Anxiety and Labour

mummabearoftwo

Hi there!

A little bit of background before I get into the details;

I've always wanted kids as long as I could remember and I feel so incredibly lucky to be 16 weeks pregnant now. Growing up I understood there were two options on birth a c-section and a "natural" birth. I decided from a young age that I would have a c-section, everyone I knew (aunties, my mum, all of our history in women) have had only c-sections. Some couldn't some choice not to. I decided early on that I didn't want to risk it, that I want the birth to be how I wanted it to be and that was by having a c-section. I know that a lot of women will answer and say - "You choose to do that?" 

My partner carried our first (yes, we are both women), her labour was long, 2 days actually, on the 3 day she was dilated and ready to push, but our little bubba had other plans, he was cozy in there. 2 hours later of pushing she got taken in for an emergency c-section. I watched her lift off the bed in pain when they did her internals, when they broke her water (twice - because they didnt think they got it the first time). Her induction was rough. In all that I must say, she handled it and was positive the way through. 

I understand that this may not happen to me, I understand that I'm different. 

Yesterday I had my first appointment with the midwife, she advised me that I cannot choose to have an elective c-section. Immediately I felt like bursting into tears, and I did when I came home. Im terrified, I wake up in the middle of the night not being able to go back to sleep because of my intense anxiety and fear about a "natural" birth. Whenever I bring the topic up I feel on the verge of tears. 

I've been reading, collecting positive birth quotes but I somehow in the next 6 months need to turn my anxiety and negativity into something positive, I cannot and will not allow myself to have a negative birth. I've wanted this my whole life, I should be happy, but I'm not and I feel incredibly selfish and awful about it, but I don't know what to do to change this. 

Please help. I want to do my best, I want to be positive about this.  

LaurenNK

Don't feel selfish.  You've always dreamt that this time of your life would go a certain way, and now you've been told it will not.  You have to mourn that dream in order to move past it.  It's alright to be upset by that.

Remember:  your body is designed to do this the "natural" way.  It has worked for hundreds of thousands of years.  It is understandable that you are turned off by a vaginal birth since it seems no one that you are close to besides your partner has experienced one.  

I am currently working my way through the Birthing Better Pink Kit.  You can read about it at https://thepinkkit.com/the-pink-kit-package-digital-download  .  It's all about how to prepare your body and understand how it IS capable of allowing a baby out vaginally.  It also goes over C-section scenarios.  It is not biased toward natural birth by any means.  There are videos to accompany the text that demonstrate the skills as you learn them.

I feel like a broken record because I feel like I make this recommendation any time someone is having a rough time; look into meditation to help with your anxiety.  Try a search on YouTube for "guided anxiety meditation" and you'll find loads of wonderful meditations to help calm your thoughts.  Most of the time I fall asleep before a meditation is even over, no matter the time of day, so I bet it will help you back to sleep in the middle of the night

KateLouise

I think it's completely natural to be worried and upset that the birth you had planned for is not available to you. So don't feel selfish about it, it's a lot to work through.

I've had two wonderful natural births. They were hard work, in that my body was working hard and yes there was pain, but they were completely intervention and complication free. 

I'd recommend reading positive birth experiences (there's lots out there because our bodies are made to do this), and also considering what you're most concerned about, and then finding strategies to address that exact concern such as meditation eg, is it the pain, or that childbirth is unpredictable, something else?

Best wishes to you and congratulations!!.