Attitude

KadzoKimbia

i have read a bunch of the posts lately and am really disappointed. The attitude that a large majority of the people have towards new people and differing opinions and methods of ttc is staggering.

We are all adults here and need to respect the fact that others may not want to try bbt or opks. Maybe someone only has sex upside down and is curious if anyone else has had success with that. There is no reason to jump down our headstand sex having community member just because you would pass out from all the blood rushing to your head.

I hope that the members who have been attacked /felt as if they were bombarded with negativity will stick around and give this group another chance. Clearly some new blood is needed.

I am not trying to disregard the mass amounts of knowledge that so many veterans of the board have, but I hope we can all start to acknowledge that there are a lot of ways to get pregnant... Drunken one night stands works for some people, bbtemping for others, and unfortunately some may never get there. But we have all chosen to come together for support from people with a similar mission to our own.

PrimRoseMama

KadzoKimbia said:

i have read a bunch of the posts lately and am really disappointed. The attitude that a large majority of the people have towards new people and differing opinions and methods of ttc is staggering.

We are all adults here and need to respect the fact that others may not want to try bbt or opks. Maybe someone only has sex upside down and is curious if anyone else has had success with that. There is no reason to jump down our headstand sex having community member just because you would pass out from all the blood rushing to your head.

I hope that the members who have been attacked /felt as if they were bombarded with negativity will stick around and give this group another chance. Clearly some new blood is needed.

I am not trying to disregard the mass amounts of knowledge that so many veterans of the board have, but I hope we can all start to acknowledge that there are a lot of ways to get pregnant... Drunken one night stands works for some people, bbtemping for others, and unfortunately some may never get there. But we have all chosen to come together for support from people with a similar mission to our own.

I'm not sure what you mean? :-??

Where is this coming from??

PrimRoseMama

Also-- penis in vagina sex is the only way I know how to get pregnant. I mean, aside from medical necessity-- are there other methods I don't know about?!

kbru88

We like science. We like to share science. We are tired of people believing in crazy stuff that does not help them get pregnant. Maybe some snark comes out, laugh it off and Learn.

KadzoKimbia

kbru88 said:

We like science. We like to share science. We are tired of people believing in crazy stuff that does not help them get pregnant. Maybe some snark comes out, laugh it off and Learn.

Ladies just because you are a fan of science (I am too btw-physiologist here) doesn't mean that rainbows and butterflies aren't what work for some people. All I'm saying is that jumping down people's throats because they don't want to temp is ridiculous. I have been on the receiving end of someone basically saying because my opinion wasn't inline with what everyone else was saying I shouldn't comment.

How interesting is a board if one answer is enough because they will all be the same. Shouldn't we be able to learn from other experiences.

Penis in vagina has definitely worked for me in the past so I'm going to stick with that, but if Turkey Baster is what you want to try I'll... Well I'll probably think your crazy but by all means give it a try. Could it really hurt anything?

Edited- words are hard.

PrimRoseMama

I'm not snarking you, but realistically all the sweet words, warm fuzzies & unicorn elixir won't get someone pregnant. I feel it is not fair or kind to perpetuate things like that. It feels like I'm selling snake oil if I slap on the rainbow-smile.

I don't temp, but I'm wise enough to know I'm shooting in the dark about ovulation without temping. Others want to temp (TTC or not) because it allows them to learn about their body. I still think temping is valuable even if I don't do it.

I'm not entirely sure why the finger wagging was necessary though. We are not children! This board is a big fan of science & that's the vibe.

I've been a part of some message boards where the majority are the type you are describing. It worked for them but I did not feel genuine participating.

I like making others feel good but not just for the sake of blowing glitter up anyone's skirt.

I'm not sure what exactly you want?

kbru88

ALittleCountry said:

KadzoKimbia said:

i have read a bunch of the posts lately and am really disappointed. The attitude that a large majority of the people have towards new people and differing opinions and methods of ttc is staggering.

We are all adults here and need to respect the fact that others may not want to try bbt or opks. Maybe someone only has sex upside down and is curious if anyone else has had success with that. There is no reason to jump down our headstand sex having community member just because you would pass out from all the blood rushing to your head.

I hope that the members who have been attacked /felt as if they were bombarded with negativity will stick around and give this group another chance. Clearly some new blood is needed.

I am not trying to disregard the mass amounts of knowledge that so many veterans of the board have, but I hope we can all start to acknowledge that there are a lot of ways to get pregnant... Drunken one night stands works for some people, bbtemping for others, and unfortunately some may never get there. But we have all chosen to come together for support from people with a similar mission to our own.

So...a person comes to the board and says "I'm having sex on my head on a Thursday because I heard that's the best way to become PG. Has anyone gotten PG or heard any success stories with this method?!" And we say "No" and explain that she should use science to increase her chances and that's wrong?

How would it be helpful to let someone go on with that silliness, especially when they are asking for ways to get PG?

It gets repetitive and ridiculous when you have multiple people coming in and using this community as Google. People don't read up on how to increase their chances of getting PG. They want US to do all the work for them, and when you get the same question literally multiple times a day, it gets frustrating to keep answering, so we sometimes have some fun.

Do you know how many people post "am I pregnant?" threads weekly? How are WE the rude ones when people don't even have enough decency to read the guidelines before they post. How is THAT not rude?

We don't force people to temp. We say that it's the only way to confirm ovulation. There are regs that don't temp and newbs that don't temp. I was one for a while but I understood that I wasn't 100% sure I O'd, especially since I had a couple surges in a cycle.

If you want all the "omg my sisters brother's best friend's daughter's mother got pregnant by dancing in 2 circles before they had sex and then howling at the moon after. Good luck!!" then I think that's ridiculous. I'm glad I have learned so much to maximize my chances.

Yes, all of this^^

Everycol0r

KadzoKimbia said:

kbru88 said:

We like science. We like to share science. We are tired of people believing in crazy stuff that does not help them get pregnant. Maybe some snark comes out, laugh it off and Learn.

Ladies just because you are a fan of science (I am too btw-physiologist here) doesn't mean that rainbows and butterflies aren't what work for some people. All I'm saying is that jumping down people's throats because they don't want to temp is ridiculous. I have been on the receiving end of someone basically saying because my opinion wasn't inline with what everyone else was saying I shouldn't comment.

How interesting is a board if one answer is enough because they will all be the same. Shouldn't we be able to learn from other experiences.

Penis in vagina has definitely worked for me in the past so I'm going to stick with that, but if Turkey Baster is what you want to try I'll... Well I'll probably think your crazy but by all means give it a try. Could it really hurt anything?

Edited- words are hard.

Turkey baster can hurt by leading to infection. That infection can lead to PID. PID can lead to infertility. Infertility can lead to no baby.

Forgive us if we do not encourage harmful activity. Forgive us if someone plainly asks how they get pregnant & the answer is BBT. People are so adamant about BBT because it is the only method you can do from home that will confirm ovulation. That's it. Then, said question asker says they don't have time for the BBT, what else can they do? They don't want to try "too hard". Um, okay, thanks for the back handed put down.

The veterans here give sage, quality, scientifically proven answers that you're right, just are not for everyone. If others don't take the time to research & learn about fertility, their bodies, sperm & treat this board like a gaggle of Googler's at their command, their going to receive a harsh welcome.

This is a community & you've got to give support to receive support. We have stood beside each other through the BFN's, the BFPs, the losses, the successes, the family ordeals, you name it, and supported one another. Our TTGP family grows all the time with newbies, we don't intentionally force anyone out. If you choose to stick around, realize just like these women don't know YOUR story, you don't know THEIR STORY so stop acting like you are the only one that matters.

As far as I'm concerned, rainbows & butterflies don't knock anyone up. Drunken sex doesn't knock anyone up, correctly timed intercourse will get you pregnant whether you are sober or not. Secondary infertility is a REAL thing so just because you had a one night stand 5 years ago, were plastered and got laid by a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow doesn't mean that that method will work again.

If you want to waste your time by having sex for 1 year, no baby & frustrated with no answers when a BBT could have told you that 1. You were ovulating a week after you thought and 2. You were having extreme short luteal phases, so be it. It could have saved you some time & heartache when you could have been proactive, realized after 3 cycles your LP was to short, spoken with your doc, got some meds & been KU by possibly month 4.

linny4

Everycol0r said:

KadzoKimbia said:

kbru88 said:

We like science. We like to share science. We are tired of people believing in crazy stuff that does not help them get pregnant. Maybe some snark comes out, laugh it off and Learn.

Ladies just because you are a fan of science (I am too btw-physiologist here) doesn't mean that rainbows and butterflies aren't what work for some people. All I'm saying is that jumping down people's throats because they don't want to temp is ridiculous. I have been on the receiving end of someone basically saying because my opinion wasn't inline with what everyone else was saying I shouldn't comment.

How interesting is a board if one answer is enough because they will all be the same. Shouldn't we be able to learn from other experiences.

Penis in vagina has definitely worked for me in the past so I'm going to stick with that, but if Turkey Baster is what you want to try I'll... Well I'll probably think your crazy but by all means give it a try. Could it really hurt anything?

Edited- words are hard.

Turkey baster can hurt by leading to infection. That infection can lead to PID. PID can lead to infertility. Infertility can lead to no baby.

Forgive us if we do not encourage harmful activity. Forgive us if someone plainly asks how they get pregnant & the answer is BBT. People are so adamant about BBT because it is the only method you can do from home that will confirm ovulation. That's it. Then, said question asker says they don't have time for the BBT, what else can they do? They don't want to try "too hard". Um, okay, thanks for the back handed put down.

The veterans here give sage, quality, scientifically proven answers that you're right, just are not for everyone. If others don't take the time to research & learn about fertility, their bodies, sperm & treat this board like a gaggle of Googler's at their command, their going to receive a harsh welcome.

This is a community & you've got to give support to receive support. We have stood beside each other through the BFN's, the BFPs, the losses, the successes, the family ordeals, you name it, and supported one another. Our TTGP family grows all the time with newbies, we don't intentionally force anyone out. If you choose to stick around, realize just like these women don't know YOUR story, you don't know THEIR STORY so stop acting like you are the only one that matters.

As far as I'm concerned, rainbows & butterflies don't knock anyone up. Drunken sex doesn't knock anyone up, correctly timed intercourse will get you pregnant whether you are sober or not. Secondary infertility is a REAL thing so just because you had a one night stand 5 years ago, were plastered and got laid by a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow doesn't mean that that method will work again.

If you want to waste your time by having sex for 1 year, no baby & frustrated with no answers when a BBT could have told you that 1. You were ovulating a week after you thought and 2. You were having extreme short luteal phases, so be it. It could have saved you some time & heartache when you could have been proactive, realized after 3 cycles your LP was to short, spoken with your doc, got some meds & been KU by possibly month 4.

^^^ this. Seriously, whether you want to temp or not, we give this advice for a reason. When I joined this community in feb after a mc I was honestly shocked at first. But after about 2 days of lurking I quickly understood this board. I started temping and found I had a short luteal phase. So, I am now Into cycle 8 ttc and have an real understanding of my body, I'm being proactive and having more blood work done so we will hopefully have more answers after this cycle. If I didn't find this group, I wouldn't have known about any of this and I would most likely be waiting a full year before getting any type of referral. Rainbows and fairy dust aren't going to do anyone any favours.

ACleanLife24

KadzoKimbia said:

We like science. We like to share science. We are tired of people believing in crazy stuff that does not help them get pregnant. Maybe some snark comes out, laugh it off and Learn.

Ladies just because you are a fan of science (I am too btw-physiologist here) doesn't mean that rainbows and butterflies aren't what work for some people. All I'm saying is that jumping down people's throats because they don't want to temp is ridiculous. I have been on the receiving end of someone basically saying because my opinion wasn't inline with what everyone else was saying I shouldn't comment. How interesting is a board if one answer is enough because they will all be the same. Shouldn't we be able to learn from other experiences. Penis in vagina has definitely worked for me in the past so I'm going to stick with that, but if Turkey Baster is what you want to try I'll... Well I'll probably think your crazy but by all means give it a try. Could it really hurt anything? Edited- words are hard.

Facts are facts... even if you sugar coat them in unicorn fart glitter if you are asking what are the actual proven ways to increase your chances of getting pregnant than BBT and OPK are the way to go without going to a doctor.  That's a fact... any other bullshit about how to make a girl/boy or headstands etc is just that...

If you believe in things like this or really have faith in some bizarre ritual which is not based in science then maybe you should stop TTC until you are intelligent enough to figure out how humans have reproduced for thousands of years.  Besides I wouldn't want to have to teach your idiot kid who at 16 doesn't believe me when I tell them you cant get pregnant swallowing sperm

nlwz123

I'm sorry, was this thread started just to argue?  I don't understand.

GrumpyCatSaysNo

OP, you just gave a great example of why people should lurk first before posting.

1. If you had truly lurked first, you would see that this soapbox speech of yours is not unique whatsoever and usually doesn't end well.

2. Lurking is for your own benefit. You can read old posts and then decide if this site is for you. Instead of trying to change other people, just find a site that deals with rainbows and glitter. We don't go to those sites and demand that they start using actual facts instead of unicorn piss and it would be appreciated if others show the same respect here.

3. Blindly supporting people's dumb ideas is just about the meanest thing you can do. I'd be insulted as hell if someone just smiled and patted my head and told me what I wanted to hear versus what I needed to hear. It's called respecting someone enough to tell them the truth and not sugarcoat things like they are 5 years old.

4. Like you said OP, we are all adults here. We don't need someone trying to tell people how to post here.

5. If you don't like drama, why post something like this? Clearly you must enjoy it, since posts like these normally attract drama by the tons. Again, you would know this if you had truly lurked.

firebaby688

If someone comes on and asks us how to get pregnant, we are going to suggest temping, as it's the only way to confirm ovulation. If someone says it's crazy and takes too much time, we will correct them, as this morning my thermometer was literally in my mouth while I was snoozing and it took maybe three seconds to then type that temp into FF. If someone says, whatever, still not temping, fine, but they need to know what valuable information they are missing.

Likewise, if someone comes on here and lists a bunch of symptoms and asks if they're pregnant, we will say no, because symptoms tell you nothing. Why get their hopes up? I don't see how any of this is mean, as we are trying to help them in the most honest and realistic way possible.

Finally, the part where everyone calls us meanie. If you post one of these prior questions, or something else that is clearly addressed in the pinned tabs regarding the guidelines and if you could tell a newbie anything, we will tell them to lurk. We will tell them to read this things, and we may respond in funny gifs. The reason we do this is because we are here to support one another, not to help anyone and everyone that has a question and needs it answered RIGHT NOW! We also aren't unforgiving if someone makes a mistake and doesn't lurk. When this happens, and they apologize and begin to lurk and use that lovely search function, they are welcomed with open arms. In fact, some of our regulars have made horrible mistakes and bounced back.

Do people get pregnant several different ways? Yes. Does that make us meanies for telling them temping is the only way to know you ovulate? No. And does that mean we have to fart out rainbows? Absolutely not. If that's not your style, there are lots of forums that participate in that you can join. And you would know this community didn't do that if you lurk in the first place.

redshoes2015

Providing scientific information in a frank manner that is not sugar coated does not equal being rude.

PrimRoseMama

redshoes2015 said:

Providing scientific information in a frank manner that is not sugar coated does not equal being rude.

This is the PERFECT GIF.

redshoes2015

Love me some JT!!

CharmBombExplosion

I will never understand these types of posts. A rational person would think "hmm this isn't the type of community I want" and find a new one. You're not going to change an established community so I can only assume the point of this was to stir up drama for your own amusement. Bye Felicia.

missteacherlady16

OP, there's a reason that I am HERE and not on BabyCenter....because I don't want unicorn farts and glitter and neither do the other ladies here.

I think you're being rather critically of an established community and a little selfish in trying to get us to change to fit your idea of a "perfect community". The majority of the ladies here enjoy our community and have benefited greatly from the support and scientific advice offered here. You could be one of us too, but you have got to get off your soapbox and provide support to others in an ethically responsible. 

You are doing others a disservice by supporting whatever crazy voodoo methods some people concoct in order to get pregnant. 

When I first got here, I was so overwhelmed and confused by the information I had learned from Dr. Google and helpful (but incorrect) friends and coworkers. Yes, hearing the hard truth about statistics related to TTC and how it was going to involve more time and effort than I had originally anticipated was somewhat disheartening, but after learning from others here and taking charge of my ability to conceive; I felt powerful. My confidence grew and I was comforted by science. And I decided, after that break through, that I would do my best to pass on this information to others as they joined our community because EVERYONE would benefit from a dose of truth and science. 

That is the core of this community's philosophy and it doesn't mesh with everyone. That's okay, but it means that this isn't necessarily a perfect fit for everyone. Just like BabyCenter wouldn't be a good fit for me either. 

TheBorg7of9

If you want puppies and rainbows you could go to literally any other ttc board. this board is unique, amazing and full of actual facts and not old wives tales. If it's not the right board for you, you can easily find one that is.

PugsandKisses

My first post I read in a few weeks (I have been busy). Aw, I see that the Bump has never changed.

#ScienceIsSexy

surferP528

I just want to say that I am VERY thankful of the knowledge that I've gained from being here. I had many preconceived ideas about TTC that were just plain wrong. This weekend I found myself educating my husband on symptom spotting, the 20% chance of conceiving each month, the myth of not being able to pee right after, etc. I am so glad that I am armed with real knowledge  to help keep me calm.

I was taken aback by some of the snark on here when I first started lurking, but I think the knowledge shared is worth it.

bookqueen

**ticker warning

This board is not puppies and rainbows, and for the most part it won't be on Feb 16 where you just moved over to. There are lots of us TTGP veterans over there this time and will call people out when they are being ridiculous as is necessary. That's just how it works. Most boards on TB are full of snark. It's easier just to apologize sincerely for mistake, admit "whoops, that was stupid", and not get butthurt over being called out.

crogers19

ktmitchell11

.

missteacherlady16

crogers19 said:

I love Audrey!!!

crogers19

missteacherlady16 said:

crogers19 said:

I love Audrey!!!

me too
:x I actually did a research project on her in high school. What Would Audrey Do? is one of my favorite books.

FiancB

Is this referring to my post on the thread about UTIs? If so, dude... get thee to Target and pick up some big girl panties. She wanted to know how to follow her doc's advice and still get pregnant. I explained, very nicely, that headstands (tongue in cheek, but many people think they need to lay butt up for 30 minutes or whatever, myself included until recently) weren't necessary and gave other tips on avoiding UTIs. I'm pretty sure the OP was happy with that. If you're talking about soft cups, well as said in the thread it's a great way to get an infection, and why would you not want to be told that if you're considering it? 

Yeah it's true not everyone wants to do the BBT thing but if so, you aren't really going to fit in that well on a TTC board, because most of us would like to know that we're doing everything possible to get pregnant as quickly as possible. FAM is backed up with science, old wive's tales are not. I personally prefer science. It slays me that someone would consider FAM to be overkill but headstands not to be. It's kind of like saying you want to lose weight but also you do not want to exercise or eat healthier. 

I will agree that sometimes people are quick to jump on people making newbie mistakes that are easy to make, but they're also easy to avoid with about 10 minutes of lurking. 

missteacherlady16

@KadzoKimbia - I am also wondering why you have come over here to stir the pot from your BMB?

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by creating drama here? 

Everycol0r

FiancB said:

Is this referring to my post on the thread about UTIs? If so, dude... get thee to Target and pick up some big girl panties. She wanted to know how to follow her doc's advice and still get pregnant. I explained, very nicely, that headstands (tongue in cheek, but many people think they need to lay butt up for 30 minutes or whatever, myself included until recently) weren't necessary and gave other tips on avoiding UTIs. I'm pretty sure the OP was happy with that. If you're talking about soft cups, well as said in the thread it's a great way to get an infection, and why would you not want to be told that if you're considering it? 

Yeah it's true not everyone wants to do the BBT thing but if so, you aren't really going to fit in that well on a TTC board, because most of us would like to know that we're doing everything possible to get pregnant as quickly as possible. FAM is backed up with science, old wive's tales are not. I personally prefer science. It slays me that someone would consider FAM to be overkill but headstands not to be. It's kind of like saying you want to lose weight but also you do not want to exercise or eat healthier. 

I will agree that sometimes people are quick to jump on people making newbie mistakes that are easy to make, but they're also easy to avoid with about 10 minutes of lurking. 

You mistake her @FiancB. I don't think she plans on trying to fit in well with TTGP, she apparently already has her BFP.

So this grandstanding thread appears to be for AWing & to stir up drama.

kbru88

Ladies, I love these replies!

kmcc14

Not a real smart move considering how many TTGP grads are on the Feb'16 BMB.

WitandWhimsy

Just adding my two cents here - I am also very thankful for how much I learned on here so far. It's really really not hard to lurk or use the search function. I never knew about temping until I went on here and I was always guessing when ovulation would be or when AF would arrive. Nobody has to temp if they don't want to (even though it takes a minute to do) but it is the only way to confirm ovulation.

When I first signed up I quickly learned what is appropriate and what is inappropriate to discuss on here. I am amazed by the people that don't take the time to lurk and post questions like "am I pregnant? Lololz" or list all their symptoms or post their pee sticks.

There are plenty of other sites that can tell you every cramp you get or tingly titties is a for sure sign of pregnancy or what are the best positions for conceiving but I prefer the truth.

I have also shared my knowledge with my partner and friends irl who may be planning ttc in the future. I feel a lot more confident about my fertility than I ever have in my entire life

Edit: wanted italicize the word really but failed, damn mobile.

ktmitchell11

missteacherlady16 said:

@KadzoKimbia - I am also wondering why you have come over here to stir the pot from your BMB?

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by creating drama here? 

Wait a minute!!!  Are you PREGNANT?? And then coming over here to talk to NON-PREGNANT people who are trying to get PREGNANT and telling us how to do things?!?!  Why would you even be over here?  Ugh I swear.  It's Monday and I cannot even today.

ACleanLife24

This one time my friend got drunk and had a one night stand and totally got preggers... even though she didn't have any symptoms... Thats my plan for tonight... 

GrumpyCatSaysNo

ktmitchell11 said:

missteacherlady16 said:

@KadzoKimbia - I am also wondering why you have come over here to stir the pot from your BMB?

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by creating drama here? 

Wait a minute!!!  Are you PREGNANT?? And then coming over here to talk to NON-PREGNANT people who are trying to get PREGNANT and telling us how to do things?!?!  Why would you even be over here?  Ugh I swear.  It's Monday and I cannot even today.

missteacherlady16

@KadzoKimbia please come back and explain yourself; it's rude to create a thread like this and then run off. 

Everycol0r

Definitely side-eyeing the love tits OP got.

abqblondie09

What exactly was the point in coming here writing this? It looks to me like you are the one who likes the drama. The ladies here like to actually help people by using science and facts. If we tried to please everyone there would be people thinking you can have butt babies because the women here didn't correct them. So as far as I'm concerned we don't want any of that unicorn fart stuff here.

BlueWaffleSpeshul

ACleanLife24 said:

This one time my friend got drunk and had a one night stand and totally got preggers... even though she didn't have any symptoms... Thats my plan for tonight... 

Video, too, right?

rrmc

I totally agree. We can go get the "facts" on google. And I do. And I agree with most of what the "veterans" here say. However, everyone in this group is desiring a baby. I'm not sure why we have to attack each other with "facts" instead of being supportive of people who are hurting. The facts have been repeated. What most people are looking for here is emotional support. 

TheBorg7of9

rrmc said:

I totally agree. We can go get the "facts" on google. And I do. And I agree with most of what the "veterans" here say. However, everyone in this group is desiring a baby. I'm not sure why we have to attack each other with "facts" instead of being supportive of people who are hurting. The facts have been repeated. What most people are looking for here is emotional support. 

If you think facts are an attack then you are on the wrong website.
And if you think Google is the best way to get facts, then you are definitely on the wrong website.