Long but in desperate need of help with this....

Will try to shorten things as much as mom kicked out my 18 & 19 sister and brother in January (no real social skills sister has about an 8th grade education and brother about 6th) so I took them in with only a few conditions 1. do not lie to me 2. get your GED (college is their choice of course it is encouraged but not required) 3. for my sister who my mother set up a man who is 16 years her senior at the age of 16 ( I know this is wrong on soooo many levels but it is not what I am worried about right now) must break up with him to live with me....she needs to focus on her GED and deciding what she wants to do with her life now that she actually has a chance at one and staying tied to this man will influence her decision to an unfair advantage (there are so many more reasons as well and so much more I would love to just unleash about the entire situation, but again not the focus) other than that we told them they are adults live life. A month or so ago I had a feeling she was lying to me and was still seeing him, so DH and I sat her down and said at this point we just want the truth, we do not want to get blindsided by anything please be honest, she still denied seeing him romantically.  They have gotten jobs and we have gotten them a phone on our plan, my sister's phone broke, she used our kids emergency prepaid phone for a week,then gave it back to us, with everything still in it....yeah she has been lying the whole time even had her friends lying to me etc (which I know is mostly normal teenage stuff) I want to give her a second chance and let her stay with me still, but now I have lost all trust and faith in her and there has to be some rules... this is my struggle, where do I draw that line as she is an adult but she is more like a child not to mention no matter her age she is living under my roof and broke the only rule that was set out repeatedly for months?  Being that she is so far behind because of my mom should I treat her like a teenager?  Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated, DH and I are just at a loss in the situation.  

Re: Long but in desperate need of help with this....

  • I don't really post on this board and am only pregnant with my first now, so take my advice with a teeny tiny grain of salt. I did teach high school for ten years before getting pregnant, and that is where I'm pulling my thoughts from. Yes, technically she is an adult, but it doesn't sound like she's ever had guidance in her life until now. If it were me, unless her behavior is affecting the safety/ well-being of the others in your house or setting a REALLY bad example for younger children then I would give her another chance. There should be some seriously consequences for her actions though! Kicking her out may only cause her to maybe act out and make even poorer decisions! She is lucky to have a sister who cares about her like you, so some day she'll realize that and be very grateful!
  • 18 is technically an adult but let's be honest here.. Who is truly an 'adult' at 18. I agree with PP. I would give her another chance. Some people have to learn things the hard way. Aside from the huge age gap, is he otherwise a nice person.. Hold a job.. Treat her well etc ??

    I think it's incredibly sad actually. That they've had such little guidance and support. I would draw the line at taking advantage and/or putting your family at risk somehow.
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