How will I ever get back into workforce? HOW will I ever manage to find childcare?! Help!

Emmerbemmers

Ok, I didn't want to be an annoying newb, so I read the stickies (is that what they are called at the top?) and several threads to get a feel. But I'm feeling needy for feedback from women who know WTH they are talking about when it comes to parenting/working. I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS TL;DR!!!!!

I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. I quit my job before having my oldest son - it was just what made sense at the time (hated my job, husband got great job in different region of LA, etc). I freelanced here and there, but was never really successful at getting a thriving freelance business off the ground. He is on the Autism Spectrum (high functioning) and has qualified for preschool services. This last school year he was in a 5.5 hour program and a bus dropped him off at my door at 3:00 pm. Yes, it was great. But as my little one nears toddlerhood . . . I am feeling VERY ready to return to The Land of Humans Who Can Wipe Their Own Butts. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing it. I don't necessarily have a "career" to go back to, but I need to work. I also need money. 

I was starting to work on a plan. Another friend is looking for someone to take part in a nanny share starting in August. She has someone great and it would be a reasonable price. The nanny would have my friend's newborn, my baby and then only have to watch my 4-year-old for about an hour. My friend gets home at 4:00 and I'm gonna aim for a job that gets off on the early side (pipe dreams?). But today I had the IEP meeting for my son - this is where we all determine what his school program should be next year. His teacher insists he go from his current class (all ASD kiddos) to a mainstream class with some special ed support. This is great news - he's doing so well he has outgrown his class! But . . . it means a shorter day. It ends at 12:00. I don't see the nanny share being a great fit for him for that long a period. He NEEDS a structured day. I'm not sure this nanny could really offer him what he needs.

The other idea is that I take on my friend's baby instead of her using the nanny. It's not a lot of money, but would still help a lot. And it might be best 

Overall, I'm just SO overwhelmed with:

1. How do I find a job? Am I worth ANYTHING? Let alone find a job that fits the hours I need?

2. Should I do the nanny share for the baby but find a daycare for the preschooler? Or find a daycare for both of them? WILL I MAKE ANY MONEY after paying all this?!

3. Should is just babysit my friend's baby for the next year (I do so love babies) . . . will I lose my mind?!

4. Are there mysterious options I don't know about? Is there an OBVIOUS solution I am totally missing?

Absolutely any advice is appreciated, even if your advice is that I should just shut up and deal with it because millions of parents work and manage childcare. 

WillyBean

I don't have any experience with this, but slow down before you pull all of your hair out! Take it one step at a time. Breathe in! Breathe out! Ahhhhhh

Okay, so do you need to go back to work because of the money or because YOU need to go back to work? If it's money, and you don't mind being at home and giving your son some structure - maybe watching your friends baby would be best for this first year? If it's for you, which is fine!!!, then who cares if most of your paycheck goes to nanny/other childcare. Sometimes us moms need to do stuff for ourselves. It sounds like you have plenty of organization and time management skills which are good for any job! Good luck!

Perfect Sonnet

I agree you need to take a step back and maybe try to pin point what you really want.  If you want to be around adults more, maybe childcare isn't for you.  After figuring that out, I would work out how much money you need or want to make and the different childcare situations.  Maybe figure out the work situation and then the best childcare situation for that job?  One step at a time.  Good luck!

Emmerbemmers

I know I'm freaking out, so thank you for reminding me to take a deep breath. You both made a real point that I need to analyze what I really want. And yes, I've realized that stay-at-home motherhood has run its course for me. Even if my profit-after-childcare is minimal, it is absolutely what I have to do. So onto the job search! (Wish me luck.)

The good news is that it was suggested that I dispute the IEP and they will probably find a longer instructional day. If not, I've realized it would be ok for him to do the shorter public school class, supplemented with a privately-paid afternoon preschool. I anticipate that it would be a very hard transition for him, but we'd get through it. I'd pay a fortune for both kids in care, but I know I wouldn't be the first or last parent to do so! 

So yeah . . . I'm still scared about finding a job, organizing my life, finding the right combination of care for my unique preschooler . . . but I can do it. I can do it, right? 

Thanks for help! 

nosoup4u

I went back to work when my oldest was 4, and have no regrets. I would start by revamping your resume and sending it out/following job leads first. Childcare will get sorted out when it needs to, try not to get ahead o yourself w all the what-if scenarios.

narissa2013

I used to work in a school and there were a lot of moms who worked in the office and loved having similar schedules as their kiddos. So, maybe looking at whether your local schools are hiring.

SharonB222

My DH runs his own business (baker) - he started during our years of IF/RPL so we absorbed the years of financial loss without paying out childcare on top of it (although we were paying for medical care related to IF/RPL). When kids did come, DH started by working 1/2 and SAHD 1/2; now he is working 3/4 and SAHD 1/4. As our childcare costs have gone up so has his profits (so far). Since, like you, he wants to work - I tell him that as long as he can pay for childcare it's all good ---- but that's not really true. His business is building equity just as your employment will - so paying more in daycare for a bit would be ok because it's making an investment. Even though I am the main income earner (engineer), my boss (a single dad!) suggested I work reduced-FT (80%) so I do and also help care for the kids. I know it would be unusual for a father (e.g. your DH) to request this and it's hard - but I am glad for it. So we use a PT DCP, in-home to be able to afford it (DCP is $$$ in our area). We found our DCP on Craig's list (lucky!) and our back-up DCP by asking other parents. GL!

BTW - I read a fictional book called the 10 Year Sleep, which was about mother's in NYC going back to work (after 10 years). I didn't have kids at the time, but still understood.