I completely agree with the teachers who posted (I am also a teacher). There are many effective ways to discipline children that do not involve spanking. Children need immediate consequences and logical consequences. If you wait to administer a spanking until you calm down the lesson is lost on the child. It is also not a logical consequence. If a child runs into the street, how is that connected to a spanking? How does it teach them about safety? Maybe instead force the child to hold your hand while walking around and explain to them that you can't trust them to be safe around the street so until they show you that they can be safe they have to hold mummy's hand. Something like that makes sense to a child and even though they may not like it they understand you and don't see you as the enemy.
Obviously I'd hold my child's hand! That's just common sense on the preventative side of things.
I don't think spanking is the go to, first pick solution/ response to any situation. If my child listens when I say don't go in the street and hold my hand, then awesome! I'm going to go with that. But if he's standing with Grandma or someone else who isn't as careful and he darts into the street then I most likely would give a spank. And you're right, it doesn't teach him safety, it teaches him mom spanks me if I run into the street. And if he learns that simple action and consequence scenario faster than the more complex safety issue of possibly being hit by a car, it buys me time to continue working with him on actually understand the safely aspect. I'm cool with my kid thinking I'm the bad guy if it means he doesn't get smooshed by a car while he is still learning.
Basically, I don't want my kid in the street (or whatever dangerous situation). Preferably I'll have a child that listens and obeys. Hopefully I, and my child's other care givers, will do a good enough job of preventing dangerous situations from happening that it's not an issue. BUT if my kid doesn't understand the logic and reasoning behind avoiding danger because of the thing that is actually dangerous, for example to car/road thing, then I'm ok with while we are working on that, he avoids the danger to avoid a spanking. Does that make sense?
I was never spanked..my mom scared the crap out of me simply with a look. I remember my brother being spanked once bc he was putting a knife into a plugged in toaster.
I will not spank. To me its the easy way out. It takes a lot more time to enforce a time out, take away privileges, etc. I think I would only pat a butt if my daughter was going to do something dangerous but it wouldn't be anything that would cause pain.
@J1D obviously getting smooshed by a car is going to be far more damaging to a child than a spanking and believe me, Im not concerned with being a child's best friend at the expense of their well-being, but I still feel that a logical consequence is more effective in the long and short run. I meant you could use hand-holding as a consequence as in "you lost the privilege to walk with grandma or to run ahead with your friends. Now instead you have to stay back here and hold my hand."
@J1D obviously getting smooshed by a car is going to be far more damaging to a child than a spanking and believe me, Im not concerned with being a child's best friend at the expense of their well-being, but I still feel that a logical consequence is more effective in the long and short run. I meant you could use hand-holding as a consequence as in "you lost the privilege to walk with grandma or to run ahead with your friends. Now instead you have to stay back here and hold my hand."
I definitely think this is a great alternative for some kids but there will be those that will still pull away from your hand and be defiant no matter what. I'm not saying spanking has to be the answer but this is where parenting gets tricky. Some kids no matter how many times you tell them not to touch the iron it's hot, it will hurt you will still want to test it out for themselves and until they get burned and experience that physical pain they won't learn not to touch it. Obviously in the street/car scenario you don't want to learn your lesson by actually being hit by a car so I can see why for some parents the spanking would be the alternative to make that impact that is needed. Again most kids probably will get the point by losing their privileges but not all will.
Growing up my mom spanked us a lot, but she used it as a way to vent her anger. We didn't get one smack to the butt, we got several in a row. I have vivid memories of my mother spanking me and the emotions I felt at those moments, but I have no memory as to why I was being spanked. My mom will tell you I was a good kid and rarely got in trouble, so I have no idea why I was spanked so often and so harshly.
This doesn't mean I'm completely against it. I'm okay with people who give one swift tap to get a kids attention when absolutely necessary, but I don't think it should cause pain and I don't think smacking multiple times in a row is okay. Again, I don't think I will ever do it.
My son gets spankings when we've tried all other means of punishment first. Spanking him just makes the tantrum worse so know that it's my last resort he knows I mean business when it's time. I usually warn him with counting to three. If I raise my fingers to show him I'm counting then he corrects his behavior. I don't like spanning him because I don't like making him cry, so that's why I make sure it's truly something that warrants a spanking before I do it.
I think there is a difference between swatting a child's hand or behind and spanking. Spanking for us was pulling your pants down and being smacked with a hand, belt, or fly swatter. I could never do this to my child. I will however swat their hand if they're about to stick their finger in a socket.
I wasn't the one to get spanked, though. I never acted out enough to warrant it, and public embarrassment worked much better on me (sitting with the teachers while other kids played, standing in the corner, etc).
But while spanking is the thing that is hotly debated and gets all the attention, I'm more horrified at what I've seen other parents do to correct their children who bite. I've known parents to bite (hard) each one of their children's fingers when they bit another child. This seems particularly cruel to me.
While I'm in the limited spanking is ok camp, I firmly disapprove of bare bottom spanking! Like way way WAY against it! I feel it crosses the line and adds a totally inappropriate level of trying to humiliate to the situation.
@J1D obviously getting smooshed by a car is going to be far more damaging to a child than a spanking and believe me, Im not concerned with being a child's best friend at the expense of their well-being, but I still feel that a logical consequence is more effective in the long and short run. I meant you could use hand-holding as a consequence as in "you lost the privilege to walk with grandma or to run ahead with your friends. Now instead you have to stay back here and hold my hand."
I definitely think this is a great alternative for some kids but there will be those that will still pull away from your hand and be defiant no matter what. I'm not saying spanking has to be the answer but this is where parenting gets tricky. Some kids no matter how many times you tell them not to touch the iron it's hot, it will hurt you will still want to test it out for themselves and until they get burned and experience that physical pain they won't learn not to touch it. Obviously in the street/car scenario you don't want to learn your lesson by actually being hit by a car so I can see why for some parents the spanking would be the alternative to make that impact that is needed. Again most kids probably will get the point by losing their privileges but not all will.
Exactly. I'm all for trying verbal reasoning and loss of privileges but if I feel I'm not getting through or not getting through quickly enough, I will resort to spanking to make a point that has to be made right now for my child's safety.
It is interesting to hear all the different philosophies. I tend to have this belief that your child's behaviour is a product of whatever experiences they have had so far in life (ie. How do you model behaviour? How do you discipline them?) and also genetics plays a role. I have a hard time when people talk about kids that are just so naughty that nothing works except for spanking. I feel like if your kid is like that without a behavioural or medical diagnosis that's kind of your own fault with whatever parenting choices you have made. We are raising people here and I think everyone should read parenting books and research before deciding somethig like this. I don't know anyone who has educated themself in this way that still thinks spanking is a great plan. This is a completely personal view not one I have learned through teaching. It's hard to not let my heart speak here- not trying to offend anyone! I'm trying to control my lack of filter I tend to have right now lol.
If we discipline kids from the least to highest levels always trying calmer more minimal levels first, which is what psychologists recommend, we have tonnes of options before we need to use physical force. Ie. If you raise your voice at your child often and then try to use it when they run into a street it won't work. But if that's a rare thing, shouting will do the trick.
I don't understand why you're justifying the action of Spanking as long as you are not visibly angry at the time? You're still inflicting pain on your child by means of your own hands. Sorry guys sounds ridiculous. I was spanked it really didn't do much to deter me at the time in fact it probably spurred me on! Might spank my child before the age of reasoning but only in dangerous situations like teaching them not to run across the road or play with fire etc as its a damn sight less painful then any of those potential circumstances.
Spanking for me for sure... ie. Talking back or being disrespectful! It will NOT be tolerated in my home... Once my little guy is old enough to understand that is!
Re: Spanking?
I don't think spanking is the go to, first pick solution/ response to any situation. If my child listens when I say don't go in the street and hold my hand, then awesome! I'm going to go with that. But if he's standing with Grandma or someone else who isn't as careful and he darts into the street then I most likely would give a spank. And you're right, it doesn't teach him safety, it teaches him mom spanks me if I run into the street. And if he learns that simple action and consequence scenario faster than the more complex safety issue of possibly being hit by a car, it buys me time to continue working with him on actually understand the safely aspect. I'm cool with my kid thinking I'm the bad guy if it means he doesn't get smooshed by a car while he is still learning.
Basically, I don't want my kid in the street (or whatever dangerous situation). Preferably I'll have a child that listens and obeys. Hopefully I, and my child's other care givers, will do a good enough job of preventing dangerous situations from happening that it's not an issue. BUT if my kid doesn't understand the logic and reasoning behind avoiding danger because of the thing that is actually dangerous, for example to car/road thing, then I'm ok with while we are working on that, he avoids the danger to avoid a spanking. Does that make sense?
I will not spank. To me its the easy way out. It takes a lot more time to enforce a time out, take away privileges, etc. I think I would only pat a butt if my daughter was going to do something dangerous but it wouldn't be anything that would cause pain.
Growing up my mom spanked us a lot, but she used it as a way to vent her anger. We didn't get one smack to the butt, we got several in a row. I have vivid memories of my mother spanking me and the emotions I felt at those moments, but I have no memory as to why I was being spanked. My mom will tell you I was a good kid and rarely got in trouble, so I have no idea why I was spanked so often and so harshly.
This doesn't mean I'm completely against it. I'm okay with people who give one swift tap to get a kids attention when absolutely necessary, but I don't think it should cause pain and I don't think smacking multiple times in a row is okay.
Again, I don't think I will ever do it.
I wasn't the one to get spanked, though. I never acted out enough to warrant it, and public embarrassment worked much better on me (sitting with the teachers while other kids played, standing in the corner, etc).
But while spanking is the thing that is hotly debated and gets all the attention, I'm more horrified at what I've seen other parents do to correct their children who bite. I've known parents to bite (hard) each one of their children's fingers when they bit another child. This seems particularly cruel to me.
Exactly. I'm all for trying verbal reasoning and loss of privileges but if I feel I'm not getting through or not getting through quickly enough, I will resort to spanking to make a point that has to be made right now for my child's safety.
If we discipline kids from the least to highest levels always trying calmer more minimal levels first, which is what psychologists recommend, we have tonnes of options before we need to use physical force. Ie. If you raise your voice at your child often and then try to use it when they run into a street it won't work. But if that's a rare thing, shouting will do the trick.
I was spanked it really didn't do much to deter me at the time in fact it probably spurred me on! Might spank my child before the age of reasoning but only in dangerous situations like teaching them not to run across the road or play with fire etc as its a damn sight less painful then any of those potential circumstances.