New here and just had first loss

huskerfan246

Hi Ladies, I am new to this board, was mainly frequenting the January Boards as that is when my husband and I were expecting our first child.  I found out today that will not be happening and I am so devastated.  I've never been through this before and even though it was in the early stages, this still stings the heart.  I had 2 ultrasounds last week and there was no yolk sac in the gestational sac.  My hcg #'s were going up and I was having full blown symptoms, and many people told me it could just be too early so I tried to stay positive.  Today I went in for a third ultrasound, I am supposed to be a 6w 5d as of today, that was what the sac was measuring, and the same results.  The dr. determined it was a Blighted Ovum.  He told me the sac tissue will eventually pass overtime, but I'm scheduled to go back in 2 weeks to check things over again.  This is so hard because I have so many of the symptoms including the morning sickness that lasts most of the day to remind of a pregnancy that isn't going to happen. 

Synnovus

I'm so sorry for your loss! I've had 3 miscarriages. 1 very early and two mmc(both treated with cytoteck). Hopefully your body will soon recognise what is happening by itself. If nothing has changes at your next appt I would recommend you get some treatment, such as cytotec or a D&C, so you can get over with the physical part of a miscarriage. And go on with the emotional healing which in my experience are easier to do when you have physically started to heal again. Speak with you doc about how you feel and what options you have. ((Hugs))

MEA0320

I'm sorry for your loss! I'm actually in the same boat... yesterday I received the news that things were not developing - a Blighted Ovum miscarriage. This was my first pregnancy and first miscarriage... and it's completely devastating. Today has been tough as I am working to remove all the emails and notices I have been receiving the past 6 weeks to be prepared for a little bundle of joy in January. Right now I'm just trying to stay positive and am so grateful I told my parents about the pregnancy as they are an addition to my husband for support during this time. I hope you are able to have a strong support system as well. 

Prayers and thoughts go out to you during this time - I know exactly how you feel. I wish you all the best in the future!!  

rachrobertson

I am sorry for you loss. I agree with @Synnovus if things haven't progressed at your next appointment, I would ask for other options. Once the physical part is over, you can begin fully processing your loss and grieving.

ivfmommy1228

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was lucky that most of my sickness went away after the initial loss. However, I lost my twins 5 days apart and I have to do another round of Cytotec tonight to induce the loss of the remaining "products of conception." I completely understand how you feel. The loss is bad enough, but the constant reminders are agonizing.

huskerfan246

It is devastating, we told our parents and I told a couple people at work about the pregnancy so they knew why I was taking so much time off for appointments, so thankfully we have them for support. I couldn't go back to work after the appointment because I was kind of an emotional mess so I went home and slept the day away. Its gonna take some time to heal, probably not until the pregnancy and symptoms are completely gone, but I'm going to try and stay positive. I came back to work today, and its so hard to keep my emotions in check when people keep asking if I'm OK. I do plan to look into treatment if my body doesn't take care of it on its own, which when that day comes I will probably be on an emotional rollercoaster, but like you said, its good to have a good support system, definitely need it in times like this. Sending thoughts and prayers your way and everyone else in this same predicament, this truely sucks and I would never wish upon anyone!

huskerfan246

This whole thing is new to me, what is the D&C procedure?

whitneydpc

@huskerfan246 I am so sorry for your loss.  It's so disappointing, especially when it's your first pregnancy. 

A D&C is the procedure used to basically clean out your uterus following a miscarriage in instances where the miscarriage isn't happening naturally or if when you're farther along (9+ weeks).  Since you had a very early loss, you most likely won't need one, but your doctor will tell you if it looks like things aren't progressing quickly enough.  I was "heavily sedated" for both of my D&Cs and they were not bad at all - basically a 20 minute nap and though I was technically still conscious, I don't remember a thing.  Some doctors still perform them while a woman is fully awake, and I personally would go to any lengths to avoid that as it sounds like it would be painful and traumatic.  (Hopefully this is information you will never in your life need, but I just wanted to fill you in since you asked.)

huskerfan246

Thank you very much for the information. I will be 8w5d when I go back in, but if anything happens before then I will go in sooner. I appreciate any input on this situation as it is all new to me.

rachrobertson

I was under anesthesia for my d&c. For me, it was the easiest part of this whole ordeal but I know not everyone has that experience. I was very surprised to learn that my company offers bereavement pay for 3 days (which is a full week since I only work 3 days a week). You.might ask about that since you will probably want/need time off when everything does happen. I took 2 weeks off and I still wasn't ready to go back but knew I had to take the plunge at some point. Going back wasn't as bad as I built it up to be, but was still difficult. And I am rambling.....hope this helps.

huskerfan246

It helps a lot and no its not rambling, I appreciate your input. My company does have bereavement pay for up to 3 days, I never thought about that, I may have to look into it if I do have to take more time off. Its been a hard day at work today, but my coworkers understand, and its a bunch of guys so they always checking in on me in the office to make sure everything is OK. Thank goodness its the weekend after today, give myself a chance to unwind and understand this better.

twointow83

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry for your loss. The next days, or weeks, will be tough, I'll be honest. Waiting to pass the baby is torture emotionally. Once everything happens you'll be able to grieve properly and it will get better with time. Just know it is not your fault and you couldn't have done anything to prevent this. (((HUGS)))

bntfroggie

I just wanted to chime in here quick.  My company also let me use bereavement pay for my miscarriage, that covered any follow up doctors appointments I had and the day of my D&C.  Like rachrobertson said the recover from a D&C is different for everybody and my recovery was super easy, and they put me in a deep sleep for it, but my husband said the surgery was over in 25 minutes.  I got my AF again 6wks post op, and we are now TTC again.  I'm so sorry for your loss, the first week is the hardest :-(  Hang in there.

huskerfan246

I want to thank you ladies for telling me about the bereavement at work. I talked to HR Dept at my job and they are looking into it for me, said they have never come across this but will definitely see if they can, also said if I have the surgery and I'm off for a period of time I can file for short term disability, just to help cover time off. I'm so glad I found this page, the support here is so wonderful. I appreciate everything and I wish you all the best in the future.

jessicalacey1226

Sorry for your losses, ladies. I would have been 9 weeks with my first pregnancy, but got the news last week that there was no heartbeat/ growth. I went back Wednesday for a follow up u/s which confirmed that we lost the baby. I'm having a D&C tomorrow morning. My ob gave me the option to pass the baby either naturally or with the medicine or to have the procedure. I think it's a very personal decision based on your thoughts on surgery and how far along you are. For me, I didn't want to go through passing the baby myself. I decided that I've been struggling with this enough, and there was no need to put myself through more emotionally. I also knew that I wanted the physical healing to happen as quickly as possible so I can heal emotionally and we can start ttc again asap. But I'm really nervous about having to go under anesthesia!

I think another thing just to give a head's up about because I know I had no idea about, it can take a while to pass everything on your own and there's a possibility to not pass everything. I had no clue! I thought as soon as your body realized the baby was gone that it would start passing it. But I've heard it can take even up to a month to happen.

Good luck!

Synnovus

I just want to add to what @jessicalacey1226 said about waiting for it happening naturally. With my first mmc I found out at almost 16w, but baby measured only 9w. My uterus and the pregnancy sac still measured around 16w because the placenta had kept growing and produce hormones so my body would continue with the pregnancy not realising that my baby already had passed away. My cervix was still closed and other than a small bleeding in the end of week 15(that had stopped) my body didn't show any sign of a miscarriage going to happen. Because it was almost 7 weeks since the baby's heart had stopped beating and my body didn't realise what was going on I got hospitalised and given Cytotec treatment that same day. If you do feel that this waiting game is both physically hard and extremely emotionally challenging do not be afraid to contact your doc and say so! Demand to get treatment ASAP!! There is no need for you to continue to go on like this when both you and the doc know there is no life there. The longer you go "pregnant" like this the harder the actually miscarriage is going to be because the yolk sac continues to grow(more you have to pass). Hope you get the help you need and soon can start to heal! Got my fingers crossed for you! T&P! ((Hugs))

Edited because: only reason to wait is if your doc isn't a 100% sure and wants to confirm that you have not conceived later and only are not as far along as you think.