancy with DS was perfect - textbook, even - the first loss was so traumatic that ultrasounds always bring about a lot of anxiety for me. DH almost didn't even want to try for #2 because we were so scared of going through that again.

Me in 3 words: sarcastic, empathetic, passionate

Jenbug116

What a great idea
I am 9 weeks 2 days and pregnant with twins. My Dh and I have been married for 11 years this summer and we met and dated in high school. We have 3 daughters ages 5, 3, and 23 months.
We found out our son no longer had a heartbeat right before Christmas when I was 14 weeks along. I had a d&e and then had wonky periods ever since (they've always been like clockwork before). Anyway, I think the miscarriage messed with my hormones and I must've released two eggs this last time, thus twins now! My Dh and I have agreed though that no matter what happens this time, this is our last pregnancy.
Today is actually our son's birthday, the day we would've had the csection. It's bittersweet because I got to see and hear the babies heartbeats yesterday at my dr appt and I'm so thankful to be pregnant, but it's a weird feeling knowing that today was the day we were supposed to be welcoming our son into the world.

3 words to describe me: sensitive, quiet, and loving

jem8407

Wow ladies. These stories are all so real and so saddening. I am sorry to hear you have went through hell and back.

I have PCOS but the "fir version" or whatever but have since I was young. With the help of some medications we were able to get pregnant in November 2014. When we went in at almost 6 weeks, the development was way behind and heartbeat was at 97. Doctor had me come back in a week but was not too concerned. When we went back there was no heartbeat. After two long and painful weekends of mc medication (my body would not recognize it) I finally opted for a D&C.

In April we got pg again! I had a three day late ovulation and have been monitored extensively. Last week I had to go in due to a bleed. I had no pain or anything; turns out I have an Subchorionic hemorrhage. This was around what would have been 8 weeks but due to late ovulation was actually 7w4d. Cool measuring right on track. I went in this week to monitor hemorrhage and it has gone down and is quite small. The heartbeat went from 156 last week to 172 this week but development only went to 7w6d (a two day increase over 5.5 days).The doctor assured me this is normal but I can't help but be anxious after experiencing a loss. Has anyone else had this happen? I go back for a big work up in two weeks.

GTKY: fun, dancer, outdoorsy

fragglemom

I'm 9 weeks and 2 days today. This is our second pregnancy. Our first was a missed miscarriage discovered at our 12 week scan. Nothing had been amiss. No cramping or bleeding and I was still struggling with symptoms but our baby had died about 10 days earlier. That was December 22nd. We had to make an immediate decision to either head to the hospital for a d&c or wait until after Christmas. So I started the day happy and excited and ended it absolutely desolate.
We had our first ultrasound on Tuesday and my doctor says everything looks perfect but I doubt I'll ever get back that confidence. Even though we're not doing genetic testing my doctor has scheduled a 12 week scan to try and give us some peace of mind. We're not telling a soul until then. What you don't know when you've never suffered this kind of loss is that the "support system" you told yourself you were going to have are either too devastated themselves ( like our parents) or have no concept of your loss and disappear into a deafening silence making you feel an isolation like you've never known.
Sorry to be Debbie Downer! I guess seeing my doctor stirred up a lot of emotions. I do still get hopeful and we're making all of our plans for the baby. I guess sometimes there's that doubt that goes along with our kind of loss. I really hope this is our time ladies. I pray for all of us to come into that home stretch together.

sjames2

I'm 8w 3d today. My first pregnancy was ectopic and was discovered at 5w5d after 2 visits to the ER. I had emergency surgery and lost my right tube. That was October 2011. We got pregnant with DD in 2012 she was born the end of January 2013. Then we got pregnant again January of this year and my betas didn't look good from the beginning, and it ended at 8w in a natural miscarriage. So here I am waiting for my first appt on June 8th. It can't come quick enough.

bananers

@jessfragione, I was nodding along to everything you said. People who haven't been through a loss just have no idea how much it sucks to "untell" people, and how they usually say the wrong thing, even when they're just trying to help. I hated hearing people tell me there was something wrong with my baby, or that it was "god's plan," or my personal favorite: "at least you know you can get pregnant!" Like, WTF good is it to get pregnant if you don't have the baby?

You're right in that you'll probably never get back that confidence. Even with a successful pregnancy since our loss, this new pregnancy is stirring up all kinds of fears and emotions for me all over again.

Sorry there are so many of us in the club. We'll get through this!

winnie1122

@jessfragione That's exactly how I felt, there's really no way to understand the grief and how people will react until it happens to you. @bananers People do say some hurtful things in attempts to comfort, don't they? It made me check myself when trying to comfort others, and I think the whole thing has helped me to be more empathetic, but there really are no good words when things like this happen.

Kelley421

Hello all!
6w2d with triplets. My first loss was March 2014, we had just started seeing a fertility specialist and boom! I was prego! Betas were off and after multiple ultrasounds to rule out ectopic and find the baby finally determined to be blighted ovum. On this baby's would be due date nov 2, I got a bfp which was sadly a chemical and passed at 5w.
You ladies are right, it's very hard for others to understand. I'm not even sure DH quite understands how much these angel babies still mean to me.

Describe myself: currently I feel like crap. That's really all I can think about.

AmeliaKris

Hi all. I'm 7 weeks with this baby. I have my first us next Friday. I'm hoping to see a HB. My first pregnancy ended in a mmc around 12 weeks. We had a 9 week us and HB was 168 BPM And all was fine. Light bleeding at 12 weeks. Mmc on Sept 13, 2012. D and C that day.Pregnant again 2 months later. This time a healthy rainbow at 10 lb 10 oz on August 12,2013. She did spend some time in nicu but is fine now. Fingers crossed for one more miracle. Three words: sweet, loyal, and brave. Oh and I also feel like crap. I lost 30 lbs with my last pregancy. Me and morning sickness do not get along.

bananers

Oh wow, congrats on your triplets, @Kelley421! Do you know whether they're all fraternal? I have had two friends do IVF and end up with an identical pair plus a fraternal triplets. They implanted two embies and one split.

m6tonner

bananers said:

@jessfragione, I was nodding along to everything you said. People who haven't been through a loss just have no idea how much it sucks to "untell" people, and how they usually say the wrong thing, even when they're just trying to help. I hated hearing people tell me there was something wrong with my baby, or that it was "god's plan," or my personal favorite: "at least you know you can get pregnant!" Like, WTF good is it to get pregnant if you don't have the baby? You're right in that you'll probably never get back that confidence. Even with a successful pregnancy since our loss, this new pregnancy is stirring up all kinds of fears and emotions for me all over again. Sorry there are so many of us in the club. We'll get through this!

YES! In the grocery store, had the parents of our close friends come up to us, "I'm not very good with words..." so I said, "thats okay, please don't say anything." To which he replied, "maybe this is just god's way of saying that you aren't meant to be parents." Needless to say, hysterical tears in the dairy aisle followed. People can be so dumb.

bananers

m6tonner said:

bananers said:

@jessfragione, I was nodding along to everything you said. People who haven't been through a loss just have no idea how much it sucks to "untell" people, and how they usually say the wrong thing, even when they're just trying to help. I hated hearing people tell me there was something wrong with my baby, or that it was "god's plan," or my personal favorite: "at least you know you can get pregnant!" Like, WTF good is it to get pregnant if you don't have the baby?

You're right in that you'll probably never get back that confidence. Even with a successful pregnancy since our loss, this new pregnancy is stirring up all kinds of fears and emotions for me all over again.

Sorry there are so many of us in the club. We'll get through this!

YES! In the grocery store, had the parents of our close friends come up to us, "I'm not very good with words..." so I said, "thats okay, please don't say anything." To which he replied, "maybe this is just god's way of saying that you aren't meant to be parents." Needless to say, hysterical tears in the dairy aisle followed. People can be so dumb.

Holy shit, that's about the WORST thing I've ever heard someone say.

Kelley421

I think they are all fraternal. I had three eggs and apparently all decided to burrow in and hang out! My scan was super early and we were surprised to see A and B with heartbeats, baby C seemed smaller and all we could make out was yolk sac. I should know more Monday after this next scan. My doctor thinks baby c will be a loss and I will have twins.

bananers

Kelley421 said:

I think they are all fraternal. I had three eggs and apparently all decided to burrow in and hang out! My scan was super early and we were surprised to see A and B with heartbeats, baby C seemed smaller and all we could make out was yolk sac. I should know more Monday after this next scan. My doctor thinks baby c will be a loss and I will have twins.

I'm so sorry. I hope you get good news Monday and baby C is just off to a slower start!

winnie1122

@m6tonner I had a friend say something similar, though I know she didn't mean it that way. It still hurt though. One of the reasons I'm ok waiting to tell people. As much as it would be nice to have friends know and support us through m/c, they just don't usually know how. And that's OK, I guess.
@Kelley421 and @AmeliaKris hope you start feeling better!

SummerOH

Hi ladies! I'm part of this group, unfortunately. I have a 15 year old DD and a 2.5 year old DS. I had a rocky pregnancy with DS - HG and frequent unexplained bleeding - but was blessed to carry him to term. This round has not been so good. Chemical pregnancy last summer and a miscarriage at nearly 10 weeks in January (baby stopped developing at 6.5). I never fully understood how devastating it is until it happened to me. Anger, sadness, and envy have all been part of my roller coaster over the past year. Well-meaning friends and family have said it's God's plan and to be glad for my two. Which, don't get me wrong, I am. But it doesn't matter if you already have kids. A loss is still profoundly traumatic. It's still the loss of a child and hurts so badly. This is a major reason why we will not be sharing the news until we are 100% sure.

I didn't have any symptoms with the 10 week loss and I don't have many now, so I'm very nervous. I've had 3 beta draws and one progesterone check - all were high. I have an us scheduled for Tuesday when I will be nearly 7 weeks.

I'm glad this thread was started. The waiting is so hard and even worse when you've had losses, so it's wonderful to have a support system. I am praying all of us have our babies in our arms next year!

emililyha

winnie1122 said:

Ok, since apparently @emililyha and I are subconsciously connected and posted the exact same thing at the same time, go post your answers to this on her thread so we don't have two PGAL check-ins? Or @emililyha, wanna join here? Whatever floats your boats! 

Idea twinsies!

I'm currently 8+3. We got pregnant for the first time in December and suffered a loss in February. Everything seemed normal and so we didn't go in until our 10 week appointment and our doctor couldn't find a HB on the Doppler, so we went to get an ultrasound. It was a missed miscarriage. We were heartbroken. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms and my hcg went down and I just couldn't wait it out anymore. I know many people do but I just couldn't live my life waiting to start bleeding. I'm a teacher and was terrified it would happen while I was with my students. We had a d&c the first week of March. I wanted to move forward and try again so badly but I waited one cycle as my doc recommended and it proved to be a super amazing healing time for me and the hubs. Then bam! We were pregnant again.

I'm doing okay so far. My husband is so amazing and keeping me positive. I'm just scared a lot. Like if I don't feel a symptom I felt yesterday or I'm worried my boobs aren't sore or maybe I'm not peeing as much as everyone else... But all I can do is keep waiting it out. So far we've had low progesterone, and a slow heart rate that perked up considerably after a follow up ultrasound. Since it got better now I have to wait till 12 weeks. So my next appointment is my dreaded 10 week.

Sad that anyone has to be in this "community" but I'm glad we have a place where we can all connect! Also, sorry for the novel! Sheesh. Guess I should describe myself as long-winded!

GTKY: goofy, compassionate, laid back

designer303

Hi.  I am sad to see so many others here, but glad for those that understand! We have battled IF for 6 years and have one wonderful DS who is 3.5, and its funny looking back the battle to get him was relatively easy when compared to getting here.  This place where I am pregnant again and hopefully with our rainbow. We tried on our own because I said I would never go back to the RE (hah) I laugh at that part of myself now.  We turned up pregnant in December of 2013, the only time we have ever gotten pregnant without assistance.  Immediately following the HPT I ran to my RE's office and the blood work came back with a good beta, but very low progesterone, we started supplements immediately, but never made it past 6 weeks.  I had a natural miscarriage on Christmas Eve.  Reeling from this loss we went back to the RE and we got another positive in May but that turned out to be a chemical pregnancy and I started to bleed while giving my uncle's eulogy.  At this point I hit an all time low.  But as soon as we were cleared we went back to treatment like crazy.  After a year of Fertility treatment and nothing.  I took a mental health break and we came back to do IVF.  This pregnancy is a result of our fresh transfer.  I am 6+6 today.  I have the seen the heartbeat two times now and I just keep praying that we get to keep this LO.  I have constant fear that I am trying to push out, but its hard.  We have told a small group of people, basically the people that we have been able to lean on with past losses and through our battles with IF.  I will be praying for sticky rainbow babies for all of us. 

GTKY: Slightly OCD, nerdy, loyal

thismplsgirl

Love this idea! I'm currently 9w4d and praying hard that this is our rainbow.
Intro: We have two daughters (March '11 and July '13). Last August I lost a baby early at 6wks and had a natural m/c. This February I had another loss, baby passed at 8wks and I waited it out but ended up having to go the D&C route since I waited 3 weeks and had no bleeding. Six days after the D&C I ended up being rushed back to the hospital for a hemorage from the placental implantation wound. It was so difficult and that doesn't properly describe it.
I can completely understand what you're saying @jessfragione in terms of "support systems failing for a loss mom. My inlaws and my dad were maybe more devastated than I was over the second loss and it made it much harder for me to move forward. A lot of my friends just said that we would have to try again or that it didn't matter because we already have 2 kids. That didn't help so I agree that waiting this time is protecting not just my heart but also the future grandparents.

laxdixdar

Hi ladies. I'm 9w2d today with hopefully my rainbow baby. My husband and I decided to stop using b/c about 5 yrs ago. I won't say we actively tried that entire time because I didn't seek fertility help until last year. I just kept the notion that it would happen when it was meant to, but of course nearly half a decade later it was obvious it wasn't going to on its own. We started our journey and to our surprise the day we were set to start clomid for the first time we had our very first bfp. I was mind blown that after all this time I managed to concieve naturally. We made it through a rough 11 wks. 3 ER trips, 5 ultrasounds, hearing the hb every night on the doppler.... our baby was doing perfect. Until it wasn't. I ended up losing the baby despite the odds that I wouldn't so needless to say not much is easing my mind this time. We had our DNC in Jan and 2wks later my doc told me to get healthier before we tried again. So i lost 55lbs and received another unassisted bfp in April. And here I am... praying and waiting and trying not to get my hopes too high.

The one thing about loss is people don't understand the magnitude of grief that accompanies it. The favorite response is "you can try again", but pregnancy is never the same after a loss. I think the hardest is people don't understand how deeply you mourn the baby you never met. It took me a solid 2 months before I agreed to try again... and I still had a mini panic attack when I pulled those two lines on the bfp... either way I keep praying.

Heron422

Oh my gosh, what people say after you've lost a baby!! I got all of those, "It wasn't the right time" "At least you can get pregnant" "I just had a feeling this would happen" "I called it" The best was one of the Officers here walked up to one of my pregnant employees and said, "Do you ever ask Tina(me) to feel the baby moving? Because you should do that and it would be funny." I work with some messed up people.

sjames2

The worst comment I received about my miscarriage was from my mom. "You had the miscarriage because you are still nursing, if you weren't you wouldn't have lost the baby" Now I know it isn't true and even after showing her books about nursing while pregnant and tandem nursing she still said it again. People don't know what to say. That's why I try to hide my pregnancy till the second tri from most people. Including my mom.

SummerOH

laxdixdar said:

Hi ladies. I'm 9w2d today with hopefully my rainbow baby. My husband and I decided to stop using b/c about 5 yrs ago. I won't say we actively tried that entire time because I didn't seek fertility help until last year. I just kept the notion that it would happen when it was meant to, but of course nearly half a decade later it was obvious it wasn't going to on its own. We started our journey and to our surprise the day we were set to start clomid for the first time we had our very first bfp. I was mind blown that after all this time I managed to concieve naturally. We made it through a rough 11 wks. 3 ER trips, 5 ultrasounds, hearing the hb every night on the doppler.... our baby was doing perfect. Until it wasn't. I ended up losing the baby despite the odds that I wouldn't so needless to say not much is easing my mind this time. We had our DNC in Jan and 2wks later my doc told me to get healthier before we tried again.

Weren't you in the August 15 BMB? I swear I saw you and remember when you went through your loss. I found out about mine shortly after. If not, then I'm just crazy and ignore me!

winnie1122

Heron422 said:

Oh my gosh, what people say after you've lost a baby!! I got all of those, "It wasn't the right time" "At least you can get pregnant" "I just had a feeling this would happen" "I called it" The best was one of the Officers here walked up to one of my pregnant employees and said, "Do you ever ask Tina(me) to feel the baby moving? Because you should do that and it would be funny." I work with some messed up people.

That is downright horrible. I'm so mad that anyone would ever do that!!!

I had good news today! Progesterone levels went up from 7.5 to 15.5, so the nurse says everything is looking good. Every little thing is a step! First U/S in a week and a half, so we'll see.

emililyha

Frustrated today. Need to vent. I'm not saying PGAL ladies should get special treatment but this is a super scary time for us and I feel like at least the clinics should stay true to their word! Doctors office told us they'd call today with progesterone results. I just called because I hadn't heard and the office told me my doctor was already gone for the day but "they'd see what they could do". Then they told me I may not hear until Monday. How fricking frustrating. I would really like to NOT be worried all weekend ok? Ugh. People!!!!!!!!

bananers

I'm sorry, @emililyha. In my experience I've found some offices are much more compassionate than others when it comes to dealing with loss moms. I hope the weekend goes by quickly for you.

laxdixdar

SummerOH said:

laxdixdar said:

.

Weren't you in the August 15 BMB? I swear I saw you and remember when you went through your loss. I found out about mine shortly after. If not, then I'm just crazy and ignore me!

Yes I was .

Eta: quote box fail

doveshoes

I was a member of the August 2015 bmb. At my first appointment at what should have been 9 weeks, there was nothing but an empty sac. I had blood work done and had to wait over the weekend for my results (my birthday weekend). I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, and had a D+C a little over a week later. My husband was out of state at a conference and he felt horrible about it. I was in the hospital all day and ended up having the procedure done in labor and delivery (long story, it was awful). Afterward I had a pretty horrible recovery and bled for over 6 weeks.

But now here I am, 6 weeks pregnant today, with my first appointment next Friday at 7 weeks. I am trying to stay positive, but I know it will be terrifying to go back in that room for a sonogram.

3 words for me: driven, optimist, sarcastic

winnie1122

emililyha said:

Frustrated today. Need to vent. I'm not saying PGAL ladies should get special treatment but this is a super scary time for us and I feel like at least the clinics should stay true to their word! Doctors office told us they'd call today with progesterone results. I just called because I hadn't heard and the office told me my doctor was already gone for the day but "they'd see what they could do". Then they told me I may not hear until Monday. How fricking frustrating. I would really like to NOT be worried all weekend ok? Ugh. People!!!!!!!!

I feel you, it's so frustrating! Praying that the weekend goes fast for you and that you get good results!

mommap2

Thank you for starting this thread. I am 7w2d today. We have a beautiful son that was born in August 2013. When we found out we were expecting last September we were over the moon, excited and nervous to be adding a new little one to our family. I started having spotting around week 7. We had our drs appointment the following week, the ultrasound showed the baby was only at 6w5d. My dr was optimistic because we had gotten pregnant the first month of being off the pill. But I was sick thinking and knowing deep down that we had lost the baby. I had to go have my levels checked the next week but I started having cramping and steady bleeding and we knew. I had my levels checked and my dr called to confirm it was a miscarriage. My DH was wonderful, my parents were great, work was understanding and I have 2 friends that experienced similar situations and they have been amazing listeners and supporters. I actually have been very blessed with my support system. My dr gave us the green light to start trying right away but we decided we didn't want a summer baby so we would wait until after the first of the year to try again. And we finally got our rainbow baby! We have our fingers crossed this baby sticks around. My symptoms have been a lot stronger this time so I am hoping that is a plus. We go next week for our appointment and I am a nervous wreck. This board has been a huge help! Thank you!

MrsTeacher25

I hate that so many of us are on this board and I'm sorry for all our losses. However, I am glad this thread was started. I think loss moms all need a bit of extra support. Our story: My DH and I will be married 5 years in July. In March 2012, my DS was born 6 weeks early. Although he gave a scare, he is a healthy 3 year old. We started trying last April for baby #2. We got pregnant in September. However, from the day I saw the BFP, I didn't have a good feeling. After telling my awesome OB I felt like something was wrong, she did some blood work. After a few rounds of blood work, it was confirmed I most likely would miscarry. Although I k ew it was coming I was devastated. I had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks on my DH's 30th birthday, Nov. 2. The hardest part was putting on a happy face for the guests at his party while I was in so much pain physically and emotionally. After that, we took a few months off to regroup. We started TTC again in January. We actually had an appt in May to begin fertility blood work up, but instead I got a BFP. My bloodwork came back good, so I felt optimistic for a few weeks and kept talking the negative worries away. Today, though I freaked out after seeing red spotting and my DH took me to maternity triage. They did a pelvic exam and found out I have cysts on my cervix Luckily this will not effect the baby at all, who we got to see on ultrasound measuring right on track with a sweet little hb (they couldn't tell me bpm). I saw a healthy baby, but I still feel worried. I feel like being PGAL is a roller coaster ride. I want to be happy but I think that once you have been through a loss, your whole perspective changes and it is harder. No one in my immediate family or close friends have had a loss so I feel alone a lot with my grief. Even my DH didn't really have time to fall for the baby we lost, so I feel like I grieve for him/her on my own. I am so glad I have this safe place to go to let it out. Thanks ladies!

3 words to describe me: silly, kind, ambitious

kristaG1280

We were fortunate enough to conceive on our honeymoon for our first pregnancy, we couldnt believe our luck! Then at week 9 (baby only grew to 7 weeks) we miscarried and I had a D&C. As everyone on this board knows, a loss like that is indescribable. My husband and I werent necessarily ready to conceive again but went with the idea "when it happens, it happens" and I was pregnant on my next cycle! We have been very excited but so over cautious with this baby. Last week I started bleeding and I broke down mentally and physically-I really didnt know if we would be able to go through it again so soon; but we saw the doctor and our little one was there, wiggling away! I finally felt like I could breathe and now I'm finally able to enjoy this pregnancy.

amyelise25

I am very grateful to have a forum to share all the anxiety that we are going through.   DH and I have been going through fertility treatments for the last 1.5 years.  We were very lucky to get pregnant with twins after our first IVF cycle almost a year ago.  We found out at 7 weeks that one twin would likely not make it, and the heartbeat was gone at 9 weeks.  We thought we were in the clear with the remaining twin and started to enjoy being pregnant.  I went in for my NT scan at 12 weeks and found out that I had a MMC with the second twin. I had a D&C two days later rather than wait. 

Fast forward to September and we got pregnant again after an FET.  We had a MC at 5.5 weeks.  We came up with a plan to do PGD testing as an attempt at reducing our chances of a MC.  We did two rounds of IVF and froze everything.  Only 2 of the 11 sent for testing came back normal.  We transfered one at the end of April (after 4 months of procedures) and got a BFP! 

So we are cautiously optimistic.  We get more and more comfortable after each sonogram.  We've had 3 so far and everything looked perfect.  I can't wait to share with others, but we are waiting until we are firmly in the 2nd trimester (around the 4th of July).  I'm fortunate to have two friends that are also expecting within a month of me who have each suffered MMC.  It's such a hard journey! 

laxdixdar

kristaG1280 said:

We were fortunate enough to conceive on our honeymoon for our first pregnancy, we couldnt believe our luck! Then at week 9 (baby only grew to 7 weeks) we miscarried and I had a D&C. As everyone on this board knows, a loss like that is indescribable. My husband and I werent necessarily ready to conceive again but went with the idea "when it happens, it happens" and I was pregnant on my next cycle! We have been very excited but so over cautious with this baby. Last week I started bleeding and I broke down mentally and physically-I really didnt know if we would be able to go through it again so soon; but we saw the doctor and our little one was there, wiggling away! I finally felt like I could breathe and now I'm finally able to enjoy this pregnancy.

Ugh I just started bleeding this week too. It's debilitating even when u see your Gummi bear dancing on the ultrasound. The doc put me on bed rest for a few days after my scan and I swear all I'm doing is laying here convinced I'm going to miscarry again. T&P's for you, I hope yours has stopped.

winnie1122

@laxdixdar Praying for you!

mamakate1616

Hi everyone! I definitely echo how sad the size of this group is but it's nice to have each other! Looking forward to getting more involved in the community & getting to know all of you ladies!

Today I am 9+2 and am so hopeful this will be our rainbow baby. DH and I have been together for 11 years (high school sweethearts!) and married for 3. We decided we were "ready" last fall and stopped using protection. Got pregnant the first month and were over the moon excited after getting the first BFP in early Dec. Had no idea how common MCs were and got all kinds of personalized things to announce to our families with no intention of waiting until week 12/13. Had the first US at about ~6.5weeks which ended up being the beginning of the end. There was only an empty sac and the US tech did the "panic - stone face - let me get the doctor" thing. He came in and made it worse, I started crying and he had like no bedside manner and just said it didn't look good right now but it could be the dates were just off. We left and my doctor's office called to tell me not to worry, dates were probably off, and just to go back in a couple weeks. 

I read all kinds of happy endings online (and, ignored the stories about empty sacs that didn't turn out well) and decided we would mind-over-matter this little problem and carry on as normal. We went back to being really excited and handed out the personalized announcement things we got to our parents for Christmas. Everyone was so happy and excited to be getting a new baby & two of my SILs were also pregnant so it was just a great all around feeling. Then we had our follow up US on Dec 30th and it was determined there was no baby growing. My doctor had me come in and gave me options to MC naturally which could take some unknown number of weeks, use misoprostol to initiate it, or a D&C. I was adamant about not wanting surgery and didn't want to be waiting around forever so I took the medicine on New Years Day which was a very uncomfortable experience that didn't work exactly perfectly but at least my cycle started in Feb as expected. We waited a cycle to start trying again, BFN in March, and apparently "got lucky" while on vacation at Disney World for our 3rd anniversary! BFP May 4th and now we are just praying for a healthy baby! First appt is Friday 6/12 - hoping they will do an US that day and not just intake, or at least that they get me scheduled for one ASAP. 

GTKY: kind, clumsy, & impatient