After baby Otto

erinwilhite

I didn't have a miss carriage and I didn't give birth to a still born. I found out I was pregnant with our first baby in July 2014 with a baby boy due in March. At my 25 week checkup everything looked beautiful but I quickly got preeclampsia after and they had to take my son Otto at 26 weeks. He was a miracle and came out even breathing on his own. While in The NICU trying to gain weight he got a bowel injury and they didn't act soon enough and he passed away at One Month old.
I am now pregnant again and found out we conceived on the due date of our first son Otto and this ones due date is on the actual birthday of our son. Due to the type of c-section I had I have to have this baby a month early.
I'm consumed with fear. I watched my baby boy grow and he knew my voice and would turn his head to look at me and I loved his personality and everything about him. Its hard now to get excited about this baby after getting so attached to the last one and him never making it home. Ideas on how to stay positive????

msunshine123

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Otto. Loving the child you are pregnant with does not in any way diminish the love you have for Otto. You will love both of your children. Pregnancy after a loss is a roller coaster of emotions coupled with your grief. There are a lot of great Pgal mantras - remind yourself you are doing your best. Be patient and kind to yourself. Hugs.

ikrystal

**Rainbow mentioned**

I am so sorry for your loss.  It never gets easier to hear that someone else has lost a baby.  I can only imagine what you had to go through in the NICU watching your little boy. I echo what @msunshine123 has said, getting pregnant after loss does not change the love you have for your son. Pregnancy after loss is tough.  It can be seen as a threat and has a way of reminding us every day of what we have lost. I know there is a PgAL board on The Bump as well as a PgAL check in.  I was part of both of those when I was pregnant with my girl and it helped tremendously.  I wish you the best of luck. Let us know if you need anything.